As if it was a Dream

I was alone. The night air pressed down on me from above and shown shattered bits of light from the moon and stars. There was a soft wind raking through my hair and curling it around my face. I sighed and gazed out at the scene before me. I stood in my armored form watching the forest move about me. I saw the leaves dancing slowly to their own tunes and the magical creatures scurried around settling in for the evening.

It was the first time in a long time that I had gone out on my own. Ever since the addition of one blonde celestial mage to Fairytail my life had been centered on my new teammates and our missions together. We were practically glued to each other's hips. I could remember the nights we all spent sprawled out in Lucy's apartment making ourselves at home despite her halfhearted objections. I remembered our intense pillow fights and peeking looks at her forever unfinished novel. My team could certainly be a bunch of fun-loving idiots but when it came down to it we were all ready to protect or friends and our guild when we needed too. I could still feel the heat radiation off Natsu's flesh as he readied for battle or the biting chill that gathered around Gray's underdressed body. It was all gone now. All of it. Both the good and the bad moments all of them had disappeared within the span of a few minutes. All of the moments we laughed and cried as members of Fairytail believing and feeling the same things. All's it took to end it was four words from the master. Fairytail will be disbanded. Fairytail was the only other home I had known besides the Tower of Heaven. Being without it was hard on all of us but we all somehow picked up the pieces after the shock wore off and moved on.

My journey this evening was taking me back home to my apartment in Mongolia after a job I had just completed. I had learned quickly that the disbandment of Fairytail didn't stop people from wanting the services of Titania Erza.

I felt it. I felt the movement of the leaves stop and the fidgeting of the animals stop. I couldn't see if anyone was there but I could feel them. I focused on the woods around me and heard the soft almost inaudible pat of footsteps. I requipped a sword into my armored hand. I waited for whatever it was to show there face. I did not wish to fight anyone this late in the night especially since the world seemed at peace. Through the trees I could make out the dark outline of several approaching figures. Their features were hidden by the dark of the night and the cloth of their cloaks.

"Who goes there?" I demanded in a forceful tone.

"Erza," a deep masculine voice said from one of the figures. It was a voice I knew all too well. As he came closer I could see the blue strands of hair that gently revealing itself from under the hood. I could see the markings that marked the side of his face seeping down from his eye.

"Jellal! What are you doing here?"

His hands went up to his hood slowly removing it and in perfect nuisance the figures around him revealed themselves too. I saw several familiar faces reveal themselves. I saw the cubic features and the curled red hair of Richard. I saw the scratched shut eyes of the crimson haired snake charmer and the pure angelic features of Sorano. I saw the sleepy eyes of Midnight and the sharp face of the fastest man I'd ever met. The lovely pink haired woman I had met when she was a child also showed herself. Her eyes only focused on Jellal. He spoke softly as if it hurt him to speck his words, "Erza…I."

I lowered my sword and stared at him. His eyes lowered avoiding mine Jellal always averted his eyes form afraid to look at me. He was afraid of what I would say to him and of what I would do.

"Why are you here?" I asked him my voice sounding softer than I had meant it to. My eyes fell to the ground glancing at a very interesting pile of leaves.

"We passed through town and I heard that a scarlet haired fairy had just completed a mission there. The fact that we met on our journey through the forest was just lucky."

"Tsk. I'd say unlucky," Cobra hissed out as his body came to rest against a tree with his arms crossed against his chest.

I glanced up at him and sighed. He was more right than I wanted to admit Jellal's and mine encounters where highly awkward for anyone who had the misfortune to be around. It was a fact that I despised with all of my being. "Well don't stand on ceremony. I'd be honored if Crime Sorciere would join me," my voice came out in its usual commanding tone. I requipped my sword back to the place it had come from as I waited for a response.

"Don't mind if I do," Macbeth said softly sinking down against a tree to rest his eyes.

"Why not?" Angel said joining her sleeping friend.

Erik, Sawyer, and Richard joined them as well. The ex-members of the Oracion Seis settled down in a huddle using their cloaks to shelter them from the wind.

Meredy glided over to us and smiled at me sweetly and then turned to Jellal. "I think I'll join them too. I let you and your old friend talk Jellal," she told him her voice holding no room for argument. I could see in his eyes that he desperately wanted to not be alone with me. Either she didn't notice or didn't care that the blue haired man didn't want her to leave. I suspect she wanted us to talk knowing full well that we needed it badly.

We stepped away from the group taking the privacy they gave us. WE found ourselves in a clearing with rolling grass and an infinite view of the stars. Little balls of light flouted over the grass as the lightening bugs danced with each other.

"I heard about Fairytail…" he started to speak but stopped when I turned to look at him.

"It was blow to all of us. Fairytail has been my home since I left the island."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No don't be. Please, don't be sorry. You already have enough of that."

"Erza…"

"Please, Jellal. I know you mean well but the world's weight doesn't fall on your shoulders alone," I told him.

"I am aware of that. I only wish to atone for my past sins."

"You are."

"Don't you understand that it's just not enough? It won't ever be enough to pay for what I've done. For what I've done to you," his voice filled with anger as he spoke. At his sides his hands balled into white knuckled fists.

"What you have done to me has been long since forgiven. You now travel the path of light."

"I cannot accept that. I cannot accept forgiveness given so easily."

