Sbridge
A Homestuck Fanfiction
Disclaimer
As weird as I find it I have to make sure anyone reading this knows the following things, which should be obvious.
I do not own homestuck, any of the characters of homestuck, any of the ideas of homestuck or any of the art of homestuck. If homestuck came up with it you can be a million percent sure it isn't mine. My characters are the ones that obviously belong somewhere else. Please, have a lick of sense.
Character List (Really for my benefit)
cometChaser-Umbrus Neox
zombiesBlade-Henry
snowyOwl-Sally Warner
cerebralLight-Romuli Mindai
luckyDragongirl- Aishae Neoxia
empressButterfly-Zeldia Tricka
Act 1
The Bridge
A classic story starts to unfold, a young man, glasses, a cluttered room with the door with the Sburb First Release poster on the door. As you can guess it was thirteen years ago this boy was given life it is only today he will be given a name.
== Enter Name
"Nerdbert Stinkface"
The name entry screen is suddenly pierced by the sharp end of a kitchen knife; this guy obviously doesn't have time for that. Maybe not as impressive as a good sword would've been but it gets the point across.
==Try Again
"Umbrus Neox"
That's better.
==Look Around
You take a moment to examine your room; it's pretty cluttered like you saw on the entry screen. Your stuff is piled up variously, as you like to call it strategy piles, based on the fandoms you are a part of which are absurdly numerous. On one wall you have a pile devoted to your failed attempts at being an author, your series of dragons with telepathic powers just turned out to be way too cliché.
Oh, looks like someone's trolling you.
==Answer Chum
This is no chum; quite honestly you have no idea who this is.
Pesterlog:
twinArmageddons began pestering cometChaser
TA: You are the human known as Umbrus I presume?
TA: Excuse me
TA: Talk grub
CC: What is it?
TA: There you are I am at the liberty of putting my words through a translator just to speak to you, be happy you have been learned in the way of the trolls.
CC: 13 M USA, this is where you cease pestering?
TA: You aren't getting this are you?
CC: I understand you're a troll
TA: Yes
CC: Alright so will you leave me alone now?
TA: Look enough questions, just take this
TA:
CC: This is somewhat suspicious
TA: I understand that you have recently come into possession of the game Sgrub?
TA: Excuse me, Sburb?
CC: No shit
CC: It's only the most popular game on the face of the Earth
TA: You get the picture
TA: Now this program is very important, you need to encode it immediately
CC: It's a virus
TA: I assure you it is not
CC: That really wasn't a question
TA: You have a small amount of programming knowledge I know
TA: Take a look at the document you'll see it isn't a virus almost instantly
CC: Maybe later
TA: As soon as possible II would hope
TA: Damn, give me a second… the translator is on the fritz…
CC: So what is this program supposed to do?
TA: I'll leave that for you to find out
CC: Uh-huh…
TA: We shall not speak again
twinArmageddons ceased pestering cometChaser
CC: Oh of course
CC: Yeah, not opening it
==Open It
You really shouldn't do that, but lets face it, we both know the curiosity is way too much. The code certainly isn't a virus you can see that right away. It looks like part of a Sburb file…
One of your real chums seems to be pestering you now.
==Answer Chum
cerebralLight began trolling cometChaser
CL: Yo, Umbrus! My man!
CC: Romulus I respectfully request you cease pestering like ignoramus post haste.
CL: Romuli*
CL: And my most sincere apologies I assure you
CL: But dude! I got my copy of Sgrub!
CC: Sburb*
CC: And cool story bro, my little mail swingy thing has been up for a little while; I'm waiting for my dad to move so I can grab my copy.
CL: Dude, I'm a million percent sure it's Sgrub
CL: Why are you so scared of your lusus anyway?
CC: He's got some sort of thing for being a dictator figure we don't get along very well because I never really listen to him and he expects me to.
CL: …
CC: Yeah, yeah, you get all snuggly with that porcupine thing you've got while I have to deal with this monster.
CL: I find this both ironic and offensive
CC: Anyway I would presume you expect me to attain my copy and connect with you post-haste?
CL: You presume correctly
CL: But for the love of mother grub will you talk to Aishae already? She's been bugging me all day.
CL: Why did you block her in the first place?
CC: Probably because she scares the crap out of me.
CL: Look unblock her or I'll give you a real reason to be scared.
CC: Times a wasting for your Sburb connection
CL: Talk to the woman
cerebralLight ceased pestering cometChaser
CC: …
CC: really…?
