Disclaimer:The Discworld, and all associated Characters, Universes, Themes, etc, are all intellectual property of Terry Pratchett. Aside from a few original characters, universes, themes, etc, I don't own anything whatsoever. This is my first fanfic,and I would like to express that I will try and stay as true to the characters as possible, except for whenever doing so is a bugger to the story, or I just haven't read about it. All in all, I would like to thank you for reading this, and hope you'll enjoy it, and if not, then please be gentle.

The above Disclaimer stands for this chapter, and, hopefully, for any future chapter to come. Special mention will be given where it's due.

SLICE OF FANTASY – A DISCWORLD FAN-FIC

Author : Vahnyu

Chapter 1-Where History Catches Up

Imagine what it would be like to live in a world that wasn't a sphere circling a bigger sphere, which, in turn, circled the unknown, but rather a disc, supported by four giant elephants resting on top of an enormous turtle, surfing the cosmos. It is a world of wonder, where imagination meets reality, and, as it happens more often, brilliant ideas meet inventive, if not downright idiotic, executions. Many civilizations have thrived there for aeons, only to meet obscurity in a matter of minutes. However, there are always remnants of said civilization, hidden in plain sight, waiting to be unearthed, or, as it were, undisced.

Many of those relics, much more than it would be believable, have mystical properties, such as the ability to store and dispose excrement, or the ability to hold water. Unsurprisingly, since most of these abilities are easily replicated by most modern means of technology, such items of interest aren't, in fact, of much interest. There are, however, a few notable exceptions to the rule.

Behold! The Cubik's Ruby[1], the most magnificent piece of jewelry known to mankind, dwarfkind, trollkind, and general-dominant-species-kind of the Disc. To the uneducated mind, it would look like something out of Bloody Stupid Johnson's mind. It looked like a sphere, in a general sense of shape, made up from, well, cubes, but it was clear that the closer you went to the center, the more obscurely dense the sphere began. It actually looked like a tablecloth's decoration. What was worse, was the fact that every distinguishable part was actually a slightly different hue of red, adding more frustration to what we would call in our world "an Euclidean nightmare". It was so perfect that it actually drove you sane, although even the sanest person wasn't able to solve it's puzzle, because that's what it was; a puzzle. And if you didn't get it right, the world didn't end, neither anything terrible happened. That was the most obvious proof that Cubik's Ruby wasn't made by Bloody Stupid Johnson[2], that is, aside from the fact that it is called Cubik's, and not, for example, Johnson's.

Lord Havelock Vetinari, the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, was at his office, going through the usual paperwork that comes with efficiently ruling a city full of back-stabbers, side-stabbers, front-stabbers, wizards, dwarfs, trolls, all possible kinds of racial minorities, guilds, and of course, Dibbler, although Vetinari found it was more of a challenge than difficult. What he had found difficult for the last few decades, was, in fact, solving the puzzle of Cubik's Ruby. It had been a gift of Lady Margolotta, ruler of the vampiric population of Uberwald, as sign of appreciation for their past association. And given credit where it's due, he had come close, closer than any other one who had tried to solve the puzzle. Just a look at the puzzle, and the most bizarre political problem of the city looked like nothing more than a simple, 'put the dots together' problem.

Drumknott knocked, and came in as the Patrician signaled him to do so. As the Patrician's personal assistant, a secretary of sorts, despite wearing rather formal clothing, Drumknott was responsible for a number of important tasks, such as keeping schedules, arranging paperwork, and most importantly, commenting while being uncharacteristic[3]. "Your appointment with the guild leaders has been postponed as you wished, my Lord."

"Thank you, Drumknott. I believe they took it well?", said Vetinari, without looking up.

"Lord Rust was screaming many adjectives, but I think he made up some of them.", Drumknott said, not a sign of humor in his tone.

Lord Vetinari smiled slightly at the thought, "He is improving, then."

"His assistant was unscathed, at least, until I left.", Drumknott continued, matter-of-factly.

