short summary: Story starts out explaining how the friendship became strained from Bella's POV and we see a little of Edwards. We eventually find out whats going on, but there is always trouble surrounding everyone involved. PLEASE REVIEW!

************somewhere in junior year...

It all fell apart somewhere around my birthday, freshman year. I didn't even see it coming, that's how blind and naive I was back then. I had been best friends with Edward since we were very little. We grew up next to one another when his family moved here when I was Five. And our families were close, but Edward and I had a strange bond, anyone could see. Over the years things changed. My parents got divorced when I was seven; Edward was there for me, even then. My mother remarried and eventually moved to Florida. I decided to stay with Charlie, my dad. I just couldn't leave him all alone. Life was good. I was happy... and then High school happened. I look at Edward now, and I wonder what it was that happened exactly. What changed? It was like he became a whole new person over night and it didn't make any sense. What did he want, that he did what he did? For them? The popular, beautiful people? I guess he belonged with them, but I always thought he was better than that crowd…or at least I used to.

October 30th, 2006: freshman year- - - The theme of course was a costume party, like all my birthdays before. I loved Halloween, and the fact that my birthday was so close. It started off pretty standard, bobbing for apples, monster mash, who could stuff the most candycorn in their mouth at one time...but there was something noticeably mvissing from the night, Edward. He didn't even bother to show up. Instead I later found out he was out egging houses with some of the 'jocks' from our grade. Looking back I shouldn't have been surprised, but of course that's knowing everything I know now, so there's a little predisposition about the whole thing. The truth was Edward had been pulling away for a few weeks by then. Snapping at me at the most random moment,-- which was not at all like him-- or being too busy to hang out; Sitting with different people at lunch or in class and such.

By the end of the party I was sitting alone in my room, staring out the window into Edward's room across the way, waiting for a light to come on. I still thought he was going to make it. Maybe he had a big surprise up his sleeve. Somewhere around midnight I just gave up and my eyes were swimming in tears. The next day I thought he would be full of remorse. I imaged him pleading with me to forgive him, groveling on hands and knees, and I was, of course, going to accept it. He had made a mistake, but he was my best friend and I would forgive him. Only no apology came. By the end of the day I was so livid I practically pushed him to the ground when I saw him. He laughed at my anger and it only angered me more. He said he didn't feel like going and that I didn't own him. I just stood there with my jaw slackened. It was like the world was spinning off its axis. Who knows, perhaps it did.

********* It's now my junior year and it's been some time since I have even spoken to Edward. The last time we argued was at the end of freshman year. I missed him, even with everything he's done, and who he pretends to be now. But I don't see things ever changing and getting better between us. I feel Edward is lost to me and it still makes me sad, but I push those feelings away, they can do no good at the surface...but sometimes, when he doesn't see me looking, sometimes, I can still see the real Edward in there, I swear.

Back in freshmen year, everything just went from bad to worst so quickly. After our fight, over my birthday, there was about a half second where things might have gone the other way. I had calmed down and thought he was getting over his little 'phase'. I wanted to understand his anger and reasons for being the way he was. I wanted to know if my best friend had been body snatched by deranged aliens hell bent on world domination. It seemed like a very plausible explanation. I've yet to gain any substantial proof of this, though.

There were many contributing factors to our parting of ways, that I have been able to recognize and analyze over the two years, that leave me wondering what if... Like what if Jessica Stanley hadn't been psychotically in love with Edward and determined to do anything to have him? What if her friends weren't mostly revolting douches in the universe, with no moral conscious? What if Edward hadn't wanted to be their friends or cared what they thought? What if Edward's oldest brother, Emmett didn't leave such an incredible legacy, causing Edward to probably feel inferior or like he had to keep up? What if I hadn't yelled at him or given him the silent treatment? What if I had told him I was in love with him and that it killed me to see him act that way and push me away?

