Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of JK's characters. I am not making any money from this story.
CHAPTER 1
Harry awoke suddenly his breath coming in short gasps and sweat covering his body, just like he had every night since arriving back at Privet Drive three weeks ago. Sitting up he reached for his glasses, put them on and looked at the time 4:38. He got up knowing that he wouldn't be able to get anymore sleep that night.
He needed to talk about the nightmares that had plagued his sleep ever since the night at the Department of Mysteries. At first he had written to Ron and Hermione about it but after sending a couple of letters and receiving no replies he had given up. The order was just as bad, he sent notes to them every three days to let them know he was ok but the only reply he ever got was 'we are glad to hear', never anything personal.
The only people he had got any letters from were Luna and Neville. The three of them had started off quite shyly but after a few letters they had started to open up to each other. He enjoyed talking to both of them as neither pushed for him to tell them anything, they respected his privacy as he did theirs. It was so unlike when he talked to Ron and Hermione, they always kept pushing him to tell them everything and as a result he clammed up even more.
Deciding to write to Neville and Luna about the nightmares he went over to his desk and pulled out some parchment and picked up a quill.
Neville
How are you doing? Have you got your new wand yet?
That last question leads into what I want to talk about.
I hope you don't mind me talking about what happened that night
at the Department of Mysteries. First of all let me say I am so sorry
for leading you into a trap that could of gotten us all killed. I know
that it isn't much but I don't know whatelse to say apart from the
fact I should have apologised a lot earlier, but I was trying to avoid
the whole subject. Not talking about it isn't helping though. I have
had nightmaresabout it every night since leaving Hogwarts. I feel
so guilty for getting Sirius killed. I miss him so much.
I am sorry if this letter has upset you in any way. I understand
if you don't reply, but let me just say this you have been a
good friend over the last few weeks and for that I thank you.
Harry
Moving on to the letter to Luna he wrote;
Luna
How are you? I hope you don't mind but I have to say I am sorry
about the night at the Department of Mysteries I was
wrong to led you all there. I should of said that a while ago but
I couldn't bare to even think let alone talk about it. I hoped I could
forget about it but it has festered and I can think of nothing
else. Every night since I left Hogwarts I have nightmare about
it. Seeing Sirius falling through the veil and I can never stop it
happening. I miss him so much, he should still be here and he would
be if it wasn't for me.I would like to thank you for being such a good
friend these lastfew weeks, it has meant a lot to me.
Harry
He rolled up the two letters and tied them to Hedwig's legs and asked her to deliver them to Neville and Luna. As he watched her fly away he realised he felt a bit better for talking about it. He was surprised at how easy it was to write about it to them but then thought about how he had been able to wait until he was ready to talk.
Harry looked over to the clock again, saw it was 5:24 and decided to get dressed and go for his morning run.
This had become routine since learning of the prophecy's content. He needed to be as fit as possible if he had any chance of winning the confrontation with Voldemort.
As he stepped out of the house into the bright sunlight he noticed a lady tripping over the curb so he ran over.
" Hello can I help you at all?" he enquired.
The lady looked up a bit embarrassed to have fallen over and replied "Wotcha Harry no it's ok I got it.". "Tonks" Harry gasped in surprise, he hadn't seen her since he left King's Cross station.
"Yep that's right. How are you?"
" I'm ok. If you don't mind me asking what are you doing here?"
" Well it's my week on guard duty" Tonks said as if he should of known.
"Guard duty? I didn't know you lot were still doing that"
"Of course we are, although we aren't supposed to talk to you 'cos someone might find out we are here but codswhlop to that" toward the end she started to look a bit angry which startled Harry a bit as he had never seen her with out a smile on her face.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you" he said and he really was. Out of everyone in the order she was the he got on best with.
"WHAT! No you aren't the one I'm angry with far from it. It's that bloody Dumbledore and those so called fucking best friends of yours."
"What do you mean?"
"Well Dumbledore says no one should talk or write to you 'cos it's a security risk. Then those 'friends' of yours are spouting off behind your back saying it's all your fault and that you are dangerous 'cos you have a hero complex"
"Wh-what?" Harry couldn't believe it. Without waiting for an answer he ran in the direction of the park.
