Disclaimer. I do not own Firefly nor Serenity. Also, I'm not illiterate, but Jayne almost is. Thusly the poor spelling. R&R folks, it's not that hard.

June 28th

im Jayne Cobb. twoday im pompus, and if i had a sister, shed be crazee.

Word is that pompus foke rite done pompus thots, sinse thats what this books all full ov, in anee case.

Random pompus shite.

So let me see. Serenty has 'wopsy' whyring, or so says Kaylee, whatever the gorram heck that means. Book is wokin round with the whore, bein preechy. odd pair, that. Wash and his woman are in the pit, and hell if i know where Captn is. last i chekd pompus and miss crazy wer...well, i dun no wer they are. just that they aint in ther room sinse thats wher i sniched this here book from. i also sniched lotz of penz. i like penz. you can stab a man with a pen. i like stabby things.

stabby things, pointy things, burny things. it's all good.

but y'know, i like soft things, two.

like a nise big pair of soft, warm, comphortin, smells like home mitens. best if nit by my momma. i like soft mitens.

oh, an women can be soft two. i like women. i really really like women. there good at stuff. like...um. stuff. and food. and cleanin' and shite like that. and...stuff. an women like me. cause im good at stuff. and killing, and stuff. and...uh. stuff.

mind ya, tho i like women an stuff, iv only luved onse. i luv her lots. lots and lots and lots.

shes a ruthless killer. cold, heartless. sharp, but not the toky tipe. she gives me chilz.

only woman iv slepd with more than onse. she shares my quarders on the ship, shes in that bed evree nite.

she aint the jealous tipe, neither. i can laze miself with ani whore, and do stuff thats all danjerus an whatnot, an shell be ther waten for me. she staze buy muy side, silentlee sleepen as i giv other gals a good rutten. she is so forgiven to me. no won else, just me. i take good care of her. i treat her like the clazy brod she is. wen i take it inta my mind ta take her owt, she gloes. so lite, perched on my arm, peeple are dassled. peeple take time to treet us exstra nice wen wer together..

i love her, and always will.

my Vera.

June 29th

Simon Tamm's journal, 0400 hours.

Though tired, I'm rather bemused by Jayne's ramblings in my journal. What I could decipher out of the poor grammar is a love affair with one of his weapons. Hardly surprising, but I do hope I don't need to tend any, shall we say 'compromising' bullet wounds any time soon. I really owe this amusement to River, she was the one that brought me my book back, after all. She won't tell me how she got it, only that I should take better care of my things. I really shouldn't have bothered asking. All is well on Serenity, and... I'm going to go back to sleep now.

Goodnight, signing off now,

Simon Tamm.

Simon Tamm's Journal. Dates don't matter in space.

Dis-assembling Jayne's weaponry took very little mental exertion. Hiding key elements around Serenity took mild creativity. Await emotional response eagerly.

River.