A/N: This is my first ever fanfiction so it would mean a lot if you reviewed! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, but please try not to be too harsh. I am the biggest Avengers fan and I always wondered what would happen if they all did yoga. The result was this story so please enjoy! (Also, for anyone cares, there is 18 days and 22 hours until Thor: the Dark World premiers, from the time this was posted). Without any more delay, here is The Avengers Do Yoga!
Loki's POV:
"And breathe...2...3…" I could have died of boredom at that point. I, Loki, the God of Mischief, was being forced to do yoga. Of all the strange practices of midgardians, yoga is definitely one that puzzles me. What could the point of it possibly be?
"Loki, that is not crane pose. You look like a dying duck," chided the instructor. Who was this human to correct me? Who did she think she was? I was forced to oblige, though, as I did not want to provoke my brother yet again by hurting one of his precious humans. You kill eighty people in two days once in your life…
"Brother, is this not the relaxation you so desperately needed?" whispered Thor to me.
"Oh yes, the idea of contorting my body into impossible forms greatly excites me, " I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Watch your tongue. You should be most grateful to Miss Gwen Stacy for volunteering to teach our group the art of yoga."Oh yes, I did forget to mention one thing. All the Avengers, all the people who attempted to kill me and managed to stop me from showing them real power-ha ha good memories were invited. Thor had to use the tesseract to bring me here and apparently did not want me to be in the same room with it on Earth. When we brought the tesseract to S.H.I.E.L.D. for safe keeping, until the yoga class was complete, we found all the Avengers there. Oh, and, joy, they all wanted to join us.
"Now, don't feel bad Loki, not many can master the crane," Gwen, oh so sweetly, informed me. Well, it was hard not to feel embarrassed as Natalie, more commonly known as the Black Widow, and the spider-boy called Peter had mastered the pose. The only condolence I really had was that, although he could in fact do the crane pose, Thor looked utterly ridiculous. I am still puzzled by the knowledge that Thor cares for this world when it's inhabitants undertake such strange practices, such as this yoga.
My brooding over my brother's incompetence and my misfortune was rudely interrupted by arguing from the back of the room.
"Stark! Not cool. I almost had it," Steve looked like he was going to go ballistic on Tony, who had "accidentally" bumped it him. Perhaps this won't be so boring after all…
"Um, define almost. I thought it meant close, which would make it a fact that you would have been close to the correct position. Back to reality, though, you looked like a human pretzel. A pretzel is not a crane," retorted Tony. Ooooo….this was certainly getting interesting…
" You know what, let's go a few rounds. You no longer have the suit, let's see what you're really made of."
"Pfff...you really think I need-"
"ENOUGH!" The bickering was cut off by a booming shout from my brother. Thor always has to ruin everything for me. Right when something actually exciting was about to happen…*sigh*. There is actually some truth to the Captain's words, though, for without the suit, Tony is a mere mortal man. This could be most advantageous for me. I need to get out of this infuriating yoga class and assemble an army! I need to-
"Alright pansies, I'm here to get my zen on, " my thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of-oh joy- yet another Avenger. He calls himself the "Wolverine." I have had no prior opportunity to make his acquaintance, but I've heard that he was once on the glorious side of evil. Perchance I could get the opportunity to speak with him alone….yes, yes, I may be able to convinced him to join me…
"Who invited the kitty-cat?" complained Tony, obviously not thrilled at no longer being the only one present with a vile personality. I may find my anger at Thor proven unnecessary. Tony and Steve were just a prelude to this, this glorious new source of entertainment in this horrid "peaceful" class. Seriously, who actually likes being at peace?
"Look, you can just shut up 'cause the only reason I'm here is Fury. He thinks I need to become one with my "inner monster" or whatever that means," spat Wolverine.
"Well-"
"Mr. Stark," Gwen hissed, cutting him off. "We would be delighted to have you Mr.-ah- Wolverine. There's an open mat next to Loki." Of course. Gwen just has to place the one with the claws right beside me. Now that I contemplate the situation, though, I see that this could be advantageous in my efforts to recruit him to help with my latest evil endeavors. The only thing standing in the way is my good for nothing brother breathing down my neck.
"Play nice, brother. He is a friend," urged Thor.
"Oh, of course I will. I wouldn't think of being anything but nice," I replied, flashing my signature smirk. I caught Thor's uneasy look and could resist laughing. He still doesn't trust, even though I only attempted to destroy one, meaningless, midgardian planet. On the other hand, Thor almost destroyed all the realms, but all of Asgard still loves him. Yet another oddity of Thor's that confuses me. I can tell you from years of silent observation, it's the blond locks that make him seem so trustworthy. Pfft...whatever…
"Now, everyone, let's move into warrior one." What? How could the midgardians even begin to refer to this as a pose of the warrior? Have the humans never seen the true stance of a warrior. I became uneasy as I observed the Wolverine extend his claws as he stretched his arm to form the pose.
"I do recommend you those claws away from," I felt the need to remind him, as his knife-like fingers came a bit closer to my face as I was comfortable with.
"What, worried about your pretty little face?" I did not at all appreciate his snarky tone, but one consecutive look from every Avenger in the room- my brother, Natasha, Clint (Hawkeye), Steve, and Bruce- kept from instigating a war with this man of claws. Tony, however, was smiling gleefully as he looked around at the chaos. Honestly, you would have thought it was the guy's birthday or something.
"What's your guys' problem? I thought you're supposed to be a team…" inquired the spider- boy called Peter.
"I do not feel you are qualified to make that statement. You're still in high school, 'kay? What could you possibly know?" snapped a suddenly very annoyed Tony.
"Oh please, I'm just as you are and I don't need a suit of armor to be a superhero."
Oh, you're so smart are you? Did you create an engine at age eight? Did you invent a piece of technology that served as a nuclear deterrent for the entire country? Did you create a new element? Did you save an alien invasion? Do I need to go on?"
"BOYS!" Gwen shouted. "This is a yoga class, which means that this needs to be a serene environment, not one with people shouting over petty things! SO SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND GO INTO CRESCENT POSE!" At that, every single Avenger's mouth clamped shut as they quietly complied with Gwen and went into the pose. Oh, how I love the fact that these superheroes are sacred-of all things- of a teenage girl. This is valuable information. If I could assemble an army of adolescent females...oh yes. Perhaps this day of yoga was not a complete waste after all...