I looked at the screen and felt my eyes watering. They watered until they blurred up the screen. I held my tears back as much as possible but I couldn't. I wanted to hit the wall as if the physical pain could erase my emotional pain. I wanted to yell my lungs out at the world, take everything in my room and break it until it became dust the same way my heart was turning into. I wanted to jump of the Empire State Building. I was hurt. I had never fallen in love as much as I had now. If I could had died that instant I would had gladly disappeared. Without him I felt as if i were a nobody. I felt as if life were trying to take away from me what I loved the most. First it took away my cousin, it took away a kid that changed my life, I got into trouble with my folks and knew stuff would never be the same, it sent my little brother to Los Cabos, constant fights with my friends and sister and now this. It was taking away my boyfriend and sending it to panama. As my tears rolled down my cheek I tried to calmly think positively. As much as I tried to ignore this situation, everything around me in some manner reminded me of him, all my iTunes song were related to him in some way. I needed help from my friend, but like usual I had fought with her done something stupid and was too proud to say I was sorry and make it up to her. I needed a way to clear out my thoughts I wanted him. I had never felt so happy during the month I hated the most. The last time I felt so happy and I was laughing everyday, smiling at small stupid stuff was about 10 years ago or so. My boyfriend had come into my life and brought those happy little moments. My time being with him was reminding me of the most valuable lesson I had learned 10 years ago; Enjoy all the little things. He made everything seem so easy so attainable. When he hugged me i felt so protected. Despite the fact that his body was smaller compared to mine, when he wrapped his arms around me and i leaned my head on his chest i felt as if time would stop and just let me enjoy his head resting on mine while he told me he loved me. I had to break up. I needed to do so. If it was this hard right now that we were barely just a month and a week into our relationship, I didn't even want to imagine what it would be like eight months from now. I whispered to myself trying to calm myself down " it all started off as a game, its just a game, he doesn't really love you you dont love him either" but the truth was he was the first guy I felt I could say i love you without regretting it for a moment. As we talked I couldn´t keep on lying to myself that I wanted to break up with him. He had the keys to my heart, he was the one who was changing me and making me happy and smile all day. The more I wanted to push him away the harder he tightened his grip around my heart. How could I possibly ever forget how he would randomly break into a song in the middle of a conversation, or how we would make wierd noises, understand each other and laugh at our stupidities. how could i ever forget when he would hold my hand or when he would whisper I love you into my ear. How was I supposed to survive after he left me 8 months from now. I wanted to run to him hug him and tell him how much I loved him, how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, at how much I hated him. I hated him with all my might. I hated the fact that with just one glance he was able to steal my heart. I hated how I couldn't pretend I didn't care about him when all I ever thought was about him. I wanted to be with him hugging him forever.