He timidly enters the restaurant and looks around with his large, brown orbs. When he spots me sitting in an innocuous corner, he walks over and sits across from me. He orders a drink, whisky which I have never known him to drink before, and gazes at me without saying a word after ordering his drink from the waiter.
There is apparently much I don´t know about him anymore. Things I´ve lost which I can never find again.
"Thank you for coming," I finally manage to utter, breathlessly charmed as always by his beauty.
"Why did you want to meet, Hotch?" The waiter arrives with his drink and he takes a gulp from it before answering his own question. "You wanted to meet me to start this up again."
"No, I didn´t," I interject quickly. "You are with Morgan now and I respect that."
"Quick to move on, aren´t you?" He raises an eyebrow at me, a signature move he picked up from me.
My exasperation becomes evident in my voice when I respond. "You can´t have it both ways, Spencer. You showed your stance when you become involved with Morgan. That told me all I needed to know."
"That doesn´t mean I stopped loving you." The words were quiet, barely above a whisper before he takes another sip of his drink and stares at me acros the rim of the glass. The ice in the glass clinks as he twirls it around aimlessly once he has placed it back on the table.
"It wasn´t like I had a choice, babe." Spencer tenses up at my use of the old nickname I once had for him. I briefly wonder whether Morgan calls him the same thing. My mind floats back to the meeting when I had been asking Spencer a question and had finished it with "babe" accidentally. While Dave merely grinned and Morgan looked as if he wanted to hit me, Garcia´s chin had expanded to the floor while Prentiss and J.J. merely smiled at each other knowingly. Leave it to the lesbians to have their queer gadar on at all times!
"Hayley gave me an ultimatum when she found out about us. I couldn´t loose my son..." I look away trying to fight back the tears in my eyes. Surprisingly enough, Spencer reaches out and touches my hand comfortingly, covering it with his own.
"Perhaps it all worked out for the best," Spencer concludes after patting my hand once and then letting go. "We are probably both exactly where we´re supposed to be."
"Do you ever wonder...?" I look at him again, leaving the question unfinished so that he can fill in the blanks.
"Yes."
"Do you love Morgan?"
Again, his response is in the affirmative. He then counters with a question of his own. "Do you love Hayley in the same way as me?"
"No," I respond quickly. "It´s as different as night and day. But that doesn´t mean..."
"I know," Spencer assures me.
"You know, in hindsight, I should never have started this."
Spencer gives a laugh, something I haven´t heard from him in a long time and my heart warms at the sound. There was a time when I lived merely for the existence of that sound. Nothing else mattered. "I thought I did, by throwing myself at you that night in your office."
"Yes, well, shoving your tongue down the throat of your superior can kind of send the wrong message." It is my turn to lift an eyebrow, pretending to be a little shocked, when in truth I am much amused at seeing my former lover turn carrot red.
"Yes, rub it in that I didn´t have any experience with same sex encounters. After all, I do believe that sex in the workplace is more common..."
He is nervous and begins to babble as he is often wont to do in those situations. I raise my hand in the air to stop him mid-sentence. "The reason I asked you here was to tell you that while it could never have worked, I don´t regret any of it."
"I see what you are trying to do. I want no part in it." Spencer finishes off the remains in his glass, throws some dollars on the table, rises and walks out of the restaurant. For a moment I am too surprised to react, but then, I run out after him, nearly crashing into the hostess while she is showing some people to their table.
I finally catch up with him at the end of the busy street as he is trying to cross it but there is a red light. I grab his arm and twist him around to face me. "What am I trying to do?"
"To say goodbye. Frankly, Hotch, it´s pathetic." I flinch when I hear him calling me the same thing everyone else on the team does. Gone are the days when he would shout out Aaron in his ecstasy. I wonder what he calls Morgan in bed, but push the thought away.
I look around, see an empty alley up the street and Spencer allows himself to be dragged there without protest. I push him up against the wall, trying to remain calm. "Here I am, trying to keep things good between us, both for our sake and the team, but you won´t work with me!"
"Why should I?" Spencer regards me defiantly.
"Because it´s over!" I snarl at him, my face now close to his.
My anger dissiapates when he begins to laugh. "No, it isn´t," he states with terrifying clarity in his voice. "It never will be."
With that, he reaches out and touches my lips with his own, cupping my face in his hands. It takes me a moment to reciprocate the kiss, but soon enough, I am putting my hands on his hips and pulling him closer.
After a moment, he pulls away, goes on his tip-toes and kisses me on my forehead, something which I had often done back in the day. "I´ll see you tomorrow, Aaron."
He walks out of the alley, gives me a final wave and then disappears into the crowds on Capitol Hill.