My two cents: This is somewhat of an apology fic because I never write about these two. Sorry! Hidan and Kakuzu are just too much fun to write. Anyways, enjoy their adventure. Warnings: I fucked cannon over, slight romance if you want it, and mild swearing. Maybe more if Hidan shows up. Let's see if I can keep him out of a story. Also please review. Quote your favorite line, say what you didn't like, whatever! I want to know what I'm doing right…or wrong.

"What's wrong," Konan asked, walking in to see Pein, who was repeatedly banging his head on a wall.

"Those two," Pein stated, pointing to a rather large envelope spilling with paper on his desk of evilness.

"I know Hidan is annoying but Kakuzu is getting better at slitting his vocal chords. I told him it's all about the angling."

"They aren't the worst anymore." Confused, Konan approached his desk. On the front of the folder was a picture of Sasori, Deidara and Tobi. Sasori had a red line drawn over him along with poorly drawn glasses and a moustache. Deidara was in the shower and Tobi was smiling so bright behind his mask that Konan almost threw up. "The inn outside of the Mist, three hundred and sixty two dollars, banned from the Sand Village, another four thousand in fines,"

"You kind of helped with that one."

"Wanted for stealing kittens," Pein continued in rhythm with his head banging. "Killed four of our spies, revealed countless others."

"Why don't you give them something easy to do while I search for the three-tails location," Konan suggested.

"They'd mess it up."

"At least it'd cause them less trouble." Pein stopped his head banging and looked at Konan.

"Fine," he grunted. He sat down behind his desk and took out a quill and parchment.

"Why don't you just-"

Pein shot Konan a glare. "If I so much as hear their names, the Akatsuki will be down two more members."

Deidara started at the slightly bloody letter in his hand, absolutely appalled. He was fuming with rage and only a fool would dare come into exploding distance.

"What do you have there," Tobi asked jumping on Deidara's back.

Only a fool.

"I can't believe leader," Deidara vented. "I just captured the one-tailed and he expects an artist of my skill to do this stupid thing, un!" Deidara mindlessly reached down to his clay pouch.

"Let Tobi see," Tobi chimed, getting closer to Deidara, either completely unaware of the clay moving through the other's teeth or all too aware. Deidara turned around to send a miniature bear at Tobi only to find him off his back, twenty feet away and with Pein's letter in hand. The explosion was a little lack-luster compared to the amazing feat Tobi just pulled.

"I'm not doing it, un," Deidara pouted. "Not worth my time and we still need to capture your demon."

"But leader asked us. We made a promise."

"I promised nothing, un."

Tobi sighed. He was going to have to use his powers of persuasion. A certain blood trait, if you will. One that only an extinct clan posses, along with another member of Akatsuki. A very rare trait ninjas wish they could hold dear and call their own.

"Pretty please with sugar on top," Tobi whined. Yes, the whine and beg tactic! Some say Hidan started this elite power, but Tobi certainly perfected it. Yes, Pein was certain a lucky man to nab two ninjas with this gift into his elite organization. "Tobi will be so good and won't bother Sempai for the rest of the day. I will be quiet and really, really, really, calm. Yep. I will even paint Sempai's nails." Deidara looked down at his nails, they were starting to chip, probably from punching and kicking things. "And braid your hair."

"Don't do the last one and we will go," Deidara warned.

"Yay," Tobi cheered, appearing on Deidara's back once again. "Onward, Deidara-Sempai, and into the suneset!" Tobi kicked Deidara's side hard and the pair started to gallop away.

"It's perfect," Konan said. "Just have them buy a toy."

"They'll mess it up."

"You really have to give them some hope," Konan sighed. "After all Ma-" Pein shot her a glare.

"No spoilers." Konan rolled her eyes, after all, it isn't really unknown who Tobi is. Obito and Tobi have all the same letters, which wasn't really smart. Now about the leader of Akatsuki business, Konan wasn't even sure who it was. She heard some rumors it was Kakashi but she also heard it was herself, which would be pretty nifty.

"He who must not be named is with Deidara. Even he has to draw a line somewhere."

"Konan, do you remember the last time it was just Tobi, you and me alone, with no members in the country, never mind in earshot?"

"Yes."

"He called us poopy stinkers for slashing the candy budget. I think we lost him."

Deidara and Tobi were in the middle of a small village square while shoppers eagerly walked past them with bags of goodies. The two Akatsuki members were lucky to see they didn't need to wear disguises around the townsfolk seeing as a riot wasn't forming.

"Okay where is Pein's letter," Deidara asked. Tobi overdramatically patted his pockets pulling out various killing objects. Taking out the last of his knivves, he gave Deidara a funny look.

