Soli Deo gloria
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own PnF. Or The Little Mermaid. Or 'It's a Long Way to Tipperary'. Or Shakespeare in the Park.
Now, I've had this idea in my head probably ever since I heard Ashley Tisdale's version of 'Kiss the Girl.' Look it up if ya wanna hear Candace sing The Little Mermaid. :)
Normally, the Flynn-Fletcher sibling team were Phineas and Ferb. They ruled the neighborhood together, building technological phenomena that made the nation's colleges into a buffet for their choosing. However, today, Ferb knocked on Candace's door, seeking out his older sister for help.
She couldn't hear him at first, 'cause the Paisley Sideburn Brothers had released a new album that day, and her life couldn't continue until every song was heard, examined, and thoroughly enjoyed.
Ferb kept knocking, patiently. He waited a few beats between every Shave and a Haircut and Two Bits; then, eventually, when all the response he heard was the hmmm of white noise, Candace humming, and her making electric guitar noises, he opened the door to see her playing air-guitar, quite theatrically and expertly, on her bed's coverlet.
When she finished her epic guitar solo, she opened her eyes to see her wide-eyed little brother staring at her.
"FERB!" She took her headphones out. "What are you doing in here?"
"I've been sent to procure a singer for our day's project," Ferb explained.
"Oh, great. A singer? What are you guys doing now?" She stuck her nose against her window, her eyes darting this way and that. "Creating a local Danville concert to promote the meaning of some stupid word like the sabaton or the saburration? Making a commercial promoting new localized teleporters? Creating a rock remix of a teenage girl's vocal range—are you writing this down, Ferb?!"
Ferb looked up from his pad and ballpoint pen.
Candace waved a hand. "Ah, whatever. Go ahead."
"That wasn't exactly what Phineas and I had in mind," Ferb said.
"What is it, then?" Candace asked, completely unsure of what they could be planning. The creative minds of her little brothers sprouted the most original, outrageous ideas.
"It's too long to explain. Here's a flashback," Ferb said, and the screen faded to take them back to approximately fourteen minutes and seven seconds ago.
"Man, that was a great movie we watched last night, Ferb," Phineas said, leaning his head against their favorite—and onliest—tree in their backyard. "Nothing like a marathon of childhood classics to feed our cravings for nostalgia."
Ferb gave a slight tilt of his head, which meant "I am in complete and full agreement with you, brother."
"Hey, Phineas . . . oh, and Ferb." Isabella giggled nervously to herself as she walked up to the boys. She leaned against the oak, trying to act all casual and stuff. "So . . . whatcha doin'?"
"Well, Ferb and I were planning—" Phineas began, before he heard—
—"Morning, guys!" Baljeet waved his hand as he and Buford walked through the open gate.
"'Sup, dweebs. What's on the agenda today?" Buford asked in his 'cheerful and friendly' tone.
"We don't know," Phineas said, sounding a little surprised that he even said that.
"I thought you were leading into recreating a classic movie scene familiar from our childhoods," Ferb said calmly.
"Oh, yeah; it sounds like you know what we're doing today, Ferb," Phineas said slyly, giving mad props to his brother.
Ferb shrugged. This prompted ribbing from his four best friends, all saying "Come on, say the thing, Ferb!" and "Do it, Ferb!"
"I already said my 'Whatcha Doin'?' line," Isabella said, and Baljeet said, "I'll say 'Where's Perry?'" [Perry went down some hidden entry to his O.W.C.A. lair, unbeknownst to his owners, but on schedule, as usual.] Buford volunteered for "I'm going to get Mom!"
"Wait, isn't that Candace's line?" Phineas asked, curious.
"Yeah, but I had to take it. Neither Ferb nor I have daily phrases to say, and it's too early in the day to say 'There you are, Perry' and no opportunity presents itself to say 'Yes, yes I am' or a form of it appropriate for the situation," Buford explained matter-of-factly.
All stared at him for a blank, silent moment.
"I am torn between thinking you are a senseless bully or a sophisticated, undiscovered genius," Baljeet said in some shock.
