AN: There are references to Miselto-Oh No. Which was the Xmas dribble I did.

Happy New Y-You've Got To Be Kidding Me

The New Year's office party this year was held in the ballroom of the local five star hotel. It was a festive event with music and dancing and decorations -including a giant working clock strung up above the live band and next to the dreaded open bar. Being the five star hotel the Pendragons paid for, the booze was top shelf and therefore it had to be good. And, because the party started early, everyone was well on their way to plastered by half eleven. It was at that time that Gwen and her co-conspirators Morgana and Gwaine implemented their plan.

Merlin and Arthur had been purely irritating since the Christmas party. Their usual banter and jibes went into overload the week of work after the holiday. Their mistletoe kiss had not pushed them into finally just being together already, as one would hope, and instead only made it worse for everyone who had to listen to the two.

It was Gwen's job to lure Arthur and she did it by inquiring after his workload for the new year and his rumored promotion to CEO. Arthur loved to talk about himself so it was easy for her.

Morgana had to pull Merlin off the dance floor and her best excuse was provided by Merlin himself. "Oh!" He yelled as she grabbed him by the arm. "Do you know where more of those little crab cake things are? Those are delicious!"

She smiled and cooed at his tipsy self and directed him to their designated trapping spot –the utility closet at the back of the room, hidden by one of the decorative fake trees.

Merlin and Arthur met eyes, both preparing for some kind of simultaneous lament –as they had a habit of synchronized complaining at running into the other- when Gwaine ran out from the crowd and tackled them into the door Morgana held open. She quickly shut it on the two and locked it from the outside with her key.

It wasn't the coat closet, as she and Gwen originally planned, but the coat closet was all the way at the end of the hall and it could be unlocked from within. This didn't give the boys an option. Much better.

Merlin and Arthur both stared at each other, then –realizing their situation- launched for the door. There was pushing and shoving to reach the handle -of which Arthur won- but he couldn't get the door opened or unlocked.

"Hey!" Arthur yelled and pounded against the wood. "What do you think you're doing?! Let us out."

"You can't come out of the closet until you both come out of the closet!" Gwaine cheerily yelled, past the stage of being drunk and entering the realm of hammered.

"Pics or it didn't happen!" Morgana added, dancing her way back into the middle of the floor, dragging Gwen behind her.

"Sorry!" Gwen tried to yell over her shoulder but she wasn't sure they heard. She would just have to trust Morgana's promise that she would not lose her job over this.

They both started kicking and screaming but no one let them out. Morgana had put up a sign.

Ignore the two idiots in love. Happy New Year! – Morgana Pendragon

Merlin couldn't see through wood so he didn't realize his screams reached no one. "I'm already out of the closet! Everyone knows I'm gayer than a pink dildo!"

Later, he would reflect on that sentence and his consumption of alcohol at parties.

Arthur huffed from his side of the door, looking for a light switch and grumbling, unable to find it. "No you're not."

"Um," Merlin crossed his arms and watched Arthur struggle in the dark. "Yes I am."

Arthur stopped looking for the light to look at him. His face quirked in surprise. "I thought that was a joke. That everyone just was making fun of you."

"Including myself? You do realize I have a massive gay flag bumper sticker on my car, right?"

"I thought you were just a supporter."

"I am. Of me. And my gayness."

Arthur was a bit dazed, staring a bit too long for it to be considered anything than a contest of some kind. "Right."

Merlin just shrugged as Arthur jumped away from the door to the other side of the closet to look for the light. Merlin pressed up against the door just to keep out of his reach. It was seriously cramped in there.

After a few more moments of silence Merlin pondered, "Come out. Come… out… Come out? I don't know how you're supposed to come out. You're a total Kinsey zero. Why does Gwaine think you need to come out? We all know you're totally straight. And what pics? Did Morgana put pics in here? Are we supposed to find them?" He tried to push off the door to search but found himself stumbling back, dizzy and still babbling, "How many drinks did I have?"

