Disclaimer: I do not own the Dragon Age Series.

Summary: This is a collection of one-shot chapters for comedic purposes and experimental fluff.

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Chapter 1: Rescue Mission Fail

"Well… Shit. How did we end up like this again?" Varric asked. He certainly recalled an event that was embarrassing as this before. Maybe it was that time when he and Daisy got lost in the halls of dungeon trying to save Hawke.

"Ohh, I don't know…" The Tevinter mage let out a defeated sigh. He hoped the dwarf would drop it, but it seems this was not his day.

"Weren't we supposed to rescue the Inquisitor instead of getting ourselves captured?" Varric asked just to make sure that that was originally the plan.

So far, it turned out to be a shitty plan.

"Shite! This is full of prissy ass shite! I want out of this cell!" Sera shouted, pulling the bars with all her strength, not managing to tear it off.

"Quiet!" The Venatori shouted as he slammed the shield at the cell bars, making Sera stop.

Now. This would have been an epic tale if it weren't so embarrassing on the 'rescuer's' part.

Dorian remembered what happened this morning of how this whole chaos started out. Inquisitor Lavellan was off picking up herbs far off the camp after recruiting the Tevinter Mage–––because he could never say no. Each went away to a different direction to pick up herbs, but when Dorian went to check on him, he hid when he saw the Inquisitor was tied up by the Venatori. He was about to send a lightning tempest on all of them but Lavellan caught his eyes and shook his head just slightly.

It pained him not to do anything, so instead, he went after them, following close behind.

Once he traced them back to their hideout, he went running back to camp, getting Sera, Varric, and Bull. They went to go attack the Venatori.

…and they miserably lost.

Why?

"Well! This is just perfect! Quaint! We came to rescue a certain elf, only to fail and get captured horribly. What fun!" Dorian cheerfully said, his tone and use of words just layered in sarcasm and frustration.

They were horrible at rescuing!

Worst part is… they don't see the Inquisitor anywhere. Where were the Venatori holding him?

Once the guard was far away for him to hear, the Iron Bull started, "We need to get the guard to leave so Varric can pick the lock."

"I got an idea. One of you piss in that bucket, and when he comes back, I'll toss the bucket at him and he'll be covered in piss, he'll leave!" Sera suggested, grinning mischievously at the idea.

"Ooooh! That's a good idea," Bull said as he got up, going to the bucket.

Dorian cringed with disgust. "Really?! Right next to us?!"

"Well, if you have a better idea––"

AAAHHHHH!

STOP HIM––ACK!

WAAAHH!

Hope rose within the Tevinter mage when he heard all the screaming and shouting. Could it be?

STOP THAT ELF–ARGH!

He escaped?!

The four companions waited in the cell with anticipation and hope rising as the screaming got worse. Soon, it became less and less. Then, it was silent. All was silent but the sound of footsteps that were coming into the dungeon.

Then, in came Inquisitor Lavellan with his giant axe resting on his shoulder.

He grinned a crooked, flashy grin at his companions. "Miss me?"

"Lavellan, you––! How?" Dorian could barely form sentences as he was just happy to see the elf alright.

"I guess they underestimated you, Boss," the Iron Bull said after dropping the bucket. Thank God, the Bull wasn't doing the plan anymore.

"Of course they would! So… this rescue mission… how was it?" He asked as that grin slowly turned to something so very mischievous–––in fact, he was teasing them. Dorian tried not to give him any ammunition. The elf was already as cocky and arrogant as the mage himself.

Sera let out a disgruntled response. "Awwh shite! Go ahead! Rub it on our faces, will ya!"

"I was only asking, Sera… was I not supposed to be the damsel in distress?" The Inquisitor continued to tease them as he went to the cell door to unlock it with the key he got.

Varric scoffed. "You're too broad and lanky to be a damsel in distress, Inquisitor."

"Lanky? I prefer the term slender," Lavellan said, still grinning even after he unlocked the gate. He looked up at Bull and teased even more, "So… should I get a new bodyguard too?"

Bull let out a disgruntled noise at that. "Fine… It seems like tonight's drinks are all on me now."

"I'll pay too…" Varric offered.

Lavellan then finally laughed. "I'm sorry! I'm only teasing you two––oof!"

Sera punched him hard to the guts before stomping off, pissed. The warrior elf only laughed harder when she walked away. Dorian shook his head but then he became serious.

"Amatus… I forbid you to tell this story to anyone. Ever."

That mischievous smile widened. "Oh…? Forbid me? So I can't tell any of our friends? What about Harding?"

"Amatus." Dorian started to use a warning tone, but then the elf bolted into a run. The Tevinter mage chased after him.

Bull and Varric followed out and when they got out of the cave makeshift dungeon, Dorian had already tackled the Inquisitor into the ground, laughing and throwing empty yet hilarious threats at each other.

Sera was there standing outside the entrance, making a face. "They're disgusting…but disgustingly good together in a weird way."

Varric just smirked. "I'll quote you on that one."

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Sneak Peek of Next Chapter:

Lavellan smirked. "You know... I might not be good at funny stories... but I'm certainly very good in scary stories."

"Ohh? Let's hear it then, your Inquisitorialness."