Dear Elena,

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this. I don't like to write, I can't write, and no matter how hard I try, my words never seem to come out right. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, none of it will really explain the words I'm about to say. I hope one day you'll be able to understand why I said it, why I'm leaving, why all of this is happening. I'm not… I'm not a good person, Elena, and by now you already know this. As much as I want to be good… good for you… I know it'll never happen. I'm a monster, and I don't want to hurt you. As much as I have an appeal for you, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I killed you. I can't even think about what I'd do if I killed you. Anyway…

Back to where I was. I'm leaving, Elena. I know my brother is the better choice for you. As much as I hate to admit it, I know he's going to love you with his whole heart, and he'll do everything in his power to protect you. Before you… passed, he and I made a deal. If you chose him, I'd leave town, and if you chose me, he'd leave. That choice was made when you went back to him, and although you won't read this/won't see it until I'm long gone; I just wanted to live up to my word and mean it for once. I know you're not going to understand, especially after everything… me kissing you, you kissing me… I know it's hard for you, and I know with this new step, it'll be hard. But we survive, Elena. Just like you said, we always survive.

You should know a few things for when you wake up. I know Stefan's gonna give you this anyway, so please, understand these things. I compelled you twice. Before your parents died, we had met. You were at the bonfire, you'd just gotten into a fight with Matt and you were on the phone with Bonnie, waiting for your mom to pick you up. You told me that you didn't want what he had to offer, and that you didn't know what you wanted. I told you that you wanted a love that consumes you, along with a life full of passion, adventure, and a little bit of danger. Sure enough, after being back in Mystic Falls for three years, you've gotten all of those things. When we first met, I wasn't supposed to be back in town just yet. I compelled you to forget I was there, but I told you that you should get everything you were looking for, no matter what. I never regret compelling you, that time, because I knew that we'd meet again someday. Even if I wasn't your choice, you made an impact on me, and you've changed me in ways I'll never be able to think of again.

The last time I compelled you was in your bedroom. I gave you your necklace back, and I admitted that I loved you. I told you that my brother deserves you, and to this day, I still think he does. Even with everything he's done, everything he's gone through, he's never been selfish with you. I compelled you to forget that because it was right, but not right then. I've never stopped loving you, Elena, and I probably never will. But for now, this is what's best. It's best for you so you can figure out your life, and it's best for me so I can learn to forget. I'm never going to forget what you've done for me, Elena. You've saved me from myself in so many ways, I've stopped keeping a check on it. No matter what happens, I'll always choose you. Remember that, Elena.

I'm so sorry that you have to lose me, but you can't always get what you want. That's what makes you selfish. You can't have us both, and you can't have everyone in your life because it becomes easy for you. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm a little drunk, I guess. You met him first. Even knowing what you know now, you've always loved him first. You've always loved him the hardest. Even with everything we've had, it's always been Stefan.

I can't keep writing. I'm running out of room, and I don't really wanna ask the bartender for another piece of paper. I've got a reputation to uphold, you know.

I love you, Elena. I'll always love you. I'm sorry it has to be like this, but a deal's a deal.

-Damon

Elena looked over the letter, clutching onto her necklace as she read his letter, walking around the Salvatore house as she read. She asked Stefan to leave, and she sighed, as she continued reading. It made sense. All of it. Every move Damon had made over the years, everything he had done, he's done for love. For her love. She felt her throat close up, and she bit her lip as she shook her head. It all made sense. It was all coming back to her. Even through the smudges and the wet marks that could've easily been from tears, she knew what he meant. She understood, and it all made sense, but she didn't want it to be real. As much as she loved Stefan, she knew that they had met first. Officially. She had met him first, and they would've been together. She swallowed hard, before grabbing a pen and a piece of paper.

Damon,

I got your letter. You better not be doing anything stupid. I remember all of it. The night of the bonfire, in my bedroom, it all makes sense now. Although I love Stefan, the pull I have towards you was tugging just as much. I know you say you're the bad guy, and a monster, and that Stefan deserves me because he treats me right, but you deserve me too. You've put your life on the line for him… for me. There are a lot of things that need to happen… but I'm not going to watch as you destroy your life again. You're better than that, and we both know it. I care about you, Damon. Even with everything that's happened, I care.

I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't feel something for you. And I wouldn't be spilling all of these tears if you didn't mean anything to me. I'm sorry you've been hurt, especially by me. I know it wasn't easy, living your life as you watched your younger brother take the place you should've been in. It wasn't fair. But I understand why you did it. Although I'm surprised why you said you're glad it happened, I can understand why you compelled me to forget. I'm not entirely sure, but it means something to me.

I don't know why I'm writing this, or if you'll even get it, but I have hope. I have hope in the postal service, just like I have hope in you. In us. They say if you love two people, go with the second, because I have hope in you. In us. They say if you love two people, choose the second because you were really in love with the first one, you wouldn't be in love with the second. And I believe in that. Even with the compulsion, I know I loved you second. I got to know you after Stefan, even if there was a constant pull with you. What I'm saying is that I'm choosing you, Damon. Stefan already knows, and he's sending this letter to where you are. You deserve to know, Damon.

Love,

Elena.