Let's Not Lose Our Heads
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters. Finally I do not own Phantom Brave or Queen's Blade. They belong to Nippon Ichi and Hobby Japan.
Summary: During a duel with one of the Angel Assembly members, Reyn gets decapitated by accident and has to be turned into a Dullahan in order for his life to be saved. His head fell off Skyworld forcing Dark Pit to search the human worlds for the missing head. Reyn only has one week left before his body officially gives up on him and he has no way of communicating with his friend. Will the two be able to find his head or are they heading for disappointing results?
Pairing: Reyn/Pittoo, Pit/Melia, Robin/Shulk and implied Pit/Laharl and Ash/Cia
Rated: M (for mature)
Genre: Humor, Romance, Friendship and borderline Parody
Warning: Swearing, memes, bad puns, sexual situations, extreme violence and unintentional OOC
Another gift for Aria because she is obsessed with the idea of Reyn as a Dullahan. Well here is how that will go in my universe. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: The Axecident
Reyn has always told his friends that they shouldn't lose their heads over small things. He had said it so many times that the saying often gets hand waved. It never occurred to him that he would have to take his own advice for once if he wanted to live.
The redhead Homs didn't think he would have any issues when Dark Pit asked him to come to Skyworld for him after another mini Smash tournament had ended. Granted, Dark Pit had asked Lucina and Lucas to come along as well, but Lucina had decided to go back to Ylisse to spend time with her friends and family and Lucas was asked before hand to go home with Ness. That meant that Reyn was the only one of Pittoo's friends to be free. This was good for him because it meant understanding the angel culture better and getting some alone time with the dark angel. He would never admit that during the short time that he hung out with the dark angel when he was supposed to be helping his best friend Shulk out with training that he developed strong feelings for the young angel. So in the back of his mind he probably was expecting too much out of the dark angel who was rather oblivious to the older teen's feelings.
What he got was far from what he ever asked for.
The first thing that Dark Pit had attempted to do when the two returned to Skyworld was show him the different sections of heaven. Starting from Eden, the capital of all of heaven and where Palutena's Temple was located (and way bigger than Reyn had ever imagined), Dark Pit would attempt to circle around Skyworld. Reyn soon realized that Skyworld was structured like a star seeing as how the entire angel nation was held up by strong clouds despite the fact that the clouds were fluffy when one stepped on them. Pittoo started with Angelus that was considered the location where the middle class angels were and the place where it was easy to access the human realms of the universe (specifically the Overworld that Palutena specifically looked after) and from there, he would go counterclockwise going into huge rants about how these sections of heaven worked. Dark Pit was surprised how much Reyn was interested in learning about his culture and it allowed for him to become more enthusiastic when going into detail about why these heaven sites have demonic sounding names.
From Angelus, Dark Pit went to Sandalphon (the poor section of heaven), Helel (where the hospital for angels are), Evangelion (where the rich angels live) and finally Lucifer (where the angels train to become soldiers). When they got to Lucifer, that was where problems escalated quickly.
You see, Dark Pit went out of his way to explain the locations but not the people that he knew in heaven. The black angel didn't really have that many people he could trust besides members of the royal bodyguards (who Dark Pit said he would introduce the Homs to later), so when angels from the Angel Assembly approached him, Dark Pit didn't take their presence well.
There are two angels that Dark Pit loathed more than anyone in heaven. One of them was in front of him while the other one would cause him problems after this problematic incident. The angel in front of him called herself Friday (as in the weekday although Friday had claimed that her name came from the Norse Goddess Freya). She was one of the richest angels of all of heaven and she was certainly one of the bitchiest. She was a tall beauty amongst beauties that all male angels while they feared Friday in her presence were quick to call her a babe behind her back. She had a perfect body with gigantic boobs that easily agitated the dark angel. She has medium blonde hair and blue eyes. Her outfit was incredibly revealing seeing as there was only a blue breastplate that appeared too much like a swimsuit with a wolf design and that alone was enough to anger Dark Pit who wasn't interested in the sex appeal of others. She wore two sapphire earrings dangling from each of her ears, a silver tiara that she wore instead of the usual crown of laurel that angels were expected to wear and silver high heels. The only thing that decently covered Friday was the silver cape that she had that seem to be designed specifically for her as she often wrapped her wings around her body in order to wear the cape and only took the cape off when she needed to fight seriously.
The other angels next to her was just her best friend and maid Darcy who Dark Pit also didn't like but his hate for her wasn't as bad as Friday's. She was a lower class angel that did not care about being treated horribly by the blonde angel. Her overall appearance was that of a cat including the spiky orange hair and gold eyes that were leering at the dark angel and his Homs friend. She had remained quiet when Friday started to bad mouth him in front of Reyn.