== The Purple Text Was Annoying, Block It
As much as you would love to strike Romuli down with your famous ban wave it would be a needless waste of time and energy. Besides, this annoyance is merely passed on from a far more intimidating source. You weigh the odds of coming out of a conversation with Aishae alive versus the odds of getting a better trusted Sburb server than Romuli. Sadly you already know the answer.
== Go Crazy And Wage An Epic War Among Your Action Figures
What on Earth are you thinking? Not only is this a remarkably stupid idea but you have things far more important to be busying yourself with right now. Yet the small plastic figures, they beckon…
== Youth Roll Past Your Dad
This is a stupid idea, almost as stupid as an all out war between your various fandoms. Your father is no sucker, certainly not stupid enough to fall for a trick as old as the youth roll. Besides, what use is your Sburb game without a reliable server? The kind that of course will only cooperate if you shut up your far more annoying shared chum.
== Pester The Witch
You unblock the witch, who begins the pestering for you before you even get the chance to move the mouse.
luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser
LD: UMBRUS!
LD: JUST WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IGNORING ME LIKE THAT?
LD: GOING SO FAR AS TO BLOCK ME EVEN? HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF RESPECT?
CC: I am blown away by your capital letters I assure you
LD: I HOPE YOU ARE!
LD: Anyway, what's new stargazer?
CC: Romuli told me he wouldn't play server unless I sated your endless need for conversation, was it a futile effort?
LD: Of course not silly
LD: I bet I can even clear you a way past that lusus of yours
CC: Ignoring your slightly psychic abilities once again I question your method of movement past the paternal figure
LD: Have you thought of using a disguise?
CC: Aishae, I'm one of only two people that live in this household
LD: Oh yeah, I guess that wouldn't work would it?
LD: Banish the thought, why don't you use that epic stealth thing you do?
CC: I don't like doing that; I'm scared he's going to catch on here soon
LD: You want that copy of Sgrub don't you?
CC: …
LD: Do it pupae!
CC: Will you stop bugging Romuli?
LD: Whatever you say
CC: Thank you
CC: Be right back, hopefully
cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl
LD: Okay…
LD: Good luck…
LD: 3
== Make Sure The Gray Text Was Quite Finished
You're quite sure she was, and even if she wasn't, you're quite finished with her, Although her stealth idea was far from a bad one.
==Do Aforementioned Stealth Thing
You cannot do the stealth thing yet, you do not have the adequate equipment.
==Adequately Equip Yourself
You immediately dig around the room and captchalogue a variety of items in your Shadow Modus. The Shadow Modus is a little annoying, allowing you to take any item in your modus at any time though letting you only see the blacked out card, but you've developed a habit of memorizing the codes of the important things so you can retrieve them at any given moment. Right now you captchalogue a dollar, a slingshot, a stone, and your trusty sonic screwdriver. You equip the screwdriver to your strife specibus however, the doctor would never leave the tardis without his only weapon and neither will you.
==Now Do The Stealth Thing
This is stupid. You proceed silently downstairs, careful to ignore the various posters of football players that adorn the walls of the stairway. You hate football with all your heart and soul, which is probably the reason your father has such fascination with it. Predictably your father is sitting on the sofa watching some football game or another on the big screen. You quickly wrap the dollar around the rock and load your slingshot, sending it to the strife specibus. You give a hearty tug on the elastic band and launch the stone past your father's field of vision. Money is perhaps the only thing that would rouse him from his football game. Predictably he stands up and trundles off in hot pursuit of the American currency. Moron.
==Run For The Door While He's Distracted
You run for the door, performing a stellar youth roll as you go for the added effect. You could really stand to learn to do that a little better but for now, you've got what you've got. Just as you're about to make it to the door however, you manage to topple one of your father's prized football helmet lamps. Now there's going to be hell to pay…
==Escape Out The Door
You manage to turn the knob and proceed to the outside of your household. Nice abscond by the end of it all.
==Attain Sburb
You triumphantly proceed to the mailbox, however as you open the door to retrieve the prized disc you realize there is a large brown package on top of it. With some trepidation you realize this is the artifact you got on special order from one of your favorite fandom sites, a pile of Amazonian bones. Blech, you contemplate why you bought this thing in the first place.
==Now Attain Sburb
You captchalogue the package and retrieve the real prize, holding up the two discs in triumph.
==Contemplate The Meaning Of Two Discs
Now that is just silly, one is the server and the other is the client. Let's not forget the endless reading of the walkthroughs written by the previous players of Sburb beta and alpha.
