The first time he saw Emma Swan, they were at a wedding. Her brother's wedding, as a matter of fact. She was dressed in a peach colored bridesmaid dress, a soft, white smile dimpling her cheeks. Her oversized glasses framing her bright green eyes and her golden hair gathered half up and tumbling over her shoulders in shimmering curls made her easily the most beautiful girl 16-year-old Killian Jones had ever seen. And to think, he was upset his brother Liam was dragging him to this thing that very morning. He loved his brother, idolized him. But he was always trying to put him into his lifestyle, reform him into something he wasn't. Straight laced and rule bound were not in Killian's teenage purview.
She looked over at him and caught him staring, furrowing her brow. He threw her a wink and a cocky smile. He grew even giddier when she flushed scarlet and darted her gaze away. American girls were so easy to rattle, he had found, and he hadn't even laid on the charm with his heavy British accent yet. He found himself walking over to her and tapping on her shoulder. She spun around and looked him up and down, mouth drawing into a thin line.
"Couldn't help but notice you staring, love." He smirked and cocked an eyebrow. She mirrored the action with her own brow and scoffed.
"I think it was you that was staring, pal. And I'm not your 'love'." She replied steadily. She was feisty. Killian never was one to know when to quit, though.
"Fair enough." He laughed. "I've just moved here from England. Just wanted to say 'hello' since we're the only ones our age here."
"Well you've said it. Now, goodbye." She snorted and stomped away. Killian grinned. He had his mind absolutely set on this girl, in spite of the fact she didn't want to give him the time of day.
He didn't approach her again, but he did watch her for the rest of the evening, and occasionally saw her staring back at him as well. He made sure to smile at her every time he caught her eye.
The first time he opened up to her, they were at a funeral. Her mother's funeral, a short month later. She stood stone faced and pale at the gravesite as her brother David's arm was wrapped around her shoulders, his other hand gripping his wife's fiercely. It was raining, but under the black umbrellas David's face was wet with precipitation of a different kind. Killian's eyes didn't waver from Emma, though. She seemed like she was in shock, staring blankly at the coffin, and he remembered feeling the same way at his own parents' funeral when he was just 12 years old.
"And now, Ruth's beloved children would like to say a few words." The reverend stepped aside from the podium as David kissed Mary Margaret on the cheek and tugged Emma out of her stupor long enough to trudge beside him to the area in front of their friends and family.
"My mother was a remarkable woman." David spoke softly, voice hoarse with tears. "She worked hard for everything her whole life, but still found the time to believe in happily ever after and wanted to make the world a better place. She loved being a mom. She loved it so much, she became a foster mom, and eventually adopted my amazing little sister, Emma. She always said that once Emma joined our family, she was complete." David smiled at Emma and choked down another sob.
Emma's face blanched even further. Killian hadn't thought it possible being as pale as she already had been. She started shaking her head and thick round tears began to leak from her eyes. Without a word, she burst from her brother's grip and took off running at full speed across the graveyard.
"Emma!" David called to her as she ran away, but she didn't even pause to look back. Without thinking, Killian grabbed Liam's arm before he started after her.
"I'll go." He said without meeting his brother's eyes and darted towards the direction she ran. He found her under the concrete overhang of a mausoleum, sitting against a thick stone pillar, shoulders heaving with sobs, soaked to the bone. He didn't say anything, but sat beside her and her head popped up.
"What the hell do you want?" She hissed, face furious and red with emotion. Killian shrugged.
"Just wanted to make sure you were okay." He said nonchalantly. Emma stared daggers at him.
"I'm fine. Go away." She growled.
"Yes, clearly fine, love." He chuckled and reached into his inner jacket pocket, pulling free a joint. Emma's eyes widened and she wiped her face with her fingertips beneath her glasses and down her cheeks, her breathing beginning to even out. "Good, it survived the downpour." Killian turned the handrolled marijuana cigarette in his fingers before popping it in his mouth, pulling a lighter from his jacket and sparking it. Emma continued to stare at him, eyes almost popping from her skull as he took a long drag and exhaled a cloud of smoke after holding his breath for a moment, letting his head fall back to the stone behind them. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and cocked an eyebrow up, extending the joint to her.
"Are you insane?! My brother is in the army! He could come find us any minute!" She pushed his arm away and he shrugged again, taking another drag.
"My brother is in the British Royal Navy, love. They know I came after you. My brother will give me the time needed to bring you back." She looked from the joint in his fingers to his face and back again. He read her judgement quietly. "It's just a little weed. I won't make you do anything you don't want to."
"Why did they send you?" Emma asked softly.
"I volunteered. I know what it's like to lose your parents. I thought you could use a kindred spirit." He took another draw and brought his hand down to rest on his knee, joint still clasped between his fingers. Emma didn't reply, but her trembling fingers did reach out and take the joint from Killian's hand. He looked back at her, half surprised, half amused. She gave him a little half smile and took a small puff. She tried to inhale it and ended up in a coughing fit, her face turning bright red. Killian laughed and patted her on the back, taking the weed from her fingers with his other hand.
