A/N : Fiction containing The lyrics of Eminem and Rihanna's song 'Love the way you lie part II' (words in bold writing) about Stephen Hay and Brendan Brady's relationship. I don't own anything (the lyrics, the characters...)
Stephen's POV
"Go on then Bren, do it, hit me! It's not like you've never done it to me before!" I cried out to him. He looked like he'd just been awoken from a nightmare. He took a step back, loosening his grip on me and straitening out the collar of my polo shirt.
It wasn't the first time I'd seen him like this but every time I had turned the page, looked the other way. Not this time. This was the end of our story. I've promised to myself that I'm not going back to him again, not now, not ever. The future seemed so bright without him in it but then I remember all that I've been through. What we've been through together. This thing will never be over because every time I promised myself that this was the end he turned up outside my door and I was so addicted that I begged for more.
Most people think he's evil and I don't know why I don't too. Maybe I'm too blinded by my love for him, because even that night he told me that he'd killed Danny for me it still didn't come as a surprise, because I'd fallen for him for who he was, not what he had done. I knew from the very start that he had done some bad things but I also knew he only did them for the people he loved which only meant that he must love me back!
Even the angels that he believes in so much have to know about their bondman's wicked schemes but they hadn't stopped him had they? They must have their reasons to forgive him like I have mine...
The thing is, I'm not sure if I can this time and I promise you that I mean it this time. He'd hit me once and I had forgiven him but he had to take that to new extremes didn't he? But even the broken bones don't stop me from seeing him through my pink tinted glasses. You can try to take them but you'll only be disappointed, he'll always be my hero even though, like you've done nothing but remind me, he's lost it. I should probably stop because your doing nothing but remind me of him!
Brendan smiled awkwardly at me before taking one last look at Noah who's hand drifted immediately towards mine, as if to prove to Brendan that I was his, but Brendan was in a bad mood and I knew too well what he was capable of so I swiftly moved my hand from his reach while keeping eye contact with Brendan.
There was once a time where this was a game, the first one to look away, lost. Usually he won but this time victory was mine.
"Just gonna stand there and watch me?" He asked, the burn of sadness was clear in his eyes. That was his biggest weakness, his eyes betrayed all of his true feelingsbutthat's never really noticed by anyone because his stare is too intimidating to study.
He looked away, "You alright?" Noah asked me, searching my face like Brendan used to do.
Brendan laughs at Noah's concern, "Because I hit him SO hard..." he laughs again, "It's not like I even touched him, well not to hurt him anyway..." He smiles as my cheeks go rosy red then turns to make his exit.
"It is actually dude, don't you remember the way you broke his ribs? It still hurts him, did you know that? Or don't you care?" Noah answered back spitefully, determined not to be made a fool of. This comment made Brendan stop in his tracks. He turned back suddenly and in less then a second he'd got Noah 'plaquer' against a pillar.
"Shut yer mouth! You have no idea what I care and what I don't care about." he whispered.
"Bren don't!" I ordered.
"If ye don't mind Stephen, I'm just gonna beat de crap out him so if ye'd stand over there and keep quiet!" He advised, pointing to the far side of the building.
I pretended not to hear him and pulled at his arm but he just shrugged me off and took a swing for Noah's guts. I heard him let out a cry of pain. I pulled at his arm again. This time managing to drag Brendan away from him but Noah didn't take the chance to escape his grip and just fell to the floor.
Brendan turned his gaze from Noah's body to mine. I spotted a look of disgust and bitterness in his eyes but that quickly changed as he lay his eyes upon my face. I gave him a look of disappointment and bent down to help my boyfriend up.
"Stephen..." He placed his hand on my back, "He's fine, it's fine. Okay? Ye're not angry are ye?"
"Nah Bren, that's alright because I just LOVE the way you beat the shit out of me bloke!" He winced at my lie.
"Hmm..." He looked down at Noah again, "Ye okay mate?"
"Don't pretend you care Brendan!"
"Fine, won't then!" he sulked picking up the bottle of whiskey he'd brought and took a swing of it.
