Write me a story, Baka!, an evangelion fanfic

Konichi-wa you morons, I mean respected and appreciated readers,

Welcome to another edition of birthofthecool's boring Introductions.

I know it took ages for me to post something new, but hey, you seen how few reviews I got? And I don't think more than ten people added the stories to story alert or favorite stories, that sucks.

So for the next time I'm promising loads and loads of gratuitous porn and violence, maybe then I'll get more hits.

Anyway, every review is appreciated, even negative ones. How am I suppossed to get any better if you don't bring my mistakes to attention?

You can also flame all you want, I can take it. I might take a few litres of kerosin to your home and burn it, but I can take it.

This story is suppossed to be funny, so write if it is not. And write if it is not. Or write when it is a bit funny. Or Quirky. Or... anything. Just write, darn it!

Disclaimer: If god wanted us humans to fly, he wouldn't have made these damn airplane tickets so expensive. And BTW. I don't own Evangelion or any of it's characters, no matter how much I want to. Gainax and Anno do.

!Updated! Added a few more sentences to some parts and improved (hopefully) the editing!

Write me a (good) story, Baka!

"It was a dark and stormy night.."

„C'mon you blockhead, you can't be serious."

"Why what is wrong?"

"You can't seriously consider starting your newest story with such a stupid and clichéd line.

Don't you know that this is supposed to be the worst first sentence of all first sentences in any novel?"

"Well… it seemed to fit…"

"IT SEEMED TO FIT? Anta Baka? How could this ever fit? I'm telling you, this is the biggest Scheisse I've ever heard."

Her voice is so shrill, that he gets goosebumbs all over his skin.

You can say many positive things about Asuka Langly Sohryu.

She's beautiful. Intelligent. Sexy, with a killer bod (although it varies from scene to scene...).

She has a strong will and determination.

She's brave and resourceful.

[Annoying insert by Author, who thinks he's witty and funny: Believe me people, I can do this for pages! It is an obsession, that's what it is.]

But she doesn't exactly have the greatest voice.

"Hey, hey, Asuka there's no reason to be that rude.

After all, I'm the author of this story."

"So, you are the author, ja? Why, let me ask you one thing, you ever authorized this story with Gainax?"

The „author" is blushing furiously.

"Well... no! But um... erm.. you see I... that is... Look! Over there a giant octopus molesting three young girls!"

Asuka actually looks over here shoulder to check if there is something to see, it's more of a reflex really.

Of course there's nothing but the same endless monotone blue heaven, and brown flat landscape, that has been there all the time.

Meanwhile the author, congratulating himself on the cunning way he has fooled the angry redhead, hurries away.

Sadly his escape is cut rather short, as a relatively small, but strong hand, grabs him by the collar of his checkered shirt after he has only managed to move one or two feet away.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Tentacle-sex? You baka hentai hack!"

She shook him so forcefully that he felt like his teeth were dancing polka in his mouth.

"W-w-w-e-e-ll, yo.u.u. w-w-were f-f-fooled ag-g-g-gain-n-n and agai-i-in b-by the Angels..."

Instantly the writer wishes he had not spoken these words.

"I'm such an idiot, it's like teasing a Siberian tiger...

Are these really so aggressive? It would probably make more sense to compare it with teasing a Tasmanian devil or... a cornered badger or something like that. Or maybe...

And why am I thinking about bullshit like this, If I am about to get smacked senselessly?"

His thoughts are cut short as Asuka repeatedly introduces his face to a suddenly and conveniently appearing wall.

"How dare you? You buffoon! You moron! Like I had any influence about what happened. I had to lose all the time to let Baka-Shinji play the hero or to drive the story forward."

She violently throws the writer on the floor and starts to jump up and down on his belly.

"I... WAS... THE... GOTTVERDAMMT... BEST. PILOT. EVER!"

The writer's stomach feels it had enough of the insolent meatballs he has had for dinner and decides to end the relationship abruptly.

He barely manages to turn his head sideways, before he starts to puke violently.

"Ugh! Anta Baka? That is so GROSS!"

Asuka gracefully jumps off of his body, before any vomit projectiles can hit her.

The writer continues to regurgitate, until only gall juices come up.

He wipes his mouth with one of the sleeves of his chequered flannel- shirt.

"Well, what do you expect if a heavy weight, repeatedly hits your stomach? ... No! No, Asuka! I didn't mean it! I'm sor..."

