Note: I am not Stephenie Meyer nor do I own the Twilight series. I just love playing with the characters!
This takes place after Edward left Bella in the forest, only from Edward's perspective.
The dark forest whizzed by me as I ran, a constant reminder of what I had given up. I ran, feeling nothing, seeing nothing. I narrowly avoided trampling a squirrel in my path because of my absentmindedness.
Where was the sadness I was expecting to feel? Had my feelings for her not been as strong as I thought? Perhaps Rosalie was right, this would be easier than I thought. I would overcome this. I was strong enough. I had denied myself her blood so long, hadn't I? That clearly meant something.
I would be over this in a week—tops. I would return to my family as though nothing had happened. In theory, nothing had, right? Humans forgot so easily, in a few years she would have forgotten me.
By now I was miles away from Forks. Why had I gone so far? What was I running from? Hadn't I just convinced myself I would overcome this? Perhaps authors really did exaggerate when it came to heartbreak—I felt nothing. Heartbreak was depicted as such an odd emotion in novels. That was one I never felt I truly understood. Perhaps I never would.
I turned around, sprinting the way I had come. I was sitting in my car, putting the keys into the ignition, in the blink of an eye.
I backed out of the driveway, deliberately averting my eyes from her house. I would never come back here again. I would never sit in her truck again. I would never again hold Bella in my arms.
Bella.
Her name stunned me. Bella. What have I done? No, no, no, no, no…
Bella.
Memories came crashing down on me.
The day in the meadow. Her fingers, lightly tracing the skin of my hands. Her arms around me, warming my skin. Her light, delicate kisses. The way her blush lit up her face. The way she pouted when she was impatient. How her hair glistened in the sunlight.
An intense wave of pain washed over me.
"Bella!" I gasped, losing control of the car ever so slightly. I felt my face contort in what could only be described as immense, excruciating pain. Silent sobs shook my chest. My hands, always steady and graceful, betrayed me by shaking on the steering wheel.
I pulled over, slamming down on the breaks with all my might. I heard a crunch. I had broken the breaks. I was shocked to find that I didn'tcare—anything to distract me from the tearing in my heart was to be treasured.Anything to distract me from the horrible, intense tearing sensation in my chest was something good.
The car skidded to a stop. I sat for a moment, gasping as a new, more intense wave of pain washed through me.
"No!" I tried to scream, but it only came out in a whisper. Oh, no. The pain. Make it stop! I sat, writhing in my seat. I buried my face in my palms, sobbing relentlessly. The car vibrated from under me. I sat for what seemed like hours, gasping at how this new pain could control me.
Bella.
"No! God! Bella—I need you, Bella…" I sobbed.
My body eventually exhausted itself from my relentless weeping. What a monster I am, I thought, bitterly.
I put the engine into ignition and drove home as slowly as I could, not wanting to face my family.
I reached my house in no time, slamming my car door as I sprinted into the house. The instant I came in, Jasper's face crumpled and his whole frame swayed before he collapsed on the floor. Alice, looking from Jasper to me, realized the exchange of emotions that had just occurred.
Leave, Edward! She thought to me, her delicate features contorted in panic. Look what you are doing to Jasper!
Even as a vampire, I was a monster. I could not even be around my siblings without hurting them—but not as deeply as I was hurting. No. No one could be hurting as much as me.
I had not truly known the meaning of pain before this. Yes, the change from a human to vampire was excruciatingly painful—but only physically. Now, my whole being was writhing in pain as my mind tried to comprehend—but failed, miserably—the idea of my world without Bella.
Without Bella, I was nothing. I was lost. A painter without a palette. An artist without inspiration. I was brokenhearted.
I could feel a new, immense wave of pain rising up, waiting to crush me. Despite the numbness, realization slowly dawned on me. If Jasper was in indescribable pain now, he would surely pass out from whatever pain was awaiting me.
I turned, and bolted out of the house. I was well into the forest around my home before I broke down in choked sobs. The sobs overwhelmed me—the strength of them left me dazed, they had been buried deep within my chest from the moment I vowed to leave Bella.
Now, in the forest, with a safe distance between myself and my family, I surrendered to the pain. I gave myself to it. Because here, without Bella, I was no longer myself. I had given my love—my soul— to Bella, and I would never get it back.
My body rocked, swaying from side to side, as I sat on the forest floor, the pain of leaving Bella engulfing me.
Hey guys! I'm sorry, that was sad, wasn't it? Poor Edward really missed Bella. Let me know what you think of this! This is my first oneshot, but reviews may change that! Thanks so much for your reviews on my other story, Edward and Bella. I am keeping that up but wanted to submit this first. Please, please, PLEASE let me know what you think! Thanks!
-xxtwilight