"Oh, looks like the replica decided to bring a boy toy from the Smash Realm after all. And to think we were all joking that you would actually find someone who would look at you."
Dark Pit had usually been able to ignore Friday's taunt since this was your typical Angel Assembly behavior. Today was just not not one of them. His cheeks turned red as he gave her the attention she desired from him.
"You could probably get a friend too if you got off your high horse for once!"
Darcy snickered behind Friday before looking away when the older angel glared at her maid.
"Oh, after all this time, the replica is capable of barking. I wonder if you're actually capable of walking as you are bitching."
"You want to go?"
"Of course seeing as how you're incapable of winning a single Smash tournament no matter how small it is or how lame the competition in the bracket is."
Sore spot after sore spot made the dark angel take out his Silver Bow. This was his chance to shut her up once and for all and earn some respect in heaven.
"Hey Lived, you should probably cool your head." Reyn spoke worried that the black clad doppelganger was going to do something foolish. "I mean...we should continue the tour…"
"Sorry, Reyn. The tour is on hold until I put this bitch in her place." Dark Pit growled. "I am sick and tired of her insulting me and my accomplishments! When she actually comes down to earth like every other normal person, then she can talk down to me!"
"I really think you're losing your head over…"
"Stop with the head puns or do you want to lose your head?!"
Reyn shut his mouth almost instantly. Friday chuckled seeing how "poorly" the dark angel was treating his friend.
"To the coliseum we go to fight one on one." Friday told him as she tilted her head toward the sports dorm that was specifically for the angels to use during angel competition such as Light versus Dark.
Reyn found himself being dragged along against his will when Friday and Dark Pit rushed immediately to their destination.
"Your little faggot angel is going to lose to the Great Friday." Darcy taunted to the redhead Homs as she zipped by him before he could shout at her for insulting his friend.
The match shouldn't have been an issue seeing as how it was just a fierce rivalry between two angels. It was only a matter of time before Dark Pit took her on, so it was better for them to get their hatred of each other out of the way now. Dark Pit had his bow and Friday had her battle axe underneath her cape ready to take out when she needed to battle.
"Hope you don't chip a nail." Dark Pit taunted as he split his bow in two so he could point to his rival.
"I was going to say something similar, but I don't think your boyfriend would mind when I pound your ass into the ground." Friday spat right back.
"W-What? He's not my…" Dark Pit sighed realizing it was pointless to try argue with her. "Game on!"
Dark Pit didn't know what to really expect when dealing with Friday. She was a veteran fighter that needed to be respected, but he refused to acknowledge her strength when she spent more time bitching to Pit during Angel Assembly meetings than train with the other angels. This was proving to be a mistake seeing as how she spent more time parrying Dark Pit waiting for him to tire out. She smirked as she would swing her axe around a few times just to get give her breathing room.
"You can do it, Lived!" Reyn cheered from the stands he was forced to sit in (and conveniently sat far away from Darcy). "I believe in you!"
"Aww, isn't that cute?" Friday teased.
"...Shut up Reyn…" Lived muttered as he turned his two blades back into a bow and fired purple arrows of light at his opponent. Friday could only parry so many arrows before she would eventually be poked by some of them. Since she didn't wear a lot of clothes compared to the other angels, visible purple marks would be left on her skin where the arrows hit. This caused her to frown seeing that it made Dark Pit believe that he was doing well against her. "How's that?"
"Annoying." She responded as she threw the battle axe at him without warning. The dark angel didn't expect this and had to dodge out of the way at the last minute before the axe went back to the blonde like a boomerang. "You really want me to decapitate you for ruining my skin...don't you?"
"Oh, wouldn't it be nice if it was your head that I knocked off?" Dark Pit growled earning a huge sigh from Darcy.
"With all of these head puns being thrown around, I swear someone really is going to die from them." Darcy spoke speaking mainly to the fourth wall as if she was expecting something to happen.
"What?" Reyn asked confused at her statement.
The match was soon even between the two now that Dark Pit forced Friday to move around. She could rush him down in heels, but she wasn't as fast as she should be. Dark Pit had gotten good hits in and instead of purple marks, her knees would receive cuts. Her axe was too big to lay a finger on the raven haired angel causing her to groan in frustration.
"...I guess you want me to be serious?"
Friday's yellow wings opened up immediately afterward causing her cape to be flung upward. The wind in Skyworld caused it to blow in Reyn's direction and hitting him in the face to where the cape blocked his vision. Nobody paid too much attention seeing as how Friday matched Pittoo's speed now with each swing of her axe. The dark angel shrieked when the axe nearly hit him across the neck. She had every intention of murdering him at this point.
