Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction so please review and let me know what you think - good and bad! This is the first chapter, or rather an introduction of sorts to the fic. All rights for the characters go to Stephenie Meyer and any direct quotes from the book will be stated as flashbacks.
How long have I
been in this storm
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head
I paced parallel to the cliff's edge. I'd come alone this time, not that I needed any more time to dwell on my own thoughts, rather I could no longer burden Jacob or anyone else with them. It'd been months since that time in the woods and as much and as hard as I tried, my memories would not fade, and with them, the pain remained too. I'd agonized for the last few months over every detail of that cold September night. Wondering what I'd done wrong to change how he…Edward…felt about me. Or whether I'd been the fool to believe that it was even possible. We were from two different worlds, opposites in every sense of the word. I had never been in his league, yet we had pretended so for a little while. But in the end, it just couldn't have worked out. I just wish I'd seen it coming.
It hurt to remember him and how it used to be. Not just in my mind, but physically too. It was all I could do to stop myself falling apart, going under. For the first few months I didn't have the strength to even resurface. But I had Jacob now…and I could sometimes hear his voice - it was faint, but it was there.
I winced when I remembered the past few months, or rather when I couldn't. Charlie had worried, but I hadn't noticed. Everything had been a blur, it was all numb back then – and in some ways it still was. Now, by distracting myself I could almost cope, but it was all still there, this storm of emotions, threatening to enter my thoughts at any minute.
The wind had started to pick up and over my right shoulder I could see heavy, dark clouds slowly moving their way towards the land. Jacob was out somewhere, risking his life with his 'brothers'. I couldn't stomach his carefree attitude. To me he was just 'Jacob', my strange but constant best friend. He told me not to worry, that it was perfectly safe for him, but it didn't stop my anxiety. I didn't think I could handle losing someone else that I cared for.
I could hear the waves beginning to hit hard against the cliff edge and I retreated a few paces back towards the tree line. My mind began to question the unintelligent choice of venturing to the cliffs alone today. My thoughts holding too much of an echo of something he'd said that night, "Don't do anything Reckless or stupid" he had ordered me. Well, I'd broken that promise once already, and I had been rewarded by hearing his voice that time. If I could just hear him again, to hear him call my name, to hear just him say anything…my thoughts wandered to some small form of bliss before reality broke back in. I glanced again at the building storm and the cliff edge before me. Hesitantly, I stepped towards the edge once again, willing him to command me to stop. Nothing. I took another small step, now able to see the rocks below the cliff and the waves pounding against them.
"Come on, Edward" I whispered, his name sounding foreign on my tongue. "Can't you see? I'm being reckless…and stupid"
I took another step forward, now nearly at the very edge of the cliff, a sheer drop below me. I closed my eyes, feeling the first drips on rain fall onto my face and I became suddenly aware that my jacket would not be able to protect me from the rainstorm. But I'd gone beyond caring; I only wanted one thing now, to hear him.
"Please…Edward" I spoke to the open sky. Only silence greeted me. My hope fell and from somewhere, thoughts niggled at my mind about going back to my truck, but they were dismissed as fast as they had appeared. My heart hammered in my chest; I could feel the wind pushing at me, the rain falling heavier with every drop. I could hear the storm…and I could feel it.
I lifted my arms and opened my eyes. The sky was darker than I remembered a moment ago and it felt like even the elements were against me. So this was what it felt like...Staring danger straight in the face. This was recklessness…this was the height of stupidity. Motorbikes were nothing compared to standing up here, one step away from falling, with the wind in my face and the rain hammering down, obscuring my vision.
I felt…free, strong…in control. I felt alive for the first time in months - a strange combination of exhilaration met with and equalled by terror. A smile broke upon my face, and I began to laugh, slowly at first but gradually building until the laughter brought tears to my eyes, tears that mixed almost instantaneously with the rain. Uncontrollably I began to laugh harder, directly in the face of adversary.
One word stopped me immediately. My arms fell to my sides, the laughter gone. My eyes took in the storm around me but my heart and every other single piece of my body trembled under the force of the word…no, not the word, the voice.
"Bella".
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