…what if? Those words will haunt me forever, I guess. Like what if I hadn't told on Edward to his parents when I found out the following week he went to that legendary party with all those upperclassmen and collage kids, or the prank with Mr. Anderson's car they were planning on pulling, as well. (Which had he been able to join in on he would have gotten caught and suspended for two weeks, which would have gone on his record.)He knew it was me who told and instead of feeling grateful that I was looking out for him, he felt only betrayal, disgust, and hatred. He was so angry he started spilling embarrassing secrets, right then and there, which only he knew about, to the entire class. I think most his words were lost on everyone else, but I was mortified... and so, so angry. I had just been trying to look out for my friend and he purposely was doing everything he could to hurt me. Invasion of the bodysnatcher indeed. So, I tried to do the same thing back and humiliate him, which only escalated our problem. He was furious that I was actually sticking up for myself and trying to put him in his place. I couldn't understand him. He was trying to hurt me. he was trying to push me away. To make matters worse, Jessica and her friends were constantly trying to intimidate me or threaten me to stay away, those first few months. The boys gave me a hard time, but in a totally different way, as though I would ever be interested in doing anything with any of them.

For some reason, though, Jessica was not satisfied. Even though she and Edward started dating a few weeks after we stopped talking, it was like she needed me destroyed before she was truly happy.

My mistake was going to a party. Well, no my real mistake was putting any trust in the wrong people. Lauren was one of Jessica's friends, but I always thought she was kind of afraid of her, so when she started being nice to me I figured she felt bad for me. It was her idea that I went with her to the party. She said she wouldn't leave my side…and she didn't, not even when Jessica drugged my drink and had pictures taken of me, so it looked like I was hooking up with random boys. I woke up the next day, not sure what had happened. It was the scariest few hours of my life. I forced the truth out of Lauren and she spilled about what they did. She said nothing 'really' happened, which I could just laugh at now. It didn't feel like nothing. Apparently I had been aggressive, fighting back, and the boys got annoyed and/ or freaked out. Lauren and Drew ended up taking me home, so no one would get in trouble. I guess they began to panic that something was going to happen and people would find out what they did. I was upset and refused to believe her, and that's when she showed me. Apparently, Tyler had filmed it on his phone. I was furious but relieved at the same time and then furious for actually feeling some sense of relief after what they did. I was never the same after that. I told Lauren if she ever even looked at me again I would start by shaving her head. She must have taken my threat pretty seriously because I haven't heard a peep out of her since. I thought of sending the video to Edward, but didn't. I was angry that he wasn't there that night, but I had to wonder if he had been, would he have saved me, or joined in on the fun. I decided that after the year was over, to give it a go in Florida with my mom. I was done with it all…unfortunately it wasn't done with me.

On Monday the rumors were flying. Edward looked at me with frustration in his eyes. I was outraged. In first hour I heard the whispers and taunts directed at me and decided to fire back. I heard Edward make a disbelieving grunt and I turned around to glare at him. I should have just let it go, but I needed him to know the truth. How could he ever believe I would do that? How could he believe the lies Jessica was telling him? I didn't care what everyone else thought, but him...it mattered. So, I confronted Edward about his choice in friends and girlfriend, and the way he was acting, perhaps I should have waited till we were alone, but I was too worked up to wait. I tried to keep calm and not cry. He was so stone faced while I yelled, and then as I finished my much needed torrent, he smirked, his eyes cold and unfeeling, and the tears spilled over.

"How can you deny it? You're not as good an actress as you think." Jessica said, sneering, as I turned to run away. The way she looked, it was like she was planning 5 steps ahead and I hardly knew what just happened.

"If your not going to be honest about it, I guess I'll just have to show everyone who you really are." She then proceeded to take out her phone. For a minute, I thought she was going to play the video, which confused me. That wasn't her plan. Instead she sent out a picture message to every student with a cell phone. It was like instant wild fire. She was even gracious enough to send them to me, three in fact. In the pictures I looked…easy. It looked like I was enjoying myself with the boys, but pictures can be very deceiving, I thought, remembering the video. Edward stormed out and I followed. But the things he said to me, I wish I hadn't. The look on his face, it hurts even to think about it now.