He could feel the first kick, almost dislocating his jaw, but thankfully he didn't feel anything more until he woke up again.

But then he felt tons. Tons of pain that is. Or to phrase it in more common words. Lots of pain.

"Are you going to write your stupid story now?"

Asuka asks the loudly sobbing writer

"Ja! Just don't hit me any more."

"Okay! But don't start so moronic again, I want something more ambitious with a higher standard."

"Higher standard, huh? I think I can manage that."

Muses the author.

He starts to type away on his notebook.

"Call me Ishmael..."

She slaps the back of his head with a lot of force.

"Baka! Baka! Baka! Not that ambitious, you're not trying to write the next great American novel."

"Ouch! Do you have to be so violent? I mean, it's not like I'm Shinji or something. Besides maybe I want to write the next great german novel, ever thought of that?"

"The next great german novel? In english? A fanfiction for a japanese anime? Are you really that stupid?

Onegai, don't remind me that we are from the same country ever again.

Write something that fits, Just use your imagination, ja? Deine Fantasie."

The writer mumbles under his breath.

"She's not even a real german, she's half american and she acts that way as well. Always bossing everybody around, just like the United States do."

"You did not really say what I heard right now? Do you value your health at all? Start writing, imbecile!"

The writer decides to play it safe and keep his thoughts to himself from now on.

"Okay, okay. Don't let her hit you again. Something with Fantasie... that's easy. I'll just write some fantasy."

„When Mr Shinji Ikari of Misato's apartment announced that he would shortly be celebrating his fifteenth birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton... errr Neo-Tokyo 3 …"

"I swear to god, you baka, I'm going kill you! What has LOTR to do with EVA fanfics?"

"Well.. fanfic and a fantasy novel... you have to admit it sounds similar."

Smack!

"That has to be the dumbest justification I've ever heard!"

"You know what, maybe you should try to write something german. it definitely can't get any worse."

The writer rubs his hurting cheek, where every detail of Asuka's hand is imprinted.

"Okay, okay. Okay! I'll do my best. Just don't hit me any more."

He scrubs his bearded chin...

"Something good, something german...? Perhaps this will work."

„As Shinj Ikari awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic mecha…"

The author comes to a few minutes later, with a piercing headache and a large bruise around his left eye.

Asuka stands over him menacingly, one foot on his chest. Her light yellow summer dress allows interesting insights from his position on the ground, but he's too afraid to try looking.

At least not long! But he has to admit, that the pink panties with hearts on it are really kawaii.

He muses if it should be allowed for an allegedly fourteen year old girl, to have such killer legs, but this goes in a direction he isn't that comfortable with.

[Yes! You Perv! She's fourteen and you think she's sexy. Shame on you!

And you! Yes I mean you, reader! I bet you are one of these too!]

The hot-blooded german girl exerts pressure on his chest. Her beautiful, bright blue eyes, brimming with disgust and anger.

"I'll give you one more chance, if it doesn't work then..."

The writer pleads earnestly, his fear for his health is very real.

"Okay, okay, okay! Okay! I'll do my best, I swear. But one chance just isn't enough.

I can't think, if I'm so afraid, I might not hit it with just one more try. So can I at least get two chances?"

"All right, but if you mess up again, bones will break."

Cold sweat condenses on the writer's forehead and cold fear in his heart.

Being a fan of Asuka, he knew her behaviour sometimes bordered on insanity, but knowing something and actually experiencing it, are two different pair of shoes.

He lifts himself off the ground and begins to pace back and forth along the wall,

which had so conveniently appeared, when Asuka felt the need to throw him against one.

A wall, that is.

"What to do, what to do...? a fitting beginning..."

Asuka crosses her arms in front of her chest and begins to tab her right foot impatiently on the ground.

"Okay... that might work and it's a really great first line."

With his old pen and paper notebook, he conjures up a small bureau.

So that he can write while standing.

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed…"

"That's it, you're toast now."

Without hesitating a moment the angry redhead kicks the writer's left shin directly below his knee as hard as she can.

The writer falls to the ground yelping and cradling his leg in his hand.

"That smarts! Ow. ow. Ow!" He cries out.

„She almost broke my leg and the knee hurts like hell now."

He's beginning to be genuinely afraid of her.

"The crazy bitch might kill me, if I don't write something she accepts.

I always thought the effect her punches and kicks had on the stooges was just a typical anime exaggeration, like when Nami manages to deck everyone in the crew, even Luffy, no matter how powerful he is. Yet this is the real deal."

