I Could Have Lied
By Queen Bliss
Not being the type to cry, I felt a bit suprised when tears rolled down my face that night. Most people consider me as the type to not even feel, but, in this vulnerable state, even that could hurt. If I think about her, everything suddenly becomes very blurry and i can't think of anything else. it's a constant reminder of how much she impacted me.
She left. She took everything and she left. I would say it's because of how strong I came on. She is a delicate girl hiding behind her wall, behind her smiles and behind her way with words, but that's exactly why I fell in love with her.
She took me with a clear certainty, and once I gave it my all, once i became what I thought she wanted, she decided against her feelings. She decided against this relationship. She turned her back on what i fought so hard to create, and now what am i left with? only a painful ending to a painful relationship.
It started off with our accidental meeting. She was minding her business, and her look invited me over. I left the town that night to get away from everything- to leave my emotions back somewhere, far, far behind me. I guess i could never really hide them at all.
Once we met, it was as if we always knew eachother. She, in my eyes, was a goddess. Understanding and loving, she accepted me in all my horridness. She was the only women who came to me. She seeked my comfort, and comfort was what i seeked. She gave me gratification that everything would be okay. If I hurt, she came to me with her remedies and love.
I knew that she only showed me half of who she really was. She hid in herself, and I was dying to pry into her mind. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to know if she loved me too. Everything I said to her was true. I don't lie. why should I? I would only lie for her. If it was to protect her, I would do anything.
The more I tried to get into her mind, into who she really was, she backed away. She knew what we had was special. She knows exactly what the chances were. She took me on this amazing journey, into knowing her, but she left me halfway through. Loving her was probably the best thing, and the worst thing to do.
She wasn't the average girl. She loved those without needing a reason, but she wanted to keep her toughness as well. She struggled with herself, and she struggled with me. I, a helpless man, tried to give her all the love she needed- the reassurance, everything.
Thinking that it was what she wanted, I told her my feelings. I told her that I loved her unconditionally, and that I was hoping that she also did.
I could have lied.
My mistake was obvious and it was my feelings that drove her away.
Thinking of her beauty, of her strange and lovely thoughts, it brought me back to a time of simpler notions. Where we didn't have to say anything, because it was understood. But thinking of her pains me too much.
And to this day, I still search for my lovely tenten. I search and I wonder what it would take to get her back to me. A love we both shared, but it was so monumental I guess it consumed us both. I'll never stop loving her, and my feelings will never linger or stray. In the end, loving her is enough for me.