DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN, NOR DO I HAVE ANY AFFILIATION WITH GREY'S ANATOMY.
Sunrise, Sunrise
This is basically a little continuation of the episode 5.18 "Stand by me".
Please tell me what you think! Thanks for reading, enjoy!
A soft breeze tickled Derek's nose as he started to wake up slowly.
His shifted slightly in his bed in attempt to bury his feet under the blanket since they felt ice-cold, as he suddenly realized that he wasn't in his bed.
He couldn't possibly be in his bed, because it was cool and he wasn't able to stretch his feet without bumping into something hard and woody.
He rubbed his eyes and tried to remember where he was. Tasting the bitter after-taste of excellent scotch in his mouth, he ran his hand over his mouth as a sudden feeling of nausea hit him and made him regret drinking that amount of scotch he apparently had.
Derek's eyes started to get used to the darkness surrounding him as he suddenly bumped into something soft and warm.
Tentatively, he ran his hand over the warm creature as his brain suddenly clicked at the sight of the softly sleeping, dirty blonde-haired woman lying in his bed.
Meredith.
A little smile appeared on his face as memory flooded his brain.
He vaguely remembered her showing up at his trailer immediately after he had called her.
She had seemed very worried at the phone, but who would wonder after the way he must have sounded.
He had been so desperate and scared of finally loosing her forever after all these things the chief had told him that he had called her several times until she had finally picked up.
He had rambled something about him needing to tell her something very important and he was sure he must had sounded very drunk and vulnerable.
„Gosh I must have really scared her." He thought to himself, when he remembered the frightened look on her face when after her arrival.
He couldn't help but smile at her as millions of thoughts ran through his brain, about Jen, about the chief, about quitting and about his fear of loosing her, but now, when he was remembering the look on her face ever so scared and somehow.. expectantly, he couldn't help but smile at her.
"I love you." He whispered, his eyes never loosing hers as they bore into the emerald depths of hers.
The smallest hint of a smile seemed to appear on her face as relieve washed over her small body.
"I know." She said, determined, but with a bit of sadness in her voice.
Derek looked at her unsure, but happy when she was nearing him and finally sat down next to him at the wooden floor of the trailer's front porch.
He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and tell her he really loved her and how scared he was of loosing her, he desperately wanted to tell her that he knew he had severe problems right now, but that he wanted to face them with her and to brave all the bad things with her on his side.. but he also knew he wasn't ready to go back to Seattle Grace.
She had probably also come so abruptly because she wanted to tell him, like like all the others before that he should come back.
That he needed to fulfill his duty. That every surgeon once would reach that phase, but that it would pass.
But Derek knew, at least that's what he thought until that moment, that nothing, absolutely nothing could get him into that building for the next time.
xXx
At the beginning he hadn't been sure if he would even come back there sometime, the first nights he had really thought his time as a surgeon had passed, but after the Chief, Callie, Hunt, all of them had told him their story of the situation, he thought that he maybe return at sometime.
But never had he been able to imagine coming back very soon, and that's what he needed to tell her.
Feeling her intense gaze on his face, he finally lifted his eyes to meet hers.
„Would you still love me if I wasn't a surgeon?"
...
„No."
. NO!!!
Meredith had said no. His mind was spinning and he felt as if he would collapse at every moment.
No.
Meredith wouldn't love him the way she did before, she probably even wouldn't love him at all any longer.
His eyes were again searching hers as if he would find the reason for her answer in her eyes.
Silently, Meredith opened her mouth again.
"No - No, because Izzie has cancer , that's right to her brain. And your one of about 20 people in the world who could save her."
Her words hit him like a rock.
Izzie had cancer!
He felt his mind slowly drift away from their conversation, picturing Izzie as a bold woman with burning red skin lying in a dowdy hospital bed puking blood.
No. NO! That couldn't happen. That just couldn't happen!
Not to Izzie.
It's not as if he was so good friends with her, actually she was Meredith's friend, not his.
But Izzie was important to him.
Izzie was important to him, because she was one of these rare people who still believed in true love and happiness and soul mates.
At least she did believe in it until the whole Denny-thing happened, but deep inside, Izzie was one of these people.
Izzie reminded him of Jen on so many levels.
The blonde, the perkiness, the happiness.
Before the whole Denny-thing happened, he could have pictured Izzie as the happily married, pregnant woman Jen had been, and now Izzie had cancer.
If he couldn't save her, Izzie would die, also because of him.
He had killed one Jen, he couldn't kill "another" one.
Not if he seriously considered ever operating again.
With Jen's death, something inside of him died too. If he couldn't save Izzie ,he knew he would be even more devastated.
No.
This just couldn't be possible.
Lost in his thoughts, Derek nearly didn't get it as Meredith continued speaking.
"…and I don't know if I could respect somebody who would walk away from a gift like that."