This time Vetinari raised his head, looking at the file Drumknott had in his hand. On cue, Drumknott gave him the file, which contained a report from his spies. It seemed a young woman had come to Ankh-Morpork, and had managed to fend against three ambushes by the guild of Thieves, by using a series of mysterious gadgets that fired electricity and stunned them. Although the report was sketchy regarding the gadgets, it was very, very firm, indeed, concerning the nature of the young woman's appearance. She had long, dark blond hair, reaching bellow her shoulders, a slender face and figure, despite the gadgets and eye goggles she was wearing, she was of medium stature, and she wore boots that looked a bit stylish, but proved quite practical, since she was able to make giant leaps and stick to the walls as if they were a vertical surface. All in all, she was beautiful, if only of the plain kind of beautiful. What picked his interest, however, was the fact that she asked the bystanders for directions to the palace.

Curious about her intentions, Vetinari told Drumknott "I believe there is a young lady waiting outside to meet me, and I would like to see her immediately, Drumknott."

"At once, my Lord.", Drumknott didn't need to ask stupid questions, like 'are you sure, my Lord', or 'how do you know that, my Lord'; the Patrician was always sure and he always knew.

Not a moment later, he entered again, leading the young woman inside. Still seated on his desk, Vetinari looked at her briefly and nodded before he returned at the report in front of him, something beginning to bug him in the back of his mind, before he started talking, "Ah, you must be miss Fionnyke, the girl that created all the commotion earlier down at Treacle Mine Road." while Drumknott remained in front of the door.

As she begun settling in front of the chair, and loosing the goggles, she replied, somewhat defensively, "I wouldn't create any commotion if those thieves hadn't tried to offer me 'protection', and especially not if one of them hadn't tried to grab my soft spot!" she finished, more aggressively. Vetinari frowned his eyebrows, scanning quickly and failing to find anything regarding that last part on his report, but before he could say anything, Fionnyke quickly caught on, as she continued "I wouldn't expect to find anything there, since the offendant was your own spy."

If Vetinari had been caught off guard, he didn't show it, instead he looked up to meet her eye to eye "Nonetheless, I assure you that he will be met with the appropriate punishment," only this time he scanned her more thoroughly, an extraordinary feat in itself, considering the fact that his eyeballs neither moved nor flicker.

It suddenly hit him like a giant troll rolling down a mountain, the reason why he had a feeling that there was something amiss; it was the report. It said that she was beautiful, in a plain sort of way, and that was true, if by plain, you were in fact referring to a forest with a small slow waterfall, falling in clean, white bright rocks, ending in an sapphire lake, and the trees blocked just the right amount of sun, so as to not be too dark or too bright, and you couldn't take in all the beauty around you, while a small breeze was blowing life to you, and made you think you were dreaming, and just now begun waking up, full of energy. And that is not mentioning the harmonic way the falling of the water mingled with the sound of the little critters, creating a symphony, the kind of which even the most talented composer couldn't grasp; it was so natural, so unforced, that it was perfect. Vetinari never considered himself a man of nature, preferring the bleak, urban ecosystem to the woodlands, and his features didn't lose their sharpness. They never did. Despite the fact that he actually felt jolts of electricity running up his spine, and his certainty that she hadn't, at least discernibly, used any of her gadgets.

"So, to what do I owe you this visit, miss Fionnyke? I take it you aren't here to administer smiting punishment to criminals or guild members, not that I would vehemently object to that...", he asked while keeping his fingers together, while his palms were separated. It would seem that so far, his usual technique of conversation, that is, waiting silently while the other person was overwhelmed with the urge to fill said silence, with more information than what he originally intended, had failed so far. This didn't bother him much, though, because he had more ways to find what he wanted.

"It's pronounced Fionnykee, actually...", she replied, before Vetinari cut her shortly, in the metaphorical sense, of course, for the moment.

"Yes, of course, my apologies.", still not faltering his gaze, the Patrician gave her a slight, almost pleasant smile, as if to cue her to continue.

