Another day over, time for home once again. I watch him inquisitively from my desk wondering if he's thinking the same, wondering if he's coming home with me tonight or if he's going home to her. I guess home isn't the right word because my home isn't his home, his home is with his wife. Sometimes I find myself wishing I was her, maybe he'd love me a little more, stay a little longer, be a little happier or maybe, just maybe he'd feel the same.

'Hey.'

'Hey' I say with a slight smile, this means he's mine. At least for tonight.

'I'll follow you out.' He says resting his hand on my lower back, I love that feeling more than anything in the world, I feel so…so protected.

We make our way to mine separately, as always. He parks around the corner so nobody makes the connection, sometimes I wish we'd get caught. Maybe I'd have him completely. Does that sound selfish? It does to me but I love him…more than she ever has.

He's through the door only seconds behind me, he pushes my back against the door and our passion is uncontrollable as always. He kisses me fiercely as I struggle with the buttons on his shirt, I would just pull it off but I wouldn't want to make it too obvious to his wife. He laughs slightly at my lack of patience and my shaking hands, he removes his shirt himself and quickly follows it with mine.

Scattered clothes, soft silk sheets, the lights from the city shining through the crack in the blinds, two bodies entwined, two hearts beating as one. A perfect situation, it always is until it's over. I always get up for a while just to sit and watch him sleep, I'm not sure what I like best, watching him smile in his sleep or being snuggled up in his strong arms. If only he was mine.

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call

A cell phone rings

It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

'Jack please, just stay a little longer.' I plead.

'Sam baby, you know I can't.'

'For once you could try, say you're working.' A tear escapes although I fight so hard to stop it.

'She needs me.'

'What about me?! I need you!'

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave

But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve

He smiles his sad smile, silently puts on his clothes and then he's gone. The front door bangs slightly on his exit and an aching pulses through my chest. I feel like my hearts been ripped out and stamped on. But the next time he needs this I'll be here, I can't let him go. So I sit and wait….

Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

I watch her walk into his office and start another fight, he's not there enough for her, doesn't give her enough of him, not enough time for his girls. I feel guilty about that but when we're together his kids are always sleeping, I'm not the reason they suffer. I guess I'm the reason she suffers though, when he's in bed with me he should be in bed with her.

I wish I could make him see how much he means to me, how much more I love him. I need a sign or a reason to know he wants me as much as I want him. I often wonder if it's just for the sex, he's not that kinda guy but this situation makes you doubt what you believe in. Maybe I don't love him, maybe I just feel this because I can't have him.

What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

So here we are again, back in my bed, back in each others arms and I know she'll ring. She'll ring work first so he has no excuse, I think she knows. Not that it's me but she knows he's with someone else because even work couldn't take up this much time. I hate to beg, it makes me feel so worthless but I don't know what else to say.

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely

I'm not sure what he really wants, what he really needs. I think it's probably not me. He needs his children around and I don't provide that, he needs to know that he's a good Dad and being with me only questions it further, how can he be a good father if he's in bed with someone else rather than at home with his wife and kids. I know that's what he thinks, that's why he never stays but being with me doesn't make him a bad Dad, does it?

Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

We could change all of this, he could leave her. We could get a place together, his kids could come too or we could even have our own. I'd like that, I'd like to give him a son. I day dream too much though, he'll never leave her. Although last night was the first time he said he would.

'Just give me some time Sam.'

'Time for what?'

He gently kisses my forehead as I lift my head up from his chest.

'Time to leave her, I have to do this the right way.'

'We have all the time in the world Jack and that starts as soon as she's gone.'

'Then we have something to look forward to, to hold on to.'

'I'm fed up of looking forward to it. I want it.'

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine

He tells me what he knows I need to hear, I'm sure he tells her the same. He'll cut down work, take the kids to school more often, be home on time, take her to dinner, do some housework. He can't do both, there's no way to have an equal balance between the two and I know it's never going to be over, he'll never leave. She might leave him but he can tell me a million times he's working it out…


But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

He opens his eyes and smiles at me, she hasn't rang tonight. I know she will though, she always ruins what we have but it's not her fault, it's his and it's mine. We're both guilty so hey I guess we deserve each other. Damn I love him.

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

'Stay.' It's not a question it's a statement.

'I can't.' It's not open for discussion, damn him, she hasn't even rang.

Now I know what I have to do, he'll leave even if she doesn't ask him to come home because he isn't ok with this, I don't give him what he needs. I don't think I ever will. I wish I was a little stronger, so I could walk away. He hurts me, he doesn't mean to but he does. So I watch him leave and I can't help questioning why he doesn't stay and I realize it's safer not to know.

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

'Hey' He want's to come back to mine.

'Hey' I want him to come back to mine.

'I'll follow you out.' He says resting his hand on my lower back, I hate that feeling more than anything in the world, I feel so…so betrayed.


'Not tonight Jack.'

I watch his face fall and his eyes widen in shock, I'd never said no before but now I'll leave him to think about why he wouldn't stay and when he realizes he'll know how it feels every time he says 'No'.

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah

There's a knock at the door, it's 2am. No one knocks that late, so I ignore it thinking it must be the guy across the hall drunk and locked out again but it doesn't stop. I don't move, they'll go away eventually, the last thing I need is company then I hear my name and it sounds like him. Am I dreaming? No there it is again, he's here. He must be desperate, thinks if he turns up now everything will be ok. I get up wrapping the sheet around my body as I go and I open the door and there he is, still in his work suit, soaked to the core by rain.

'Hey' He smiles slightly

'Hey' I don't smile back.

'Sam.'

'Jack'

'I'd like to stay.'