How not to write a Fanfiction
There was a small knock on the door of Luci's home, well by home it meant student flat and comprised only one room but to Luci it was a home none the less. Luci had just finished her fanfiction and was just about to publish it online when the knock came. Opening the door revealed who was knocking, it was Luci's childhood friend Nadine. Nadine strolled right into the room without an invitiation and sat down on Luci's bed. To anyone else that would have been rude but it was almost like they were sisters. Sitting on her bed though Nadine noticed what was on Luci's laptop.
"What ya doing? Ive been trying to contact you for the past hour?" Luci giggled slightly and pointed to the Laptop. That wasn't exactly helpful but it was enough of a gesture to get Nadine up off the bed and over to the Laptop. Nadine looked at the screen. "Fanfiction?"
"Yeah! Im doing a Pheonix wright fanfiction!" Nadine raised an eyebrow, Luci was never the best at anything writing-related. This she had to see. So with a click she opened the file titled 'Turnaround Love", dreading what could be in the file.
I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies, I wont last long, in this world so wrong, Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight, don't you ever look him in the eyes.
"Uh what on earth is this, Luci?" Nadine pointed at the lyrics at the start of the fanfic with a slightly puzzled look. Luci scratched the back of her head trying to come up with an answer before finally saying
"Its lyrics from my fave song, don't you like it?" Nadine shook her head, she could tell this was already going to be a long day.
"Does it even have anything to do with the fanfiction?" Luci shook her head and with a small sigh, she allowed Nadine to delete it from the page. As Luci left for a minute to go get something from the common room, Nadine continued on, correcting Luci's spelling as she went.
Peho..Pheonix looked across the courtroom, right now it was quite empty. Mere moments ago he had been in one of the toughest cases of his life. In fact he could remember it like it was yesterday.
Didnt he just said it had been only moments ago yet remembering it like it was yesterday? Nadine resisted the urge to take a hacksaw to the laptop and continued on.
It was a fierce battle between him and Edgeworth, the supposed crime? Murder. The sentence? Death. The accused? One Edward Cull...
NO NO NO! Why on earth was Luci putting that pasty freak into this. Sure, Nadine knew Luci liked Twilight but jeez louise... Quickly looking through the fanfiction revealed several other pointless crossover names just thrown in as if she was namedropping everything that was slightly popular with one group or another.
One Edward Cullen, charged with murdering (Yes we already know that) one Justin Beiber. It had been close but soon Pheonix had got the upper hand by revealing a key witness that provided Edward Cullen with a much needed alibi. The witness walked up beside Pheonix quietly as he contemplated the details of the case, startling him.
"Ah! Luci, you scared me there"
Nadine slowly rubbed her head a little, she had barely read even a quarter of this thing and already she had a large headache. She continued reading however, thinking how silly Luci was to self-insert herself into the story. Why she did though became clear very quickly.
"Oh im sorry Pheonix, im so glad Cullen is safe, is there anything I can do for you...?"
Nadine crinkled her nose at what she read next, what happened next was essentially an abomination. In fact if she didn't know better, this was more akin to the plot of a sub-standard porno than anything else. Trying to read it all was just plain horrific... And he moved her across to... her was like a farmer with his... pencil sharpener... Jazz FM... Jeez...
Quickly flicking through the script revealed more scenes with Luci also doing 'things' in very explicit ways with Godot, Cullen, the Judge and Pheonix and Edgeworth revealing their love for each other all ending with a giant mess of people. Nadia shook her head. No! There was NO way this could be allowed onto the internet like this. But she couldn't completely betray her friend like that...
Quickly Nadia thought up of a solution and she deleted every sex scene, replacing them all with the words
And they went at it like Rabbits
That was more like it. Anyway, onto the rest of the fanfiction.
Pheonix walked away from the courtroom, thinking to himself how studly he was. He suddenly remembered something, he was late for his date with Edgeworth!
Yes late for a date because he was having sex with somebody... Hrm.. Thats a new one...
He sped down the corridors of the hallway, almost crashing into several people as he went by them. On getting outside he hailed down a cab and gave directions... Jeez... Edgeworth would be furious with him. The last time he was late for a dinner date things had gone pretty badly, in fact he was pretty sure he, along with Edgeworth had been barred from the establishment and told never to come there again thanks to the several plates of food which had taken flight during their fight.
The taxi finally pulled up to the restaurant, the 'Intini Misani'. Stopping just in front to check he didnt look 'too' distressed in case he looked bad but also 'just' distressed enough to garner sympathy points, he walked into the restaurant. Inside he couldnt see Edgeworth, he could see Gumshoe however at a table, crying into his food... Um... Pheonix walked over to him.
"Wheres Edgeworth?" At this Gumshoe wailed loudly, crying even more so.
"Hes dead! There was a complication with his Nedula armul in his heart and he DIED!" Pheonix's heart dropped... No...
Nadia raised an eyebrow again, Nedula armul? What on earth was that supposed to be? A quick look over google revealed nothing, same with wikipedia so Nadine assumed that meant Luci had just made it up on the spot.
It couldnt be... And it was all Pheonix's fault. If only he had shown more love to him..
Then for some reason that was all of that storyline for a few pages. Instead things shifted to Luci's sex adventures which was now, thanks to Nadines edits, ten pages less than it was originally. Finally the fiction picked this thread back up again in Pheonix's law offices.
Pheonix looked outside the window. The stormy weather matched his blue feeling in his soul... Why... why wasn't he with Edgeworth more... Quietly he opened the window and prepared to jump. Suddenly the office door opened and Edgeworth ran in, pulling Pheonix away from the window.
"Edgeworth! Your alive"
"Yes, I was hit by lightning and came back to life"
AND THEY DID IT LIKE RABBITS
Suddenly the door opened again and Luci, Godot, The Judge, Maya Fay, Edward Cullen, Bella, Mulan, Yuna, Spongebob Squarepants, Ariel, Lady GaGa and Cookie Monster ran into the room
AND THEY DID IT LIKE RABBITS
Nadia now had her head on the desk... Where on earth was Luci? Sighing a little, Nadine calmly deleted the whole file before going home leaving behind a note on the desk with the words 'Never make a fanfiction like that again, it hurt!'
And under that, the words 'AND THEY DID IT LIKE RABBITS'