==Scamper Back To Your Room
You cannot lass scamper mainly due to the fact you have way too much testosterone for that.
==Return To Your Room Without A Scamper
You attempt to sneak back into the front door but your dad is examining the broken lamp with an expression of anger. It's probably best to find another way in.
==Check The Back Door
You observe the back door that leads to the kitchen.
==Go Through The Door You Moron
Of course you're going through the door, you were about to do that. You enter the kitchen and observe the atmosphere that so reminds you of the seventies. You bet most of these contraptions still run on refrigeration fluid.
==Captchalogue Kitchen Knife
You immediately take the largest and deadliest looking knife from the chopping block. Knives really are a beautiful thing, the power of a knife with the speed of an arrow. Crap, please God don't let that be the sound of the kitchen door opening.
==Confront Father
Your paternal figure begins to rage in your general direction with many an obscene hand gesture or word. Honestly you don't have time for this bullshit right now, Sburb is calling, loudly.
==STRIFE
Cut it out with the loud text, you're beginning to sound a bit like the gray text girl; you know exactly what to do. However you aren't entirely sure how your kitchen knife and sonic screwdriver will fare against your father's pistol.
==STRIFE! STRIFE! STRIFE!
You lash out at your father with a quick aggreivance, he absconds instantly back to his football game citing words of unfair fights. You've won this round.
==Return To Room
You carefully take the route to your room that doesn't involve crossing between your father and the television by youth rolling behind the sofa. A quick run up the stairs finds you back in your room.
Oh look, someone's trolling you.
==Answer Troll
luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser
LD: Since you're up here talking to me I presume you've returned with the game?
CC: I may have left the game and made a break for it
LD: You have the game, boot it up
LD: I'm going to be your first connection
CC: What? I already made a deal with Romuli!
LD: Deals off, first come first serve, now boot it up
LD: Besides you're my server player anyway
CC: Oh, I guess I can act as your server
CC: But that seems a little risky, especially with the mood my dad's in
LD: Oh calm down will you? Romuli's busy setting up the other connections anyway
LD: Well, other connection, we're kind of at a loss for people
LD: Think you can find someone?
CC: Well I do know a few folks with the game…
CC: They may not be the best of chums though
LD: I think that fails to matter at this point, we're at something of a crucial juncture
CC: Aishae, I really don't think they'd be cut out for this
CC: At all
LD: Are they gamers?
CC: Not plural
LD: Just go for it please
LD: But open up your server player first I'm ready to go
CC: Yeah, yeah, on it
cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl
==Boot Server
Actually you had better contact those other two idiots while you're at it. You keep a pretty clean chum roster and there are actually only a few chums left to contact at all.
==Contact Chum
With more than a little trepidation you open up the pesterlog of one of your more annoying compatriots.
cometChaser began pestering snowyOwl
CC: As much as I infinitely hate to ask, I know you have a copy of Sburb
CC: On behalf of my group I would like to formally invite you to join our server loop
SO: I really wasn't planning on playing this :/
CC: Sal, come on
SO: I honestly had no intention of it, my brother got two copies and gave on to me you know that, why would I want to play it?
CC: Because we need your help
SO: You and the weird alien people I assume?
SO: Forget it, I don't talk to strangers
CC: Then stay silent and play the game
SO: That sounds like cheating somehow
CC: You're insufferable you know that?
SO: I try
CC: What are you angling for?
SO: Well you know my birthday's coming up…
CC: What is it you want?
SO: There's a twenty pound polar bear plushie, mail order only, take it or leave it
CC: …
SO: I could just throw this game away…
CC: …
SO: Fine, how about a bowl of ice cream, plus sized
CC: I'll get you a coupon
SO: No hacking it
SO: How do I use this thing anyway?
CC: It's really easy, when your turn rolls around boot your server player to serve someone's client
CC: Then you just play I guess
SO: So you don't even need me yet?
CC: No, but you'll have to be ready
SO: Make it two bowls for the extra trouble
CC: Fine, but are you in or are you out?
SO: I'm in
SO: Who knows this might actually be fun, for a video game that is
snowyOwl ceased pestering cometChaser
snowyOwl began pestering cometChaser
SO: By the way, how is Aishae?
SO: I am kind of curious
cometChaser ceased pestering snowyOwl
==Contact Other Annoying Friend
cometChaser began pestering zombiesBlade
CC: I take it you're not playing Sburb either?