I got my first suspension that day. After I returned to the classroom I let my fist fly right into Jessica's face. I have to admit I felt a little better. And that was the last time me and Edward really spoke, if you can call that talking. It was hard being away from him and his family, separating myself. It felt like I had to cut myself in half and then tried to continue living. What a joke. On the bright side I did very well in my classes and got into all AP classes the next year, even with the transfer. I began drawing and painting more as well. It really helped me deal. At lunch I spent a lot of my time in the art room or the theater room painting stage sets. It was strange how easy it was to become invisible from the world. I enrolled in an art class after school one day a week, as well. With an after school job, to save money for college, I was able to keep myself pretty busy and the end of the year was finally there.

There were a few other arguments or snide comments, here and there, that added to the major rift, and I finally lost all faith. I lost faith in humanity for a while, really, and I tried to become invisible. I focused on schoolwork and just trying to make it through the year.

I went to Florida the day after school was out. It was nice; freeing. I could be anyone I wanted to be, but the trials of the last year still followed me. I could not run from who I was now, but I fooled myself into thinking I might change back, or evaporate in the heavy air.

...Then Charlie got sick and I couldn't leave him on his own. I came back and took care of him. Sophomore year was a little better. People mostly just left me alone. I realized most of them were afraid of me. I changed my schedule, so I didn't have any classes with Edward, which helped. I lucked out and didn't have any with Jessica and her crones, either. Of course, it was more to do with her not getting into AP classes, than luck. I was in AP Bio with all upper class-men though, due to the switch. There was only one other sophomore, a girl named Alice. She recognized me from the theater room. For some reason, she thought I was the greatest and wanted to be friends. Alice was an amazing person. I've never known anyone quite like her. Scary at times with her predictions. We've decided she should totally get one of those tacky psychic booths at the mall, or something, and set up shop. It took me a long time to let her in though (having been so hurt before), which drove her nuts. She told me she knew we would be best friends though, and I guess she was, of course, right. I only had a few friends. Alice and Angela were the only two girls at school willing to be my friend. They didn't care what others said and refused to believe the gossip. My other only friend in the world was Jacob ( and his buddies too). After my dad got sick, he was around with his dad a lot. It was nice having friends again, especially great ones like them.

Thanks to Jessica I got kind of a reputation for being a' bad' girl. Which I know, sounds so silly. I was labeled the loner type after awhile. Jacob would pick me up on his bike sometimes and people started speculating I was dating the tough, hot, Quileute guy. I started riding too sometimes and it only added to my 'rebel without a cause' persona. I got in a little bit of trouble, acting out that year. Like when Tyler started harassing me, Jacob and I sneaked over to his house one night and took the tires off his car and painted it pink. Then the next day I casually asked him where his car was and he knew, then everyone knew. It was a small piece of revenge for what he did to me. I guess I wanted them to know I wasn't someone to mess with. I decked Paul, when he tried to grab my ass in the cafeteria line, resulting in a detention. I think they went easy on me because of what he did. I wasn't taking anymore of anyone's crap and so they began to back away. I picked and choose my battles, like how I made sure Jessica didn't get elected in the homecoming court or as our class president, through careful manipulation of the student body. It felt good being able to stand up for myself and taking control of my own life instead of letting others put me down, but that's not all I was. I enjoyed getting back at those kids when I could, but mostly I just tried to ignore their existence. Sure, most the students at Forks High were afraid of me, but it was the person I let people believe me to be, because it was easier. Only my friends saw the real me.

I assumed Jessica must have felt like she won because Edward was all hers. He was a star on the football and hockey team, and she was well on her way to being prom queen senior year, at least in theory. Of course they were constantly breaking up and it was pretty apparent there was a lot of cheating going on, on both sides. It was revolting to watch, so I tried not to. It still angered me to see how much Edward had changed over the last year. He was no longer the sweet guy who stuck up for the little guy or who did anything to make you smile. He played it so cool all the time. He reminded me of a zombie from dawn of the dead, half the time. He was just so lifeless, for a boy who used to be so full of life. And maybe he wasn't involved directly with all the depraved activities of his peers, but he let it happened. He was an enabler, an accomplice.

