Thanks to Eike and Galux for looking over this one for me. First Tero fic! Dun dun dun... From the springkink prompt (which oddly enough ended up being Galux's) -- Shinobu in Australia, thinking about Miyagi. - "It hurt him to much to think about it, but he still loved him."

Houdini
A Junjou Terrorist fic by Avarice

Shinobu snuggled down into the covers of the single bed. Sharing a room with the son of his host family was a new and interesting experience. It wasn't hugely unpleasant, but he missed the privacy of having his own space. Andrew's soft snores in the bed pressed against the perpendicular wall were the only sound in the room. There was a small, high window on the wall above his head. He couldn't see out of it, but it let in some ambient light from the street lamps outside.

He still couldn't get used to the weather.

Out of twelve months in the year, it was barely cold for two. The stifling humidity of Australia's summer was just beginning to fade, but it wouldn't be gone for long. Shinobu sighed restlessly and pulled his arms out to lie on top of the blankets. Somehow winter here still managed to be somewhat warm. Nothing like winters in Japan.

Right now it should've been getting warmer; the operative word being 'should'. At least, that's what his mind was telling him. In Japan it would be perfect beach weather right about now.

When he thought of the beach, he thought of Miyagi; although why those two subjects were connected, he could never quite figure out. Sunlight and crowds of people, Miyagi sitting under an umbrella and on a towel in swim trunks. He was smoking -- of course -- and maybe had a book close by--

The thoughts were nice. They were comforting and hopeless at the same time.

In his daydreams there was always someone sitting next to Miyagi, someone that the older man smiled at and touched on the shoulder. It used to always be Risako, and that train of thought would sent him into a crotchety funk for hours, sometimes days.

Lately though, Shinobu's mind had begun to furnish him with images of himself next to Miyagi; being close to him, making him smile in the way that made the lines around his eyes crinkle just that little bit more.

He supposed it was completely foolish. And yet...

Last time he'd heard from his father, there'd been a brief, awkward mention of strained relations between his sister and her husband. There was some subtext there, something that the elder Takatsuki hadn't wanted to say outright.

Something about infidelity...

But that had been months ago. Maybe it wasn't an issue anymore.

He wasn't even sure who had done what. Maybe Risako had cheated on Miyagi. And maybe Miyagi had--

Shinobu's heart constricted painfully. It was bad enough the man he loved was married to his sister. The thought that he might've been unfaithful with someone else--

He halted that train of thought immediately, squeezing his eyes shut. It hurt far too much to think about.

With effort, he tried to shake himself out of it. He'd travelled to a whole other country to get away from those kinds of thoughts.

Often, he could escape them. In keeping up with all his classes in English, making new friends, interacting with his host family... Shinobu could find a myriad of ways to avoid thinking about Miyagi.

But when he was alone, they returned. He could be working in the library, waiting for a bus, or -- such as now -- lying in bed trying to fall asleep, and they would come back to haunt him.

Shinobu was nothing if not stubborn. Often, he would push the thoughts away angrily, bitterly, furious at Miyagi for not knowing what he didn't have. For being too goddamned blind to see it.

But sometimes, just sometimes, he let them take him.

Shinobu sighed and rolled over in bed to stare at a blank wall. He pulled the woollen quilt back up to his shoulders, brought his knees up to his chest, and allowed his mind to go back to a phantom beach where the sand between his toes was nearly as warm as the smile Miyagi gave him.

~finis