Title: StarBook
Notes: Pure crack. Inspired by Hamlet on Facebook.
StarBook – A social utility tool to connect interstellar travelers, friends, and colleagues.
James T. Kirk failed to save the Kobayashi Maru again in Beat the Klingons! Rank drops to 'Failing Cadet'.
Leonard H. McCoy Told you. Nobody can beat that damn game.
James T. Kirk - Leonard H. McCoy I'm doing it again. So get down here!
Leonard H. McCoy dislikes this.
N. Uhura You're gonna fail.
James T. Kirk If I pass, you'll tell me your first name right?
James T. Kirk is trying to save the Kobayashi Maru in Beat the Romulans! Lend a helping hand!
Gaila Go get them, Jim!
James T. Kirk - Gaila Thanks! Oh, and check your inbox for a surprise! ^.~
*FATAL ERROR*
StarBook will resume in 3 seconds.
James T. Kirk saved the Kobayashi Maru and trounced the Klingons in Beat the Klingons! Rank rose to 'Has potential to be a Captain'.
Spock dislikes this.
M. Hanson - Spock How the hell did that kid beat your game?
Spock challenges James T. Kirk's recent win in Beat the Klingons! in Objection!
Spock You somehow activated a subroutine in the game and thus changing the parameters for it.
James T. Kirk Who cares? The game itself is a cheat anyway. You programmed it to be unwinnable.
Richard Barnett judged the case to be against James T. Kirk in Objection! Penalty: grounded until a decision can be reached.
James T. Kirk and Leonard H. McCoy dislike this.
N. Nyota likes this.
UFP, creators for Beat the Klingons!, changed the name to Beat the Romulans! and released the mission 'Vulcan crisis'! Invite everyone!
Currently, 5498 accepted the mission.
James T. Kirk created the 'Pointy-eared Bastard' club. Come and join!
N. Uhura dislikes this.
Leonard H. McCoy joined.
James T. Kirk's application to join Team USS Enterprise in Beat the Romulans! has been denied.
Leonard H. McCoy Don't worry. They have to let you.
Leonard H. McCoy Btw, I absolutely did NOT tell you to NOT write 'going through vaccine of Melvarian Mud Fleas' into NOT your app.
James T. Kirk O.O You call that a favor?
James T. Kirk's application to join Team USS Enterprise Beat the Romulans! has been granted!
James T. Kirk is friends with Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, Christine Chapel, and 526 others.
Hikaru Sulu's rank rose to 'Helmsman' in Beat the Romulans!
Pavel Chekov likes this.
James T. Kirk received a 'Mission Briefing' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk Holy shit, it's a lightning storm! I have to tell Pike.
Leonard H. McCoy received bonus mission 'Severe Reaction to Vaccine' in Beat the Romulans!
Leonard H. McCoy successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!
James T. Kirk likes this.
Christopher Pike - Kirk How the hell did you get on my team?
Spock challenges James T. Kirk for his assumption that Vulcan is under attack in Objection!
Spock Based on what facts?
James T. Kirk That same anomaly occurred on the day of my birth, when Kelvin was attack by a Romulan ship. Besides, Uhura also received a transmission from Klingon prison planet about an attack too. So there!
Christopher Pike judged the case to be for James T. Kirk in Objections!
Teams USS Faragut, USS Antarus, USS Truman, and four others are annihilated in Beat the Romulans!
Current battle in Beat the Romulans!:
USS Enterprise vs. Narada
HP: 37 HP: 9999
STR: 23 STR: 9999
INT: 0 INT: 9999
AGI: 2 AGI: 9999
STA: 7 STA: 9999
Come lend a hand!
Hikaru Sulu They're over 9000! We can't take another hit like that.
Christopher Pike Alright. Sulu, Spock, Kirk, come with me. Russian whiz kid,
you have the conn.
Christopher Pike, Hikaru Sulu, Spock, James T. Kirk, and E. Olson made a 'Cunning Plan' to get back at Narada in Beat the Romulans!
529 people like this.