ZB: Dude
ZB: I've been waiting here for minutes for this thing to boot
ZB: And it's not doing anything
ZB: Because no one's being my client
ZB: This is trippy man
CC: Dude are you drunk?
ZB: Of course not
CC: You're stoned
ZB: Daaaaaaaamn Straaaaaaaight
CC: I'll talk to you later…
ZB: No may wan
ZB: way* man*
ZB: I know exactly what you need
ZB: Yous lookin for a server right?
CC: A server player to join the link chain actually, not for me
ZB: Either way…
ZB: How longs my turn gonna take?
CC: My guess is a few hours
ZB: I should be sober by then
ZB: You can count on me bro, you'll never find a better player of this game!
CC: I'm hesitant
zombiesBlade ceased pestering cometChaser
==Be The Girl
Which girl? Just within the past few minutes you've talked to two of them.
==Be The Troll Girl
As long as you have nothing better to do…
The screen changes, you are now the troll girl.
==Enter Name
"Blabbery Loudmouth"
Are you joking? For one that would break the sacred rules of the troll kind of having two names both of six letters.
==Try Again
"Aishae Neoxia"
That's more like it.
You are now Aishae, a young troll of six solar sweeps. Your hive is cluttered, just the way you like it, with various items of mixed interest. You really don't know why you have most of this junk. If you were on a graphic viewer of Homestuck you would not need to mention you have long hair and horns that curl up suspiciously like a heart shape. You can hear the heavy breathing of your lusus somewhere in the basement.
==Take A More Specific Look Around
That's actually not a bad idea; the author didn't exactly give you the clearest picture. Your room is cluttered, mainly with various plush dolls of various allegiances. On your desk next to a truly adorable little dragon is your dragon top. You have an entire half of your room devoted to dragon plushies. Did you mention you are pretty much obsessed with dragons?
==Give Up Dragons Forever
No
==Examine Dragontop
The dragontop is of course a computer with another adorable dragon on it. You see no real reason to open it up; you just got done pestering Umbrus.
Oh, looks like your moirail is trying to get in touch with you.
==Troll Moirail
luckyDragongirl began trolling empressButterfly
EB: Um…
EB: Aishae…
EB: Are you there…?
LD: Sure am sweet cheeks, what can I do you for?
EB: Um…
EB: I was just wondering…
EB: When was I supposed to log into the server?
EB: You still haven't told me…
LD: Oh don't worry; commie's got that taken care of
LD: Once he rounds up our last two compatriots we'll have the whole order ready
EB: Oh…
EB: Okay…
LD: Based on my charts…
LD: You're coming in right after Comet's first friend then playing server for his second friend
EB: Okay…
LD: Don't worry if anyone can get this covered its commie
EB: I know…
LD: You'll never tell him I called him that right?
EB: Of course not, I couldn't
LD: Thanks!
EB: What are Moirails for?
LD: Keeping each other in check right?
LD: Dang it, this is confusing even for me and I'm an expert
EB: …
LD: Whatever, you know I'm right gal pal
EB: mhmm…
LD: Cheer up will you
LD: And hey, I'm supposed to be connecting to commie right here right now but I think I misplaced my client disc
LD: Could you pretty please use your awesome hacking ability to send me the data?
EB: Aishae, I couldn't!
EB: That's so against the rules…
LD: Please?
EB: I can't
EB: I really mustn't…
LD: Do it pupae!
empressButterfly ceased trolling luckyDragongirl
luckyDragongirl began trolling empressButterfly
LD: Zeldia sweetie… I'm sorry…
EB: That's okay
EB: I've got the game ready for you
LD: Really?
LD: Or you're the best friend a troll could have!
EB: I'm sending it to you now
EB: Have fun with your future matesprite
LD: Which you will never tell him
EB: Never
LD: Here I go
luckyDragongirl ceased trolling empressButterfly
==Launch Sgrub
Looks like you're still downloading; maybe you should find something else to occupy your time while Zeldia does her job. You really don't know what you would do without her. You've been best friends forever.
==Fantasize About Umbrus
You really shouldn't…
But in the end you realize you have to. You can only imagine based on his intelligent wording and masculine green text he is a kind and nurturing troll. Maybe handsome too, with huge horns.
Not like Romuli.
His horns are like sharpened nubs.
==Reality Check
Of course you've never really met this guy; after all how a person speaks doesn't necessarily determine what they look like. Sure it's plenty likely he's awesome simply since he hasn't bragged about himself yet, but that doesn't determine squat. "He" may actually be a girl (perish the thought of there being women on the internet besides yourself and your precious moirail). Bleauh, let's think of something else.