"How can you like that?" She gasped between slowly subsiding coughs.
"It's an acquired taste." He smirked at her. "We should probably get back to the service." He added gently, extinguishing the joint against the concrete and standing. He took a small can of body spray from his pocket and sprayed it all over himself, running his hands through his messy black hair to incorporate the musky scent. He offered Emma his hand and she took it, standing as well. She dug in her small purse and pulled out a bottle of perfume, imitating his previous actions.
"I'm Emma, by the way. Emma Swan. I know our brothers are friends from when he was stationed in England a couple years ago." She put her hand out again.
"Killian Jones." He took her hand and shook it. "Listen, if you want to talk, or just not talk, or cry, or scream, or whatever, you can call me, okay?" Emma nodded and pulled out a pen from her purse. She grabbed his hand again and wrote her phone number on his palm.
They walked back to the service side by side, not saying a word.
The first time he kissed her, they were at the movies. He hadn't paid attention to anything that had happened on screen since Emma pulled his arm around her shoulders and snuggled into him. She was stunning in her red leather jacket, and it was the first time he had ever seen her without her glasses. He just swallowed stiffly and flattened his other palm on his pants, trying to wipe away the sweat from it. He pretended to watch the screen but the little voice inside his head was screaming at him.
'THERE'S A HOT GIRL IN YOUR ARMS, MATE! DO SOMETHING!'
He let out a sigh that was shaky even to his ears. Emma blinked up at him and he looked slightly downward at her face, desperately trying to keep his cool.
"You can kiss me if you want to, Killian." She whispered and he thought his heart was going to hammer through his ribcage. He looked further down at her, eyes wide with shock before he found his words.
"I want to." He whispered back and pressed his lips softly against hers. He held her there, just for a moment, before pulling back. Her long eyelashes fluttered open and her electric green eyes connected with his burning blue. They stared at each other, faces only illuminated by the flickering light from the screen.
"We should do that more often." She grinned and snuggled back into his side. Killian felt ten feet tall as his grip tightened around her shoulders.
The first time he told her he loved her, they were in his bedroom. They were laying on the floor, feet facing away from one another, heads next to each other. Killian absent mindedly plucked along to the music that played on the stereo on the guitar perched across his naked torso.
Emma sat up on her elbow and leaned over him, plucking the joint from his lips and taking a drag. He grinned and lifted his chin up to nuzzle his newly grown scruff over her bare breasts. She absent mindedly swatted him away as she released a cloud of smoke.
"But it's my birthday, Swan." He whined at her and she chuckled.
"That it is, Jones. And I've given you that particular present. Twice." She cocked an eyebrow and took another drag.
"Aye, but it's one I wouldn't mind unwrapping again, and again, and again..." He said, sitting up and pressing kisses to her neck and collarbone. She giggled and halfheartedly pushed him away, putting the joint in the ashtray beside her.
"I guess I should get my jollies in now before you leave next month." She sighed despondently. He stilled his attentions and pressed his forehead to the crook of her shoulder.
"I don't want to leave." He said quietly.
"I don't want you to leave." She replied and pulled away to look at his face. "I'm going to miss your stupid blue eyes and ridiculous innuendos." He waggled his eyebrows and she slapped his chest with a smirk. He fell back to the floor, dramatically clutching his chest.
"You've wounded me, Swan." He pouted. "I'll need you to kiss it better. Or I may perish." He slipped into an easy smile and she rolled her eyes, dipping to kiss the smattering of hair where she had hit him. She shuffled to the side of him and laid her cheek on his chest. He blew out a breath and threaded his fingers through her blonde curls.
"I'm not going to leave." He said decidedly and her head popped up. His eyes met hers and she searched his face, confused.
"But you have to. Liam is being stationed back in London." She said, sitting up fully. He sat up as well.
"I'm eighteen, Emma. I can apply for a green card and join the military. I can make a life for us." He placed his hand on her face. Her eyes widened and her breath quickened.
"You can't give up your family for me. Your brother-"
"Will be fine. You are my family, too, Emma Swan. I'm home when I'm with you. I love you." He said softly, nudging her nose with his.
Silence. His heart pounded in his chest.
"You do?" She whispered, eyes brimming with tears and becoming even greener. He nodded.
"You don't have to say anything, Emma. I just had to tell you." He said. She visibly relaxed.
"I know. But...I do...too." She said hesitantly. He grinned so hard he felt like his face might split in half, but he didn't care if it did. She hadn't actually said the words, but the sentiment was there. He captured her lips with his, locking this memory away in the brightest corner of his heart.
The first time she said she loved him, they were at her brother's house. His breath felt heavy inside the cardboard box he sat in as he listened to the commotion just beyond the cardboard barrier.
"Happy birthday, dear Emma! Happy birthday to you!" A chorus of voices cried out.
"And many moooooore!" David's overdramatic warbling gained laughter all around.