He wasn't expecting Noah to lash out and pounce at him. He staggered back, dropping the bottle that smashed into millions of pieces as it hit the floor. "Ohhh, what's the matter with y-?" he started but his words were cut short as Noah stabbed him in the arm with a piece of broken glass. "Ow! What the fuck?" he swore, looking down at the wound. It didn't look too deep but Brendan knew what Noah's intentions had been and nothing was gonna stop him from getting his own back.
He grabbed Noah's neck and pushed him against the wall. I was too shocked to move. Noah had STABBED Brendan.
"I thought dis was why ye left me. Or is dis the way ye love yer men?" Brendan spat on Noah's face. I awoke fro the trance and told Brendan to calm down.
"Didn't yer see the way dis rat fucking stabbed me!" he said looking at me and pulling the glass out of his arm. "He's just as bad as me! Or are you too blinded by your 'love' for him to see that?" He asked, turning his attention back towards Noah. I knew that I could do nothing to make him think twice about what he was about to do, well nothing physical anyway.
"He didn't lie to me though, he didn't use me!" I tried but my words only made his anger grow. He punched Noah in the ribs three times until he finally fell to the floor in defeat. He then crouched down next to him and whispered something in his ear.
Noah's POV
"Stay away from him or I'll cut you up into piece and feed you to the dogs!" He whispered, tapping me on the cheek. "Now there's a good boy!" He added loudly, holding my face down to the gravel, I whimpered in fright.
"Let go of him!" Ste pleaded. Brendan looked up to him with pity in his eyes.
"Please..." I begged pathetically.
The panic was clear in both of our voices. But my pleas only brought anger to him as he grabbed one of the shards of glass that was shattered all over the floor from the fight.
"Don't!" Ste shouted, "If you don't leave in less than 20 seconds I'll call the police! Lets see which side they believe in this matter." he threatened, trying to tug his ex-lover's arm away from my face. Brendan hesitated, unsure whether to follow his instincts or do what the person he loved was telling him to do. Because he did love him. What kind of psycho would do this if he didn't?
His heart won the war. I scrambled to my feet while I could and ran to Ste's side where I knew he wouldn't dare try to approach me.
"Stephen, come back, please." Brendan begged. He looked close to tears.
"I can't... You'll always be the same, you'll never let me win the fight, even when you know I'm right" He explained, "Cause you always feed me lines then cut them as soon as there's a possibility that somebody might find out." It looked like Ste's words hurt more then the wound as the truth set in. He leaned back against the wall for support.
I almost felt sorry for him. He actually loved Stephen and if he hadn't have had so much pride they might have been able to have their perfect fairytale, like in those fablesfrom your childhood.
It was my heart that was next to grieve as Stephen extended his hand to offer Brendan some support. This proved that, even though he was hiding it, the boy loved him back. But Brendan had showed his weak side and he'd been hurt. He wasn't going to show it again any time soon. With a violent move, he shock off Ste's hand.
"I understand yer words and that ye want nothing from me but it's not gonna stop me from killing yer boyfriend!" He spat but he made know attempt to do so and Ste knew as well as me just how empty his threats were. Even if he wasn't going to show it, he loved Stephen more than anything and he knew that if he killed me it would only make Ste hate him. And it's true in some sick way that if he keeps up all these promises, if he fights the battles with his impulses, then Ste would only love him more. There are things that he likes about Brendan's bad side. Like the thrill of doing something that's not allowed. This is what keeps Brendan interesting and what makes me leave Ste unsatisfied. So maybe he's better off without me and I'm better off without him. Maybe he's a masochist and I just can't supply what he needs. He can try to run from it but now it's obvious. I don't want to admit it but he's never going to wanna ever leave him.
Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by an enormous BANG. Something had hit the building! None of us dared move 'til we spotted one of the far walls caving in.
Me and Ste had both fallen to the floor. A few rock covered my body but I quickly pushed them aside. My attention was pulled elsewhere as I heard a shrieking noise coming from where Stephen lay. Some metal bars had fallen on top of him, making it impossible for him to move. Brendan jumped to his feet and rushed over to us. He didn't seem to have a scratch on his body, well apart from the slit on the inside of his arm that was now bleeding freely.
"What are you doing? Your hurting him!"
Ste shouted out in pain as he tried to pry him from underneath the bars.
I looked back, half the building had already collapsed and whatever had hit us was goin' up in flames. I knew that in less a than minute the smoke would reached us, making it impossible for us to breath. With some help from me, we managed to free Ste and with what looked like no effort at all Brendan lifted him from the debris, over his shoulder.
