When Maggie realized she was pregnant, her first thought was that if they were in a place to make fun of seriously life altering things like this, Glenn would laugh his ass off and tell her I told you so.

And the jerk would be right too. After their pregnancy scare at the prison, he insisted on being more careful. Much more careful. As in no sex at all, or at least none that could make a baby.

Back then, during the few days she was sure she was pregnant, she and Glenn wandered around the prison with grey clouds over their heads – or, when they were together, one big, ominous cloud over the two of them. A condom had broken on them a few weeks before, which in itself wasn't really a cause for alarm – they'd been careless before and skipped condoms; it was the missed period that worried her, and Glenn too, when she told him. Oh, he kept quiet, presumably because he didn't want to freak her out even more – the same reason she put on a brave face for him – but he was terrified, and she knew it.

Glenn was the type of guy who needed to think out loud, so she was used to him using her as a sounding board for problems big and small. What she wasn't used to, what clued her in that he was more freaked out about the pregnancy scare than she realized, was when he fell completely silent for those few days. It was like the idea of her being pregnant brought up too many problems for his brain to work through, so it gave up completely.

It wasn't like he was pulling away from her. She knew what that was like, she had dealt with her fair share of skittish boyfriends in high school and college. He was still her Glenn, waking her up with a kiss in the morning, bringing her food at mealtimes, and curling up next to her on that tiny bed of theirs at night.

But his trademark optimism seemed to have fallen by the wayside. With each day that passed without her period, his reassuring smiles grew weaker and the bags under his eyes grew heavier. At the time she felt the same, so her worry was only exacerbated when she was called up to the plate to be the cheery, everything's gonna be alright one in their partnership. She was far from a pessimist, but filling Glenn's shoes was still a daunting task.

The truth was that thinking about what being pregnant would really mean scared her. She'd always thought that her kids would have a childhood similar to the one she'd had. Even after the world ended, she held out hope that things would be back to normal in time for her first pregnancy to be something to smile about.

But just when Maggie started to accept that her baby couldn't wait for the world to right itself, the issue proved nonexistent. Although relieved that she was worrying about nothing all along, she still wondered what it would have been like. Silly questions like where they would have put a crib in their tiny cell came to her mind unbidden. Surprisingly she found herself trying to remember why not being pregnant was a good thing.

There were a few hours between when she finally got her period and when Glenn and the others came back from that supply run. When they did make their way home she was shocked that she wasn't the only one with big news. Zach's death kept her and Glenn occupied for a while, Maggie with comforting Beth (or really just keeping her company because her sister didn't need that much comfort) and Glenn with the council debrief about the accident.

After telling him the good news (because she knew it was good news to him, even if she was a little unsure) they didn't get a chance to talk more until nighttime.

Glenn and Maggie grabbed some pillows and blankets and snuck away to the guard tower like they did whenever they had the chance. The privacy and quiet made it seem like they were the only two people in whole world.

Later, Maggie would think to herself that that was the last night they would ever spend in the guard tower and ache with longing for the home they'd created out of a dingy prison.

Lying there together, they talked about everything and nothing. They caught each other up on the rest of their days but soon the idle chit-chat dwindled down, and she could tell the eventful day was catching up to him. Eager to turn off the light and get some much needed rest, she looked around and saw that the lamp they'd brought up to the tower with them was on Glenn's side of their makeshift bed.

She leaned over him to switch it off but underestimated the distance. Overplaying her struggle, she collapsed on top of him, squirming around trying to hit the light.

Yawning, he said exasperatedly, "Ugh, drama queen, here," effortlessly shutting off the lamp himself.

Declaring him her hero, she leaned in for a kiss only to notice that at least one part of him appreciated her antics, "Seriously?" she asked, shifting her hips against his, "I thought you were exhausted?"

"Yeah, exhaustion doesn't really matter so much when you're here and being, you know, you –"

She interrupted him, knowing this might last all night, "Well, your shameless flattery is noted and appreciated but put on hold until –"

"- I know, we need to figure out birth control, it's way too risky to keep just using –"

"- my period finishes, hopefully in the few days or so, it shouldn't be that – wait, what?"