E. Olson I am sooo ready to kick some Romulan arse!
Spock's rank rose to 'Acting Captain' in Beat the Romulans!
N. Uhura likes this.
James T. Kirk's rank rose to 'Acting First Officer' in Beat the Romulans!
Leonard H. McCoy WHAT?!
James T. Kirk Thanks for the support.
E. Olson is offline.
Hikaru Sulu Damn it. I told him not to wear a red shirt!
Hikaru Sulu and James T. Kirk successfully carried out the Cunning Plan in Beat the Romulans! The Narada's 'Infinity and Beyond' shield has taken a direct hit and its defense level dropped from 2 to 1!
Pavel Chekov receives urgent bonus mission 'Do 1000 Calculations in 45 seconds to Save Crewmates' in Beat the Romulans!
Pavel Chekov successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!
James T. Kirk and Hikaru Sulu like this.
Spock receives urgent bonus mission 'Save Vulcan High Council' in Beat the Romulans!
Spock only rescued four out of seven council members, and lost the most important member, Amanda Grayson!
Amanda Grayson is offline.
Spock and N. Nyota dislike this.
Nero and Team Narada left the battle in Beat the Romulans! They get Christopher Pike as a reward!
James T. Kirk and 493 dislike this.
Leonard H. McCoy's rank rose to 'Chief Medical Officer' in Beat the Romulans!
Leonard H. McCoy receives bonus mission "Take care of 200,000+ Sick Patients" in Beat the Romulans!
Leonard H. McCoy dislikes this.
Spock created a 'Ship's Log' in Beat the Romulans! Receives 200 XP!
Spock and N. Uhura are in a relationship.
N. Uhura changes her relationship status to 'It's complicated'.
Christopher Pike changes his status to 'Hostage – paralyzed and poisoned'.
Team USS Enterprise failed the mission 'Vulcan Crisis' in Beat the Romulans!
UFP, creator of Beat the Romulans!, released new mission 'Stop Nero'! Invite everyone!
Currently, 495 accepted the mission.
James T. Kirk challenges Spock for his decision to rendezvous with the fleet in Objection!
James T. Kirk Pike ordered us to save him and Earth is Nero's next target!
Spock Pike also ordered us to regroup with the fleet to balance the next engagement.
Spock judged the case to be against James T. Kirk in Objection! Penalty: marooned on Delta Vega.
James T. Kirk dislikes this.
James T. Kirk You SOB!
Leonard H. McCoy You could have acted like it was a hard decision!
Spock If you think crew morale is better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I shall gladly defer to your medical expertise.
James T. Kirk changes status to 'Effing Marooned'.
James T. Kirk receives rare bonus mission 'Escape from Hengrauggi' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk met the requirements for the once-in-lifetime event, 'Meeting Spock Prime from Another Timeline'!
James T. Kirk completed the mission with the help of P. Spock! Get a bonus from him!
P. Spock How did you find me?
James T. Kirk How do you know my name?!
P. Spock I am Spock.
James T. Kirk Bullshit.
Click here to see the special event 'The Origin of the Mission' brought to you by UFP.
James T. Kirk is friends with P. Spock, Keenser, and Montgomery Scott.
Montgomery Scott - P. Spock Do they still have sandwiches there?
Montgomery Scott increases his 'Astrophysics Engine' to 'Beyond Genius' level with the help from P. Spock!
James T. Kirk and Montgomery Scott like this.
James T. Kirk changes his status to 'On the Enterprise'.
Montgomery Scott changes his status from 'Drowning' to 'With the Love of his Life'.
Spock challenges James T. Kirk for his reappearance on Team USS Enterprise in Objection!
Spock How were you able to board this ship that's at warp?
James T. Kirk You're the captain. You figure it out.
Montgomery Scott I'd rather not take sides.
Oh no! A fight broke out on the USS Enterprise!
James T. Kirk vs. Spock
HP: 104 HP: 139
STR: 52 STR: 73
INT: 87 INT: 87
AGI: 48 AGI: 53
STA: 12 STA: 20
Stop it before valuable time is lost!
Sarek stops the fight!