We all made our way to freedom, the thoughts I had had were nothing but distant memories.
Brendan's POV
I've never had an awakening as bad as this morning's one. My head was pounding and I felt sick, it was as if I was hungover or something, to be honest with you, that's what I thought, especially since Stephen was lying right next to me. I tried not to wake him as I got up, he wasn't really a morning person...
I looked around but I didn't recognize any of my surroundings. A sun ray hit Steve's face. It lit it up as if he were some kind of angel, ironic really because that's exactly what he is to me. A fucking angel.
"Your awake then?" A voice spoke from the other side of the room. Who the fuck is that? "Ha." he laughed bitterly, "Yourface is epic right now." he pointed out.
"Sorry, who are ye?" I asked, confused
"Noah." I shock my head to show that I didn't recognize the name but instantly regretted it, as it felt as if it were about to explode. "Ste's boyfriend..." What is he on about, I'm Ste's ... boyfriend. "The cut on your arm, well, that was kind of me..." He reminded me, unsure if this was a good thing to say but the pride was clear in his voice. I unconsciously lifted my hand to my arm. I flinched at the pain, looking down at the blood smeared over my arm and now my palm. Damn that hurt!
"Ye did this?" Anger raised to my voice. This was gonna take a lot of makeup to cover up!
"Don't worry, you got your own back!" He assured me raising his t-shirt to reveal the bruises that I had apparently inflicted upon him. Yeah, that looked like my work!
"How come I don't remember?" I asked with a certain weakness that I hated in my voice.
"You took quiet a few rocks in your face when you were running away with Ste."
My face must have said it all cause he then said, "Forget it, it'll soon come back to you."
It must have been something big cause we all seemed pretty messed up, especially Stephen. The room we were in, wherever it was looked like a battle field, with rocks and wires everywhere.
As we lay there in the wake of the destruction, both looking longingly at Stephen's sleeping body, the boy is way too loved, I took the time to ask some questions to which he answered in the most simplistic way possible. With a ''yes'', ''no'' or ''I have no idea mate''. It didn't bother me though, I didn't want to talk to him anyway.
It wasn't long before Ste woke up.
"Owwww." He moaned, we both jumped to his side.
"Hush baby, speak softly, tell me where you're hurt." Noah asked soothingly. Shit I can't stand his gay voice!
Suddenly I remembered something. "Did I do this?" I questioned, guilt started to hit my uncertain heart.
"No!" Ste croaked. He grinned up to me, "but you could have been more careful when you were carrying me out!" he joked. It felt good to see a smile on the boy's face, it felt like ages since I'd seen it.
"Well I'm awfully sorry!" I playfully said.
"No he isn't, he doesn't remember that part yet. Lost his memory..." Noah explained.
Amusingly, a wave of worry covered Stephen's face.
"It's nothing, just temporary" I assured him.
"How are you felling then? You look a mess." Noah fretted
"Ribs hurt..."
"You're not the only one." Noah muttered, glancing at me.
"Ye started it!" I uttered back, like a ten year old kid.
"You pushed me into it..."
"Where are we?" Stephen suddenly asked
"Yeah, where are we?" I echoed
"A warehouse I think, I don't know, it was pretty dark when we came in..."
"Idiot, didn't ye think to check the place out?" I shot, eager to pick at anything bad this bloke had going.
"Stop it you two!" Ste warned, leaning against some sort of coffee table for support. I quickly came to his aide. Last night was still a blur to me but I felt as if I'd let so many feelings slip. Damn I'm really gonna have to harden up if I want to keep up this image, but there is only a certain amount of 'cold shoulders' I can give him before he snaps. Maybe he has, maybe that's what happened last night... Nah, he wouldn't have acted so concerned if he had.
"Don't push it, you're still the one who brought us here!" Noah continued, ignoring Stephen's pleas.
Ste leaned on me for support as he tried to stand up strait.
"Don't, ye'll hurt yourself!" I cautioned him
"Get off me then, I'm sure I can hurt myself, by myself!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I question but still not letting him go.