Mixed with the pain and fear was a healthy dose of anger, isn't it his story after all? He is no spineless weakling who gets pushed around by a fourteen year old girl.

He's not Shinji "the wimp" Ikari.

"Still, she packs quite the punch...and after all, Discretion is the better part of valor."

Hanging onto the bureau for support he starts rummaging through his brain, for a beginning that might fit a NGE story.

Then he remembers a certain novel by William Gibson...

[The sky above the port was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel.

The sunken remains of Old Tokyo seemed to invite weather like this.

"Misato, remind me again why we chose to visit this dreary place on our first free afternoon in the last fourteen days?"

As usual when confronted with something she didn't like, the 2nd child resorted to acidic comments.

Misato just beamed at her with a sickeningly joyous grin.

Asuka's outbursts normally didn't faze the attractive purple haired woman at all.

Kaji was doing the driving today, so Misato had started on the beer supply as soon as they'd arrived on their destination,

that's why it was even less likely for her to react to Asuka's antics.

"The commander felt it necessary to remind you why we're fighting, since he thinks a few of our pilots don't try as hard as they could."

The fiery redhead shot an angry glance at her guardian, surely this was stargeted at her and her sinking synch rate.

"They can't hurt me. I'm still the best. The great and talented Asuka Langley Sohryu.

Praise your golden boy as much as you like. In the end he was just lucky and I just hit a streak of bad luck.."

It sounded so convincing, that she almost believed it.

Kaji walked up to Misato's side and smiled at Asuka

"Don't sulk Asuka. I guess we've been here long enough.

Anybody game for getting to a place where we can really enjoy the beach and swim or bath in the sun?"

Loud cheers from Toji, Kensuke and Misato clearly expressed their opinion.

Hikari clapped her hands in delight, while nodding.

Shinji agreed less enthusiastically, yet still positive and even Wondergirl seemed to like the idea.

"Danke Gott! I wouldn't have survived this bored for more than ten minutes anymore!"

The young german thought.

They hurried back to the rented van and soon were on their way again.

Not an hour later they had arrived on a nice sand beach and picnic, beach towels and parasols were all set up.

Touji and Kensuke wasted no time and instantly stripped down to their bathing trunks and dashed down to the water.

They were sun joined by Hikari in a modest black bathing suit.

Misato had changed into a shockingly small, red bikini and was reclining on a quilt, happily sipping cold beer from the cooler,

Kaji sat next to her and they seemed deep in conversation.

Shinj thought to himself, that both Kensuke and Toji would be very sorry, if they missed the view of Misato's bikini.

Even Shinji needed some time until he could look away again and stop the nosebleed.

The darkhaired boy was still in shorts, but had at least stripped his T-shirt off.

He was lying flat on his stomach up on a small dune, listening to his beloved SDAT-player.

He pretended to be watching his friends frolicking in the water, but in reality he couldn't pry his eyes from Asuka.

She was just standing on the beach, a few meters away from him, looking out over the sea.

She wore a light white summer dress, that reached down to mid thigh length.

it was cut almost identical to her favourite yellow one.

The beautiful redhead stood between Shinji and the sun, which resulted in what seemed like a glow around her body.

The dress' fabric was so thin, that the sunlight outlined her perfect body, making for quite an exciting sight.

But what really fascinated Shinji was the happy and for once calm face of the second child.

The sunlight on her face seemed to grant her beautiful features an almost ethereal quality, like she was more than human.

"The face of an Angel he thought." As a feeling of longing spread through him. „The good kind of Angel, I mean."

If only he'd find the courage to tell her about, what he thinks he feels for her.

If only he could be what she wants, someone charming and eloquent like Kaji.

Someone with a backbone.

"Fat chance of that."

He thought frustrated.

He heard laughter to his right and when he searched for the source, he saw Kaji tickling Misato's feet, which soon turned into a brawl and then,

Shinji blushed a deep red, it turned into very intense looking kisses.

He quickly turned back to where Asuka was standing.

As expected the red-haired second child didn't take these public showing of Kaji's affection for their guardian, very well.

Her bright eyes had darkened and her lips formed a thin pale line, while her brow furrowed.

He could hear her mutter under her breath, but was only able to catch two words, which sounded like "bitch" and "Perverts!".

Shinji was a bit surprised when she bit on her lower lip as if she was trying to keep something trapped in her mouth.

Regardless, her lips soon started to quiver and Shinji saw the wet shine of tears in those beautiful, blue orbs.