He didn't speak a word to me sophomore year, except once. Alice and I had become good friends by the end of the year. She was big into the dramatics, always the lead in our school productions. She began to date Jasper, during the winter production of ' Death of a Salesman'. Jasper was the student director. He also happens to be Edward's older brother as well. Jasper loved to rag on 'the new Eddie' as he sometimes referred to him, but he was constantly trying to make me believe the old Edward was still in there somewhere, when he wasn't around his friends. Once I went over to hang out with them next door because Edward was supposed to be gone for the day. I was downstairs, making us sandwiches, like old times, when Edward walked in. He stared at me, surprised to see me and then frowned. He walked over to the counter and grabbed one of the sandwiches I was making and took a bite, leaning back on the counter as he did so. I noticed my hands shaking as I continued to finish the sandwiches. I didn't dare speak first.

"So where's your boyfriend, today?" he asked, darkly after he swallowed. He didn't look at me.

"Who?" I asked clueless. What rumor had he heard now?

"That guy, who gives you the rides on his bike…I haven't seen him around lately. Has he already gotten sick of you? Or just found out what you're really like?" he asked cruelly, taking another bite and chewing slowly.

"Jacob isn't my boyfriend. We're just friends. What's it to you, anyways?" I asked, finding my anger.

He just shrugged and continued chewing. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, so I busied myself by putting the contents back into the fridge. I turned and hurriedly opened the cupboard next to his head and put back the bag of cookies, as I did so I notice his eyes catch something and he turned to face me suddenly. I froze with my hand still holding the bag on the shelf. I watched from the corner of my eye as he reached for my arm, putting the sandwich down. His touch was like a shock to me. He gripped my arm securely, as he examined it.

"What happened?" he asked, seriously, forgetting himself for a second.

" I fell." I pulled my arm away and gathered up the tray, ready to make my exit.

"How?"

I didn't turn back around to face him.

"Just riding. I took the turn too quick."

"You should be more careful. Maybe have my father look at it." What? Why was he saying this? It was strange having him say concerning words, while sounding so apathetic. I made my move to leave.

"I'm surprised; wouldn't a bad wreck just make your day? Perhaps if I broke my neck, you might finally smile again. Then you and your awesome friends could throw a party, not that you need an excuse," I bite out sarcastically, not even giving him time to respond.

When I got home that night I caught sight of something across the way. I could feel eyes on me and walked to the window. Edward was standing there staring out at me. I just stared back, refusing to be the first to look away. He didn't move; no smirk, no words, just stillness. We stayed like that for maybe 10 minutes, and then Charlie knocked and came in. When I looked back, his light was off and he was gone. I walked over and closed by blinds.

Sometime around Spring Charlie went into remission. I was doing well. I was even planning a trip for the summer with my mom, and Alice was coming with us. One whole month in Rome. Then I'd go back to Florida for a month and then I'd be back home. Two years down, two to go.

A week before the new school year, Charlie confessed he had to go in for some tests. The cancer might be back. It scared me. I went with him to the hospital, where Doctor Cullen was there to greet us. He wasn't specialized in the area, but since he and my father were fairly close, he checked in with us and made sure he was getting the best care. It was very comforting to have him there.

As I sat there and waited for Charlie to get out, I began to panic. What if he wasn't okay, the idea was choking me. I needed someone to talk to but Alice was at an audition and I couldn't reach Angela. Jacob was still camping, so that left me alone with my thoughts. I decided to go find Doctor Cullen and talk to him, but when I got there the nurse said he was in surgery. Darn, I thought, starting my way back to the waiting area. I was very distracted by my thoughts, so I didn't see the person turning the corner till I had already bumped into him. I looked up, dazed, and found myself staring at a moody looking Edward.

"What are you doing, here?" he asked as though I had no right being on his turf or something. I looked into his eyes and couldn't help myself. I lunged at him and threw my arms around his neck, giving in to the sobs. I must have shocked the hell out of him. He was rigid for about one full second and then tightly wrapped his arms around me, making soothing noises in my hair. I didn't care in that instant that we weren't friends anymore or that I should hate him. I needed him and being held in his arms I felt so safe and protected.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

I just shook my head into his chest, trying to compose myself.

"What is it, Bella? Please," he was pleading. He sounded concerned. Perhaps I had fainted in the waiting area. I had to get a hold of myself. He only held me tighter. I have no idea how long we stayed like that before I spoke.

"It's…nothing. I'm sorry." I ran out of his arms and away from him.