==Question Text Color
You have gray text because gray is the second most reasonable color to use. The first most reasonable color was black, which is your favorite color, but black is the default color which makes it boring. You do, however, change your text color to pink for a short while, just to make things fun.
Oh, looks like Zeldia's got the game loaded for you.
==Troll Umbrus
luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser
LD: Hey, are you there or what?
CC: I've been waiting here with the server running since you told me to over half an hour ago.
LD: Well I've been waiting too, why didn't you connect?
CC: Because you weren't there
CC: Actually you still aren't
CC: I think there may be something wrong with the system
LD: What? The game's been tested over and over what could be wrong with it?
CC: It's probably a connection problem; maybe we should have your hacker friend check the code.
LD: Speaking of her, she's visible
CC: She is…?
CC: I wonder why that is, must be a problem with my Sburb then
LD: Yeah and Romuli just came on, it's defiantly a problem with yours
CC: I don't see him either, damn, you're probably right
LD: Well get around to fixing it and then connect with me
CC: Why don't you just connect to one of your other friends while we're waiting?
LD: Because I've got the graph already figured out
LD: We can't go screwing with it now
CC: Fine…
CC: Wait… you know there is one thing…
LD: What is it?
CC: A bit of coding I just got which looks like it may go with Sburb
LD: Well load it up come on!
CC: Alright give me a second
cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl
==Go Back To Being The Nerdy Human
You are about to go back to being the nerdy human when…
==Psyche!
You are now a rather intelligent troll. At least you assume yourself intelligent. Your hair is a misapplied mess, which you despise because misapplied is not even a word. Your horns, which you sharpen daily, just barely poke out of the fur. What will you do now?
==Examine Hive
You cast a rather hesitant glance around your hive; it makes you somewhat claustrophobic at times. You can't imagine any troll ever had such an extensive collection of books which fill shelves floor to ceiling on every wall. The ones you have direct interest in at the current moment, whether for reading or fighting, are piled up around your computer desk. You really have no definite way to get away from your computer with all this crap piled everywhere and many a time you've had your prickly little lusus bring you food and chamber pots so you don't have to perform the arduous task of cleaning this place. Goddamned books, you feel like a certain cartoon character with an aptitude for magical practices.
==Examine Blood
You really don't see any reason to pay the vial of purple blood on your desk more than a moment's notice. Your lusus is curled up beside it for warmth as is usually the case and the purple on white contrast does nothing to change your complexion in any way shape or form. You are proud of your blood though, purple, but not too purple. You would sure hate to be one of those slippery fish trolls, how disgusting…
==Pet Lusus
You run a hand over your small lusus and immediately receive a palm full of pokey prickles. That was stupid. Who in their right mind ever thought it was a good idea to pet a porcupine?
On the subject of stupid, it looks like that sea dweller is messaging you.
==Indulge Sea Dweller
empressButterfly began trolling cerebralLight
EB: um…
EB: hello Romuli
CL: If you would do me the honor of speaking at the regular pace and tone of us measly surface dwellers I would be very grateful
CL: Your highness…
EB: Oh!
EB: I'm so sorry…
EB: I really don't want to be a bother…
EB: I'll try harder…
CL: What have you interrupted me for fish?
CL: If your just here to stutter swim on home I don't have time for you
EB: No, it's not that
EB: I'm so sorry I would make you think that
CL: Just spit it out already
EB: Um you see
EB: Aishae was about to start the round of Sgrub and I wanted to know if you already knew where you were in position
CL: I yank Umbrus into the game and get pulled in by one of his friends
CL: I know what I'm doing squid
EB: Please don't call me squid…
EB: That is… if you don't mind…
CL: Of course not your regal scaliness
CL: Swim on home and get ready to play
EB: Of…of course…
empressButterfly ceased trolling cerebralLight
==Immediately Feel Horrifyingly Guilty
Of course you feel guilty. That little sea dweller is the single most adorable creature you ever laid eyes on. And you've never even seen her. You shed a manly tear for offending her so. Though it is your duty to not appear weak in the eyes of the highest blood, damn those deep purple people.
==Seek Other Trolls
The only other trolls online at the moment are Aishae, who you despise, and Umbrus, who you know is busy. It's probably better to just wait for your turn to connect to the server.
Hold on, looks like Umbrus opened a memo.
