I've been listening to the song All In My Head by Nick Lachey a lot today, and this story just popped into my head :)

Diclaimer: I do not own James Maslow/James Diamond (that would be werird), nor do I own the song used in this or any references to Big Time Rush.

Wow, that sounde official :P

James' POV

I sat in on the bright orange couch in the empty apartment. Kendall, Carlos, Logan and Katie were out by the pool, tanning or something. Honestly, I didn't really care just what they were doing. Why does James Diamond sit inside on a sunny day you ask. Well, Gustavo and I had a bet, sort of, that I couldn't possibly write a hit all by myself. I loved a good challenge, and would always defend my honor. I'm James freaking Diamond. It's just who I am. So that was how I ended up sitting in the deserted apartment on a sunny day, stringing a few random chords on my guitar and scrambling down and crossing out again lots of different sucky lines.

After several hours of trying to write a proper song, I was so frustrated over not getting anywhere that I was about to pull my hair out. Of course I wouldn't actually do that, I loved my hair way too much to do so, but I almost wanted to. After another hour, I had a partial melody down, but still no decent lyrics. I finally put the guitar down beside the couch and call it a day when the others got back from their visit to the pool.

"You're still working on that song?" Kendall asked surprised.

"Yup. But in my defense, writing a song with actually good lyrics and melody is a lot harder than it seems."

From behind the three other guys of Big Time Rush, I could hear Katie gasp dramatically.

"What has happened with the world? James Diamond puts an effort into something besides his looks," she said. There was a slightly mocking note to her voice, but I couldn't help but to get a little hurt. Katie had steeped out between Logan and Kendall.

Dammit, why did she have to walk around in there wearing just her way too flattering bikini and pull over skirt - which didn't really cover up much more than the bikini did, as it was so thin one could still barley make out the color of her bikini. Where was the over protective big brother when you needed him. Huh, Kendall?

Not wanting her to catch me looking, much less enjoying the sight of her, I walked off to my room with the excuse that I needed to put my guitar back in my room.

As the night came upon us and I went to bed, I used a long time falling asleep. Thoughts of Katie were filling up every inch of my brain, making it impossible for me to really rest. One way or another, though, I must have fallen asleep as I woke up. I was happier than ever before as I opened my eyes. The image of Katie wearing one of the gorgeous dresses she had tucked away in her closet flashed in my mind. She wore a strapless red silk chiffon dress witch reached her to just above her knees. She was at a beach with me, laughing as the wind gently played with her long brown hair. Pure happiness filled her deep brown eyes as she looked into mine and reached out for my hand, which bore a simple silver ring, identical to the one she was wearing. She then leaned in and kissed me.

My hand came up to my lips at the memory and my smile faded away. The ring wasn't there anymore. The Katie in my memory wasn't the real one, lying in her bed, most likely sleeping somewhere not too far away from me.

Usually the thought of her being merely a few feet away from me was enough to cheer me up, but today it only brought me down. For the first time in years, I felt like crying, as I wondered to myself how I had fallen so badly for the girl I used to see as a sister. How was it that I ended up falling in love with my best friend's sister? Katie Knight was the one and only girl who had gotten me to fully understand all the love songs. She was the one who opened my eyes to the world of romance, even though she might not know that. It was sad really; I was 23 before I really liked anyone. Before I could really understand the meaning of love songs, before I understood love.

Katie was also the only girl I had ever been interested in who didn't care for me in that way.

Suddenly, line after line, lyrics for my song formed in my mind. I quietly got out my notebook and guitar, making sure not to wake Kendall who was still sound asleep in the bed next to me. After 7 years we still shared a room.

After we had all turned 20, except Katie of course, we had finally been allowed to take over the apartment, so now it officially belonged to BTR. Katie, having been 15 at the moment, and already a big name within the managing industry, had convinced Mama Knight to let her stay with us so that she too could follow her dream and stay with her friends. Mama Knight had eventually given Kendall custody over Katie, with a strict message of the house rules for her precious daughter.

I pulled out of my thoughts as I sat down on the couch and gently started playing each chord of my newly formed song.

"Satellites blasting through the universe
It's outta sight
It's all in my head
Saw your eyes sending me a message for the last time," I sung softly and wrote each word down and added the chords.

"Here alone
Holding on to something that I've never known
It's all in my head
I've crossed the line
Theres no going back and theres no future

Tell me this isnt happening
She said she said
Said she wants to marry me
It's all in my head
Thats just not reality
It's over its over
Cause she said its all in my head
It's all in my head"

At this point there was no stopping the flow of words. For the first time in my life, it was as if my heart had grown a pair of lips, and decided to use them for what they were worth. For the first time ever, my heart spoke up. All alone.

"Here on earth
She don't even wanna talk there
Are no words it's outta my hands
So why, why why

Tell me this isn't happening
She said she said
Said she want to marry me
It all in my head
Thats just not reality
It over it's over
She said it's all in my head
It's all in my head"

I couldn't help but to sing out on full power, hopefully not waking anyone.

