Disclaimer:  I do not own it, Sam I am.  I do not own green eggs and ham.  Or, ahhh, Fushigi Yuugi, either, as it happens. --;;

Warnings:  Beware of...  [1]  Lotsssssssa swearing, [2] Possible/Eventual/Who Knows? shounen ai, [3] Angst, and [4] unexpected gender pronouns. ^_~.  You'll also notice that I've taken some liberties with the dialogue we know and love, but since this is an AU fic, aaaanyway...well, I can do pretty much whatever I want, nyeh nyeh nyeh. ^_^.

PS:  Gomen ne about the title--it'll change once I get far enough into things to figure out what to change it to.  *firm nod*

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That Tasuki Fic

by Ryuen

Chapter One: Cover Those Things Up!

~*~

"Oi, I wasn't fini--WHAT THE HELL'RE YOU DOING??"

I ripped outta the girl's grasp, tugging the neckline of my shirt back up, and spent a long minute struggling to keep my temper.  Of course, I usually had a lot tighter grip on it than I let people think, but shit, what the hell was she thinkin'?? 

The girl held up a hand, smiling so wide that her eyes got all scrunched up on her face, and I wondered for a second how the hell she could even see anything like that.  "Gomen, gomen.  I thought you might be one of the Suzaku shichiseishi!  I didn't tell you, but I'm Suzaku no Miko!  Ne, you don't have any weird characters on your body anywhere, do you??"

What the fuck?  Why would she even think that I might...

"How the hell should I know?" I bellowed, hoping maybe the added volume might scare her into shutting up.  Of course, from what I'd seen of the girl so far, I doubted it, but hey, it was worth a try, right?  Fucking women.  Gah. 

I'd just got the rest of the buttons on my tunic fastened (must be losing my touch, almost giving it all away like that) and was wondering if maybe I should tie her up and stick a gag in her mouth when something thudded into the door.  O'course, I knew who it was right away--who else knew about this place and would bother to knock?  But, any doubts I had went flying out the window with Kouji's usual, ahh, casual hint to let him in. 

"Konbanwa!  Who's there?  It's Genrou's best buddy, Kouji, here to see him!  You're welcome!  Please come in!"  The door slid open, and Kouji peeked in.  "Arrigattttttttto." 

Guess he thought it was funny, or somethin'.  He'd been doin' it since we were fourteen-years-old, for gods' sakes.  But, hey, best friends'll be morons, sometimes...  Weirdo that he was, though, I was still glad as hell to see him again.  I had to admit, things got pretty lonely on the road without Kouji around.

"Kouji!"   I sprang up, tucked my arm into his, and then we were spinnin' around like we always did, shouting out our usual, "Long time no see!  Whatcha been up to?" etc., etc., etc.  The Suzako no Miko girl was looking at us kinda weird by the time we finished, but, eh, what the hell.  Some things are important enough to embarrass yourself over.

"So, what the hell, Genrou?" Kouji said once we'd stopped spinning, stickin' his hands on his hips like a damn worried mother or somethin'.  "You show up, grab the girl, and don't even stop to say 'hi' to me?  Thought you fuckin' forgot me, or somethin'!"

I grinned.  "Forget you?  Like hell!"

He leaned forward a little, then glanced at the girl.  "Hey, but I'm gladja showed up when ya did.  Eiken was really startin' to piss me off, ya know?  And, all those girls...  Shit, Genrou.  Like havin' a fuckin' brothel in the place or somethin'."  He grinned.  "But, hey, now that you're back and all, I guess we can kiss all that shit goodbye, right?"

Brothel?  I felt my face gettin' red.  Damn Eiken!  What the fuck did he think, the Mt. Reikaku bandits were around just to bring him more girls to put his filthy hands on?  Gaaaah!  Fuckin' nasty guy! 

"Yeah," I said finally, pounding a fist down onto my palm.  I flashed Kouji a fanged grin.  "By the time I'm done with 'im, he'll have to think up somethin' else to do with his time, y'know?"

Kouji clapped a hand onto my shoulder, wagged his head up and down.  "Yeah!  That'll teach 'im for takin' over while you were away!  Shit, Genrou, you know Kashira never woulda wanted that slimeball in charge o'the bandits stedda you."