Arthur froze in his quest for the light and mumbled, "Totally straight. Right. About that…"

Merlin stared at him, alcohol muddling his thought process and prodded with a, "Yeah?"

Arthur never ever would blush at this confession. Never. But if he did, at least it was in the pitch black dark of a closet with no god forsaken light switches. "I have been known to veer off the straight path from time to time."

Merlin actually had to look down at his hand to make sure he wasn't pounding down tequila shots. "You're…" No tequila. This was a true confession. He gaped at Arthur, "You're bi?"

"I guess you could say that. About 80:20 women."

"Oh."

The pause got really awkward just then. There wasn't even the noise of Arthur searching for the light switch –any excuse to hide his red face- and Merlin was staring at the spot where Arthur stood, trying to force his night vision to kick in.

Merlin smirked, "Are we actually having an honest to god heart to heart right now?"

"God no. You've been drinking, haven't you?"

"Only…" He held up his hand and tried to count the drinks. Between Morgana and Gwaine bringing him refills there was, one, two, five, seven, nine, jesus christ. "I'm not an alcoholic."

Arthur smirked, "Just a binge drinker."

Merlin reached out and threw the closest thing at hand at Arthur's face. It just so happened to be toilet paper. Good. Arthur was being a little shit. It was perfect. He chuckled.

"What?" Arthur snapped at him.

Merlin waived at him. "Get your sister to get us out of here."

"She's your friend. Weren't you just out shopping all day for- oh. The gay thing makes sense now."

"You do realize I hate shopping, right? But she offered to buy me this pretty shirt."

Arthur could see with the light streaming in from the cracks of the door. Merlin had on a dark purple button up –one that made him instantly think of him wearing Arthur's cashmere pullover at the Christmas party. Damn, Morgana was good.

"Yes, Merlin," Arthur spoke as if to a child, "It's very pretty."

"Shut up," Merlin said and Arthur laughed.

They both pulled out their phone and tried to call Morgana at the same time –a pointless effort because Arthur was faster and Merlin was left to go straight to voicemail. There was no doubt a confusion when they both started to speak at the same time.

"Morgana!" was their simultaneous shout. They really did need to work on their synchronization. Or at least use their power for good.

Morgana cheerily explained to each of them that they would be forever trapped in that closet unless they sent her a text at midnight.

"What do you mean 'a text'?" Arthur yelled.

"Send me the picture of you two kissing at midnight and I'll let you out!" Morgana yelled back.

"You're drunk!"

"Happy New Year!"

Arthur and Merlin both glared at his phone –simultaneously- until the screen faded back to black.

Arthur sighed and looked up at Merlin. "You brought the eggs right?"

"Huh?"

"You said you would kill me. I'm ready. Go ahead."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "And where am I supposed to be keeping a carton of eggs?" He gestured at his body, turned a full 360 and tripped over his legs in the process. This closet really was small.

Arthur started grinning –not only because of the trip. "You're wearing your Christmas present."

Merlin's hands dropped to his belt and started to trace the shiny golden buckle –way too fancy in his opinion. "Well… it fit."

"Unlike your pants. You are seriously a twig. You need to eat more of those crab cakes."

"Oh my god! They are the best! I had an entire plateful myself, I swear."

There was another long –though slightly less awkward- pause where the two stared at each other in the dark, tension filling the small space between them.

"Wow," Merlin said quietly. "First a heart to heart and then we agree on crab cakes. What is this future going to hold for us? Appropriate, I guess. Since the New Year starts in…" He checked his phone. "Ten minutes."

"Jesus. Shut up, Merlin. You sound like such a drunk."

Merlin prattled on, completely ignoring him. "Good thing I didn't eat the deviled eggs. Or maybe it is."

"Why?"

"Ugh," Merlin frowned and wondered just how much Arthur had to drink. "Cus you're allergic? If I kissed you wouldn't it cause-"

Arthur shook his head sharply. "We are not kissing."

"But Morgana said we had to. And it's not like we haven't already."

"You kissed me."

"You kissed me first!"

"There was mistletoe!"