They realized at the same moment that they were out of sync, and she finally shifted off of him to look at him, confused. Glenn recovered first, saying, "Oh, well, yeah, your period of course. Can't believe I forgot about that since it's all we've been thinking about this past week. No, but even when your period comes, well, we'll have to figure out something other than condoms to avoid getting pregnant."

"Wait, what's wrong with condoms?" Maggie asked, still disoriented by the abrupt change in conversation.

He finally sat up at that, "Are you serious? We just had a pregnancy scare because of a broken condom."

"No, we had a pregnancy scare because I'm stressed and malnourished so my period was late, the broken condom was just a coincidence. It's over now," she said, running her fingers through his hair in the only sure-fire way she knew of getting him to calm down.

But he wasn't having it. He took her hand out of his hair but held it in his hands as if that would help her grasp how serious he was as he said, "Mags, the condoms are just gonna keep expiring, especially as stores get hotter and dirtier. They'll keep breaking on us more and more until they're completely useless. In health class –" she couldn't hold in a laugh at this; he glared at her and continued, "In health class, Mrs. Bowen told us that even if an expired condom doesn't break, some, uh, stuff might get through. So we might not even know that they're not working until you miss a period. No more condoms, we'll just have to stop having sex until we can figure out another kind of birth control that doesn't expire and is easy to find and safe and –"

"Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything after 'we'll just stop having sex'" she said incredulously, not sure her ears were working.

"Believe me, I don't like it either," he said to her, "But it's the only way we can be absolutely sure you won't get pregnant."

"Glenn, you're being paranoid. One condom breaking doesn't mean all of them are expiring; condoms broke sometimes even before the world ended. And if by some very slim chance you're right, it doesn't mean we have to stop having sex! We'll just be careful from now on, you'll pull out and everything will be fine." He looked at her like what she said was ridiculous but he was the one who was being insane. She told him as much and then added, "God, Glenn, I know you're scared of me getting pregnant, but are you really scared enough to stop having sex altogether?"

Maggie said it unthinkingly; she didn't really mean it as a serious question. So she was surprised at his quiet but emotional admission, "Yes."

Immediately she felt guilty for her exasperation and for not having realized just how shaken he still was, even now that they knew there wasn't any immediate cause for concern. To make up for her harsh dismissal of what she realized now were real fears, she lay back down on the bed, prompting him to curl up next to her. Falling back on familiar habits, she ran her fingers lightly through his hair and kissed his forehead. He was crying, she realized as the warm tears touched her shirt. She hadn't noticed in the dark.

Neither of them felt the need to talk for a while, and she lost track of time as they drew comfort in each other's arms. His tears stopped but she could tell he was still awake from his breathing. Gently, she teased him, "You know this is the only relationship I've ever been in where I've been the one trying to convince the guy it's okay going without condoms, right?"

They were close enough that she could see the twinkle in his eyes as he countered, "Do you really think reminding me of the assholes you've dated in the past is the best way to make me feel better?"

Laughing, she murmured an apology into his lips.

Before finally succumbing to sleep they both admitted to being a little too hasty in arguing their side. She knew her idea wouldn't be safe while he admitted that he didn't really think avoiding "home plate" (and she cringed at how pathetically endearing it was that Glenn couldn't actually say the words) was a plausible solution. She and Glenn agreed to push the discussion until morning and he fell asleep soon after that. She lay awake for a few minutes longer though, exhausted but haunted by the decision that she and Glenn would have to make soon.

Maggie expected to continue the conversation in the morning, but Glenn woke up in a much better mood, and she didn't want to ruin it by bringing up something that had upset him so much the previous night. So generously she let him keep that terrible picture of her with bedhead and when he went to do perimeter check and get her breakfast she kissed his fingers at the last minute, hoping he knew what she meant to say with the small gesture was, don't worry, we're gonna be fine.

Maybe she was getting the hang of being the optimistic one.

If Maggie had known how much time she would spend apart from her husband over the next few weeks, she wouldn't have just kissed his fingers.

She spent the following weeks playing that moment over and over again in her head, thinking to herself that if only she'd woken up a little earlier, she could've had a few more minutes with him, maybe she would have followed him and been with him when the outbreak in D block happened. She found herself wishing she was sick with him; however much Rick and the others needed her healthy, surely Glenn needed her with him more?

And then, knowing he'd hate her for asking herself that, she just went back to wishing she'd given him a proper kiss goodbye.