A gift? Killing people wasn't a gift. - But being a surgeon meant killing people sometimes.
Derek's brain was hammering as a deep fight was raging in his insides.
Being a surgeon didn't only mean cool surgeries and lots of money , it meant so much more. It meant taking responsibility for important things, taking risks and also loosing people. Killing people.
But it also meant saving people. And as hard it was for him telling himself that, he had to admit that Meredith was right.
He was one of the rare people who could save Izzie.
He was one of them.
But still, Jen …
"So please don't. Here are her scans. It's pretty bad."
Meredith's voice cut into his thoughts.
She looked at him deeply as he noticed the tears glistening in her beautiful eyes.
Suddenly if hit him like a rock.
This wasn't any longer only about him and killing Jen.
This was about him and Meredith. Him and Meredith and Izzie.
Izzie didn't have much chance to survive without him, and he could probably help her to live.
He knew he had to do everything he could to save her.
Through Izzie's case he had a new chance. He had a new chance to save someone, there wasn't the momentous mistake he had made with Jen, now he would do everything, everything in his power to save her.
This was what he owed Izzie. What he owed Meredith. What he owed Jen.
He felt as if his brain had made a 180 degree- turnaround.
Finally he could allow his body to feel a bit of hope again. Finally he knew where his place was again.
It was in the hospital, behind the OR- table, giving everything he had.
He knew he had killed Jen, which was something he would never be able to forgive himself.
But Meredith's words made him think.
He was one of the extremely little group of people who actually were able to save lifes in areas it seemed impossible.
So now he needed to fight for Izzie.
And if she seriously wouldn't make it, at least he wouldn't have the terrible feelings of guilt that he hadn't done anything, even if he probably could have.
He knew where his place was again.
It was in the hospital and it was with Meredith.
Another wave of immense guilt washed over his drained body when he thought of what he had done to Meredith.
She finally was as far as to trust him and make this relationship work, while he kicked her engagement ring into the woods.
He couldn't even believe it. He kicked it into the damned woods. His mother's engagement ring.
And still, Meredith was here, sitting onto his front porch telling him the only thing he had needed to hear.
She was the only one giving him a reason why he needed to come back, not only that he had to fulfill his duty.
She gave him a reason.
Derek had no idea how he should ever make up the things he did to her the day before.
He should feel like the luckiest man on this earth that she was even sitting there.
Finally he lifted his eyes again to meet hers as she seemed to lean in a little.
He stared into her eyes trying to read what she might think as she suddenly looked onto the ground and got up.
Meredith picked up her bag quickly and was about to walk to her blue cheep when she suddenly heard Derek's voice whisper softly.
"Meredith.."
She looked at him with tears in her eyes as he never broke the contact to her eyes whispering silently but clearly:
"Please stay."
xXx
She couldn't really remember what was happening in the next seconds, the only thing she knew is that he somehow got up and seconds later they were hugging tightly, clinging to each other as if they would die when they would let go.
Meredith sobbed into his chest as he softly ran his hands over her back and her hair.
"Izzie.. Izzie.. she's.. she.. oh my god Derek, she's gonna die." Meredith cried when Derek cupped her face with his large, warm hands and forced her to look into his loving eyes.
"She's not gonna die, Meredith. I won't let this happen. I'll do everything I can to save her. I promise." He said to her in a soft yet clear and determined voice.
A shock ran through Meredith's little body when she heard his words.
"You're going to do it? Really, are you really coming back Derek?" she said with disbelieve and hope in her voice.
"I am." Derek cleared his throat when he spoke again.
"Meredith, there are so many things we need to talk about, so many things I have to explain to you. The whole thing about Jen and… well, there are a lot of things. But right now… right now, I only need to tell you that I am so incredibly sorry for what I have done to you. I will never forgive me the way I talked to you and screamed at you and all the things I said to just have to know that I love you, Meredith, you are the most important thing in my life, Mer, never doubt that. Don't worry about Izzie, she'll have to face some really hard times, but we'll do everything we can do to save her. Together we will survive this, Mer."
Meredith stopped crying as she was listening to the one man she truly loved.
Finally he was the man again she had fallen in love with. Finally he seemed to accept Jen's death and start fresh.
The fear about Izzie scared the shit out of her, but at least now she had Derek on her side again.
And that was all that mattered.
"I love you too, Derek. So much." Meredith whispered as a smile appeared on her wet face lightening it up completely.
Derek smiled at her with what must have been the worlds biggest smile and once again embraced her tiny body as tightly as if he would never let it go.
Derek stroked Meredith's sleepy figure as he placed the blanket tightly around her tiny frame.
A grin appeared on his face as he could hear her little snores in the crisp Seattle night-air.
He could have really watched her sleep all night, but he had somewhere to go.
He thought he'd wait until the morning came but when he looked at her sleeping peacefully in the hammock, he couldn't wait any longer.
