A/N: I've actually wanted to do this for awhile, but never got the gumption up to write it. This is based on David Cook's Declaration. I'm up for doing more if you like it. Please feel free to message me ideas for songs or quotes or anything else you can think of. Please leave a review on your way out. Just as an FYI, I write for 3 series so…whatever you give me might not make it into these characters if I think it fits different ones better. Those 3 series are: NCIS, The Mentalist, and Warehouse 13. Ok? Ok, well enough about me. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to David Cook or his song. NCIS does not belong to me either (along with Mentalist or Warehouse 13 don't own them).
Declaration
Do you care what I believe 'cause I'm still breathing
Or that I wear your heart upon my sleeve?
Sometimes I think you never knew
The only truth I see is you, is you
It's my declaration to anyone who's listening
You're my inspiration as I stand alone against the world
'Cause you love and you bleed and you stole my soul to set me free
It's my declaration
Are there any words to say that I would ever mean enough?
When the light runs from the day will the darkness be too much?
Will I ever be enough?
It's hard for her to sit and look at him every day. Her ability to read the man sitting across the bullpen is uncanny. Granted she can read anyone and everyone, yet there is something different about him; something different about the way that she can read him. He looks her in the eye and she can see all the pain and suffering he has gone through. She sees the light shining in his eyes that sparkle with mystery and mischief seconds later. This man has been through gut wrenchingly difficult times and still has the uncanny ability to smile.
He has never been afraid to tell her exactly what he thinks of her. Most people will sugarcoat their opinions because she is pretty, or because they know her past is a tragic one. It makes her sick. She does not want their pity, their attempts at stumbling through a blatant lie. Even Gibbs will lie to her if he thinks it is better for her. The important things should not be sugarcoated, but they all try to do it. They try to ease the pain. He does not ease the pain. He rips it open while standing and waiting for the aftermath. He has always stayed to help her combat the truth. That is what she needs.
"What are you thinking, Tony?" she asks out of curiosity. He has been staring at his computer screen for a full 30 minutes without once acknowledging anyone else in the room. He does this sometimes. Just stares at his screen.
"Nothing, Zi-va," he enunciates playfully. She rolls her eyes. This time is different. There is a sadness lurking behind his usually conceited gaze. He is doing an unusually good job at hiding his emotion from her today. That, in itself, bothers her. She decides that sneaking up behind him is her best option. She has an inkling she should see whatever is on his screen.
He jumps and closes the window when she appears behind him. He isn't fast enough. She was able to glance at the images. Years have passed since the day she came back from her own personal hell. The image sears itself into the back of her mind. She has to grab the desk behind her for support. She knew it had been bad, but looking in the mirror she had gotten better every day. Seeing what she had looked like now only made her nauseous.
"Ziva…" he starts, but closes his mouth as she gathers herself.
"Why, Tony?" she asks softly.
"They were released today to those who went on the mission. You were omitted because, well, because they are of you," he tells her. His voice is the calmest she has ever heard directed toward her. He usually saves his calming voice for telling people their loved one has just died.
"Why?" she sputters. Anger is filling her quickly. Her eyes focus on the stairs leading to Vance's office. He has something to do with this. She knows it.
"They held them long enough, Ziva. The mission isn't classified anymore. Vance has kept them under lock and key, but the evidence of your injuries needs to stay documented. We have to look at them to close the file. To make sure no one tampered with or switched any," he tells her carefully. She instantly deflates.
"That was a different me, Tony," she hesitates to tell him, "I will not become that again."
"That much I know, Ziva. I went there to seek revenge. Later, plans changed," he says with a shrug. His dedication to her astounds her. He goes above and beyond the call of a partner by her definition. The most shocking realization is that she knows that she would do the same for him. His eyes meet hers once again as he bears his soul to her through them.
He is dedicated to her and he doesn't care who knows. He would shout it from the rooftops if she asked him to. She looks away afraid to see anymore than she can handle right now. Unsteady hands reach for his mouse. He is silent as she scrolls through the few pictures that document her vast injuries.
"How many have seen these?" she whispers.
"Just Gibbs and I," he answers. He wasn't supposed to hear her. She cringes at the realization that he has now officially seen her at her absolute worst. She was emotionally ready to die in Somalia. She hadn't realized that her injuries would have killed her in a few days if they hadn't come when they did.
His hand hovers over hers as he closes the window once again. She hadn't noticed how much she is shaking. She puts both hands on his desk to steady them. His hand finds her cheek to turn her head so that she can face him. There is concern in his gaze, but underneath it is affection; affection she doesn't deserve. Especially not from him.
"Thank you," she finally manages to voice. Those two words are not nearly enough to catalogue what she wants to say. She wants to make up for everything she has ever done to him. There were so many times she treated him without respect; without the admiration he deserves. It is then she realizes how deep the affection she has for him runs. It is deeper than any she has ever felt before.
Looking into his eyes, she decides that she has to stay away from him. He deserves someone that doesn't have the tragic past that she does. Someone he can go home to at night and have a normal American family with. Whoever it is will be more beautiful than he can ever imagine, of that she is sure. He will change for her. He is a romantic at heart. She smiles at the thought.
She smiles down at him quickly before moving back to her desk. Her report is half finished and she needs it done in an hour. Her keys clack as she types a few sentences into the designated lines. No sound emits from across the expanse of the bullpen. She looks up to find him staring at her. In his eyes is the truth. In that truth she sees that she is enough and more. More than she can comprehend. She takes a slow deep breath. Without saying a word she has somehow become more than enough for him. The impending darkness she felt moments ago at the thought of losing him to another woman is gone. He wants her…and he is no longer afraid to show it.