It wasn't fair, she thought to herself. The prison was supposed to be safe. In the small part of her mind that wasn't occupied worrying about him, she was angry at Glenn for proving her wrong. Maggie thought he was being so dramatic, arguing with her when she said confidently, "We can have lives here." The sickness made her realize that wasn't possible. She was kept busier than she ever had been before, but her brain still found time to torture her with her own foolishness.

The others came back with the medicine and Glenn got better but the situation got infinitely worse when the Governor reappeared.

Her father was killed right in front of her and she didn't even have time to process that before Beth and Glenn slipped through her fingers. It was like one of those nightmares where everything was beyond her control, and where she was stuck in place but everything around her moved in double-time.

The life they built at the prison came to end, and so did the dreams she had for what that place could have meant for her and Glenn. Her dreams were half-formed and far in the future, but she had hoped someday the prison would be a safe place to raise a family. Rick already was doing it, and surely with more time the prison would grow and improve and become something she and Glenn could have faith in, and their kids could grow up alongside his. But truthfully, she didn't even have time to mourn her father's death, let alone a future that was probably foolish to hope for in the first place.

Thinking about the future was what distracted her from appreciating what she already had. So Maggie reasoned that if she could just find Glenn, she wouldn't waste any more time arguing about silly things with him, like she did that last night in the guard tower. She would give in and let him have his way, even if it meant he'd never go to "home plate" (and God, she must've missed him a lot if she was using his stupid metaphors) again.

She kept up her end of that bargain for about two hours after reuniting with Glenn.

After talking with the rest of the group long enough to be polite, they went far enough from the others to feel secluded but close enough not to be too obvious.

(They were still being pretty obvious.)

Still, they controlled themselves until after the rest of the group fell asleep. It wasn't that hard. She'd had an exhausting day (an exhausting week, to tell the truth) and was still overjoyed just to be able to chat with Glenn, tracing light patterns on his knee to remind herself that he was real.

"Come on, stop that, you know I'm ticklish," he whispered, gently batting her hands away.

"Fine, but then you need to come lie down with me already. My neck's starting to hurt," she complained, indicating the way she was craned up to look at him.

He murmured an apology before lying down flat on his back. Appeased, she rested her head on his chest and swung a leg in between his. Glenn laughed softly, "Better now?"

She kissed his chest and agreed, "So much better now." But then, realizing he couldn't have felt her light kiss through his heavy clothing, she rolled so she was fully on top of her husband and kissed his lips. In that moment, it was as if her body finally realized exactly how long it had been since she'd been this close to him. Her quick kiss turned deeper and then turned into two, then three…

If Glenn was surprised by her sudden intensity, he didn't show it. Instead he rested one hand on the back of her neck and wormed the other underneath her sweater, wasting no time before caressing her chest.

Before long, she moved her hands under Glenn's shoulders and rolled them so that he was on top of her.

As quickly as they could without making any noise, they worked together to remove the necessary articles of clothing (and some unnecessary ones just for the hell of it) until Glenn pulled away suddenly.

"Wait, wait, we don't have –"

She remembered the outcome of their last discussion about protection, and quelled her instinct to immediately dismiss his concerns. Maggie had, after all, made a deal with herself to stop arguing about this with him, not because she agreed with him but because she loved him, and didn't want to spend any more of their time together fighting.

But when she looked up at him, she realized this wasn't going to be a fight after all.

Seeing his furrowed brow, she saw that he was already considering it, which surprised her given his refusal to have sex with her at all a few weeks ago, let alone unprotected sex.

They both spoke up (albeit quietly, still worried about waking up the others) at the same time.

"We don't have to, but –"

"Would it really be so –"

Their eyes snapped together and the decision was made in an instant.

With that, Glenn and Maggie kissed slower than they did before, their thoughts still echoing thank god you're okay, never letting you go again but less with surprise and more with gratitude. Grateful was how he kissed her lips, her forehead, and her neck. It was how he paused for a second to grab the poncho that had been tossed aside, and how her annoyance at the disruption melted away when he folded it gently under her head.

Grateful was how he entered her for the first time in so long, longer than they'd gone without since they first met.

But most importantly, it was how she felt when she found herself unable to let him go.