"I'm the best of both worlds." To add to this, Buford gave Baljeet a wedgie.
"Touché," Baljeet admitted squeakily.
"See, Ferb? That leaves you to say the thing," Phineas told his brother.
"Unless you simply say it, Phineas," Baljeet pointed out.
["Okay, can we hurry up this flashback a little, here? This is taking longer than usual," Candace complained to present!Ferb.]
"Fine!" Ferb said, putting his hands up defensively. "I'll say it." He cleared his throat. "Phineas, I know what we're going to do today."
"GREAT! So, what are we doing?" Phineas leaned forward, his hands splat against his knees.
"We are going to recreate a classic scene from one of our favorite childhood films," Ferb said, holding up an index finger.
"There are so many of them! How are we supposed to narrow them down to just one?" Baljeet asked, concerned.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Can we do The Little Mermaid?" Isabella asked, clapping her hands excitedly.
"But that is a girls' movie—" Baljeet was only allowed to say that much before Buford shoved himself back into the conversation. "Don't diss The Little Mermaid, twerp!" Buford shouted sternly, holding up a punch in front of Baljeet's worried, wide-eyes. "That is my favorite childhood movie, and I won't have anyone, even my nerd, diss it right in front of me!"
A flashback appeared, showing a smaller big Buford, wide-eyed, in front of the TV screen. "I am so in love with her right now," he said in a high-pitched voice, watching Ariel.
["Whoa; flashback within the flashback? Ferb, come on, let's hurry it up!" Candace scowled.
Ferb complied and they resumed his earlier flashback.]
"Well, it's good to know that someone shares my love for Disney renaissance movies around here," Isabella said.
"Okay, we'll do The Little Mermaid. But what scene could we do from it?" Baljeet asked all the important questions around here.
"Hey, why not the boat scene?" Phineas said excitedly.
Isabella, defying all biology, transformed her pupils into bright red hearts. Clasping her hands together, she said, "Oh, Phineas! That's my most favorite scene in the entire movie!"
"Mine too!" Phineas said. "Eric going back for Max in the middle of a horrific storm, with his boat on fire and certain death all but guaranteed!" Phineas grinned as Isabella's sudden romantically-inclined excitement faded readily. "I only hope that if Ferb and I were in the same position, we'd be brave enough to save Perry."
"That's all but promised. Have you met us?" Ferb asked his brother.
"I was referring to . . . never-mind," Isabella said, her hand falling and her eyelids low.
Baljeet and Buford and Ferb, though they were one-track-minded tweenage boys, weren't oblivious or simply blind, like their comrade Phineas. They all three exchanged a shared look between their eyes; it lasted but a few seconds, but somehow they managed to communicate, almost telepathically, just what they should do here. "Actually, I was thinking we could recreate that other boat scene," Baljeet prompted.
"Yeah, when they're in the swamp and annoying Sebastian starts that song with all the swampy-woodland creatures," Buford added.
"Wasn't the annoying one that sea gull?" Baljeet wondered.
"No, Sebastian is. He gets to steal the show while Scuttle, a true artist, never gets his chance to shine. Instead, the spotlight is always on Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian. Why not give Scuttle the chance he deserves?" Buford wanted to know.
"He did get a chance and Prince Eric thought he should be put down," Baljeet said flatly.
Buford and Baljeet delved into a debate about the earned screentime of Sebastian and Scuttle while Phineas said, "Well, okay! If that's what everyone agrees on. Isabella, since you suggested it, why don't you be Ariel?"
Isabella almost swooned. "Yes! Yes!" She yelled this, but whispered to only herself, the only one in this group of five that could conspire and grin and whisper with her, "It's your best idea all summer."
"Wait, wait, wait. I know where you're going with this." Candace's voice destroyed the flashback, taking them back to her and Ferb standing in her pink room, Ferb bearing a pen and pad, her with her hands on her hips. "Isabella is Ariel, despite not having red hair—"
"Would you rather be Ariel?" Ferb asked.