==Read Memo
This action is repeated by a number of other trolls.
cometChaser opened memo #Shadowyspectrums
cometChaser blocked cerebralLight from commenting
cometChaser blocked snowyOwl from commenting
cometChaser blocked zombiesBlade from commenting
cometChaser blocked empressButterfly from commenting
CLD: Hey! Umbrus! What's up with this?
cometChaser blocked luckyDragongirl from commenting
CCC: Alright now that I have made absolutely certain I can address this group uninterrupted I am going to read out our official plan of entry.
CCC: According to the walkthrough (Spoiler Alert) the game includes a first gate leading to your home world and successive gates leading to the worlds of your other players.
CCC: When you enter one player's world you may interact with them.
CCC: At the end of the server chain is the final gate where you do battle with the final boss.
CCC: With the intention of winning this game with the highest accuracy possible the plan is as follows (End Spoiler Alert)
CCC: LD will connect with CC as a server player for the first connection, when LD joins CC in his world they will progress together onto CL's world. From there the group will move onto SO's world, then to EB's world and finishing up and ZB's world.
CCC: I say finishing although the final battle will indeed be waged in another world in some indefinite point between ZB's world and LD's world.
FEB: Um… excuse me… Umbrus…
CCC: Oh yes… I forgot your expert hacking skills…
FEB: It's just you forgot the god tier
CCC: (Spoiler Alert)
CCC: What god tier?
FEB: At the highest place in each land there is a special quest bed
FEB: Once you reach the highest rung of the echeladder you can sleep in that bed to ascend to the god tier and gain a huge amount of extra power
CCC: …
CCC: I knew that
CCC: (Spoiler Alert End)
CCC: Before we fight the final boss however, we will make one successive loop around the worlds to collect the final levels, or god tiers.
CCC: We will progress in the same order that we did originally because not only will these characters have the highest chance of being at the top of their echeladder, it's only fair that they wait a little less for entering the game first.
CCC: Over and out
cometChaser closed the memo #Shadowyspectrums
==Fulfill Your Part Of The Intrepid Plan
Unfortunately you cannot yet fulfill your part of the intrepid plan because first that moron Umbrus has to guide Aishae into his world, which may take up most of the afternoon. You switch to a far more interesting website involving adventures of the MS paint kind
==This Is Boring Be The Other Guy Again
You are now the other guy.
Or did you mean the guy with the kitchen knives and obnoxious father?
Oh no, you are now this guy.
==Who Is This Douche?
You are now Henry. Henry has no last name because last names are stupid and pointless. Your chumhandle is zombiesBlade, which is only one word, thank god. Now if only you had graphics so you wouldn't have to describe your long greasy hair, pale skin, stupid sunglasses, and distinct lack of horns. Sadly you are not a troll. You are not even sure what a troll is, only that the idiot cerebralLight keeps mentioning it. You don't care to talk to cerebral much though; lately you've only been using pesterchum to watch that morsel empressButterfly. Honestly you don't know any names here except Umbrus, because he has a bad habit of letting that slip. You've wasted quite a few minutes reviewing these thoughts.
==Examine Room
Posters. Oh god you love posters. Especially the many you have of Hollywood beauties in the most scandalous of situations. They cover your entire walls and ceiling, door and desk. Once or twice you considered getting rid of them but you always realized that that was stupid. Aside from the posters you have the ashes of your dead mother and father sitting in the corner. Those are kind of people you would rather forget, and a large supply of totally legal opiates makes this job all the easier.
For short periods of time at least…
Maybe you should take Umbrus' advice; vodka is always good for long term forgetfulness.
Aside from all of this you have your laptop, whose broken screen has forced you to only use pesterchum with the read aloud option. It's really annoying not being able to check your history. Or turn off the computer for that matter. There's also a display case for your video game swag. You have video games, you never play them, but you always have to have more than Umbrus. Doesn't matter how much you hate it.
==Pose With Awesome Shades
You take a moment to look supernaturally hard boiled. So much swag.
Hold on, one of your chums is pestering you.
==Indulge Chum
snowyOwl began pestering zombiesBlade
SO: HEEEELLLOOOO
SO: PURPLE MONKEY TIME!
ZB: Shut up!
ZB: I'm trying to sober up and you are doing the opposite of helping!
SO: Is Umbrus trying to make you sober so you can get on Sburb?
SO: He bribed me into playing it.
ZB: Don't diss Umbrus I think he really might be onto something for once.