"Noah? Help please..." Stephen said, shrugging me off and replacing me with Noah. Ironic really because that's what happened in real life. Replaced by a younger, nicer and queerer kinda guy. I try not to show my irritation and backed off but that had touched a nerve, I don't like people reminding me so of my age, thirty isn't old for god sake! I bet I could have beaten him in a fight! I smiled at the thought of what that fight might have been about.
"What are you so happy about?" The boy himself asked, smiling too. It's as if he can't help it; I smile so he smiles. This only made me grin harder.
Seeing Stevie boy's facial expression, Noah proposed that I have a look around. I accept the offer with open arms.
"Find out where the closest hospital is will you?" Noah screamed after me.
"Call an ambulance!" I shouted right back at him.
"You can be well selfish sometimes!" Ste reminded me.
"And ye love it!" I exclaimed, "But I'd advise ye not to touch me dough, might be contagious..." And with a last chuckle I exited the building.
Stephen's POV
He left me there, blushing like a little girl. Noah shot me a knowing look. I wanted to run out of the room and never come back but that wouldn't have been a good idea; I would just have followed Brendan and you know as well as me that that would have been a foolish thing to do, and it's just what he wants. That I go after him like a lost puppy. Tell him "Baby, without you I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me!" Because that's what would happen. That's what always happens...
I turned my gaze back towards Noah, towards my boyfriend.
"You still love him don't you?"
"No, of course not. I'm with you now!"
"Then tell me how ugly he is!" I paused, not wanting to lie to him. He noted my silence, "You can't, can you?"
"I.am.! I like you, not him!"
"Do you think I don't know that? But I've loved somebody else before you and getting a new guy doesn't change anything, believe me. You'll always love him like I'll alwayslove Louis." He had me there.
He kissed me softly then placed his phone in my hand. "Call me if it doesn't work out!"and after that he too left the room. Leaving me alone. I feel to the floor as if somebody had shoved me.
In the aftermath of this event I'm sure I'll feel awful but right now I couldn't feel any happier. Well actually I'm sure that I would if I hadn't lost, temporarily, the ability to move.
I snapped open the phone and dialed the familiar number.
"Hello?" The deep voice answered.
"Brendan? Where are you?"
"Why what's the matter, are ye okay?" He inquired, worry clear in his tone.
"Noah's gone..."
"Doesn't surprise me." He judged
"I'm not asking for your sympathy, I just need help getting to the hospital." I snapped back.
"I wasn't offering ye any pity. It's what ye deserve, going off wit him. Who told ye I was finish with you?"
"You did, last Thursday!"
"I did? Shit, I can't remember that far yet..."
There was an awkward silence which I quickly broke "Help, please?"
"Just on me way!" He spoke promptly before cutting off.
Brendan's POV
During the destructive path that had been our relationship I had gone through 3 very different stages; Using him, hating him then loving him.
It's been 2 months that I have had 'feelings' for him, well that I haven't treated him like the others at least. With the others it was always me in control (even with Vincent) and it never lasted longer than a couple of weeks, a month tops, but with Stephen it's different. I think it's because he reminds me of meself, we understand each other. He's a father too, he knows how I feel, he knows what I'm on about when I tell him I'll never be able to tell my two boys, I think he even feels the same.
Lots of people think I'm a psychopath but I'm not, I'm a good guy. I only do these crazy things for them, me kids.. and Stephen... And he's exactly the same, he told me once that he pretended that his kid had cancer or something so he could get the money he needed to feed her. Because that's what it's like; we would kill for our child and that's why I act so hard, people wouldn't take me seriously if they knew about me and Stephen. But he knows that no matter how many knives we put in each others backs, that we'll actuallyhave each others backs 'cause we're a team. We're in this together now, whether he knows it or not I'm never gonna be finished with him. You could even say that he's lucky because even though I'm the one who attracts him to danger I'm also the one who'll stop him from getting killed.
"Finally! Where were you?" He asked, his beautiful eyes allowing me to see just how worried he'd been.
"What happened? Was it all too much for him?" I joked but Stephen's response was nothing but serious, "He realized just how much I loved you."
"Don't! Please, just don't!"
"Why? It's true."
"I know but let just not get into this right now."
"Why? You scared of the truth?"
"I'm not scared of anything!"