Candace couldn't tell if he was being generous or sarcastic. "Ew, no. Because I know exactly who Eric is, and it isn't Jeremy Johnson." She cleared her throat and said, with many hand gestures, "So, let's summarize and recap and reiterate and all that: you and Phineas and your little nerdy friends"—Buford was, for the first time in his life, considered a nerd—"are going to recreate the Kiss the Girl scene from The Little Mermaid, and Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, the Fireside Chief from across the street, who has a major crush on our brother, is playing Ariel, and our little brother is playing Prince Eric? Do you not see the implications and fortunate circumstances this situation provides? Andddddd you did know Isabella has a crush on Phineas and I didn't just blurt out her biggest secret?" Candace looked hesitant and horrified.
Ferb help up a calming hand. "Don't worry. It's common knowledge for all except Phineas."
"Wow." Candace pointed at him in amazement. "You're talking a lot this episode."
Ferb shrugged. "People demand it of me more this episode."
"Okay, whatever. So that's the plan? And you want me to . . . oh, I see where this is going. You want me to play Sebastian?" Candace squealed. "You want me to sing the most romantic song in the entire world?" Candace then froze. "Wait, is this a convoluted plan to get Phineas to kiss Isabella under the pretense of one of your Big Ideas?"
Ferb shrugged. She could tell in the set of his eyes that it was. (She and Phineas and their parents and everyone who spent a consistent amount of time in the presence of the day-to-day Ferb knew how to read his subtlest facial expressions.) "Don't worry, I don't judge. I've created way more convoluted plans than this," she said.
Ferb stared at her for a while. Then she said, "Wait, are you waiting for me to say 'Yes'? 'Cause I think that was implied. I'm totally doing this."
Ferb said nothing.
"Okay, so maybe I'm never enthusiastic to join in your Big Ideas. Maybe I want to stop them before the afternoon's over. Maybe my past isn't brightening my future. And all that is true. But this is a one-time deal. I'd like Isabella's affections to be returned, and I'd also like Phineas to be surprised for once." Candace smiled, smirking. "You know how hard it is to surprise him."
"Indeed," said Ferb.
With Candace uncharacteristically enthusiastically joining them in their performance of their Big Idea, (Phineas said nothing; Isabella looked surprised; Buford and Baljeet decided between them she decided to use reverse psychology to bust them today), the crew hauled their equipment to a naturally occurring pond in Danville Park.
The scene was almost set; an exact replica was assembled, from the lily pads and frogs to the draping limbs of the weeping willow; Candace giggled to herself as she danced up and down; she was dressed head to toe in dark red.
"This is so exciting!" she squealed to one of the Fireside Girls, who were earning their Movie Crew Assistance patches.
"Makeup's done. Now put this on." Milly held out a large red head with flabby lips.
"What is that?!" Candace screeched, alarmed.
"It's a prosthetic head." Adyson, wearing a beret and a headset, bore a clipboard, which she scratched upon as she also answered Candace's question. "Ginger in Costume Design made it."
"You're Sebastian; you have to wear it," Milly urged.
"Do I have to?" Candace groaned.
"Hey, we are going for an authentic rendition of The Little Mermaid. I'm not going to have you ruin the entire operation because you refused to co-operate. You know what's ugly, princess? A Sebastian-less production." This pep-talk came from a completely serious Buford.
Candace appraised Buford. He wore a bird costume, covered with white and grey plumage; the rear was grey, the beak yellow. "You're Scuttle, aren't you?" Candace asked him flatly.
"Yes, yes I am." Buford walked away, brushing his head with his dinglehopper.
"UGH, fine. If Buford can wear that absurd outfit, I guess I can wear this head." Candace put it on and Adyson said into her headset, "That's a new patch for you, Ginger."
Crackling and "WHOO-WHOO!" came through the receiving end of the headset.
"We've got Candace in costume. I'm taking her and Buford to Stage One," Adyson told Ferb through the headset.
Candace and Buford followed her, she saying, "Wait, there's more than one stage?"
Buford shrugged and Ferb said through Adyson's headset, "Copy that, Stage Manager."
At the stage, Ferb sat in an old-fashioned Hollywood-type chair; his hair was slicked back and he wore a dark vest. "They're here, Mr. Director," Adyson reported.