Fionnyke blinked once or twice before understanding that he actually wished her to continue, and decided to do so, not by talking, but by handing him a crest, clearly of Uberwaldian origin. It had three bats surrounding a shield that adorned black roses. As he eyed her and the crest, he stated, "Ah, it seems you are acquaintanced with Margolotta, but that still doesn't answer my question." with just a hint of harshness.

"No, but it answers the question of whether you should actually listen to what I have to say, and how seriously you should take it.", she replied, with ample confidence, a hint of pride, and an absolute obliviousness to his tone.

"I'm glad to see a girl of your age having her priorities straightened.", he said, his smile returning to his face, or at least, part of it, while his eyes narrowed slightly. "So I'm listening. What is it that you came to meet me?"

"I can solve the puzzle of Cubik's Ruby.", she said, as if it was the least interesting thing in the world[4], despite the fact that, for most people, it actually was. Seeing how Vetinari's eyebrows lifted a bit further, and knowing that she had his full attention, she continued, "You see, I'm somewhat capable in the mechanic department, and I managed to create a computing device, based on a few basic and a lot of advanced principles, capable of finding patterns, and after an extensive research on several documents regarding Cubik's Ruby, I was able to discern three things."

Here she paused,both for dramatic effect, to catch her breath, and to make sure that it had all sinked in, before she went on, "One, the Ruby has actually 10 dimensions, which it projects to our world in what we perceive as an eyeball that always looks at you no matter the angle. Two, it is actually impossible to move the Ruby's pieces around; what you actually move, is our dimensions, provided that you can set enough pieces together the right way. If it is properly solved, it can rearrange reality, so that the person, or persons, who hold it, are moved to another set of dimensions, which may or may not be differently aligned, in reference to our dimensional alignment, that is. What that means is, well, supposing width was height, and/or length was time, then it would count as a different reality, in regards to ours. They'd still be here, just a different here, and as such, they'd have no contact with our reality."

Having taken care of the more technical aspects of her findings, and not sure whether the Patrician's blank look was a result of him processing this information, or just his natural state of looking, she took one more breath, before delving into the more crucial matter of her discovery; why it was so important, "And three, due to all the millenias that have come to pass, and, as a result, the quantities of magical resonance that have built up inside it, the Ruby has become very sensitive to reality alterations, to the point where it can sense and pinpoint any outside occurrences of transdimentional travel, and of reality wiping, or, if you prefer the term, annihilation. From my readings, I have come to the conclusion that it actually works similar to a compass, only, instead of pointing towards the Hub, it points towards the residues of reality altering. I'm sure that you must have noticed this tendency, whenever you tried to solve it, only to find that certain parts kept pointing towards a certain, um, feel of direction.". At this, Vetinari nodded, understanding beginning to form in his mind. "It is, therefore, possible to solve the Cubik's Ruby, following the patterns that form, using my goggles, which provide a visual feedback of my computing device, and teleport us to the reality with the most constant amount of this residue, find the ones responsible for the reality annihilations, and hopefully make sure that they stop, before further damage is done." By that point, Fionnyke had begun flustering a bit, Vetinari, however, seemed unphased.

After many long moments of thought and contemplation, certain that the young girl was telling the truth, taking into account a number of factors, evaluating possibilities, and running scenarios, the Patrician finally began formulating a plan. "Drumknott."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Send a message to Captain Ironfoundersson, tell him that I have a special assignment for him, and that I shall require his presence."

"Should I request sergeant Angua's help, too?" It was a well known fact that the City Watch had a werewolf. In fact, many people believed Corporal Nobby Nobbs to be a werewolf. Few, however, knew, in fact, that the werewolf was actually a woman, much less Captain Carrot's, well, lady-friend. Her hand, and especially her nose, had been instrumental in the solving of many cases.