"Maggie," he dared to whisper, "Maggie, you need to – I can't" His face flushed, his eyes frantically searched her face for a sign that she knew what she was doing, what would happen if she didn't let him pull out of her that second.

Surprised at her own actions, Maggie felt as if she was watching some woman who wasn't her – surely she didn't desperately cling to a guy like this – and holy shit was she crying? During sex? At that realization, she meant to make some excuse and reassure Glenn that she hadn't gone completely insane.

But she couldn't – the idea of him being an inch further away seemed crazy. Being apart from him was difficult but she didn't realize until that moment how scared she'd been that she would never see him again.

And so instead, what came out was a sob she muted against his shoulder and a whispered, "Please. Stay."

For that one moment, all thoughts of grief and worry and walkers disappeared. All that mattered was that Glenn stay as close to her as possible for however much time they had.

She felt Glenn's acquiescence before she saw it. The tension in his body unfurled for a moment and then he lifted his eyes to meet hers, understanding apparent in them. She couldn't hear his soft "okay" but she saw the word form on his lips, and she tasted it when he kissed her once, so softly, before he buried his head in the crook of her neck and came inside her.

For the first time in far too long, Maggie woke up the next morning to Glenn softly kissing her cheek and brushing his fingers through her hair. A thought crossed her mind that maybe the last week had been a dream, that they were still at the prison and Beth and her daddy were down the hall, but then she opened her eyes and saw the dim light of the tunnel, felt the rocks prodding her back where she slept, and remembered.

Still, that morning was already infinitely better than the last few – more than a few really, she hadn't woken up with Glenn since that night in the guard tower – so she focused on that.

Glenn was kneeling next to her, smiling like the exhilaration of their reunion hadn't yet faded. He handed her some clothes from a pile that definitely wasn't that neatly arranged when they were discarded the previous night, saying "It's time to wake up. The others are getting ready to leave, and I think Abraham and Sasha are anxious to get out of here."

Taking in her surroundings, she saw he was right: Sasha and Abraham were practically vibrating with impatience, standing by the minivan with their stuff packed up neatly at their feet. Meanwhile, the others were making idle chit chat as they gathered their things.

"You let me sleep too long," Maggie accused Glenn as she pulled on the clothes he handed her.

He grinned sheepishly as he defended himself, "It's not my fault you're so cute when you're drooling," and laughed when her hand flew up to check her mouth. Finding nothing there, she reached down and threw the orange backpack they'd used as a pillow at him, "Jerk!" He caught it easily in his arms before it hit him. She told him, "Just for that you have to sit in the back row," and walked towards the minivan, looking over her shoulder only to catch him staring at her ass.

A few minutes later Glenn made a show out of dutifully climbing into the backseat to the bemused looks of the others. But her revenge wasn't so sweet after all, when she found herself stuck without her husband's company for the duration of the ride, and sitting next to Eugene to boot. Though he was kind of funny, in a strange way.

The group agreed on parking the minivan about a mile away from Terminus, close enough to make a run for it if things went south and far enough that it wouldn't be noticed by whomever they were about to meet.

The group spread out a little on the short walk and Glenn and Maggie gravitated towards the back. Seeing that it might be their last chance at privacy for a while, Maggie said quietly to Glenn, "Sorry about last night. I – I don't know what that was, I just –"

Glenn immediately cut off her apology, "Don't be. Last night was – it was perfect." At her scoff, he continued, "I needed it too, okay? It was for me too."

"Okay, but what if I'm –" her breath left her and she couldn't finish the sentence. Maggie purposefully glanced down at her stomach and Glenn's eyes followed hers.

Letting out a ragged breath, he paused for a moment before nodding his head, as if coming to a decision. As she looked at him inquisitively, he spoke up, "We'll cross that bridge when – if – we come to it. It may not be the worst thing. We're reaching Terminus today. They might have stuff – they might be ready for that kind of thing. Now might be a safe time to start thinking about a family."

Despite the unmistakably hopeful tone he finished on, Maggie was unable to believe Glenn had changed his mind so quickly.

Sensing her bafflement, Glenn tried to explain himself, "I know. At the prison, when we thought you were – I know I was the one who was scared. Terrified, really. And really, we were right, it wouldn't have been the right time, I mean, look at what happened to the prison just a few weeks later."