Carefully climbing out of the big hammock trying not to wake her up he got up and searched for his slippers.
When he had found them and slipped them on, he quickly went into the trailer for his big flash light and finally stepped onto the cool ground outside.
He scurried around in the grass as he finally found what he had been looking for for what seemed like a small eternity.
Carefully, he picked up the precious jewel and let his fingers rang along its diamond.
This ring was perfect. It was the most beautiful ring he had ever seen, and it only belonged to the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, who was apparently soundly asleep on his front porch.
Derek smiled to himself as he returned to the trailer clutching the ring tightly in his left hand.
He put the flash light back where it belonged and carefully climbed into the hammock again, the ring safe in his hand.
Softly, he kissed Meredith's hair as he clutched her and let himself breath in the amazing scent of her golden tresses.
With the ring still holding safely in his hand, he fell into a comfortable, dreamless slumber.
A lark was chirping. Derek slowly started to wake up when he heard a lark chirping.
He rubbed his eyes again, shivering slightly since the sun still hadn't risen.
Running his hands through his hair, his gaze fell on the ring lying next to Meredith in the hammock.
He took it into his hands as laid down on the pillow again.
His thoughts were wandering when he listened to the sweet melody of the lark's song.
With a smile on his face he remembered Meredith once telling him that she liked larks a lot.
She told him this when they had also slept out here for about a year ago.
He could clearly remember her happy face and how excited she was looking at him at the morning when she had woken up with a lark's chirping.
That time he had already known he would marry her one day.
And now he was clutching the ring for her in his hands listening to the little morning song of the lark.. Suddenly he had an idea.
Actually he had planned on waiting for the morning, but he couldn't take it any longer.
He bended over to her and kissed her softly on her cheek.
"Meredith.."
Meredith had been having what must be considered as the most perfect sleep ever as suddenly, she felt someone shaking her slightly.
She felt a raspy cheek rubbed against hers as Derek seemed to kiss her cheek.
DEREK.
Suddenly, all the things which had happened yesterday came to Meredith's brain.
And now, she was actually sleeping in Derek's beautiful hammock and wasn't that a lark she could hear softly chirping.
The only thing distracting her was that Derek seemed to desperately want to wake her up.
Meredith kept her eyes closed, because she wanted to relish the amazing morning and the beautiful voice of the lark.
"Meredith.." she heard Derek whisper again, as he kissed her softly on the lips.
With the ever so slightest pressure she responded to his kiss as he trailed his hand over her hair and kissed her once more.
"Mer, wake up, please." She could hear Derek clearly whisper into her ear now.
Finally, she opened her eyes slowly as she looking into Derek's loving gaze lingering above her.
"Good morning." He whispered when he took her small hand into his and kissed it softly.
"Do you remember the morning we spent outside here about a year ago?" Derek asked her silently when a smile appeared on her face.
She seemed to remember. Derek thought happily.
"Yeah, I do. It was beautiful. And there was a lark.. just as today." Meredith whispered, her eyes boring into his deep blue ones.
"Yeah.." Derek smiled at her when he cleared his throat.
" Meredith.. " he started softly, his eyes never leaving hers as he softly rubbed her hand and continued speaking.
" I know this is probably a little bit to fast after all these things which had happened in the last few days, but through these days it just made me realize again how much you mean to me and how much I need you. We've been through a lot of hard times recently and once again I want to apologize for everything I did to you ."
Derek continued stroking her hand softly with his finger while telling her this.
... "When I think back on this special day about a year ago, when we were lying out here as well enjoying the sunrise, all I can say is that I have known since then that one day, I will marry you and make you to my wife. I want to build a family with you and die in your arms when I'm one-hundred and ten years old."
Tears came to his eyes when he thought of the day when he first told her he wanted to die at 110 in her arms.
..."You give me so much and all I want to do is to give it back to you. You help me when I don't know what to do and all I want to do is helping you when you don't know how to go on, I want to share my whole life with you." Derek said softly with all the love he had for her in his voice.
He got up from the hammock and stepped onto ground kneeing down in front of her, looking directly into her eyes as he said:
"You are the most important thing in my life and I'll love you until I die, so will you make me a hundred times happier than I already am with you and marry me, Meredith Grey?"
Tears were streaming down Merediths face and just when she was about to open her mouth, the sun rose in all her glory behind the woods and bathed the whole world in her luminous, bright light, warming Merediths face when she finally opened her mouth and whispered:
"Yes… yes. A thousand times yes."
An immensely happy smile appeared on Derek's face and he slowly put the ring on her delicate finger.
"I love you, Mer." Derek whispered barely audible as he bend down to her and captured her lips in the sweetest kiss of two newly united lovers with the lark behind them ascending into the clear white morning sky chirping her beautiful melody.
...Sunrise, sunrise
looks like morning in your eyes...
...after all these dark nights,
looks like morning in your eyes.
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