"Do you think it was easy?" I could feel myself beginning to lose control of my emotions. They had already seeped into my voice. I could feel them being to take a grip on me. It wasn't something I could let happen. I had to keep my heart protected in armor around Jellal. We had been through so much together and the emotions I felt for him where so dangerously confusing. It was a ball mixed with hate and anger yet joy and pride and somewhere deep within me love. My emotions surged through my protective shields and washed over my body in crashing waves. I fought to keep them from surfacing to keep them from him. I couldn't let him see what I felt it would only hinder his goals for atonement. It would only cause him to feel more guilt and more pain. I grit my teeth and breathed deeply trying to keep my speech clean of it. A deep knotting feeling of pain began to well in my stomach as I lost the battle with myself and memories of the past surfaced. The familiar feelings of regret and what could have been greeted me. "Why Jellal? Why did it have to be like this? Why must we act like this with each other? Why must be a diplomat just to talk to my old friend?" I hadn't realized that I was speaking aloud till I felt his presence come closer to me. I glanced at his face.

His eyes filled with concern and guilt bubbling into tear that silently steamed down his face. "It's the way it has to be Erza," he said choking on his words.

I wanted to argue with him to tell him that he was wrong. I wanted to tell him our relationship didn't have to be like this. I couldn't. I couldn't because I'd be lying to both myself and him. He needed to ride himself of the demons of his past and I needed to let him do it but still I wished that it could be different. I felt tears spilling out of my eyes and my body began to shake with the force of my sobs. It was then for the first time since childhood that I hugged Jellal for comfort. I wormed my way into his arms and clutched his back twisting his clothes in my fingers. I could feel his body stiffen in shock and disbelief. His hand fell to his sides from his face where he had held it to hide his tears. For once I let myself push down my logical thinking and my mind's screams to let go.

I spoke through tears, "I know what you are thinking but please just let me stay here for now. Just this once let me stay."

He didn't answer he only lightly placed a hand on my armored shoulder. I had thought his presence would have made my tears slow but it amplified them. My throat let out gut wrenching cries that I didn't think I could make. We slowly sank into the tall grass as I cried. I cried for what seemed forever. I had placed my head against his chest and my tears began to wet the cloth underneath. I wasn't until I had stopped did I notice that his hand encircled my head. His fingers running through the ropes of my hair. I felt wetness at the top of my head soaking into my hair. It came from the check he had placed gingerly on the top of my head. I focused my energies on breathing and calming myself. Letting my body ease into to his. I took in the landscape around me to get my racing mind on another subject.

The field where the same as before yet somehow the world around us seemed stiller than it did before. The glowing bugs had slowed their dancing to almost nothing and the stars above somehow seemed dimmer. Even the blowing wind seemed to have no will to continue as it had before. It was like my cries had disrupted the flow of the land. If you asked my old friends at Fairytail that would have sworn that it was possible if it was me.

"Jellal…I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this. I think the loss of Fairytail on top of your visit…"

"You don't have to say anymore. I understand. I understand how you feel," his voice hummed at me softly through his chest.

I waited to see if he'd continue before I spoke. It took him a while to gather his thoughts and in that time I noticed our closeness. I noticed the strong sent that radiated from him of cologne and musk. It was a wonderful smell that I could have drowned myself in. I noticed the little hearts that lined his clothes and I reached over to gently touch one with my fingers. I stroked the silver heart lightly as he drew an intake of breath. His arms were strong as he encircled me like a shelter that would protect me from anything. I realized then that my upper body was still encased in armor and it wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing to hold. I hesitantly requipped into my white blouse knowing full well I wasn't just releasing my body from its shield but my heart was well. He body eased thanking me for the change.

"Erza you must know that I care for you," he finally said in a low voice.

"I do," I said.

"I care for you deeply and I have since we were children my little Scarlet," he told me referencing my lastname which he had bestowed upon me due to my red hair.

I smiled at the memory.

"However I cannot let myself enjoy the presence of your company until I finish what I have to complete."

I nodded understanding.

"But for tonight…just for tonight I'd like to stay like this with you. If you'll let me?"

I answered him by cuddling closer to him. His hand reached down to cradle my check. His fingers so lightly touched my skin that I could hardly feel it. I reached up and planted my lips softly on his check underneath the markings on his eye. He inhaled and I could feel his arms begin to tremble. His whole body strung up on my touch. One of my hands found its way to his thigh squeezing lightly as I used it to support my position. His entire form twitched.

He reached up through his nerves and his fears and knitted his fingers in my hair gripping it roughly at the base of my skull. I kissed him hesitantly at first my lips barely grazing the skin. Then I more forcefully pressed my lips firmly against his silently begging him to return the affection. His lips moved slowly and lightly over mine. It was as if he was afraid kissing me any harder would break me. My hands glided back up to his back fingering the tight muscle that ley underneath his shoulder blades. I raked my nails down his spine. He let a deep moan escape down my throat.

He quickly placed a hand on my shoulder shoving the heel of his palm into my collarbone trying to push me away. Our kiss broke and my hands stopped their journey a crossed his back.

"Jellal?"

"We should stop," he said quietly with an airy voice.

"How can you say that when you?"

"When I was the one who suggested it. Because if we continue I may not be able to stop myself from going further."

I blushed at the thought of him unable to control his desires.

"Besides I don't know how you can stand to be touched by a murderer like me."

"Murderer…"

"Simon," I said almost in a whisper as Jellal let go of me. "I see what you're doing."

He looked at me confused than glanced away.

"You're trying to make the goodbye easier and shift things back to the way they were. Well it won't work. Goodbyes are always difficult no matter how well you glaze over them with painful memories and self-pity. I learned that when I was in Fairytail. It's always hard to say goodbye to your friends and nothing will change that especially when it's the man you love that you must part with."

He looked back at me his eyes wide and his mouth parted in shock. "What did you say?" he asked.

"I said that I love you Jellal. I love you and nothing is going to ever change that."

His body moved on its own taking me back into his arms and kissing me on its own. "Erza I…I love you too."

I spent that night wrapped in the strength of his arms and the warmth of his body but when I woke the next morning he was gone along with this guildmates. It was almost as if I imagined the night before. It was almost as if it was a dream.