I don't know how, since she had such a damned big mouth, but somehow, I'd forgotten about the girl.  She was still sittin' there on the floor, staring up at us like we were nuts or somethin', but when Kouji said that...  She jumped up, stared at us with wide eyes--and I really didn't like the look on her face.  "Huh?  You were supposed to be the leader?"

Oh, what now...?

Kouji nodded at her.  "Sort of."  His eyes flicked over to me.  "When the leader died a month ago, Eiken took over 'cause you weren't around, Genrou."  He closed his eyes.  "Kashira worried about you a lot, before he died.  He knew Eiken'd try somethin' like this.  But, what could he do, ya know?"

That awful sick feeling started in my stomach again.  "Kashira..." I whispered. 

It was weird, thinkin' about him and knowing that he was dead.  I mean, it wasn't like I was gonna bawl my eyes out or somethin' now that he was gone, but growing up, me and Kouji--he was like a dad to us.  A swearing, stealing dad with one hell of a sword arm--but still a dad.  I was gonna miss him.  But, hey, life goes on, right?

Not for him, it doesn't.

I scowled.  Damn it, shut the hell up.  There's more important stuff to do now, ya know?

I was just starting to realize that I'd been quiet for too long when, suddenly, that weird damned girl was jumpin' up and down, grabbing onto my sleeve like a fuckin' two-year-old or somethin'.

"I'll help you, I'll help you!" she squeaked. 

Kouji and me stared at her.  She didn't just--  "Wha?"

The girl only ripped at my sleeve harder.  I hoped she wasn't thinkin' about tryin' to get my shirt off, again, 'cause that sure as hell wasn't happening...

"I'll help you!" she repeated in that same high, ear-piercing squeak.  "You've got to get the position!  So, I'll help you get it!"

"Now, wait just a damn s--"

"Iie, iie, don't mention it!  I'm glad to help!  Ne, but when you do become leader, you'll help me find Tasuki, won't you?  Pleeeeease?"

I blinked.  How the hell did she know??  'Course, it coulda been I was the only seishi they hadn't gotten yet, and so that was the only reason she knew she was lookin' for Tasuki...but, what the hell were the chances?  "Maybe," I grumbled.

"Yattaaaa!!" she squealed.  "Genrou!  Kouji!  Let's go!"

And then, shit, she was out the door.  Somethin' bumped into my side a second later--I turned around and saw Kouji standin' there, frowning after her.  "She doesn't get that she's a hostage, does she?"

I sighed.  "Seems that way.  But, hey, no harm done.  At least she's helpin' out."  I shook my head, gave him a little half-smile.  "Fuckin' women.  I think I hate 'em more everyday."

Kouji winked at me.  "Yeah.  Too bad ya are one."

"Ehhh, shaddap!  I'm moruvva fuckin' guy than you are."

"Got the mouth'a one, anyway."

I slid my jacket on over my shirt, glaring at him while I slipped my arms in through the holes.  "Yeah, well that's all that fuckin' matters around here.  Now, c'mon, let's get out there before she gets the bright idea to escape, huh?"

"Eh, she won't do that, Genrou."

We started walking for the door.  "Why d'ya say that?"

Kouji flashed me a grin.  "'Cause.  She's Suzaku no Miko and you're fuckin' Tasuki.  Ya think she's just gonna turn and run without tryin' to pull ya along with her?"

I scowled.  "I'm not goin' with her.  After Eiken's outta the way, the guys're gonna need me."

"You sure?  I mean, hell, Genrou, it ain't like you couldn't come back after."

We stepped out onto the porch.  The girl was down at the end of the road, bouncing up and down and motioning for us to come closer.  We'd be in her hearing range in just a minute, but...

"Shit, Kouji," I said with a grin.  "You're just scared as hell to have a girl givin' ya orders, aren'tcha?"

Kouji rolled his eyes.  "Fuckin' women."

~*~*~

"Y'know," Kouji said slowly, "I never thought I'd say this, but it's a damn good thing that girl and her friends were here."