"Someone wake me up when calls me
It's like I've been asleep and she's gone
Someone let her know
I'm not breathing
Tell me this isnt happening
Tell me this isnt happening

Yeah yeah
It's all in my head
ooohh over
And she said it's all in my

She said it's all in my head
Every word that she said
yeah
oohh
She said it's all in my head
She wants to marry me
Guess it's not reality
ohhh ohhhh ohhhh
She said its all my…"

"All in your head," a soft voice whispered in my head.

"All in my head, all in my head…" I repeated that line way more than I cared to count. I finally put down the guitar and scrambled down the rest of my song. I shrugged as I realized I had actually heard Katie's voice whispering in my mind. I was going insane with the bottled up love for her. Really.

I sighed and almost felt like crying again. I could never have her. There was just so much in the way for it to ever happen. Most importantly of course, Katie was not interested in me. Conveniently enough, she was the single girl I had met so far who didn't fall for my charms. I think the universe had something against me.

I pondered on what I possibly could have done that was so horribly wrong for the universe to make the one person who made up my entire world not even glance my way. I got into bed again, but this time sleep refused to pay me a visit.

I hadn't gotten one more minute of sleep when Kendall's alarm clock finally went off.

I didn't say anything, or make much noise as I walked over to my closet and got out some fresh clothes and was dressed and out of the room before Kendall even managed to swing his legs over the edge of his bed. I was the first one up for a change. I decided to start making breakfast, as everybody else would be up soon enough either way.

"Mmm, smells good," I heard somebody murmur getting closer to the living room.

"Woah," Logan said stunned, pulling a t-shirt over his head, "there must be something seriously wrong with my eyes." He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times for emphasis.

"Ha ha, very funny, Logie," I said sarcastically. Suddenly a look of concern apparent on his face.

"What's up? There must be something seriously wrong, your hair's all messy," he noted.

"It is?"

Wow. I was really out of it, I hadn't even noticed. I hadn't taken a shower that morning either, not that it was a big problem, as I had showered not that long before I went to bed. Logan said almost the same thing I had been thinking.

"It's nothing, really," I lied. Logan knew me well enough to see that clearly, but he didn't push the subject. One of the many things that made him a great friend.

"Okay, if you say so. But you know I'm here if you need anything, right?"

Under normal circumstances, I would have teased him about sounding like a girl saying that, but today I just appreciated the concern.

"Thanks man," I said and focused my attention back to the breakfast I was making, " I finished the song though. I thought I was gonna head to the studio after breakfast."

"That's great," Logan said cheerfully.

"What's great?" a sleepy Carlos asked confused.

"James finished the song," Logan said.

"Oooh, is it good? When can we hear it? Are we gonna use it on our next album?" Carlos asked excited like a child on Christmas Eve. I laughed to myself.

"Carlos, Gustavo's the one who decides which songs we use," Logan reminded him.

"But is it good? And when can we hear it?"

"I like to think it's a good song, and you'll be able to hear it if you wanna tag along to the studio after breakfast."

"What's happening after breakfast?" Kendall asked curiosly, finally joining us too.

"James is showing his new song to Gustavo," Carlos exclaimed cheerfully.

"So you finally finished, eh?" Kendall asked with a sleepy smile on his face. Before I got a chance to answer, Katie finally joined the rest of the group.

"Woah, what is happening with the world? First James makes an effort, and then he starts making breakfast and doesn't brush his hair manically. Did mirror and lucky run away to Vegas and got married or something?"

"Long story," I murmured.

After breakfast we all headed off to the studio, Katie included.

"What are you dogs doing here?" Gustavo asked, so surprised he forgot to yell at us.

"I finished the song," I said smiling at the big man.

"Oh yeah? I bet it's not even good!"

"Hey, I actually worked hard on it! It is good!"

Gustavo was just about to say something back, when Kelly interrupted him and told us to get to the studio so I could record the song.

I got out one of the guitars that belonged to the studio and started playing the song. As the chorus came up, I quickly glanced at Katie a few times, and sang out the passion I had written the song with. As the song ended the only reaction I got was gaping mouths. Kelly and Katie were the first ones to shake out of it, clapping wildly. The boys woke up as well and joined the girls.

"Wow, James, that was amazing. It has so much passion and feelings. I really didn't think you had it in you," Kelly said amazed.

"Me neither. I have never seen this deep side of yours," Katie added. For a second there, I almost felt as if I might just have a chance with her.

"I can't believe I didn't see how madly in love you are," Kendall said.

"I can't believe you haven't gotten the girl already," Logan said.

"Who's the song about?" Carlos asked. A chill ran down my spine. That was the one question I had feared.

"No one," I lied.

"Oh come on, I think everybody in this room could with a hand on their heart say that is not true," Kelly said.

"We're not stupid, you know," Logan said. Of course he was the one to defend their intelligence.

"What's the point anyways? She doesn't want me. She doesn't like me like that…"

I couldn't say anything else or I would bring myself to tears. The mini crowd gaped again.

"Woah, you've got it bad, bro," Carlos noted.

"Don't I know it," I murmured.

Does this suck as much as I feel like it did? Too rushed?

And one more thing, should I continue this story? I don't feel like it's quite done just yet. Whaddaya think?