"So you'll kiss me then but New Year's tradition is too much for you?!"

"It's not too much for me!"

"You're too much!" Merlin flailed and threw out the first thing he came into contact with, he just didn't actually throw it, just held it pointedly at Arthur.

"Are you threatening me with a plunger?"

Merlin looked down at the plunger in his hand, suction end directly under Arthur's chin. "I am."

Arthur grabbed at the end and easily wrestled it out of Merlin's hand. He pointed the wood end at Merlin's chest and threateningly pointed towards the back corner. "You stand over there. I'm going to get us out."

Merlin didn't move. "Oh, know how to pick locks do you?"

"You want to magic us out then?"

"See," Merlin puffed out air and slouched against the door. "This is why I thought you were straight. You can't eve do one kiss to get us out of this mess."

"You haven't thought this through. If we send Morgana a photo of us kissing, Morgana will have a photo of us kissing!"

"She'll delete it."

"Ha!" Arthur scoffed and tried the door again. It had not magically opened it seemed. Useless Merlin.

Merlin let out a humorless laugh as well. "I didn't realize kissing me was that bad for you."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "You know that's not it."

Merlin shrugged, "No I don't."

There were another few moments of silence where Arthur stared out the crack in the door and Merlin toyed with the window cleaner.

It grew too still and too silent and too tense in the room. It was driving Arthur off the deep end. "Fine!" he shouted and jumped up. "I'll kiss you then."

"What? No!"

"Oh, come on. You were just complaining about me not kissing you."

"No, I was pointing out that you're a huge arse. I never said I wanted to kiss you."

"Have you seen my face? Of course you do. Now let's just get it over with."

"No way! You vain, pretentious prat!"

"Merlin!"

"No!"

"Please- just- Merlin!" Arthur crowded him in as Merlin tried to escape by climbing up the shelving units. That wasn't working out for him at all and Arthur had him by the hips in a second.

"Go away, Arthur!"

"Can you-"

"I will bite you!"

"Just kiss me already!"

"Fine!"

Merlin grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him in for the best New Year's snog Arthur Pendragon was ever going to get his entire life. The unexpected bit was where Merlin received the same. Both men were working hard to kiss the living daylights out of the other until both were a panting mess.

For a very long minute they rested their foreheads together and tried to catch their breath. When Merlin had enough air to swallow without choking he asked, "Did you take the picture?"

Arthur pulled back sharply, "I thought you were going to!"

"What? Why me?"

"You're the one with your phone out!"

"You're the one who kissed me! Again!"

"No, you definitely kissed me this time."

"You are so-" Merlin groaned, "Ughhh, I can't even think of anything."

Really, they were both just covering for themselves. Neither had a coherent thought in their head during that kiss, let alone remembering something about a photo finish.

Outside the door, they heard people starting to chant. "Ten, nine, eight-"

"Shit," said Arthur as he dug out his phone.

"Quick," said Merlin and brought his lips near Arthur's again.

Neither really acknowledged the fact that they did not actually need to kiss at midnight and that even if they sent Morgana the photo afterward, she would still need to get them out. But, it was Morgana so it was best not to take chances.

"Four, three, two-"

"Got it," Arthur said and held up his phone, pulling Merlin against him with his other arm and pressing their lips together.

As everyone out the door shouted "Happy New Year!" he clicked the button.

Morgana smiled and tapped Gwen so she would look at the newly received picture on her phone. There they were –the two idiots snogging in the closet. Red cheeks and grabby hands. It was a bit dark without any lights on but the camera on Arthur's phone had a flash feature. It would do.

Save and send backup to email address. Done.

Gwen smiled too. "And if they are not together by Valentine's Day?"

"We will kidnap one and threaten their life until the other confesses their love."

Gwen playfully hit her arm and gasped, "Morgana."

Morgana sighed fitfully, "Fine. We'll chain them together until they talk."

Gwaine popped up beside her and helpfully added, "Chain them together and to a bed and don't let them out till the talking stops."

"Gwaine," Morgana smirked, "I like your thinking."