"Deidara-Sempai, you are too smart. You had the letter last," Tobi chimed. "Trying to trick me, shame on you."

"While I am smart, you had it last. You better not have lost it, un."

"Whoops," Tobi shrugged. Deidara closed his eyes and slapped his forehead.

"I can't understand why we can't even do this simple request. Well of course I could have by myself but I got stuck with you. And it still haunts me – Tobi! Where are you!" Deidara started to panic. This is not what he needed right now, an embarrassing failure of a mission and his favorite test dummy missing. "Tobi, you'd better get back here right now! Un!"

"Here I am!" Deidara jumped back in surprise as Tobi waved at him with the letter in hand. "It was in your back pocket." Deidara's mouth hung open as he tried to think of what to ask first. How did you get over there? How did you check my pocket? Why did you know it was there? "Let's go!" Deidara's thoughts got cut off by Tobi dragging him downtown, through the mass of people.

Tobi pulled Deidara all the way to the shop Pein had written on the letter and happily stared at it. "A toy store," Tobi winced, on the verge of tears.

"Where else are we going to get action figures, un," Deidara scoffed. Tobi happily ran inside, arms flailing in the air. Deidara groaned and followed after him. He walked in through the glass door and was greeted by the drowning noise of parents controlling their children. Deidara soon joined in their rituals by yelling for his. "Tobi, just get what Pein wanted, un."

"Of course Deidara-Sempai," Tobi called back. In a matter of seconds Tobi appeared behind Deidara, a box in hand.

"Stop doing that," Deidara yelled.

"Did I scare you," Tobi asked, sincerely concerned.

"Of course not, I am a super cool ninja that doesn't get scared by overgrown children, un."

"Okay." Deidara rolled his eyes and walked up to the counter, ready to purchase his toy. Stealing was for lesser criminals.

"Four dollars," The cashier said. Deidara grunted and handed her a five.

"Haggle," A strange voice echoed.

"What?"

"Haggle," it repeated.

"Tobi did you hear that," Deidara asked no-one, as Tobi was following around a remotely controlled airplane around the store.

"Haggle. Try for three dollars."

"Show yourself."

"Turn around you idiot." Deidara turned around to see Kakuzu behind him, with two bags, one in hand the larger on the ground and moving. Deidara made a mental note to work on his check behind self ninja skills.

"Where's Hidan," Deidara asked. Kakuzu responded by kicking the moving bag. "Oh, un."

"See Leader send you on a crap mission too."

"Un."

"He thought we needed to bond more. So far it's pretty good."

"I'm just babysitting Tobi, which is so not worth the bonus, un."

"You get a bonus?"

"Duh! You'd get one too if you had to deal with that idiot, un."

"Ha," Hidan laughed right on cue, emerging from the bag. "You left tape in the bag! I'm free to seek my immortal-," A deep sound cut Hidan off as his arm landed on the ground. "Ah shit my arm." A little girl ran by, grabbing the arm.

"Keep away," she giggled, throwing it to another small child.

"Hey! You fucking brat, give it back," Hidan yelled, running after her, the tape on his leg starting to loosen, then fall off. Another small child ran by and picked it up.

Kakuzu and Deidara stood in place, watching Hidan's arm get thrown over shelves. A cussing head soon followed.

"Aren't you going to do something," Deidara asked.

"Nope," Kakuzu replied, swinging his bag over his shoulder and heading towards the door. "And I expect you to haggle on the price or you'll be joining Hidan soon." He slammed the front door shut and walked away, with a slight aura of happiness around him.

"Here," Deidara said handing the cashier the five and ignoring Kakuzu's warning.

"Deidara-sempai," Tobi called appearing at Deidara's side. "Can you buy Tobi gum?"

"No."

"Pretty please with sugar, marshmallows, unicorns, cheese, toothpaste, sprinkles-"

"Fine, un!"

"Yay," Tobi cheered, slamming a pack of gum on the counter. Deidara handed the cashier his money.

"So you want the Super Duper Zombie Buddies action figure and a pack of gum?"

"Un."

"Do you mean official business?"

"Of course," Tobi smiled, wrapping an arm around Deidara. "Don't tell anyone but we are top secret ninjas on a special mission."

"The only thing special around here is you," Deidara muttered under his breath.

"I see," the cashier said. "Go out that door to continue with the meeting." The cashier pointed to an odd looking door.

"Whatever," Deidara sighed, walking to the door that was being pointed at. Tobi happily skipped behind him, swinging the toy and gum in hand. Deidara pulled open the door and Tobi ran into the room under his arms. Deidara rolled his eyes and slipped into the dark room, door slamming behind him.