Ferb nodded and with some finger gestures, explained where they would go. Candace stood on a stage in the willow tree; Baljeet, wearing a fabulous outfit, hurried up to her and said, "Here is your script, Candace—"
"All that's on here that I need to care about are the Kiss the Girl lyrics. I've had those memorized since I was like, five. Believe me, I remember them more than my first ten years. If I forget them, I will never forgive myself," Candace . . . 'reassured' Baljeet.
Baljeet frowned. "Well . . . that's a little extreme."
"You don't get to say that. You hang out with Phineas and Ferb all the time; you don't get say 'That's extreme' about me when you've never said it about Phineas and Ferb."
"I've said it about Phineas and Ferb." Baljeet's eyebrows raised; he clearly wasn't pleased by Candace's unnecessarily raised tone. "Speak into your mike," he said, restraining himself.
Candace, chastised, did so. "Testing, testing, one, two, three," she said quietly. The microphone amplified her voice, though, as was its job. Baljeet nodded and scratched away at a clipboard's list of duties. "Thank you, Candace. That is all." Baljeet was lowered by a small elevating stage and Candace felt bad.
Meanwhile, Buford stood in position and hummed to himself to while away the time.
Baljeet and Adyson stood on either side of the director's chair. "We've got all the cast members except Phineas and Isabella in position," Baljeet informed him.
"Everyone's in makeup and costume," Adyson added. "Shall I call for Ginger to bring in Isabella?"
"And Gretchen with Phineas?" Baljeet asked.
Ferb nodded to everything.
Baljeet and Adyson turned face away from Ferb and spoke into their headsets. Within seconds, Isabella appeared from due stage left. She fairly skipped; hyperactive, like she'd eaten too much sugar, she walked to the boat with Ginger at her side. She wore the black and blue dress Ariel wore, and the bright blue bow replaced her usual pink one. She felt like a princess, but even that was overruled by the fact that her prince was Phineas. She stood by the boat with her teeth stuck in a cheek-splitting grin. Ginger, alarmed, touched her shoulder. "Okay, Chief. Break the smile. And breathe."
"I can't. I'm too excited." Isabella's smile remained.
Ginger wasn't pleased, but thought of a solution: "Look at what Buford's doing!" Ginger screeched, pointing at him.
"What? What's Buford doing?" Isabella leaned forward, alarmed. Her smile was instantly replaced with cautious worry; what was Buford doing to ruin her upcoming perfect moment with Phineas?
Buford stood there whistling 'It's a Long Way to Tipperary.'
"Buford!" Isabella pointed a finger at him from across the set. "Stop that! Stop it right now!"
Buford stopped, his eyes wide, his lips protruding; he froze like a statue.
"You are not about to ruin this moment! You stop that right this instant or else you will have to leave!" Isabella was empathetic.
A pause followed. Buford then asked curiously, "Wait, what am I doing, again?"
"Not that," Isabella commanded.
Buford, silent, then said, "I think I'm missing something."
Baljeet called Gretchen on his headset; "Thirty seconds to action! Bring Phineas in! Everyone, everyone!" He waved his arms around, receiving the attention of everyone on set as a result. "Positions! Twenty-five seconds to camera!"
As the kids rushed to their spots, a Danville Park ranger walked up to Ferb. "Excuse me, young man; aren't you a little young to be putting on Shakespeare in the Park?"
"It's not Shakespeare in the Park; it's Hans Christian Andersen. Yes, yes I am. Also, we have a permit." Ferb, unperturbed by the clock counting down, produced the permit for the ranger.
The ranger looked it over and beamed. "Everything's in order. What a smart young man. Carry on. I'll look for this video on the Interwebs when it gets posted." Ferb returned the ranger's friendly departing wave with a nod and then said through a megaphone, "Ten seconds to action."
"Hey, you said another of Phineas's lines!" Buford called through cupped hands.
Ferb put down the megaphone. Then he raised it to his lips again. "Noted, Buford," he said. He put it down, then brought it back up again. "Seven seconds to curtain."