Asuka turned around and hurried off past Shinji, away from the others.

Soon she was out of sight.

The timid boy was arguing pro and cons, on wether he should follow the angry german girl.

He was having a hard time coming up with any pros.

„She'll just yell at me, throw insults at me and maybe she'll even hit me."

A shadow fell over Shinji and when he looked up, he saw Kaji standing beside him.

„You're not going to follow her Shinji-kun?"

Shinji showed one of his insecure smiles.

„It might be hazardous to my health, Kaji-san."

Kaji crouched down next to him.

„If you are not going to take a risk from time to time, you might as well stop trying to live a happy life."

„But she'll just get angry at me again."

„You won't know it until you try it. Besides Asuka is not as tough as she has lead you to believe."

With a big sigh Shinji got up and nodding to Kaji, took off after the german girl.

He wasn't quite sure Kaji knew what he was talking about, but in reality he did want to follow her.

It didn't take long, to find the second child, she was sitting on a small sand hill, looking out over the sea.

Although her back was turned to him, from the way her shoulders were shaking, he guessed she was probably crying.

Slowly he walked up behind her.

„Asuka, are you okay? Can I help you?"

Surprised the redhead turned around to look back at Shinji, before she averted her face from him again.

Yet Shinji still saw that her face was flushing red and that she was really crying. And quite intense at that.

„Go away." she whispered in a monotonous voice.

Somehow Shinji found the strength to ignore what she said.

Instead he walked up to her and kneeled down beside the weeping girl.

„Gomen, Asuka. But I really want to be there for you. Maybe I could..."

Before the boy could finish his sentence, Asuka was on her feet again.

Spinning around her left leg came up and she hit Shinji across his chest with a powerful kick.

He fell on his back, his head connecting with the sand so hard, that he felt dazzled for a moment.

Frightened he glanced up to the redhead, protecting his face with one arm, in case she'd further attack him.

Asuka stood at his feet, towering above him, from his perspective on the ground.

Her arms were besides her thighs, yet not hanging relaxed, but rigid, reaching out from her body at an angle.

Her hands were clutched into fists and her whole body trembled with anger, even though her face was still red and her eyes slightly swollen from tears.

„I told you to go AWAY!

The only time I'd need help from you, would be if hell freezes over.

You're so weak and useless. You're always sorry for everything, but you never change anything.

You just feel sorry for yourself, really! I hate you so much, you coward."

Shinji felt these spiteful words hit like real blows. Was it true? Was he really that despicable?

And most important, did she really hate him? There had been so much disgust in her voice just now.

Shinji lifted himself up, until he sat upright in the sand.

His shoulders sagged forward and down and he looked on the ground, his head hanging low.

He felt as if an abyss opened up beneath him.

Between his spread legs.

In the sand, almost like a doodlebugs trap.

Asuka still stood at his feet, panting heavily, her body swaying back and forth lightly from suppressed energy.

„Why is she still standing there? She already put me down and abused me.

At home she'd storm into her room by now."

Then, finally, after all the hints she had given him since they first met, it dawned on him.

She wanted him to react, to fight back, to stand up for himself.

Shinji's heart began to race furiously in his chest at the thought.

Fear gripped him, turning his intestines into a lump of ice.

„I can't, can I? How should I? It's… its… I never. I… I…"

Even his thoughts were pathetic, the boy really felt disgusted by himself.

He lifted his gaze upward to check Asuka's expression, hopefully she wouldn't notice.

Her face was still an angry mask, her light blue eyes seemed to shoot lightning at him.

Yet, she did not move, didn't even turn away.

Was there something else behind the anger in her eyes?

If so, then Shinji thought he recognized the feeling very well, as it was an old friend of his.

Loneliness.

„Please, please let me have the guts to do this! Just once!"

He stood up on his feet again. Uncomfortably close to Asuka's warm body.

„In the volcano you had no problem with me coming to your help."

Asuka's surprise was easy to spot, she opened her mouth a few times, like a fish on land.

Shinji hurried to continue, since he didn't know how long his courage would keep.

„A-and i-its not m-my fault, if I'm more successful in fighting the angels.

It's not my fault your sync ratio is getting lower, even if you say it is.

All I ever do is help you.

I try my best to protect you when we're fighting angels, I clean up the pigsty you call a room, I do the laundry, I cook.

What else am I supposed to do? It's never enough for you!"

He screamed the last two sentences.