"Then why? We might as well speak about it now, we're alone aren't we?" Why did he have to be like this? "We're meant for each other, together we move mountains, alone we're nothing! Why can't you just admit it?"
"Because it's not right, and the sooner yer thick brain realizes dat nothing and nobody on dis earth will touch me heart apart from me lads, the better." As if to prove me wrong he placed his hand on my chest.
"Why did you kill Danny then?"
"Let's not make mountains out of molehills."
"I'll give you time if you need..."
"I don't need time. I've had 10 years already."
"Hein?"
"I've been how I've been for ten years, since Oileen."
"She turned you...?"
"I don't think so... No I was how I am at the same time."
"Macca wasn't the first?"
"No."
"You cheated on her then, not the other way around?"
"That's how it looks, doesn't it..."
"But you told me that it was-"
"I told ye a lot of things that aren't true"
"Like when you told me you were using me?"
"I'm bad news Stephen. I did use ye and then I hit ye. I don't deserve to be with ye."
"You hit me twice, yeah, but who's counting?"
"Ye obviously."I pointed out, trying to hid my smile. "I may have hit you three times, I'm starting to lose count..." My smile faded.
"I'm hardly perfect either, I hit Amy, I don't deserve happiness but somehow when we're together it's okay, you help me forget."
"But you do nothing but think about it when ye're around her, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well it's like that wit me! I can't just forget about it."
"I forgive you so forgive yourself already!"
"Hmm..." I murmured, giving Stephen an unlikely smile, "Common then." I finished, leaning down so that he could support himself on my shoulders.
"Where we going?" he asked, grinning. How he could be was beyond me but it kind of warmed my heart.
"Hospital, we need to get you checked out." He groaned but let me lift him into my arms and carry him out.
I lay Stephen down on the floor and called a taxi. Ste looked cold and started to shiver so I slipped out of my leather jacket and wrapped him up in it.
"Don't worry, we'll be at the hospital in less than 30mns."
He was chattering now but his smile was obvious. "What are ye so happy about?"
"You treating me like a kid."
"You are a kid."
"You treating me like your kid." he corrected himself.
"As I said, don't read too much into it."
Stephen's POV
"You'll live!" The nurse told me wittily.
"I told you I'd be fine!" I cried out to Brendan who was sitting across the room drinking cheep coffee.
"I wouldn't say fine; you've strained your wrist, broken three ribs and a twisted ankle..."
"Could be worse."
"It could, it's a surprise that with all those fractured ribs you didn't puncture an organ. You could have bled to death."
"But he didn't." Brendan said punctually, crossing the room, chucking the plastic cup in the bin in the process.
"What happened Mr Hay?"
"He fell down the stairs."Brendan answered for me, "Nothing unusual. The boy is a walking disaster."
"I did ask Mr Hay."
"It's like he said. I was carrying down a box from my room and I slipped on a sheet of paper that was left on the second step."
"How come you didn't call an ambulance?"
"I didn't think anything was wrong at first. I often get pain in my chest."
"According to the x rays; this isn't the first time you've done this, break your ribs that is. Did you do that in the same way?" She asked mockingly. She obviously thought I was hiding something. I suppose I wasn't as skilled at lying as Brendan.
"I work in a club, I got into a fight with some nutter, that's all."
"Fair enough, you're free to go. Take it easy though, you shouldn't go to work for at least two weeks."
We thanked her and took a taxi back to Hollyoaks village.
As Brendan helped me out of the car he backed into a man in a wheel chair.
"Hey watch out!" The guy shouted out.
"Sor-" Brendan started, turning around to face the man, "Pete?"
"Bren? How weird? It's been like forever since we last saw each other!"
"Yeah... long time no see..."
"You two know each other?"I questioned curious to find out how that was. They probably meet in Ireland cause the bloke seemed to have a faint Irish accent.
"I found the youth back in Ireland. He used to be a player for the Dublin football team before... He was a good player, real shame really." He looked 'Pete' up and down, "Come on Stephen lets get ye home."
"I suppose I'll see you around. I'm the new headteacher of Hollyoaks high!"
"Really? Oh, that's great, Amy, the mom of my kids, just got a job there."
"You've got children?" He looked surprised.
"Well Lea's not mine but I treat her the same as Lucas, me real boy."