"No, I believe she will be much more needed in her post. On the other hand, I feel that Captain Carrot's particular abilities of getting along with people will prove more beneficial.", the Patrician replied, although Drumknott was able to tell from the certainty in his voice that the Patrician didn't feel it, but rather, he knew it. And he wasn't done yet. After a moment, he continued, "I also want you to inform the following people that I require their expertise," and at that note, Drumknott begun writing their names, "Miss Susan Sto Helit, Lobsang Ludd, and Granny Weatherwax." and now he had to pause. It needed much thought, he knew, and what he was about to do was testing the laws of reality, to the extremes. "Drumknott."

"Yes, my Lord.", was Drumknott's answer, as he checked the list Vetinari had given him.

"What would you do if you had everything covered, all possibilities accounted, and made certain that there was no way of failing?", He asked his assistant, rather contemplatively.

Drumknott thought about it for a second, and then replied "I'd make sure that whatever happened, however improbable, and even in failure, I would succeed.", almost apathetically, as if he had been asked 'what would you do if you wanted to cross the road'.

"Hmm", Vetinari conceded, as he came to the decision he'd been struggling the last minute, "Add to the list one more name.". Drumknott waited expectantly, as Vetinari spoke "Rincewind."

Drumknott didn't open his mouth, he didn't remain aghast, he didn't widen his eyes, nor did he raise his eyebrows, "Is that all, my Lord?" he asked, while mentally running the necessary preparations needed to contact the named individuals.

"Yes, Drumknott. You may leave immediately.", the Patrician replied, and Drumknott left immediately, leaving the Patrician with miss Fionnyke. He sat up, and began walking for the door, as Fionnyke proceeded to follow him.

"Um, excuse me but where are you going?", she asked, as she tried to keep up with him. Although his weak looking appearance didn't show for much, he had a pretty quick, not to mention silent, stride.

"To the palace's dungeon.", he replied, as they begun taking the stairs. "I'm going to have a talk with a special guest of mine." , he explained, sensing Fionnyke's wonderment.

"Oh", she replied, realization dawning on her. She had heard the rumors, and quite frankly, she couldn't help but feel excited, "You are going to talk with Leonard da Quirm?". Everyone knew who Leonard da Quirm was; one of the most brilliant minds of the Disc's history. The last few years, however, he had been spending his life in the Patrician's dungeons, where he was actually treated more as a guest, and the Patrician provided him with everything he needed, for his little inventions. In fact, the Patrician himself had, on many accounts, enjoyed talking with Leonard.

"Oh no, my dear.", Vetinari said, as they where nearing their destination "I wasn't talking about Leonard."Vetinari didn't need to look behind to know that Fionnyke was crestfallen, but that didn't stop him from proceeding. "When I was talking about a special guest, I was thinking more along the lines of a transdimentional guest.", he said as the reached the designated cell.

[1] Named thusly after it's inventor, Neroe Cubik, and the fact that it's color was ruby-like.

[2]There is however a joke concerning what would happen should an unstoppable Bloody Stupid Johnson met an immovable Cubik's Ruby, and it says that the universe would implode. This, however, as it happens in such occurrences, has spurned many serious conversations, and some interesting scenarios have been formulated. According to one, Bloody Stupid Johnson and the Cubik's Ruby would merge, releasing tones of heat, in the same class as a supernova. Another one says that B.S. Johnson would become an immovable Cubik's Ruby, and that the Cubik's Ruby, would become an unstoppable B.S. Johnson. The most commonly accepted theory, however, is that since the Cubik's Ruby bestows sanity, while B.S. Johnson was simply an idiot, they would simply pass each other without any side effects. It should be noted, that just because it is the most commonly accepted, doesn't make it right.

[3]A key survival trait for all assistants, but doubly so, for anyone working for a tyrant.

[4]It is a well known fact, that the least interesting thing in the world is, in fact, reality theater, since the television version of a reality had yet to be invented on the Disc.

That's it for the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did. For the next chapter, we are going to introduce the rest of the main cast, and learn a bit more about the Patrician's plans. Stay tunned for Chapter two.