Isabella stepped into the boat without getting the hem of her skirt wet and looked up to see Phineas at her side. She could barely remember to breathe; he looked so . . . main love interest in a romance novel!
"Hey, Isabella! You look just like Ariel!" Phineas said cheerfully. He sat on the other side of the boat.
"Oh, Phineas," Isabella said, blushing furiously, "thank you. You look handsome, too."
"Thanks." Phineas picked up the oars and sighed a little. "I just wish that Perry were here. He'd make a great Max."
Privately, Isabella didn't miss Perry's absence.
She squealed but composed herself as Ferb called, "Recreated—Not Revamped—Kiss the Girl scene, take one: ACTION!" He lifted up a hand and Django clapped a clapper.
Candace couldn't pay attention to the drama blossoming under her as she watched Ferb for her cue. WHEN SHOULD SHE START?
There. There was her cue.
She almost missed it, but quickly got into it. She happened to glance at the script and see Sebastian's opening lines; he spoke before the song? WOW, it'd been a long time since she'd seen this movie. But she did her best, and felt better when Baljeet cued the sweet, melodic song.
She began to sing, looking down at Phineas and Isabella and ignoring Irving and his barely-contained excitement as he passed the camera over her.
"There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about herrrrrr
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl"
"Did you hear something?" Phineas said, surprised, in response to Sebastian/Candace.
Isabella knew it was a part of the scene, that he memorized a line off the script and delivered it perfectly. But she wished he was feeling everything as she did at that moment. For what it was worth, she was eternally glad Ariel couldn't speak, because she could only smile brightly and shrug her shoulders. Imagine if she had to somehow act like everything was cool and chill, like she usually had to! Oh, she was so relieved she didn't have to say anything. That would've been asking for too much.
Candace felt like she wasn't playing Sebastian's role anymore; she was informing her oblivious little brother about something very important.
"Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It's possible she wants you too
There's one way to ask her
It don't take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl'
Candace looked straight at the camera and commanded cheerfully, "Sing with me now."
Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
He ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad
Ain't it a shame, too bad
You're gonna miss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl"
Candace leaned back and breathed as Phineas, with his characteristic adorableness and enthusiasm in character, voiced the lines of Eric trying to guess Ariel's name with true talent. Without a single line, Isabella captured the essence of Ariel perfectly.
After "Rachel?" Candace leaned down over her little stand and stretching her long neck down, hissed in her brother's ear, "Isabella, her name is Isabella."
"Isabella?" Phineas asked, surprised at the sudden change in script. He broke their fourth wall by looking at Ferb, but stuttered when he saw his brother wave his arms around as to say 'KEEP GOING.' Phineas looked at Isabella, who eagerly nodded, just as Ariel did in the movie. So Phineas decided to roll with it (he must've imagined it or something) and said, "Well, that's one of the best names in the world."
Isabella died and squeed a little in her seat as they held hands (according to the 'meticulously' followed script) and drifted into the inside of the willow tree (Phineas and Ferb had rigged the canoe so it was remote-controlled by Buford).
"Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy, you better do it soon
No time would be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl
Kiss the girl"
Candace led and the Fireside Girls, dressed in fish, bird, flamingo, and turtle costumes, appeared on stages in the background, each with a microphone in front of them.
"Sha la la la la la don't be scared
We got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl"
"Cue the circle of lightning bugs," Ferb whispered in a radio to Irving. Irving, once having the camera in position, pressed a button that sent a golden halo to surge around the lazily spinning boat.
"Sha la la la la la float along
And listen to this song
This song say 'Kiss the girl'"
Buford butted in amongst the Fireside Girls, spinning the boat around and doing Scuttle horribly rendered justice; Milly, Adyson, and Gretchen pounced on him and shut his trap.
"Sha la la la la la the music play
Do what the music say
You gotta kiss the girl"
The music rocked and everyone's eyes focused on Phineas and Isabella. Ferb, with uncharacteristic emotion on his face, pumped his fists and got into the moment. Buford's voice joined in, all squawky and annoying, but trying, and adding, and muffled against the efforts of the Fireside Girls.