"Oh that's wonderful! I love kids, haven't got any of my own though..."
"Haven't found the 'one' yet?"
"Yeah..." He muttered looking up to Brendan who seemed extremely wary.
"Come on Ste! Before ye catch a cold." Brendan said grabbing my good arm and leading me past Pete but I grounded to a stop when we got to the fountain.
"What was all that about?"
"What was what about?"
"You just running off like that."
"I don't want you to get even more hur- I don't want you to catch a cold." He corrected himself.
"Don't lie to me! How do you know him really?"
"I told you earlier; he used to li-"
"Don't lie I said!" I interrupted him. "Were you … together?"
"No! He used to be me mate, like you. Not not like you he was a proper mate." I'm not a proper friend? He must have noticed the face I was pulling, "No I mean he and I weren't like, sleeping together. He was me best-friend."
"What happened?"
Brendan look unsure of himself. That's a first! "Nothing, we just drifted apart..."
"Bren, don't." I complained.
"Please Ste, not now..." His face fell.
"Sorry..."
Brendan's POV
Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counseling. He knows I'm metal but for some reason he stays. This facade I put on doesn't even bother him. I love him for that.
We went back to his house but nobody seemed to be in so he collected some clothes that were lying around and left for mine.
...
"Is this what you want?" He asked when we broke apart.
"Not this again." I moaned stepping back but I didn't loosen my embrace.
"Is it?" He persisted.
"Of course it is, you know it is!" It's funny be because just 24hours ago I would never had admitted this but I suppose nearly loosing him has changed things...
"Then why do you always ignore me when we're out?"
"Cause I'm not that kind of a guy. I'm not as brave as you. I'm too scared for that kind intimacy... Like they say 'A reputation takes years to build but seconds to destroy'. "
"So is it about your rep or about being scared?"
"Both." I confessed
"There's a way you could sort both of these things out. If you let your mask down for a sec."
"What's that then?" I mumbled, burying my face into his neck.
"Just tell them. Nobody would care."
"Are you kidding with me? It would be huge! Stephen if anybody found out about this then all they'd all take the piss, nobody would take us serious again."
"That's not true! Look at Noah. He's out and the world's still turning."
"Yeah, look at Noah. He's got no respect."
"I respect him!"
"Ye might but so many people think of him as dirt. I don't want to be like that." He pulled himself from out of my grip.
"Then go and sleep with some bitch and leave me out of it!"
"Stevie boy don't be like that." I joked but he just ignored me, "Don't move. Stop it Ste. Don't hit me Stephen!"
"Get of me then. Let me out!"
"No. You can't go anywhere, look at your leg!"
"Oh and who did that I wonder!"
"No no no, you're not gonna do that. I had nothing to do with that!"
"Bit of a coincidence I'll say!" Shit that burned. I might have done a lot of things in the past but didn't this kid know just how much he meant to me. I'd never hurt him, not again.
"I was there, how could it have been me?"
"I don't know Bren. You seem to have a lot of people against you. It could have been any one of them!" I thought of all the people who hated me. Damn, that's a lot of people but only two of them knew about me and Stephen and one of them was know dead.
Of course it wasn't an accident. Shit Warren was gonna pay for this!
A thousand ways that I could get my own back pasted through my mind in the few seconds that went by where neither of us made a sound.
"It is you isn't it. It's your fault and you know who did it! Why? What did you do this time?"
"I'm sorry Stephen. It's never gonna happen again. I promise."
"Too right, it isn't. I'm leaving you. I can't live like this either. I don't want to be looking over my shoulders forever, making sure nobody saw us! I'm gonna be square with you Brendan, we're either out about this or we're well and truly over!" I looked down to my feet. Considering my options. It's crazy thinking about what the future's going to be like because here's wasn't really a choice. I have to be with him. He'd probably planed all of it, little cocky bastard.
He turned to leave but I grabbed his arm and pushed him to the ground, "We're not going anywhere. I love you and there ain't shit you can do about it. With you I'm in my fucking mind, without you, I'm out of it." Did I actually say that?
A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. [The end is a bit rushed so it might contain spelling mistakes or sentences that just don't make sense because I wanted to get it out before Monday when Pete actually appears on the show, sorry about that...]
Any reviews I'll be extremely grateful for!
Stan Xx