SO: :(
SO: I thought you hated video games…
ZB: I usually do
ZB: But the thought of being in total control of the other player's fate…
ZB: I like this…
SO: You're so weird…
ZB: Oh come on! Don't pretend to me you wouldn't love to control someone's will just for a minute?
SO: Did you even read Umbrus' memo?
ZB: Um…what memo?
SO: #Shadowyspectrum
ZB: Uh…
ZB: What about it?
SO: Did you read it?
ZB: No…
SO: - performs a 2x face palm combo—
ZB: Look, sweetie, my hangover just started
SO: snowy*
ZB: Whatever!
ZB: I have no idea what Umbrus' old ramblings mean
SO: You're entering the game last
SO: Meaning you're not going to be anyone's server
SO: Meaning no cool god stuff
ZB: Oh…
ZB: Fuck…
ZB: Oh wait!
ZB: What about this god tier thing?
ZB: That sounds just as good
SO: Quite honestly I'm not sure what Zeldia's talking about there, I didn't read that in the walkthrough
ZB: You read the walkthrough?
SO: I want to be prepared
SO: But it was really just a glorified instruction manual
SO: It didn't give any tips about the story at all, or cheat codes, just showed me how to play
ZB: Well that puts you ahead of me…
SO: It isn't hard…
ZB: Well I'm ready for when my turn comes
ZB: Let Umbrus know I'm AWOL
SO: A Okay you mean?
ZB: Yes…
SO: I'll get right on that…
snowyOwl ceased pestering zombiesBlade
==Be Annoyed With The Owl Girl
There's no need to call her the owl girl, you know her name is Sally Warner, heir to the Warner brothers' infamous logo. And anyway, you're virtually always annoyed with that little prude.
==Be The Owl Girl
For the second time…
You are now the owl girl. Due to a continued lack of imagery we are forced to discuss your long blonde hair, blue eyes, and virtually always smiling face. If it weren't for your increasingly maniac personally you may actually be considered cute. Your name is Sally Warner.
==Examine Hive
You live in a house moron, though your continued correspondence with your three horned friends sometimes makes you confused sometimes. You don't actually know they have horns though, they just say so. You have no reason not to believe them anyway.
Your house is something of a zoo. Thanks to your heritage you have enough money to convert the whole place into a petting zoo. You have a special fondness for monkeys, like the one who seems to be pestering one of your chums.
Before you get around to that however, you look around your own room. There are no animals in here other than your special monkey friend, and you have the fullest intention of keeping it that way. Instead you have a wide variety of plants that almost entirely hide the only two pieces of furniture in the room. Your computer desk and your bed. You only only have these two pieces of furniture because you have absolutely no need for any others.
==Pester Chum
You push the monkey out of the way and take a look at the damage.
snowyOwl began pestering cometChaser
SO: ahdofahifdoajdfjoa
CC: Sal?
SO: oooahadiahooohadaka
CC: I don't have time for this…
SO: asoidfhaoidjakldosahnzoickda s
SO :daoihdfaiojaomonssey
CC: Sal I mean it!
CC: I'm getting tired of this!
SO: Oh my god I'm sorry!
SO: I wasn't spamming you I swear!
CC: Yeah, the purple monkey in front of your computer was.
SO: Exactly
CC: I seriously have no time for this…
SO: What are you doing?
CC: I'm about to connect to Sburb for the first connection
SO: Oh right your connecting to Aishae aren't you?
CC: Yes I just told you that
SO: How is she?
CC: Fine, I hope, I still haven't gotten the connection going
CC: Can I log out now?
SO: I suppose…
CC: Something else on your mind?
SO: I'm just not sure I want to sit here in front of the computer this whole time while I'm waiting
CC: Have you checked out ms paint adventures lately?
SO: Oh! No I haven't!
SO: I'd better go check that out, thanks for reminding me
snowyOwl ceased pestering cometChaser
==Check MS Paint Adventures
You are sure that Umbrus was left in a state of mild confusion because of all of this, which is a good thing. You sure love leaving your friends in a state of confusion. It makes you feel all fuzzy inside.
Oh yeah, MS Paint!
You get around to doing that…
==Psyche!
Dang it, that was supposed to be a surprise.
Oh well no fooling you.
You are now the fish girl. You've been meaning to install the graphics card that allows you to not describe your extra gills or long hair that goes almost down to your feet. Your horns are extra long, probably due to your increasingly annoying royalty status. Did you say annoying? Oh gosh… You would hate to offend anyone by saying that! After all you are very shy.