Asuka's reaction was surprising, even after his illumination, he had been almost sure she'd just hit him again,

but she stood there motionless, her mouth gaping open and shut, like that of a fish on dry land, her eyes as big as diner plates.

Meanwhile Shinji had to stop his entrails from exiting out of his mouth, as he felt sick like never before.

Nevertheless he somehow managed to keep up his angry and stubborn pose.

He searched in the girl before him, for signs of the impending doom, that was sure to come.

Instead the young redhead's expression softened, a shadow of a sad, little smile on her lips.

She lowered her head to her chest and almost shyly threw a glance at him, from beneath her long eyelashes.

Her right arm nervously stroke her left one.

The next thing he knew, she started to cry again and even more surprisingly she buried her head in the boy's shoulder.

She wrapped her arms around his chest, clinging to him tightly. Slowly her tears soaked his shirt.

„All I want is somebody who loves me. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I'm always alone. Everybody leaves me. Mama. Papa. Even Kaji only wants Misato."

Cautiosly Shinji drew the trembling girl in an embrace. His right hand began to gently caress her luscious red mane.

They just stood there for some time, while Shinji became ever more aware of the warmth of Asuka's body through the thin fabric of her dress.

He could even feel her breasts press against his chest.

While he wasn't exactly proud of it, he couldn't help but enjoy to be so close to the girl of his dreams.

Then Asuka slowly pulled herself back from Shinji, but without letting go.

Her tearfilled eyes shone like two bright blue topaz'.

Reluctantly, as if fearing rejection her cherry blossom lips inched closer, ever closer to his and then their lips met in an ever so sweet…"

Asuka grabs the writer by his shirt collar, shaking him roughly.

Accentuating each word with a slap to his face she proclaims.

„No! No! No!

I ! Do! Not! Want! To! Kiss! Baka! Shinji!

I'd rather take the Jock than the wimp!

I hate Shinji's guts!"

Slamming his back against the wall again and then lifting him up along it, she continues.

„And what is this with the warmth of my body? I just knew all you anime-nerds are hentai."

Shaking him one last time, before she forcefully throws him to the ground, she utters a final statement:

„Write something better."

The writer takes his time to get up. His brow is deeply furrowed now and his eyes are angry slits.

"You know what Asuka? I think I've had about enough of your abuse now.

You don't like how I write, or the story I try to write? So bite me!"

He gathers his writing utensils and starts to limb away.

Asuka is left speechless.

Isn't these guy supposed to be what in fandom is called an "Asuka-Fag," by people who don't share this affliction?

"His personal page practically stated that he worships the ground beneath my feet and now he is leaving?"

"You stay here! I'm not finished with you. And more importantly my new story isn't finished.

I'm not going to fall further behind Wondergirl in the listings...Are you even listening to me?"

XXX

Obviously he doesn't. He mutters loudly to himself.

"What an ungrateful bitch!

You spent hours after hours slaving away on your keyboard, just to express your love for her and this spoiled brat does nothing but criticise your story.

Plus, she physically abuses you!

"I'd rather take the Jock than the wimp?"

I can't believe it.

As if I didn't watch EOE, twenty-five times or more...

As if it were memories of Toji, that Arael ripped from her mind!

I think I'll write another X-Force fic next.

At least some of these guys are grateful, because they appear almost nowhere else."

Asuka just watches as the men hobbles farther away from her. she can still hear him ranting though.

"Some of these X-Girls are really desperate for an appearance and they are all hot as hell.

And they all definitely have a bigger bust than the red-haired witch of the west.

Hell, even this weird Rei doesn't sound so bad right now.

Besides, Mangas and Animes are known for their relatively strange pairings or couples.

Who am I to judge if Shinji wants to bang a clone of his mother with the soul of a goddess?

I bet Rei would never beat one of her fans so viciously, she..."

His ramblings are interrupted by a saccharine-sweetened voice.

"Birthofthecool, don't you like me anymore?"

His steps falter and he slows down.

"Cooly, you really want to desert me? Like everybody else did?"

He thinks he can hear a tremble in her voice like she's on the verge of crying.

He stops and slowly turns around. Asuka stands where he left her, but now her eyes are big as a kittens and equally cute.

Her right arm reaches out to him, as if she wanted to hold him back.

"Even if you say that, you already told me I'm always writing the same boring stuff. And you almost broke my leg..."

She crosses her arms on her back and begins to wipe her right foot horizontally on the ground.

Her chin is lowered to her breast, her eyes cast downward.