Tonks watched as he ran off and swore before running after him. What she found when she got to the park broke her heart. There curled up under a large oak tree was Harry, he was crying silently his shoulders shaking. Not knowing what else to do she went over to him sat down next to him and pulled him to her and held him until he had cried himself out.
When he stopped she said "I'm sorry I shouldn't of said anything"
He looked up at her and replied with a horse voice "no I'm glad you did" taking a deep breath he continued "I know it's my fault Sirius is dead but they said they didn't blame me"
"First things first Harry it's not your fault if it is anybodies fault it's Dumbledore's, Snape's, and not to mention Voldemort's" at this point Harry broke in "you said Voldemort".
"Yes I said Voldemort. I have been practicing. Can't have a fifteen year old say a name that a fully trained Auror can't now can we"she said with a wink.
"Hey I'm sixteen in two days"
"Nice a birthday, d'ya want to do something for it?"
"I would love to but I think Dumbledore would flip"
"I don't care it's your birthday and you deserve to do something! So what do you want to do?"
"Ok what about going for a meal and a movie?"
"COOL! I love the movies" Tonks squealed in delight. When she looked back at him she noticed the previous sadness had come back.
"Getting back to what we were talking about before, I meant what I said it was not your fault Sirius died." she held up her hand to stop him from speaking "It's Dumbledore's fault first because he never told you about the prophecy, yes to answer your question I know of it just not what it says. The second reason is he avoided you at all costs instead of explaining to you what was going on, and leaving you with no-one you could go to."
"I guess that's true but what about Occlumency I didn't practice at all" Harry said as he hung his head.
Tonks lightly grasped his chin "Look at me Harry" she said gently as she turned his head towards her.
She looked into his eyes and cast Legilimens she looked for the memories only of his lessons with Snape. As she looked Harry was confused he didn't know Tonks could do this. As far as he knew only Snape and Dumbledore could. It wasn't at all like when Snape did it, this was gentle almost a caress of his mind. He made no move to stop her not that he could without his wand anyway.
Tonks was disgusted with what she saw , Snape telling Harry only to empty his mind with no instruction on how to do so. She watch the glee in Snape's eyes grow with every memory he saw of Harry's. She saw the taunts he made about them. This wasn't teaching this was rape of the mind. Even worse was the obvious exhaustion Harry was in afterwards. There was no doubt in Tonks' mind that rather than helping him be stronger against Voldemort's attacks it was leaving him wide open. As she ended the spell she was crying at the obvious pain it had caused Harry.
Harry was stunned why was Tonks crying. He had no idea what to do so he just copied what she had done for him, held her 'til she stopped.
Tonks finally stopped crying "I'm sorry" she whispered.
"It's ok "
Suddenly the anger she felt earlier was back "IT'S NOT FUCKING OK! HE TAUNTED YOU! WEAKENED YOU! HE ABUSED HIS RIGHTS AS A TEACHER!" she yelled. Startled Harry jumped, but Tonks didn't notice as she hissed "he mentally raped you."
Harry's jaw dropped he had never thought of it in those terms but when he realised what she was say was true he to was angry. No that was an understatement he wasn't angry he was fucking furious. Suddenly the gentle breeze turned into a force 5 gale, the swings in the park no long still were being forced in all directions the chains threatening to break, leaves were being torn off of the trees Harry was barely able to stand up but his fury didn't abate. Lightening came next scorching the ground it struck, then a bolt struck a tree and it exploded.
Tonks was amazed she had never felt so much magic and power from anyone before not even Dumbledore, but she wasn't scared she could see the lightening was staying away from them. She knew that she had to stop him though so she walked up to him put her arms around him. When that didn't work she did the only thing she could think of she kissed him.
Harry was shocked when he felt soft lips on his and when Tonks' tongue licked his lower lip to ask for entry he could do nothing but give in to the gentle request. New feelings of warmth and comfort swept away his anger. He didn't worry that this was only his second kiss, it felt right as if they had been doing this for years. This wasn't at all like the clumsy, wet kiss with Cho, no this was filled with a passion he had never before experienced.
From the moment her lips touched his she was enthraled, she couldn't help but seek entry. She wanted to explore him, to taste him. When their tongues met it was like a electric shock went through her. He made her feel like no-one ever had before. The passion she felt coming from him blew her away. All to soon though she had to pull away for air. The disappointed moan she heard coming from him made her look into his eyes, she could see the emotions that were filling him, longing, desire, love.