==Look Around Your Hive
The name for an underwater hive escaping you for you really have no care for such things, you cast your gaze around. Your fairy like lusus hovers a few feet away (swims?) silent as usual. Spinning in your seal-lusus chair lets you see your conch shell computer desk, golden columns in the doorway, velvet water treated mats, and giant windows with prime views of the oceanic sunset.
Just because you aren't proud of your royalty status doesn't mean you can't use it right…?
==Pat Lusus
Seeing how you really can't pet your lusus without causing violent harm you abscond from this gesture.
It looks like the mustard blood is pestering you, oh how you wish it could've been that purple land dweller. He has his own sort of nerdy charm…
==Observe Possible Shipping
You are now the author.
You regret to inform any readers that while there will be plenty of it later; the shipping of these incredible original characters is going to have to wait.
Yes I observed the fact that the girls are doing all the fawning, which if you think about it typical unless the men in question are total douche bags. This is surprisingly often… A more acceptable explanation is that Umbrus is too aloof, Romuli is too reclusive, and Henry is too stoned. Aishae is a fan girl, Zeldia is shy, and Sally is a psycho.
Hoping that I've put all the characters personalities into bright light under the title of shipping can we get back to our fish girl?
==Get Back To Fish Girl
You finish a conversation with Aishae that you had a few scenes back and prepare a hacked version of Sgrub for her. If you weren't so nice you would be really annoyed with her. However you keep a stiff upper lip and send her the file, which she should be able to boot any minute.
==Turn On Your File So You Can Be Prepared
You know you're the next to last person to enter the game, but you launch both your server and client files just in case. The username cerebralLight blinks to life on the screen though no one else seems to.
==Ponder The Lack Of Names
It is kind of weird, Umbrus at least should be ready to go so he can play server for Aishae. If he hasn't booted up his game yet he really can't blame her for not having hers. Huh…
==Go Back To What Umbrus Is Up To
You are Umbrus again. During your wait for Aishae to get here you have spotted Henry's and Sally's usernames burst into life on your Sburb. You contemplated changing to plan to accommodate but that would probably take more time than waiting for Aishae. Something must be wrong with one of your connections, she said she saw Romuli but you don't see him. Of course she sees neither of your friends so it's a little bit of a toss up.
==Observe Sbridge File
You really don't want to but you cast your gaze to the word file. It seems short sweet and to the point, and is obviously a plug in for Sburb. At first you did think it was a virus, but you're good enough with programming to know that there are no conflicting codes here. You then thought it was an add-on for the game that this guy wanted to sluff, but there's not nearly enough detail for that. It almost looks like a program part to help connect systems, but you should already have that, the names zombiesBlade and snowyOwl blinking to life on your computer screen are proof enough of that. What to do…?
==Program Code
It's been a damn long time since you worked with any sort of code, you really didn't have the touch for it. Zeldia has godlike manipulation of it which you kind of envy but right now you have bigger fish to fry. This time it should be a matter of simply copy-pasting the code into JavaScript, which you're kind of thankful for.
==Add New Program To Sburb
You take a moment to contemplate the automatic shortcut on your desktop that was created when you encoded Sbridge. It looks like the logo from Sburb connecting by a chain to some other logo, purple, maybe an upgraded version? Perhaps you have just received a beta without realizing it. This might be nifty. Unfortunately you cannot add this program to Sburb, it is independent, that is unless you want to butcher both codes which you really don't have the time or skill to do.
==Launch Sbridge
Hesitantly you double click the strange icon.
It instantly disappears.
Before you can even question what this might mean for your computer three more familiar usernames appear on your Sburb screen including the one you were on pins and needles awaiting. It's about time really.
==Connect To luckyDragongirl
You boot your server to connect with the loudmouth.
In a galaxy far, far away, the loudmouth launches her client file.
==Game On
The loading screen begins; both parties are given repeated glances at their own, and a mysterious world. They can both tell instantly that this is all going to be great fun, but somewhere even further away than they are from each other; a desperate planet begins opening gates.
==Ponder Omnipotent Development
As you watch the rocks from space float through the strange spirographs you debate whether or not you can really comprehend all that's going on here. Of course naturally you have the power, all you had to do to get that was to click on this Fanfiction and read it. Well congratulations it's about time to get this story really rolling.
Oh wait…
That's the end of the first act.
Guess you have a bit of a wait ahead of you.
==Play Intermission
There is no intermission to be played instead I give you two words in fancy font courtesy of another one of MS's notoriously good items, Word.
End Of act 1