Christian Love, an anna karenina fanfic

Christian Love

By Laura Schiller

Based on: Anna Karenina

Lydia Ivanovna,

Unlike you, I have never been known for my diplomacy. Therefore, I shall be blunt. If I shock you, all the better; in this past year, I have grown used to being an object of astonishment, for reasons all of Saint Petersburg knows. Indeed, it is these circumstances of my life which forces me to write to you, even though such a correspondence must be quite as distasteful to you as it is to me.

You and I, Countess, share a common hope, and that is for Alexey Alexandrovitch Karenin to be free. In my case, because I do not love him; in your case, because you do. No need to deny it – I've known since the moment I saw your pitiful face when he introduced us. Your feelings are obvious. You use shared prayers as an excuse to hold his hands and gaze into his eyes, and I do believe you would happily wash his feet if he would let you. Watching him bear the cross of an unfaithful wife and her illegitimate baby – I would be first to admit that he has suffered at my hands, and gave me a better return than I deserved – has only increased your affection. It remains for you to ask yourself, Countess: Which is stronger, your love for him, or your resentment of me?

If the latter, I suppose our lives shall go on as before. You will continue to keep me apart from Seryozha, and whenever his father considers a divorce, you will use your influence to keep him bound to me. If the former, I ask you – no, I beg you – to persuade him to set me free, for his sake and for yours. Divorce may be a sin, but in my eyes, it is a greater sin to live as we do – "cutting off your nose to spite your face", as my old nurse used to say, does no good to anybody.

I have enough regard left for him to wish him a better wife than either of us – but, as I have learned, nothing shakes the foundations of life so much as love. Perhaps, after all, you may be the woman who can make him happy. But if you do not take the chance, you may never find out.

Yours sincerely,

Anna Arkadyevna