I walked out of my house. On my way out, I passed Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice. Jasper's thoughts were indecipherable and scattered along with his snarls and snaps. Alice was upset and concerned for Jasper.
"Jazz! Calm down! Its Bella in there. Bella," she repeated more than once. I heard her thoughts toward me and sighed. Edward, I'm so sorry. He…I…how's Bella? Please don't go thinking this is your fault. Jasper's thoughts were full of snarls and growls. He was beginning to calm down and Emmett was loosening his grip on him. They all glanced at me apologetically, except for Rosalie, who held a smug smile on her face. I started to run. Edward! Alice tried again. I leaped over the river and ran into the thick of the forest to think alone.
What had just happened?
Bella was inside the house sitting at the dining room table while Carlisle sewed her arm. It was a paper cut. A paper cut! Something as trivial as a paper cut shouldn't entitle the girl to a death sentence! Am I ruining her life? I've always known that this was wrong. I'd hoped and waited for an answer. The love of my life, of my existence, was constantly in danger and it was because of me!
I closed my eyes and imagined Bella's face. I loved her without any doubt in my mind. Her warm, deep, brown eyes were full of curiosity and awe. Her soft, mahogany hair brushed her face in the most flattering way. But most of all, she was smiling. She was happy and nowhere in this picture did I see me. I don't belong in her life. I am not human and I am not good enough for her. I have triggered enough near death experiences in her life already and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I instigated any more. It would be wrong for me to stay here with this angel. The right thing to do was… was to… to leave. Pain rippled through my body in an instant and I knew right there that I was leaving. She wouldn't feel half of the pain I felt and would soon forget me. I would help that along as much as I could.
The only thing is that, for some unfathomable reason, Bella loved me. In her mind, I was her angel. How would I ever be able to let me leave? Of course I loved her. Of course she was constantly in my head. I guess that I'll have to lie. I could try to tell her that it was best for her. But I knew that she would never believe that and she would never want me to believe that either. I would tell her that I… I didn't love her anymore. Another wave of pain and nausea saturated my whole body. This would be difficult. This would be very, very difficult.
I had no idea where I was going to go or what I was going to do without my life, my love. She has been everything to me since our first moments in Biology. I have always loved her since that first day, even though I hadn't figured it out yet. I have to get back to her now. I have to detach myself from her before I changed my mind.
Of course I would have to tell my family tonight. Alice probably knew already. And she loved Bella too. I didn't want to cause Alice pain too. Or anyone else. My only hope is that Bella will be fine. I can distract myself. I will not cause destruction to Bella's life anymore. No more checking up on her. No more looking out for her with Alice's visions. No reminders. No more Forks. No more Bella. No more… love… life.
