Author's Note : Hey,... This next ff is an idea from couchjumper. She requested that I write an ff where Sam leaves a note for Andy in relation to the song "You Ruined Me" by JC Chasez. I think the song is beautiful and we both agreed that it suits Sam's feeling for Andy. I hope you'll like this. Couchjumper? This one is for you.
Thank you for reading and reviewing my last ff. I'm happy that you like it. Thank you to dreambetty, stargazergirl91, sloancharity, couchjumper, nightfog, hannah-jennifer, aolande1 and Cythera of Naxen. Thank you everyone!
Summary : Sam reveals his feeling to Andy in a letter.
Disclaimer : I do not own Rookie Blue. I do not own "You Ruined Me" by JC Chasez. And I do not own the elephant and hippotamus that's roaming in the local zoo.
xox
Sam peeked into the woman's locker room and found who he was looking for. His former rookie was seated on the bench. Her head was held between her clenched hands. Her glorious hair that he itched to sink his fingers into, since that night, covered her face. Stepping into the room, he approached her with his usual style.
"What's the matter McNally? You need me to call an And-ulance?" Playing with her name in reference to the joke they shared at the diner.
Andy only shook her head and rubbed her eyes. Sam knew that gesture and straddled the space on the bench close to her. Effectively encasing her between his outstretched legs.
"Hey what's wrong?" He whispered close to her ear.
She opened her palm and it revealed a key. Sam had known about her plan to move in with Callaghan. It pains him every time the image appears. But if Andy is happy, he is fine with it. That's what he kept telling himself.
"So, when's the big day?" He tried to sound nonchalant but he knew he failed.
"Next week." She finally turned to him and he saw the tell tale sign of her indecisiveness. It's written all over her face. And those eyes that pleaded help from him.
"You sure about this? Is this what you want?" He held her eyes.
"I've already said yes." She gave him a small smile with a quick lift of her brow before turning away from him.
"That was not what I asked Andy." His eyes dark. Dark like she had ever seen them before.
"You said that he is good, reliable and solid. So why question my decision now Sam?"
"Coz I want you to be sure. I want you to be happy."
"Honestly Sam? I don't know. There is something that's holding me back. And I can't figure out what that is. Can you believe that I've not packed anything yet. I haven't even given up my lease. It's just that I know I'm going to be alone in that new place. You know how Luke and his cases are."
"But you'll never be alone. You have your friends .."
"But you won't be here." She whispered. "You're going for that undercover job aren't you?"
"That's not confirmed."
"But you want to. Right?"
"If only it's that easy. There are factors to take in now." Sam avoided her eyes. "Factors that I didn't need to think of or had before."
"Like what?"
"It's not me we are discussing here, McNally." He pursed his lips.
"Come on Sam! Is this going to be like your 'It was what it was' answer? I'm still trying to figure that one out!" She hissed at him.
"Andy ..."
"What is it that you're not telling me Sam?" She grabbed his hand when he made a move to stand up.
"I.." Sam started but Andy's phone rang.
The ID caller showed Luke and Andy was fidgeting if she should answer it.
"You just going to look at it?" Pointing to her ringing phone. Sam stood and walked towards the door. "We'll take later McNally. I've some paper work to do."
xox
Sitting at his desk he pulled out the files for his paperwork but all was just a mess of info to him. He started making mistakes by writing Andy's name on the little spaces. He gave up. Reaching out for some paper, he began writing a different kind of report.
He had just finished signing his name at the bottom when Andy walked by his desk. He slotted the papers into an empty file and called out to her.
"McNally come here for a minute?"
"Need help?" She leaned her hip against his desk. He can't help thinking how sweet she looked in her white blouse over those jeans of hers.
"It's raining, you need a ride?"
"No." She shook her head with downcast eyes. "Luke said he'll be here soon. You going home?"
"Yeah. Since you'll be here for awhile, I just need you to go through this report and see if there's anything that you want to add."
Glancing at her watch, she nodded. "Okay."
"Okay? Great." He stood and offered his chair to her. "Just this one." He tapped on the one that was on his blotter. "I'll see you. Night McNally." Throwing her a wink, he walked away quickly.
"Night Sam." She called out to his retreating figure.
Andy flipped open the file and was greeted with a letter rather than a report. She recognized Sam's handwriting. She gave a quick scan around the room before she started reading.
McNally,
I am a liar and a fake. If I'm sentenced to live this way for the rest of my life, I'll not hold it against you. Even if you are the catalyst, Sweetheart.
Our world collided that day when you tackled me and you've ruined me. Even if I had kept saying it, we both know that it was Jerry who blew my cover. But you? You blew my mind the minute you burst through that crappy door. Since then, everything is not how it was supposed to be.
You've known me to speak my mind no matter how hard the truth can be. For what it's worth, I rather not lie to you any more.