Spock's rank dropped to 'Not Fit for Duty' in Beat the Romulans!
N. Uhura dislikes this.
James T. Kirk's rank rose to 'Acting Captain' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk Alright, guys. We're going after the Narada!
N. Uhura I sure hope you know what you're doing, captain.
James T. Kirk So do I.
Spock receives a 'Large Stamina Boost' from Sarek in Beat the Romulans!
Montgomery Scott's rank rose to 'Chief Engineer' in Beat the Romulans!
Spock changes planet of residence to 'Earth'.
Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, and Montgomery Scott made a 'Cunning Plan 2' to get back at the Narada in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk invites Spock on his secret mission 'Save Pike and Earth by Kicking Romulan Ass and Stealing Black Hole Device' in Beat the Romulans!
Spock accepts the invitation.
Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, and Montgomery Scott successfully carried out the Cunning Plan 2 in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk encounters random event 'Learning Uhura's name' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk So her name's Nyota?
Spock I have no comment on the matter.
Montgomery Scott receives bonus mission 'Beam them to the Narada' in Beat the Romulans!
Montgomery Scott successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!
James T. Kirk and Spock successfully complete the secret mission 'Save Pike and Earth by Kicking Romulan Ass and Stealing Black Hole Device' in Beat the Romulans!
Spock receives bonus mission 'Destroy Drill' in Beat the Romulans!
Spock The statistical likelihood that this plan will succeed is less than 4.3%
James T. Kirk Spock, it will work. Now move it!
James T. Kirk receives bonus mission 'Find Pike and Get the Hell Out' in Beat the Romulans!
Spock successfully complete the bonus mission 'Destroy Drill' in Beat the Romulans! The Narada's 'Infinity and Beyond' shield defense level dropped from 1 to 0 and broke! The Narada's true stats are revealed!
Current battle in Beat the Romulans!:
Jellyfish vs. Narada
HP: 1000 HP: 3422
STR: 58 STR: 134
INT: 430 INT: 288
AGI: 342 AGI: 130
STA: 193 STA: 198
Come lend a hand!
Jellyfish activated 'Warp Drives' and left the battle in Beat the Romulans!
Current battle in Beat the Romulans!:
Jellyfish vs. Narada
HP: 1000 HP: 3422
STR: 58 STR: 134
INT: 430 INT: 288
AGI: 342 AGI: 130
STA: 87 STA: 198
Come lend a hand!
Team USS Enterprise lends a hand.
Spock receives bonus mission 'Suicide Dive' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk successfully completed the bonus mission 'Find Pike and Get the Hell Out' in Beat the Romulans!
Christopher Pike Kirk, what the hell are you doing here?
James T. Kirk Just following orders.
Montgomery Scott receives urgent bonus mission 'Beam Three People from Two Targets onto One Pad' in Beat the Romulans!
Montgomery Scott successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!
N. Uhura and 493 like this.
James T. Kirk, Christopher Pike, and Spock change their statuses to 'On the Enterprise.'
Leonard H. McCoy receives urgent bonus mission 'Save Christopher Pike' in Beat the Romulans!
Team USS Enterprise activates hidden trap, 'Red Matter' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk - Nero Your ship is compromised. You're too close to the singularity to escape without assistance, which we are willing to provide.
Spock dislikes this.
James T. Kirk It may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock! I thought you'd like that.
Nero rejects invitation for assistance in Beat the Romulans!
Team Narada is annihilated in Beat the Romulans!
Team USS Enterprise successfully completed the mission 'Stop Nero' and climbed to No. 1 on the leaderboard in Beat the Romulans!
Spock met the requirements for the once-in-lifetime event, 'Meeting Spock Prime from Another Timeline' in Beat the Romulans!
James T. Kirk has earned enough reputation points to receive a commendation in Beat the Romulans!
P. Spock created the 'Vulcan Relocation Committee' club! Come and join!
Currently, Sarek and 54,423 have joined.
Click here to watch the special event 'Promotion to Captaincy' brought to you by UFP.
Team USS Enterprise receives the mission 'Five-year Mission of Amazingness' from UFP.