"Make a wish!" Mary Margaret encouraged. "As if we don't know what you'll wish for." More chuckling and Killian had to stifle his own.
"Oh, please. That wish doesn't come true for another week." Emma said and he heard her breath as she blew out the candles on her cake. He became antsy at her words as everyone cheered.
"Presents!" Emma cried out and his heart started beating faster.
"Don't you want cake first?" David asked and Killian suppressed a snort, knowing he was trying to delay the surprise and make him suffer a little longer.
"Nope. I want presents. And I want that big one first." His breath stilled as footsteps came closer.
"Geez you're getting bossy in your old age." David grumbled and the wrapping paper began to tear away from the box he sat in. The top popped open and he stood up, dressed in full navy fatigues, registering her flabbergasted expression.
"Happy birthday, Swan." He said, grinning. She let out an unearthly scream that made his ears ring and he blinked a couple times as she threw her arms around his neck kissing his face everywhere her lips could touch.
"Easy, love, easy." He chuckled and gripped her waist.
"What, how are you here?!" She asked between kisses.
"Basic ended a week earlier than expected and I thought I'd surprise-" His words were cut off by her lips crushing against his. He grunted in surprise.
"I don't care." She murmured against his lips. "I missed you. I missed you so much. I love you." She said between kisses and they both froze as the words came tumbling from her lips. Their eyes locked and she looked so in love, but also terrified she had actually said the words out loud.
"I love you, too." He replied and crushed her back to him before she had a chance to overthink. A buzz arose through Emma's guests, oohs and awws resounding and they broke apart laughing.
"You guys are stupid cute, but can we get some cake now?!" Her best friend Ruby called and Emma shot her a mock glare. Killian climbed out of the box and they made their way back to the party hand in hand.
The first (and last) time they really fought, they were in his kitchen. She slammed the letter in her hand down on the counter and her green eyes flared with despair.
"You can't. You just got back." She said steadily, but panic was etched into her every feature.
"That's the thing about the military, love. They don't really give you a choice." He said quietly, lips quirking into a quick smile, trying to lighten the mood.
"Afghanistan, Killian?!" She shouted. "What if you get killed?!"
"Emma, I know it's not ideal. I'm sorry." He moved to take her into his arms.
"I can't lose you, Killian." Her voice wavered slightly with unshed tears. "You can't go." He sighed heavily.
"I can't say no, Emma." He said, burying his face in her hair. She pushed him away firmly. Killian looked down at her, startled.
"And what am I supposed to do? Sit here and pine for my man while he's away at war? Worry out of my mind every day if you're ever going to come back home?" She shouted again, tears now flowing freely down her face, eyebrows creased in anger and fear.
"Emma, what the hell? No! I mean, I..." He tapered off, unsure of what to say at her outburst.
"That's not me, Killian. I...I can't wait for you." She said, voice hitching with a sob.
"Emma!" He felt like she slapped him. "You don't mean that. You had to have known this was a possibility when I joined!" She shook her head.
"I cannot lose anybody else. If you died, I would not recover. I...have to forget you." She sobbed. Killian's eyes sparked with anger and pain.
"No. I don't accept this. You can't forget what we have, Swan." He clenched his fists at his side, fighting the urge to haul her to him and kiss the sense back into her.
"I have to try." She kissed his cheek. "Goodbye, Killian. Be safe." He seized her wrist.
"Emma, please." His breath caught in his throat as a tear slipped down his cheek. She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her teary eyes and left, closing the door behind her for the last time.
He stood in the kitchen, hearing his heart beat in his ears so loudly he couldn't hear anything else. He screamed, a roaring sound rumbling from his chest. In a blind pain, he kicked the kitchen chair away from the table and it exploded into splinters against the wall. Letting out another wordless shout, he flipped the table altogether. He began to pummel the wall until his bleeding fist burst through the wallpaper and the drywall before collapsing in a sobbing heap on the floor.
He saw the hurt and panic in her eyes and it broke his heart more than anything other than her actually walking out the door. He should have seen it coming. Running is what she did best.
"Get down, GET DOWN!" Gunfire and smoke peppered the air. Killian ran from his position to another vantage point behind a crumbling wall.
He took a deep breath and peeked from behind the wall, aiming his rifle and gunning down an attacker running straight for them. He felt like he was going to be sick. He stuffed his emotions down and moved forward to rejoin his commanding officer and another member of his unit.
"Jones! We need to get the hell out of here!" The lieutenant commander shouted. "We're gonna flank left and-"
"GRENADE!" The shout came out of nowhere and Killian saw an egg shaped device roll into view. He acted before he could think, shoving his commander away from the fire as the other petty officer dove for cover. He turned and started to jump away himself. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion.
A flash of light. He couldn't hear anything. His vision blurred. Someone was bending over him, lips moving, but no sounds entered his brain.
As the darkness closed in, a blonde haired, green eyed vision floated in front of him.
'You were right, Emma. I hope you forgot about me.' He thought before everything faded to black.