A/N: Nanananannnersss. YAY I HAVE A STORY. I haven't wrote in forever. I hope you like it. And if you don't oh well. You probably won't (understand the complicated intellect)
Don't hate. Appreciate.
Disclaimer man: Ai does not own Roy, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gangsters, Nickelodeon, the video mentioned in this story OR the poem mentioned. Which you will only get if you have heard of it. If you don't ignore that. She does in fact own..um...THE COMPUTER in which she is typing on. So there.
Sorry if gangsters are offended.
Roy Tries To Be Gangster
by Ai Mori
Chapter 1 ..
well there's only one chapter so that's not very necessary
One bright morning in the middle of the night, (two dead boys got up to fight), I mean, Edward Elric and his brother Alphonse were slowly walking through the Alchemist HQ. Very Slowly. I'm pretty sure you know who they are otherwise you wouldn't be reading this story. But due to people who have an obsession with extreme detail, I shall describe them for you.
Edward Elric has blonde hair, neatly tied into a braid usually with a red ribbon. He has automail on his left leg and right arm due to an accident with alchemy that he and his brother had when they were younger. He is the older of the two brothers, but the smallest-
"Who you calling smaaalll!" said Ed screaming at the sky.
"Brother? Who are you talking to?" replied Alphonse. ALPHONSE ELRIC! He is the younger brother. But his whole body was taken due to said accident. So he must walk around in armor. These two brothers are on a quest to get their original bodies back by using the legendary philosophers stone. But why am I telling you this when the title is about Roy? Well, I have no idea.
Anyway they were walking. And no I am not going to just say "and they got there" because unlike most stories this will be like real life. Since in real life you actually have to wait for the person to walk there.
"Step. Step. Step" said the two brothers feet.
When they were but halfway to Roy Mustang's office, they were stopped by their good friend, Riza Hawkeye.
"Ed! Al! I'm so glad you're here. Something terrible has happened." Riza said running up to them with a stressed expression.
"Is it about the philosophers stone?" Ed asked.
"No. But-!"
"Then I don't care." said Ed shunning Riza like a five year old.
"Shut up, brother" Alphonse scolded. "What is it?"
"Well, Roys..um..being..different."
"Different?" said Alphonse.
"See for yourself" said Riza leading them to the Colonel's office.
"Step. Step. Step" said the anxious footsteps of the three people. Yes they are walking. Wee. And as their steps come to a close, they reach the door of Roy's office. Riza reaches out and turns the knob, taking approximately 60 seconds to stare at a floating speck, thus increasing the tension.. And alas! The doorknob was turned. Stepping into the office, here is what they saw.
"Yo! Ed-o! My main man. What is up, fo shizzle?" said Roy. Though Roy was not like his normal self. Instead of the usual state alchemist uniform, he was wearing baggy jeans, a white t-shirt way too big for him and..grillz.
"Umm." Ed replied
"Knuckle touch!" says Roy holding out his fist for Ed to knuckle touch.
"No. I'm good. Roy, are you okay?"
"Ya. My shizzles hella fizzle, yah dig?"
"Do I dig?"
"When did this first start?" Alphonse asked Riza.
"This morning. He came in walking like a drunk person and grabbing his..um..manly parts." Riza said.
Being said, all three of them turned to see Roy grabbing his manly parts and practicing his walking.
"AHHH!" said Roy tripping over the leg of his desk.
"What is WRONG with him" Ed said scratching his head. (TRIPLE RHYME!)
"Yo dawg. Now wait a minizzle. Don't be hatin'. What a brothah got to do to get some love in this room."
Hearing this from very far away, Maes Hughes gasps and magically transports to Roy's office with a reason unknown to us all.
"Spread the love!" he said.
"Yo!" said Roy. In a matter of seconds Roy and Hughes jumped on Roy's desk as the lights dimmed and started busting some moves. And singing some phat rhymes.
"WE DON'T NEED TWO OF YOU!" Ed screamed locking Hughes in a nearby closet. "Now Roy..Did you have a little too much to drink?"
"Hell naw."
KABOOOOM. And the wall to the room was suddenly blown up. Revealing three dark figures. And then the clouds moved out of the way and the sun came out and these figures were not dark anymore! In fact, they were Envy, Lust, and Gluttony. Yes, these three evil homunculi were here for no other reason except to-! I have no idea! "We are here to steal the secret Krabby Patty formula!" Envy said cackling.
"Wrong show, retard" Lust whispered into his ear.
"Oh..Right. We are here to steal your previously gained knowledge of the philosophers stone!"
"OH NOES!" said Ed, Al and Riza simultaneously.
"Naw, naw! Don't be disrespectin'. You gotta fight me fo' it" Roy said getting all up in their grillz.
"Yeah. Right. Whatever." said Envy and punched him the face while making off with the files left on Roy's desk.
"Nice going, moron, now you screwed up the whole storyline!" Ed screamed.
Then Roy started crying. Not just a little cry, but a full on sob.
"Whatssamatta Roy?" Hughes said from the closet.
"Shut it, you!" Riza said.
"I just wanted to fit in, you know? Get in with the cool crowd. " Roy said wiping his tears on his shirt. "So I watched this video on you tube called How to Be Gangster. A-and I thought it showed me the way."
"What in the world is you tube?" asked Alphonse.
"Dun Dun Duuuun." said the background music.
"Oh. A magical genie came and gave me a little thing called a computer. No big deal."
"Magic? This could be a major technology breakthro-!" Riza started.
"So anyway. I had a rough childhood, you know? I just..needed something to make me feel better about myself!" Roy said.
MAGICAL FLASHBACK NANANANNA
"Roy is a doooork. Roy is a doooork" people sang and skipped around a crying Roy.
END MAGICAL FLASHBACK NANANANNA
"What are you talking about! We did that last week!" Riza said laughing while Roy shot her the death glare.
"The point is Roy.." Alphonse started while heroic music played in the background. "You should just be yourself. Because that's what people will like you for-"
"Haha, yeah right." said Ed
"-and NO person is worth changing for." Al ended.
Applause
----
Well that's it kiddies. I hope you enjoyed that heartfelt ending.