* Song fic - "Walking After You" - Foo Fighters * - Logan's POV
Disclaimer: I still own nothing. :)
Summary: Think of this as a lost scene from "Show Me The Monkey'. It's pretty much cannon, but I did make one ... actually two small changes, that right two big wrongs. (You'll know them when you read them.) Rated T(ish) only for the F-Bomb.
A/N: So, it' been a while since I've published, but I've been here reading other great fics almost everyday! I've had this story sitting on my hard drive for what seems like forever, I was just never sure of the ending. I hope you guys like it. I welcome reviews - let me know if there's anything off or if you think there's something better I could've done. Happy reading! :D
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It had been 6 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 45 minutes and (glancing at his watch) 16 seconds since Logan had ended his relationship with Veronica. Since he left her standing in the quad with a stunned and heartbroken look in her eyes (a look that almost made him wish he could rewind time and erase the last few minutes like it never happened). 6 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 45 minutes and (checking watch again) 32 seconds since he made what he considered to be the hardest decision of his (all be it short, but tragedy filled) life.
He fought now to keep his resolve.
This was the path he chose, the one he foolishly thought would be less painful and best in the long run. They could keep going, falling further in love (maybe she'd eventually say the actual words 'I love you' ) to only then fall apart slowly (with so much more to lose). Or he could rip the band aid off, make a quick and clean break.
Only, there was nothing clean about this. It was all jagged edges and gore. Logan felt like he'd been slowly bleeding out since he walked away. It had been a conscience effort to keep putting one foot in front of the other, a labor to keep breathing. He needed a goddamn tourniquet.
'This wasn't a clean break.' Logan thought flinching. 'It was more like a fucking amputation.'
Regret was seeping in through every crack. He could feel it like acid, slowly eating away at his precious resolve.
So he kept reminding himself of his reasons : He was not built to stand on the side-lines. It wasn't in his genetic make-up to blindly follow orders and play the obedient puppet. He was not willing to be ignored or dismissed.
These reasons acted like a constant mantra for Logan since he made the decision to end their relationship. Since he left the quad his life has been like living in a fog. Everything was a blur , he couldn't remember the last time he got a good nights sleep. Every night he's laid down only to toss and turn, eventually falling into a fitful sleep. Sometimes (most times) he'd have eerie life like dreams, where the break up doesn't exist and instead of leaving the quad alone (and broken), they leave together (and whole).
Much to Dick's dismay, Logan had chosen to not fall into his usual post breakup pattern of booze and bimbos. They were suppose to go to some huge blow out party up in Aspen over the winter break, but Logan blew it off. The last thing he wanted was to be around those idiots he called friends in highschool. Surprisingly, Dick didn't push him on it and decided to stay in Neptune as well (which Logan was secretly grateful for). The two celebrated Christmas at the suite together with a small tree and a few gifts.
Dick had proved himself to be a good (though sometime way overboard and misguided) friend, as well as an excellent source of distraction. Though he would never admit it to Dick, Logan had found the Polaroid pictures off the balcony to be quite amusing.
Even tonight, when Dick had convinced him to meet up with Chip for some surfing and beers (and apparently desperate, trashy beach bunnies - which Logan had no doubt Dick had somehow arranged), Logan appreciated that his friend was only trying to lure him out of his rut of despair.
It was just too bad that he isn't ready to leave his rut yet. So Logan had bailed not long after the girls arrived (an easy lie about checking the trunk for more beers). He wondered how long it would take for Dick to realize he wasn't coming back, but he just needed to get away from that scene unfolding at the beach. It just wasn't him anymore.
Once he was in the car ( windows down, radio up) Logan relaxed. There was something about driving around the streets of Neptune he found soothing. Taping his fingers on his steering wheel in time with a song on the radio as it started, Logan recognized the song with a sad smile.
"Walking After You" - He'd heard the song a million times. Lily had discovered the Foo Fighters and this song was a favorite of hers. He remembered how she had declared once that this was 'their song'. She'd reason that It spoke of their on again/off again (too much, too soon, too young to really understand what loving someone really meant) relationship.
She would sing out part of the lyrics (something about someone walking away, someone following), Logan never really paid attention. From what he heard of the song he liked it fine, but didn't share her outlook. Paying attention to the words was never something he considered important.
But now, staring at what he surprisingly realizes is the front of Veronica's apartment complex (He doesn't remember driving there and wonders how long he's been sitting here), Logan sees beyond the faded memory of a girl he sometimes still misses (but has never really forgiven) and he hears past the soft melody of the song.
"Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
Ooh I want you back, I want you back. Ooh, I want you back
If you walk out on me ... I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me ... I'm walking after you
If you'd accept surrender, give up some more
Weren't you adored?
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Ooh I want you back, I want you back. Ooh, I want you back"
Dave Grohl's smooth vocals whisper to Logan, echoing through his head. He bites back a short pained breath as the words strike a chord deep within he can see why Lily had affixed this song with their disaster of a relationship (if only for the walk out/ walk after bits), the song as a whole reminds Logan of another blonde.
He has his hand on the door handle and it half opened (all instincts urging, screaming for him to leave the car, run to her and grovel for forgiveness), but he stops and slowly closes the door as it suddenly dawns on him.
'She didn't walk away .... I did.'
In the past it was always Veronica walking (more like running) away from him. This time though, Logan had been the one to walk away.
Granted it was a little bit because he wanted to beat her to the punch (so to speak), but it was also because he felt he needed to be the one to walk. Deep down there was a part of Logan (a large part, if he's being honest) that just knows this is not the end for them.
He may not remember all the details from the night of the alterna prom, but the 'Epic' speech was not just something he came up with on the spot. It was what he really believed. As cheesy as it sounded, (even in his own head) he knew that they would be together again ... he just really needed Her to be the who walked after Him this time.
If there was one thing Veronica Marsthrived on - it's being in control. (And really to be fair, with all that she's gone through, who could blame her for having a few control issues?) She needs to have things done according to her plans and on her terms.
By being the one to walk away, Logan realizes he took control and changed her plan, made his own terms. (And maybe that's exactly what needed to be done.) Relationships require a lot of compromise between both parties, after all.
As painful as walking away was for him, Logan can see that it broke the cycle they had fallen into. It shook things up. Veronica needed to know what it felt like to have him out of her life and not just because she deemed it so.
Logan drops his hand off the door handle as the song ends, his resolve holding firm. Restarting the engine he quickly pulls away from the curbputting as much distance between himself and the Sunset Cliffs Apartments (removing the temptation of being so close, yet so far) as he can.
6 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 49 minutes and (glances at watch) 39 seconds .... What's a few (hopefully not too many) more days of waiting?
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