„Kawaii!" He thinks.

Involuntary he slowly stumbles back to her.

As she rises her face up again to look him in the eyes, those beautiful, blue orbs shimmer,

like she just barely manages to hold back her tears.

"I'm sorry for what I said. It was really mean and I want to make amends for it."

"Really? Amends? What kind of amends?"

She gives him a tempting look.

"How about you conjure up a gust of wind and I'll show you something?"

"Gust of wind? What for?" he asks himself, then shrugs: "Oh well why not.."

He takes out his pen from his shirt pocket and scribbles into his notebook.

A relatively strong breeze begins to sweep over them out of of nowhere.

The Author is still not sure, what good it is for, when he hears Asuka gasp out loud.

"Oh no. Cooly! Look what this nasty wind is doing. Look at me..."

He looks up from his scribbling to see...

that Asuka's dress has-has-has beenblownup and-and-and exposesherlongshapelylegs and her Gulp! pink panties.

His mouth seems to run dry as he takes in the sight.

He almost faints, because of the massive nosebleed he gets.

Seconds that seem like an eternity pass, before he decides to look up to check her reaction.

As his eyes wander upwards, he can't help but notice how the wind presses the thin fabric of her summer dress against her lithe body,

inviting his imagination to linger a bit...

Again he pauses to take about a thousand mental snapshots and decides that this is almost worth the suffering he'll surely have to endure now.

He finally raises his look to Asuka's face and is positively(Yes, very positively!) surprised.

Not only can he see no anger in her face, but her expression makes his heart beat faster.

Her eyes are still wide from surprise, her cherryblossom lips are slightly open and a bit puckered,

while the tip of her index finger is between her lips, touching her pearl white teeth.

When her eyes meet his, her expression turns from surprised to mischievous.

With a honeyed and sultry voice she whispers:

"You nasty hentai. How can you look at a young, innocent girl like me with such lecherous eyes?"

The writer feels a heat wave surging through his body.

Clearly Asuka is no devil, she's a goddess and he would sing her praise if his voice was any good.

But what he can do, is write about her awesomeness.

Eagerly he takes his laptop out of his rucksack and sit's down in front of her, staring at his mistress, searching for approval.

How he could ever think anything bad about her, he'll never know.

With the same sexy voice she asks.

"So you are going to write a new story about me now?"

He just nods, not sure wether he has enough saliva left in his mouth to speak.

"And you'll write it how I want it?"

He nods again.

"And I don't have to get together with the wimp?"

The author meeds a moment to gather enough spit to be able to answer.

"Well, you know, I'm a total A/S shipper, I'm not sure I can write any good if you two don't.."

She produces a cute, annoyed little sound.

"Why can it never be Kaji, with you guys?

Then at least only hint at it and finish the story before any "action" occurs. Can you do that for me?"

He eagerly nods again.

"Great. you are the best Cooly!"

She coos.

Doesn't it sound great when she calls him that?

Anybody else saying it, he would get angry, because it sounds almost as stupid as Coolio does.

But not at all when Asuka uses it.

Still, she said she wanted to make amends, and while the wind incident was nice, it didn't exactly end his pain.

"Uh... Um. Asuka about making amends, do I get any reward?"

For a moment her eyes turn to angry slits.

The author doesn't notice it, he's already too far gone.

"You don't have to do anything. Of course not. I was just wishing for..."

"Would you like me to change into my plugsuit later?"

"Ja! Ja, that would be great! Fabulous!"

"I could even borrow Shikinami's skimpy one from 2.0."

He feels that he hás no saliva left again, so he just nods wildly, even the thought of it making his nose bleed profoundly.

"You know what? If I really like your story, you can even watch me change. How's that for fan service?"

He starts to feel dizzy now. His brain has problems processing any coherent thoughts, from the lack of blood.

"Ja! Yes. Ja! Ich... ich...Das wär ja das grösste! Fantastic!"

She gives him a warm, comforting smile.

"So, why don't you write up a couch and some sweets and snacks and perhaps some soft drinks for me?

Then you write your story and I can give you advice if neccessary."

"Hai, Asuka-sama. I'll do everything like you wish. Any particular soft drinks or sweets?"

Asuka snickers inwardly..

"Sucker!"

END

A. N: I don't know if this story is any good or even remotely funny. I thought so, but it's not like I'm really qualified to judge my own writing.

So please review, either bad or good, both is wanted. REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! Or I'll get Asuka on your case!