This was made to show how Kurogane is over-protective with Fai.
So you want to date the mage hmm? Well, there are some ground rules and hopefully you will obey if you don't want to be slaughtered.
Rule One:
If you
pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do
not touch the mage in front of me. You may glance at him, so long as
you do not peer at anything below his neck. If you cannot keep your
eyes or hands off of the mage's body, I will remove them.
Rule
Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be
falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but
you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be
fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants
ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure
that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you
date with the mage, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your
trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm
sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let
me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will
kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in
order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The
only information I require from you is an indication of when you
expect to have the mage safely back at my house, and the only word I
need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule
Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls or boys. This is fine with me as
long as it is okay with the mage. Otherwise, once you have gone out
with the mage, you will continue to date no one but hi until he is
finished with you. If you make him cry, I will make you cry.
Rule
Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for the mage to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. The mage
is putting on his clothes, a process that can take longer than
painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why
don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a
date with the mage: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything
softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places
where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the
ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce the mage to wear
shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls,
a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to his throat. Movies
with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
which features chain saws are okay. The library is okay. My home is
even better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to
be a twenty year old man playing with swords. But on issues relating
to the mage, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If
I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to
tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have
a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Rule
Ten:
Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
over a warzone. When my ninja instincts start acting up, the voices
in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to
bring the mage home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you
should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought
the mage home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no
need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
mine
This is made of a joke I read on Jib Jab(.)com. Hope you liked it.