I was sitting on the edge of my bed (my new, huge, comfortable bed that Eiken'd got all stunk up, the filthy bastard), massaging my foot between my hands.  Stupid boots weren't broken in, yet, even after all this walkin' time...  "Ahh, shut the hell up," I growled, "it wasn't her.  I coulda taken Eiken if I had to."

Kouji, who was all curled up like some reject puppy or somethin' on the couch, raised an eyebrow.  And, was it my imagination, or was he tryin' not to look me in the eye?  "I guess so," he said.  "But..."  He frowned.

Annnnd, I frowned, too.  "What?"  I planted my bare feet on the carpet, leaned forward and thudded my elbows down onto my knees.  "What's goin' on?"

It'd been awhile since I'd seen Kouji blush.  And, yup, he was definitely not looking me in the eye.  "Well, ahhh...it's just that...well, since you're back, now, I...I thought..."  He broke off, glared at me angrily.  "Aw, shit, Genrou, why'd ya have to be a fuckin' girl?"

What the hell? 

I sat up a little, stuck my hands on the bed behind me to prop myself up.  As I moved, though, somethin' caught my eye.  It was the mirror, this big fancy half-circle over the desk, and even though it was way on the other side o'the room, I could see myself in it, clear as fuckin' daylight.  I shivered.

I mean, shit, it was just Kouji, and it was hot in here!  And, those bandages cut like a damn knife against my chest, and were uncomfortable as hell--  The girl in the mirror, who didn't look like me at all with her chest stickin' up through a white tanktop, gave a sigh and slumped.  Orange clumps of hair fell down in her eyes, covered the blush that was coming over her cheeks.

"Shit, man," I whispered.  My voice sounded weak, and I hated it.  "Not fuckin' you, Kouji.  C'mon.  We've been friends since we were kids."

Kouji suddenly stood up and stalked over to the window, jammed his hands down on the sill and stared outside.  His voice was thin and wavery, and much as I hated to admit it, it scared me, hearin' that waver in his voice.  "You think I planned this?  I mean, I know we said that we'd never...  But, shit, I can't help it.  I--"  His head drooped, and his next words came out in a clenched little bullet of shame.  "I guess I never figured it out until you went away, and then it was all I could think about."  He squeezed his eyes shut.  "Fuck, I'm sorry, Genrou.  I'm a selfish bastard, aren't I?"

My mouth felt like ash.  "Why?"  I wanted to swear, to hit something, to feel like myself again--but, all I could do was sit there like a moron and watch my best friend talk like he was having his damn lungs ripped out.

"Because," Kouji said, "fuckin' think about it for a minute.  You're the leader, now.  Either you'd be a girl or we'd both be okama, ya know?"

I closed my eyes.  He was right, of course.  And, shit, it wasn't like I wanted to have some kind of a relationship with him--Kouji!  Fuckin' KOUJI!--but, I'd never heard him talking like this before.  I mean, after it all came out about me, we talked about stuff--it was a long time ago, but I know we talked about this in there somewhere.  And, I know we both agreed, "Hell, no, never ever.  No matter what."  Where the hell was that, now?  And, what'd he mean, he didn't plan this?  Like that was some big fuckin' comfort?

"Kouji," I sighed, "you've been my best friend since we were fuckin' eleven.  Why the hell'd'ya wanna change things now?"

He sighed, too, and when he turned around, he was just Kouji again.  "I guess I don't.  Shit, I'm just tired.  And, I guess with you comin' back again all of a sudden, beatin' the hell outta Eiken and stuff...ehh, I dunno."  He smiled a little, wagged a finger at my chest.  "Look, just stick that fuckin' bandage back over those things and everything'll be easier, 'kay?"

I was just opening up my mouth to answer when something rapped against the door--and then, a second later, the doorknob started to turn.  I sat up straight, my eyes going wide, and stared at Kouji in the closest thing to blank terror I'd felt for awhile.

"Shit!" he hissed.  "Cover those things up!"

I thought for a half a second--no time to put the bandages back on, no time to get my jacket on...  I vaulted over the side of the bed, scrambled to the headboard, and slid under the covers just as the door inched open, and one of the seishi--that purple-haired girl dressed in guys' clothes--stuck her head in.  I couldn't think of her name, but that was okay.  Somethin' about her seemed kinda...weird, anyway.  Well, fuck, not that I was one to talk.  But, still. 