"You're really going to chip a nail if you keep this up." Pittoo reminded her hoping the taunting would work. He was met by electricity flying past his cheek nearly causing him to tremble. "What the?"
"You forget, I'm like Isaak. Barbequed chicken sounds nice, doesn't it?"
This was why Dark Pit didn't want to fight any lightning angels. They were more dangerous than any other element in his mind...besides fire angels of course because his wings wouldn't be able to take that many zaps. Dealing with Pikachu, yellow Pikmin or a certain tactician's Thoron was hard enough...he didn't need an angel out to kill him.
"Why do you need to bring Isaak up? Is that why you're always on my ass?"
"Perhaps. He treats a replica like you better than he treats his childhood friend. You need to know your place."
"Maybe you just need to learn how to play nice. It's not my fault he thinks I'm hot."
The sparks were flying literally at this point to the point both did not seem to care there were people in the stands that could have been hurt. Friday was shooting lightning recklessly hoping she would get some critical hits in. She hit him at least twice when the dark angel tired out a few times after constant dodging (damn Uprising mechanics). Friday herself almost got an awful haircut from the dark angel who was deliberately aiming for her face with his arrows. After Reyn removed the cape from his face, he could visibly see the animosity between the two angels and he hoped he never had to have this much hate toward someone...and over another angel apparently.
Who the hell is Isaak? Reyn asked to himself not realizing how irritated he sounded. Is that Lived's friend? Why would he brag about his looks when he never cared so much for them?
While Reyn was lost in thought about who this Isaak angel was, the battle seemed to have been in Dark Pit's favor at this point. While the black angel was reluctant to use arrow rain on Friday because of Reyn's presence, he managed to close the gap between him and Friday and effectively knock the axe out of her hand. Because Friday attempted to swing it at the black angel when the two blades got close to her, the impact was so strong that she couldn't hold onto it.
"Dammit!" Friday cursed seeing the axe fly off. "Got to get it...huh?!"
Dark Pit was confused why Friday looked so stunned at her weapon flying off toward the stands when no one would have been dumb enough to actually sit around when that thing was flying. Looking at the stands, Darcy had already zoomed off so she wouldn't even be near the battle axe, but Reyn was still sitting there like an idiot with his driver in hand.
"Idiot! Why aren't you ducking?!" Dark Pit questioned. "Please move out of the way!"
Why did Reyn not listen to Dark Pit? He probably wanted to show off how badass he was with how he could continue watching his friend while deflecting anything coming his way. It sounded cool in his head. He had his driver out ready to knock the axe away, but he wasn't expecting the axe to have so much knockback to bounce off above him. He groaned hearing his driver crack. How was he going to tell Shulk he might have broken his weapon?
"REYN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! MOVE!"
Reyn was dumb to look up when he still saw a shadow above him. The axe was only knocked into the air and coming down at top speed. He only had a small amount of time to activate Last Stand, but even that wasn't going to save him when the axe came down on his neck.
"Reyn!" Pittoo can be heard yelling as he saw the metal blade cut through his friend.
The body went stiff for a second at the direct shock of the hit as the arteries of his neck spurted blood out in response as to "stop" the bleeding. Most of the mahogany liquid seeped into the Homs' military uniform as well as the seats around him, some of it staining the shield of his driver as well. Pittoo looked as though he was about to cry as the body slumped forward and the older teen's head fell off his shoulders in front of him. The dark angel rushed towards the stands when the freshly decapitated body fell limp over the edge.
Me: TBC with 3232 words. RIP Reyn.
Li: Reyn…no…
Me: Oh, he's fine. Notes (and Ari helped with some of them)!
1. A daily reminder that half of Skyworld has names worshipping demonic deities like Lucifer.
2. Ari: The driver in this story that Reyn has is actually known as the "Vangarre Driver". It's one of Reyn's best weapons in the game and is described as being made as a friendship token between him and Shulk. That's why he's so concerned about it breaking because Shulk put a lot of time into making it.
3. Ari: "Last Stand" is one of Reyn's actually good auras. If activated within about three seconds of him receiving a blow that would outright kill him (it lasts about fifteen seconds but has a warm-up of about that long), he will be about to come back to life with anywhere between 30-75% of his max HP depending on the level of it. We haven't quite decided if it was level 1 or 10. It's pretty much used as his last ditch effort, hence the name.
4. Ari: One last thing. Humans tend to have a very… not quite "bright" color of red for their blood. Homs on the other hand has VERY dark colored blood. The fresh blood of a Homs tends to be about the color of dried blood for us humans, while dried Homs blood is the color of oil, but not as shiny. Enjoy your daily dose of Homs hematology. :3
Yeah…that's Ari for you with her love for blood. She wrote that last portion obviously since I have my limits. That's it. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne!