The news of Lee Thompson Young's death hit both me and my co-author really hard. We were devastated to hear that a beloved actor from Rizzoli and Isles was no longer with us. He had true talent and seemed like a good man. He will be dearly missed by all of us and our condolences go out to his family and his friends on the set of R&I. And we want to offer our own tribute to such a good spirited man. RIP Lee.

He didn't deserve this, Jane thought as she nursed the burning liquid, watching it swirl inside the glass. Her throat was raw from all the crying and drinking she'd endured, her mouth dry as she fought back the sobs that threatened to rack her disheveled form. She was supposed to have had his back, she should've known something was amiss. But she hadn't, and now he was gone.

Jane's hand tightened around the glass before she suddenly flung it across the room, listening to it shatter as it hit the opposing wall. She felt like screaming, but instead opted only to grab the vodka bottle and chug it. It burned sliding down her esophagus.

And still the feeling of shame and guilt and loss wouldn't go away.

The sounds of gunshots echoed in her skull and her urgent cries for help left her feeling hollow. His blood had stained her hands as she tried to apply pressure to the wounds. All her effort had been in vain.

Tears streamed down her face as she held her head in her palm, the other hand grasping the neck of the bottle till her knuckles turned white. She barely registered when Maura sat down beside her and simply wrapped her arms around her shoulder.

"It's not your fault, Jane."

"He was my partner. Of course it's my fault."

The words caused Maura to hold her tighter, wishing more than anything she could take away the pain she concluded Jane must be feeling. Frost's death had hit them all hard, nearly crippling the honey blonde M.E. herself when she heard the news. But that was only a fraction of the emotion displayed on Jane's face.

The doctor made a move to remove the vodka bottle from the detective's grasp but Jane only tightened her hold before taking another swig. "Killing your liver won't bring him back," she stated quietly.

"No, but I'll have a hell of a time trying," the brunette replied bitterly, her voice more raw and raspy than usual. "I should have seen it. My gut told me something was wrong when we went in and I ignored it."

"Jane, listening to your intestines is an irrational conception of an instinct. No one could have seen it coming, not even you." Though, Maura had to admit that Jane's 'gut feelings' were hardly ever wrong. The doctor could almost trust Jane's uncanny intuition as much as she could her carefully collected evidence…almost.

The homicide detective abruptly stood from her spot on her couch, staggering backwards before she managed to find some form of balance again. Jane took a long gulp of from the bottle again, her brown eyes blazing with a drunken anger. Maura just didn't get it, in fact, she had to be the dumbest genius she knew. The privileged honey blonde medical examiner couldn't possibly understand what she was going through.

"You weren't there!" she shouted, her free hand fisting itself by her side. "You didn't see that bastard shoot Frost! You didn't hold him while he bled out! You didn't watch him die!"

"Jane, you're grieving. I understand."

"No, you don't!" Jane growled back, barely managing to stay on her feet in her haze. "You don't know what it was like, watching your partner die in a puddle of his own blood! All I could do was sit there and know that I could do absolutely nothing to help him!"

Maura flashed back to the moment Bobby Marino had held them all hostage in their own base of operations, how he'd used Jane as a human shield, as a way to escape the cops. She could still hear the sound of a bullet being fired and the way both Marino and Jane had fallen down onto the concrete, blood seeping from the wounds the lanky detective had inflicted on herself as well as the dirty cop. Maura remembered kneeling next to the brunette's body, and not being sure if she would make it.

Maura knew the feeling of helplessness quite well.

Jane's whole body seemed to deflate a little. "I should have been lead. If I had, he'd still be alive. It should've been me."

"Jane…you shouldn't say that."

Jane's brown eyes were fighting off angry tears as her jaw flexed. "I think you should leave, Maura," she told the shorter woman, her tone slightly biting and bitter. "I want to be left alone."

"If you think I'm just going to leave you in your inebriated state-"

"I said leave!" she shouted. "Get out of my apartment! I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to be with anyone! So just leave me alone!"

"You are not in any condition to be left alone," Maura answered, some of her annoyance showing through. She understood that Jane was upset, they all were, they all missed Barry and were in pain because of his departure. But she was not about to leave the distraught woman alone on the chance that she'd do something stupid.

"I'm not asking for permission, doc," the taller of the two countered. "Leave. Me. Alone. I don't want you here."

Maura made to move toward her. "Jane-"

"Get out!" the detective yelled as she threw the bottle into the wall, an echo of the earlier shattering of glass filling the woman's living room. Jo Friday whined, hiding under the coffee table. She had never heard her owner so angry, had never felt this kind of anger come off the usually laid back woman. She'd especially never seen her throw things like this.

Maura stared at the blue collar Italian across from her, knowing that leaving would be very unwise. But staying would only anger her dear friend, and in her drunken state her anger could be a force to be reckoned with. With a sigh, the M.E. picked up her purse and walked over to the door. She opened it but stopped before exiting, looking back over at the other woman.