She stepped inside, grinning widely but looking a little embarrassed.  "Neee, sorry to bother you.  Demo, do you have any soap?"

I frowned.  "Soap?"  Women...

Purple-Haired Seishi Girl put a hand to her cheek, gave a little sigh that might've been cute if I hadn't been busy pressing blankets up against my chest.  "Hai.  Hotohori-sama needs it to wash the dirt out of his hair."

Kouji shot me a little half-grin, but when he turned back to her, he was frowning.  "Shit, you think this is some high-class inn or somethin'?  Want Genrou and me to come fluff your fuckin' pillows for ya?"

Nuriko--whose name I'd just remembered--lifted her eyebrows.  "So, that's a 'no,' then?"

"Fuckin' women!" Kouji growled.  He stomped over to the door to the bathroom, ripped it open, and went inside--a couple seconds later, we heard him clattering around in there, prob'ley lookin' for the goddamn soap, knowing him.  Fuckin' high-class gentleman... 

While he was in there, I took the chance to give Nuriko a quick once-over.  She was pretty, that was for sure, with that silky purple hair and that little mole under her eye--and from the way she hung on that Hotohori guy, I guessed they were either an item or close to it.  But, what the hell was with all that "-sama" crap?  Shit, I hoped she wasn't one of those let's-be-timid-and-servile-to-men girls, especially if I ever ended up tagging along with the seishi on whatever the hell kinda quest they got into...

"Neeee...  Genrou?"

I blinked.  Starin' off into fuckin' space again...  "Huh?  What?"

"Ano..."  She lifted an eyebrow.  "I don't know how to tell you this, but, ahhh..."  She pointed a finger at me.  Or, more specifically, at my chest. 

I looked down, and--

"SHIT!  SHIT SHIT SHIT!   SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!"

Kouji burst outta the bathroom, holding a bar of soap over his head like some kinda club or somethin', and almost tripped over the edge of the couch.  "What!?" he demanded, glancing between Nuriko and me with wide eyes.  "What happened?"

"I just fucked everything up, that's what!" I bellowed, gesturing to my chest where--damn it damn it damn it--the blankets had slipped down juuuuust far enough while I was lost in thought to give Nuriko a pretty good idea as to what was under there.  "Shit," I swore again. "Shit, shit, shit."

Nuriko's eyes were, ahh, kinda wide.  She held up her hands, palm-outward.  "Ne, calm down.  It's okay."

I sighed, slammed a hand into my forehead.  Baka-baka-baka... "And, how the fuck is it okay?"

Nuriko just smiled, undid the buttons of her tunic, and--before I could stop gaping long enough to tell her to stop--let it drop down onto the floor.  I heard a muffled thud a second later--the soap had dropped outta Kouji's fingers, I figured--but, I couldn't tear my eyes away long enough to check it out.

"You're a...a...a..."

"Guy," Kouji breathed. 

Nuriko nodded, his left eye dipping in a wink.  "Hai.  And, you're a--"

"Girl," Kouji supplied again.

"Well," I muttered, "ain't this a fuckin' coincidence."

---
AN:  End chapter onnnnnnnnne.  ^_~.  Arrigato to Kokkei-channnn for reading over the beginning of this and imparting her wisdom ("Too much angst??  LIFE is angst, damn it!") to me.  Also, thanks to Random Bursts of Artistic Inspiration, which visited me last night in the form of a female-Tasuki sketch, which--in turn--brought this little ficcie into being. ^_~.  Anyway, let me know what you think.  Writing Tasuki is a, uhhh, trying experience, to say the least.  I don't typically swear all that much in casual conversation, but after writing him for a few hours...well, let's just say there was a lot of self-restraint involved. --;;  Aaaaaaanyway.  More will follow soon, hopefully.  Ta-taaaa... ~Ryuen

GLOSSARY:  kashira:  leader; boss  |   okama:  homosexual  |  f*ck:  a word used 29 times in this chapter. -_-;;;; Ehehe, gomen ne. ^_~.