"So what makes you think Terminus will be any different? Whatever it's like, it can't be safer than the prison was, or, at least, what we thought it was -"

Glenn jumped in, "No, you're right, Maggie, that's what I'm trying to say. But we probably should talk about this later, I mean, I've been thinking about it a lot in the last few weeks, since I got sick, really, and –"

Somehow she found his flustered ramblings both adorable and frustrating, but she just smiled and said, gently, "Babe. It's okay. Just spit it out."

"We might never be safe."

That wasn't what she expected. Before she could say anything, though, Glenn kept going, "I mean, we might be. Our luck doesn't usually swing this way, but we might get Eugene to Washington next week, he meets with some other scientists and does some science and bam we're back to normal. More likely it takes a lot longer and then, what, we're waiting months, years, decades, to feel safe enough to have a baby?

"I was scared before, and I still am. I'm never going to not be scared for you. I can't lose you, but I also – I get it now, what you were saying at the prison. And why you made me burn that picture. If there's gonna be a future, it's not gonna come from being afraid. It's gonna happen because we love each other, and we'll keep each other – and anyone else who joins us – safe."

Despite his nerves just moments before, he spoke that last part confidently. Sometimes she forgot how far he'd come since she'd met him. When she did think about Glenn's evolution, she worried sometimes that it was because of her, that he felt like he needed to act strong and confident for her sake.

All she needed was for him to be there with her, every day.

She'd been silent too long and Glenn's patience gave out. Anxiously, he asked, "Maggie? I just completely freaked you out, didn't I?"

Realizing he'd misinterpreted her silence as reluctance, she calmed him with a peck on the cheek and by asking him playfully, "No, I'm just a little shocked. Did you just say a minute ago that I was right and you were wrong?"

Glenn smiled and said, "You always are, I really should just get used to it."

Wrapping the arm that wasn't holding her gun around his waist, Maggie pulled Glenn closer where they were standing and kissed him deeply.

They broke apart after a few seconds and started walking again. Glenn said a moment later, "I meant what I said earlier, we really should talk about it more. But I wanna be clear. I want one. Maybe right now, maybe not for another decade, whenever you're ready, but sometime, definitely." He finished bashfully, and she couldn't resist teasing him a little.

"Honey, if you think I can have your baby right now, you clearly weren't paying much attention in sex ed class."

Rolling his eyes, he was about to respond when Abraham, having noticed how far behind they were, called out, "If you two love birds wanna pick up the pace, the rest of us would like to get on with this little mission of saving the world."

The hope that filled their reunion carried her through for a while.

As she stood in that train car, waiting for Glenn and the others to come back from God-knows-where, she thought about him in the cramped backseat of that minivan, making heart eyes at her whenever they made eye contact in the rear-view mirror.

Throughout their ill-fated mission to Washington D.C., she remembered their conversation walking to Terminus and was reminded what it was they were working towards.

On the nerve-wracking journey back to the church, she distracted herself by trying to count how many times they kissed during those hours, and smiled briefly when she lost count.

But when she saw her sister's pretty blonde hair (hair she'd been so jealous of when they were younger; hair Maggie convinced Beth to let her cut that one time and Mom got so mad; hair she'd nearly pull out of its roots when she was mad but then would braid prettily the next day) soaked in blood, all hope left her body in an instant, and suddenly she couldn't think about anything else.

It was like everything hit her at once: Beth, her dad, the prison, all gone forever. She felt stupid for not realizing earlier how pointless life had become.

She wondered if being happy the past week made her a terrible person. Her home was ruined, her dad had been murdered, and her sister was missing, and she was what? Having sex with her husband?

And it was more than that: they were making plans. Maggie hated herself for smiling and hoping and thinking it was possible to be happy in this godforsaken world. She was lucky just to be alive, wanting anything more than that suddenly seemed greedy, when people – good people – were dying.

For days the worst parts of her life were on a constant loop in her brain, along with the things she'd said to Glenn lately.

You know everything's gonna be alright, right?

I don't want to be afraid of being alive

You don't need a picture of me, you never will again

She really thought she believed in all of that.

Her daddy used to say "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away" – it just felt like the Lord was taking away an awful lot lately.

Losing so much in such little time sucked the energy right out of her, made her dizzy, made her nauseous –

– Then again, maybe it was something else too.

But she kept that thought to herself for a little while.

Tbc