"I thought you were leaving," she snapped. "Go. Leave me."

Maura didn't let the comment get to her, knowing Jane would be hating herself in the morning for her behavior. "I just thought you might like to know something," she stated matter of fact like.

"Oh," Jane began. "And what statistical, analytical peer reviewed research are you going to Google on about now?"

Maura recognized the sarcasm, and the fact that it was supposed to hurt but carried on. "Frost wouldn't want you to do this to yourself," she answered quietly. "If he truly meant something to you, if you really had cared for him, you wouldn't be doing this."

Jane clenched her jaw. How dare Maura talk about him like she knew him at all, her drunken self thought. "You don't know anything about him."

"I'd like to think that Frost and I were friends," Maura stated. "And I know he was a good man, a good officer and a true friend." There was a moment of silence as both women watched the other. "Just think about it, Jane." And with that, the caramel blonde was gone.

Jane stood for a moment, staring at the door before she leaned back against the counter, feeling a heavy weight press on her shoulders as she practically collapsed onto the floor, both her scarred hands fisting themselves in her unruly curls. The images once again assaulted her now that she was truly alone, becoming vivid in detail as she finally allowed the tears to fall from her eyes. She remembered Frost's blood soaking her clothes, staining her hands and that dreamy smile as he told her that everything would be all right. He had clasped her hand in his and managed a smile.

"It's alright, Jane," he had said. "It's alright."

But that couldn't be further from the truth, she thought. Nothing was alright. Her good friend was gone. And it was all her fault.

Jane woke up on the couch the next morning, groaning when the first thing that became apparent was the killer hangover. The sun streaming through the blinds caused her to turn over and cover her face with her arm. Jo barked before hopping up on the couch with her owner and licked the detective's face. Jane couldn't help but smile at the gesture, despite the fact that her head was pounding unforgivably. The events of the previous night slowly came back to her, making a fresh pang of guilt well up in her gut.

"And what statistical, analytical research are you going to Google on about now?"

"Frost wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. If he truly meant something to you, if you really cared for him, you wouldn't be doing this."

The brunette released a heavy sigh. As much as she usually hated to admit it, Maura was right. Again. Frost wouldn't have wanted her to grieve his death like this. He'd want them all to catch the guy that did it then go out and play a game of baseball against the Drug Unit like they did all the other Sundays. And win. But this wasn't just another Sunday. This was the day of his funeral. She'd been dreading today.

She just wasn't ready to say goodbye.

With effort she hefted herself up and started toward the kitchen to get some water in an attempt to get rid of the hangover. That's when someone knocked on the door.

"What is it now, Maura?" She knew it was the doctor. Her mother wouldn't have bothered knocking and the others had given up on trying to coax her out of her apartment after the first few failed attempts. She'd have to apologize to all of them later.

"It's time." Was the reply she received through the door.

"I'm not going to the funeral."

There was a moment of silence. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to…" Jane shook her head at that. "Because I can't…" That was actually the truer answer.

The M.E. sighed. She knew was mourning in her own stubborn way, but knew that if Jane didn't go, she'd never forgive herself. Everyone needed her to be there. Camille needed her to be there. Frankie, Korsak…Frost… They all needed her there.

"You need to be there, Jane."

"What for?" The taller woman walked over to the door, staring at it as if she could see Maura through it. "In case you don't recall, the bastard that caused all this is still out there. Crime doesn't stop just because we've…" She closed her eyes and swallowed the tears. "We've lost one of our own."

"Jane-"

"I don't remember telling you to come back and check up on me, Maur," she cut off, though her words didn't have any bite. She appreciated her friend's concern, knew that she was only trying to help, but she just couldn't muster the will to want to go to a funeral for her partner. She didn't think Frost would want her there after her grave failure to watch his back. "But now that you have," she forced herself to continue. "You can leave."

The honey blonde didn't budge from the door. Her friend had never been great at dealing with loss…loss of any kind really. She felt her phone vibrate and knew without looking that it was Angela, asking if Jane was coming. She debated telling her about the situation but knew that the Rizzoli matriarch would want to come down and try to fix it. As bad as it sounds, Maura knew that would not help the situation.

So with a sigh, she sent back that they would be leaving shortly. Technically not a lie.

"Maura?" Jane called through the door when she didn't hear the petite woman's heels click against the floor.

"Yes?"

"Why are you still here?" The question was no more than a whisper.

"Because I'm your friend, and you need me."

There was silence and Maura let Jane absorb her answer. Then the doctor heard the click of the lock and the slide of the deadbolt before the door opened to reveal a disheveled Jane. She watched as the brunette's eyes started to water, tears sliding down her cheeks before she quickly wiped them away. Maura didn't hesitate when she stepped forward and enveloped the distraught woman in her arms, a gesture which Jane returned as she finally allowed herself to break down, her tough persona finally shattering as sobs rocked through her body.

