A/N: This is a very short and completely ridiculous fic wherein the House characters take on the roles of the Scooby gang. It is utterly stupid, but got a few laughs elsewhere so I thought I'd try it out here.
Disclaimer: I don't own House or any of the characters. Good thing, too. Look what I do to them.
Jimmy-Doo and the Chairman of the Board
Chapter 1
It was a quiet day at PPTH. Jimmy-Doo, also known as Boy Wonder Oncologist or Dr. James Wilson, and his best friend (and some said master) Dr. Greg House were in the cafeteria sharing a bag of potato chips. (Well, if by sharing you meant that Jimmy paid for them and then House stole them.) As House ate the last of the chips, he dropped the bag but before it could reach the table, Jimmy snatched it. He turned it inside out to lick off the grease and any chip crumbs that might be stuck inside. Being House's bestest pal in the whole wide world was hungry work, what with all the food pilfering.
House stood up and limped out of the cafeteria, with Jimmy following dutifully behind. House entered the diagnostic conference room to find the rest of his gang all waiting around for a case to turn up.
There was Chase, or Fred as House sometimes called him when he couldn't be bothered to try to remember his name. Chase was a pretty-boy, always fussing with his wavy, golden locks. For someone so concerned with his looks, Chase had extraordinarily odd taste in clothes. Today, for example, he was wearing blue pants and white shirt; normal enough, if it weren't for the orange ascot he'd added. An ascot? House thought. I know he's British (Australian actually, Chase's thought-voice interjected) but that's pushing it. Chase wasn't the brightest of the gang, but that didn't stop him from trying his hardest.
Next to Chase was Foreman. Foreman longed to be tough guy (probably left over from his gang days) and House had recently taken to calling him Velma just to get under his skin. Of all House's gang, though, Foreman was probably the smartest. Or at the very least, if you wanted a long and complicated explanation of something that you'd only half understand, Foreman was your guy.
Finally there was Cameron. Allison Daphne Cameron. Cameron was a pretty girl, with long and flowing hair. She normally dressed very conservatively, but for some reason today was wearing a ridiculously short purple dress and go-go boots. For the moment, Cameron was Chase's girl. House was having a hard time figuring that out. Cameron was pretty and smart; she could do way better than Chase. In fact, sometimes Cameron seemed downright annoyed with him for being a little slow on the uptake. House concluded it was probably a matter of convenience. He was there and he would do. Like microwave pizza.
The five of them sat and stared at the currently blank whiteboard, affectionately nicknamed The Mystery Machine (even though it wasn't mechanical) and waited for something to happen. Something always did.