"You wanna kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl"
Everyone who wasn't Phineas and Isabella made smooching noises; everyone leaned forward; Candace somehow had her arms around Buford's neck, each leaning forward.
Was that acting on Phineas's part? The script did say for him and Isabella to lean in, each with lips puckered, eyes closed. Isabella, blush all over her face, but commanded by theater and the need to perform her part (and a whole lotta wanting to actually kiss Phineas), closed her eyes and leaned toward him. She had butterflies all in her stomach and adrenaline pumping in her veins; all her dreams in Phineas Land were finally coming true! (In front of literally all her friends, but she had to pay a price somehow.)
This was it.
This was the moment.
She was actually going to get her first kiss with Phineas.
It was a long time coming, and it had to have awfully convoluted plans to make it happen.
But it was about to happen.
The acting part was the catalyst for this kiss to happen; Phineas, of course, liked Isabella, but he didn't know how much he liked his sweet second-best friend until this moment when he was three inches from kissing her mouth.
"You've gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl . . . !"
Everyone almost fell over, they were leaning in so much.
But unfortunately, the retaining to the true events of the script and Phineas and Ferb's amazing, always-working inventions, ruined the moment. Their underwater robotic eels—Flotsam and Jetsam—came under the boat just as they were programmed to do, and they flipped it over.
The pond they were in was luckily five feet deep at this height, so no one bumped their heads. Phineas and Isabella both paddled up within seconds; "That was fun!" Phineas said excitedly. Isabella gave him a sideways glance as she held onto the side of the upright-ed canoe.
Ferb called "CUT!" and Candace gave a grumbly sigh. She let go of Buford and said, "Stupid script!"
Phineas looked around the place; Fireside Girls looked disappointed; Buford walked down from Candace's stage, sighing. Baljeet shook his head and went to talk to the director. "What's everyone so upset about? That went so well, just like in The Little Mermaid!" Phineas, confused, looked to Isabella for some clarification.
"Yeah, just like it," Isabella huffed. She pulled her dripping self onto the boat and sat there, shivering despite the summer heat, until Buford brought the boat back to the dock.
"Fifteen minutes for new hair and makeup," Ferb said, as everyone gathered around him for instructions. "Then we shall try again. Only this time, we are going to do it right."
Cheers and whoops erupted all over the set, with pumps of fists and high-fives. Candace, holding her Sebastian head in one arm, smiled at Ferb and offered him a high-five. "Good idea, director," she said.
Ferb high-fived her. The two siblings were then approached by the youngest sibling. Phineas, squeezing water out of his white sailor shirt, said, "I don't get it, Ferb. That was great. Why do we need to run it through again?"
"Believe me, we need to run it through again," Candace said, snuggly fitting Sebastian's head back on hers.
"But why? I don't get it. Was there some sort of malfunction I don't know about?" Poor, poor oblivious Phineas.
"We need to . . . give Ariel her voice back," Ferb said finally.
"I thought we were doing a recreation, not a revamp," Phineas asked, confused.
"Brother mine, we always revamp a little," Ferb said.
"Please, you're Phineas and Ferb. Revamping's part of your style," Candace said cheerfully.
Phineas mulled over this and finally nodded. "That's true. Okay." He nodded. "Sounds good. If you need me, I'll be getting dry."
Phineas walked off and Candace said to Ferb, admiring, "Usually I don't like it when movies get rebooted, but I'm down for this."
"You know who else is down for this?" Ferb asked.
The two looked at each other and said in complete and utter unison, "Isabella."
Candace smiled and said, "Was helping true love part of your summer To-Do List, Ferb?"
"Yes; probably somewhere down on the list, alongside 'Speak An Entire Summer's Worth in One Episode.'"
"Getting a lot done today, I see."
"Yes, yes I am."
In just a few minutes, the set and crew were poised and ready to do it right this time. All Ferb the director needed to do was say one word to send the ball rolling; one word to start it all:
"Action!"
The song was a combination of the movie version and the Ashley Tisdale version of 'Kiss the Girl'. Thanks for reading!