When I took on the undercover job, I was prepared to go on months on end without any connection to the anyone except my contacts. That was easy coz I left no one behind. All I needed to know was that Sarah is in safe hands and I made sure she knew nothing of what I was doing. This time? There is one main factor, that's standing in the way of my decision.
I didn't count on being in love. I didn't see it coming but it smacked me right in my face. Know what's funny? I can't let it go. I don't want to let it go.
I don't want to let you go.
Seeing you with Callaghan, I want so much to leave. But seeing that you are not sure about being with him, makes me want to stay. To be with you. I may not have what he has, but Sweetheart, know that I'll be the last person to ever let you down. I'll never let you cry on your own.
I'm not pushing you Andy. I'll only take that job if you can look me straight in my eyes and tell me that you are sure about being with Luke and loving him. I won't say another word.
When I said, it was what it was? I lied. There has not been a day or night that I don't yearn to touch you. To have you close to me. That kiss that we had while doing that undercover together? It was not an act on my part. If it all seemed fake, you don't know how much I want to show and tell you that it isn't.
I'm taking a lot of risk in telling you this. Not to mention things being highly awkward between us, if you don't feel the same. But I'm done lying and faking. I taking whatever I can, even if it means having you just as a friend.
Yours
Sam
Andy could not believed what she just read. She was grasping the key in the palm of her hand while reading the letter. Holding Sam's letter in one hand and the key in her other, Andy realized what was the missing link that made her hold back. She jumped up and ran for the exit.
By coincidence, Luke's car stopped right at the entrance when she burst through the door.
Sam was in his truck. He was soaked by the heavy rain while getting to it. Initially, he wanted to just drive off as soon as he got into it. But his gut feeling told him to wait. Hence, he had to witness the scene that broke his heart.
Callaghan's car drove pass him and stopped in front of the division's entrance. A second later, Andy came through the door. She scanned the car park before spotting his truck. He could see her staring in his direction. He saw her taking a step. Then another. But she stopped when she reached Luke's car. Throwing another look in his direction, she opened the door and entered the car.
Sam knew what that meant. He knew who to call the next day. He hunched over the steering wheel and rested his head on his arms. He let the rain drown out whatever sound and sight around him. He refused to see Luke's car drive pass his truck. Not while knowing that Andy is in there. Closing his eyes shut, he could still hear the screech of tires as Luke drove away.
He remained in that hunched position till he heard a knock on his window. Turning his head towards the sound, he was convinced that his mind was playing tricks.
"Sam! Open up!" Andy shouted above the rain. "SAM!"
Her hair was plastered to her head. Her clothes were soaked. She was rubbing the water that was running down her face.
"Mc..Andy?" His voice went up in disbelieve as he rolled down the window. "What are you ...? I thought you left with ..." He waved his hand in the direction of the road.
She shook her head.
Sam opened his door and pulled her in. He reached for his bag on the backseat and took out a towel. He quickly wrapped it around her hair and gave it a rub before letting it rest on her shoulders. He pulled the ends together and rubbed her shoulders.
"You ok?" He inquired once, he was satisfied that she was partially dry. Pushing her hair behind her ears, he lifted her chin with the crook of his finger.
"Yeah. Sam.."
"What happened?" He asked softly.
"I gave him back the key. I found out what was holding me back." Andy took his hand and handed him a file.
"What's this?" He frowned. Glancing down at the wet file, he knew what it was. His letter was in it.
"A warrant."
"A what?" He choked.
"A warrant."
"I heard you. But what the hell for?"
"Sam Swarek, that is a warrant for your," she paused and smiled at his incredulous face before adding, "heart."
"Excuse me?" He started to flip the file open but Andy held his hands.
"No. Don't open it."
"Why not? Is it a fake?" Working his dimples.
"Only if you look." She earned a chuckle from him. "I learned that from my awesome Training Officer. But of course at that time I thought he was a total jerk giving me that fake warrant. Will you be going for the job?"
Sam was surprised at the sudden change of topic. He cupped her jaw and pulled her towards him. He lightly tapped his nose against her and whispered against her lips.
"Not if it means being away from you. You do not need a warrant for my heart. You already have it. Question is : Do I need a warrant for yours?"
Andy reached up and slowly snaked her hands up his chest and caressed his nape before sinking her fingers in his hair. She pulled him closer and gently shook her head while licking her lips. Their closeness made the tip of her tongue came in contact with his lips. Teasing them till he emitted a growl of her name. Andy thought her last name had never sound so sexy.
"McNally...?" He groaned and pulled her to stradle him.
"No Sam. You don't need it." She kissed him deep before pulling just a mere fraction to add, " Or do you need further convincing, Sir?"
"Will it involve you talking?"
"No." She bit the side of his neck.
"Will it involve you in a leopard print?"
"Out of it." She twirled her tongue at the base of his neck and slid her hand slowly down his chest and lower.
"Convince me McNally. Convince me!"
THE END
Thank you for reading and I hope that was ok. Please tell me?