The M.E. soothed her best friend to the best of her abilities, petting her hair as a few tears of her own fell.

He knew he shouldn't have let them go alone. As if the two bombings hadn't been enough of a warning. But there had been too many people running, too much chaos, too many screams… He should have gone with them. These were the thoughts that passed through Korsak's mind as he put on his tie. The events of just a few days ago were still vivid in his mind. The first explosion…the second…seeing Jane and Frost go inside that building….and only one of them coming out alive. He told them to wait for back up, to wait for him, but they hadn't listened. They were both stubborn as mules, they thought they could handle someone who had already managed to kill dozens and injure hundreds.

He should have done something.

A low whine brought his attention to the floor where one of the pups was sitting. The Detective managed a smile, lifting the animal up, watching as it dug its teeth into his tie. His mind flashed to a few months ago, when he he'd been at his desk debating on which tie to wear and Frost, as usual, had made one of his smartass remarks. Korsak couldn't help but chuckle at the memory, his attention momentarily shifting to the television set that now displayed a picture of his young comrade, announcing his funeral.

He sighed and put the pup down before turning off the television and grabbing his keys. It was going to be a long day. And a bad one, what with having to mourn over someone who hadn't deserved to die. He'd had so many years left ahead of him, whereas Korsak had lived his life. But Frost...he'd only just begun. And Korsak would never forgive himself for not saving him, for not being there for him as he should have. He should have been there.

Jane could feel her palms sweating and rubbed them off on her dress pants. She didn't want to be here, in front of all these people, especially under these circumstances. It seemed all of BPD had showed up for Barry. Even that pompous ass Detective Crowe looked somber. Jane wanted to smile at the fact that even he had been affected by someone like Frost.

Camille sat in the front row, her eyes still red and puffy from recent tears, her wife grasping her hand tightly, trying to lend the broken woman strength. Though, Robin didn't look much better. She had loved Detective Frost as if he were her own. Korsak stood off to the side, dressed in his uniform, Frankie standing next to him, both stoned faced but even they looked as if sleep had not been a friend. Then of course, there was Maura, Tommy and Angela a couple rows back from the front.

Jane could feel all their eyes on her as she stood there, trying to find the right words, words that would do her friend justice. "Though we, uh, gather here today bound by sorrow and loss," Such a huge loss. "We also share a precious gift." She couldn't really believe that, but at the same time, it felt like the right thing to say. "All of us have the privilege to live a life touched by Detective Frost. " Truth. "Frost possessed extraordinary gifts that he used often enough to help us catch the bad guy. Most cases I'm sure we'd have never solved without his help, without his amazing computer skills. I know I wouldn't even be standing here if not for him."

She paused, momentarily going back to the incident, her eyes flashing with pain at the memory before she managed to pull herself back to the present. All eyes were still on her, some with tears but a majority reigning in their emotions. Something Jane was having problems with. "I remember him getting sick to his stomach on our first case as partners, and defending him when the other detectives or cops would tease him." She mustered a small smile. "I even remember when he fainted while Dr. Isles was performing an autopsy and he-he had tried to pass it off as tying his shoes."

That got a small chuckle scattered throughout the crowd, even Jane herself before the somberness settled back in. "Barry Frost wasn't just my partner…he was my friend, he was a brother to me." The brunette took a shaky breath as she tried to hold back tears, looking down at the ground. "And I think…I think he deserves for us all to stand and salute him for his courage… And for teaching the rest of us how to be heroes."

All the others had long ago left, yet the wild haired detective still remained, sitting next to the headstone and fresh pile of overturned dirt. She wasn't sitting across from the stone, no. She was sitting next to it on the grass, looking at all the other stones that stood erected around them in the cemetery. Jane had faced many dangers in her life. But she couldn't stand there and look at the tombstone of her dear friend.

"I have a few things to say," she started, one hand absently massaging the scar tissue of the other. She hadn't wanted anyone else to hear what she had to say to the man. "Perhaps I should have said this while you were here… But despite our differences…. I had nothing but respect for you." She took a deep breath before she turned her head to look over at the slab of granite, a soft, half smile on her face. "I wanted to make sure you at least knew…know that."

The detective rearranged herself so that she was crouching, somewhat in front of the stone. "You even managed to teach me something, Frost, buddy," she informed the open air. "You taught me that justice isn't always about putting the bad guy away…" She placed a hand against the granite, swallowing the lump in her throat. "It's about caring, helping. It's what makes this job worth doing. And I wanted to thank you for that."

Jane stood slowly, as if not really wanting to leave her old partner all alone out here. But if she didn't come home soon, Maura would no doubt come looking for her. Or even worse, her mother. She started to walk away before stopping and looking back over her shoulder. "Take care of yourself, partner."