Thanks to everyone for letting me know that there was a stealing issue going on in regards to this story, and for rallying behind me when you learned of it. I only have one pen name on this site and every single word of this story is mine. I even deleted and changed some of them seconds before I posted so it's strange that a word for word account was posted elsewhere. Despite what might be said to the contrary in response PMs, I like to think I have a reputation for respecting Janet's characters and readers of my stories far too much to ever even contemplate stealing another writer's work. Everything familiar is Janet's ... the rest is definitely mine.
"Are you going to tell me what went on today, Babe?" Ranger finally asked.
I came straight to the seventh floor of his building thirty minutes ago. I needed the peace and security of this place, not sure if I was intending to keep everyone away from me or me away from everyone. I'd flopped down on Ranger's bed in my usual thinking position, but I seem to be stewing more than thinking.
He showed up minutes behind me. I did see all of his vehicles parked in the garage when I drove in, so his arrival wasn't a surprise. The control room no doubt alerted him to how I had barreled through the underground garage, into the elevator, and right up to the serenity of his space. He found me in his bedroom, gave my prone body a once over, and correctly guessed my current mood.
Instead of interrogating me he laid down on the bed beside me, his ankles crossed, and one large hand cushioning his head on the pillow next to mine. His other hand caught my left one and he pressed a kiss to my damaged knuckles before resting our joined hands on his chest.
Just when I felt I could finally speak, Ranger beat me to it.
"Hmmm ... what went on today?" I said, repeating his question. "Which crappy situation do you want to hear about first? The apprehension that had me decking an FTA who was trying too hard to make hand-to-boob contact, or the one that involves my screwed up personal life?"
"I want the details on whichever one drove you here ... to me."
"Personal life it is. Joe called me a chickenshit."
That really stung because he was actually telling the truth.
"You want me to have a word with him on the danger that proceeds calling you names?" He asked.
I sighed. "No. This is a you/me problem more than a you/Joe issue."
"Explain."
"He asked me to move in with him. And when I told him I wasn't ready to give up my independence or my apartment for anyone, he claimed that I don't give a shit about 'independence', I'm really just waiting around for you."
The fingers wrapped around mine tensed and then relaxed again. "Why would he think that?"
This is the hard part ... giving Joe credit for seeing what I hadn't.
"Because he's kind of right."
"And the chickenshit comment?" He asked me.
"He said that I'll never have what I want with you because I'm too 'chickenshit' to risk getting shot down if I expressed an interest in you for more than just a rescue. Again ... he was right."
"His accusations were supposed to make you want to stay with him?"
"No. Those comments came after I'd already turned down his invitation. Plus, I didn't cave at all when he tried to sweet talk, then bully, me into changing my mind. He then told me that I'll have all the freedom I want because I'll be alone if I chose you over him."
"And you're here," he said, stating not questioning that.
"Yeah ..." I said. "I am."
"So you to a gamble on an undetermined relationship with me over an eventual marriage, lifelong Burg approval, and a potential family of your own down the line?"
"Yep. I really screwed myself here, but I felt like I had a noose tightening around my neck and I had to save myself."
"By coming straight to me?"
I closed my eyes, feeling more tired than I ever have before. "I guess I was hoping to convince myself that I'd made the right decision. But even if you don't want anything beyond a friendship with me, I wouldn't have stayed with him. I finally get that he wants something I'll never be able to give him."
"Glad to hear it. You don't need a man in your life who treats you like a project he needs to finish, or one who places expectations on you that he can't meet himself."
I turned my head on his pillow to look at him. His head also moved.
"I keep reminding myself that I don't need a man at all," I said, filling him in on what I had been repeating to myself the entire drive here.
Of course ... I not only fobbed my way through the front gate of the Rangeman building without a second thought, I also flashed my fob to gain access to Ranger's penthouse. Not to mention I'm currently sprawled out on his bed, so clearly I don't believe anything I say yet.
"I have friends," I continued, "at times I have a time-consuming job, and a shower massager. I should be fine alone ..."
"But you don't want to be," he finished for me.
"No ... I guess I don't, but the problem with that is the man I want wants to remain unattached."
"Are you certain of that?"
"Yep. He's said it himself."
"Could be he was just making sure you figured out what you really want before he rearranged his life to accommodate it."
That had me rolling over onto my side so I could see his face.
"You'd change for me?" I asked.
My voice may have sounded a little funny, but I was more than a little surprised to hear him say that.
"Are we done speaking hypothetically?" He asked.
"Yes. What kind of change did you mean?"
"My opinion on marriage and kids is still same."
"Ooookay."
"Is it?" He asked me, sliding an arm around my shoulders so my body would be plastered to his side.
I really want to be honest here ... even if that honesty costs me him.
"I think so. Right now I'm not anywhere near ready to take care of something more complicated than Rex, but what if I am in two years?"
"Do you see us still being together in two years?" He asked, not giving me a clue as to his feelings on me and maybe mini-versions of us carrying his name.
"If you have to ask that, I shouldn't be here."
I went to push off him, but his arm wouldn't budge. He wasn't kidding about not needing cuffs to enslave a woman. I can't move unless he lets me.
"You always seem to be running from something or someone, Babe. You need to stop. I don't want you to ever think you have to hide from me. If you can bring up possible children you'd want with me, you can handle a discussion regarding problems we may encounter."
"But you just implied ..."
"I asked a question, Steph. I didn't imply anything. You reacted to what you thought I meant, instead of telling me to clarify it. That also has to end."
"You're being awfully demanding."
"You'd better get used to it fast, because we're settling this now. If I'm going to let you further into my life than I've ever let anyone else, I need to know that you aren't going to do to me what you just did to Joe."
I tried once again to extricate myself from his hold ... with the same results. I'm still stuck between his body and his arm. It's not really a bad place to be if I can make it through this talk unscathed.
"Joe was being a jerk," I said to defend myself.
"He's always been a jerk in some capacity and you've always gone back to him. You and I both know I've said some things in the past that could put me in the same category. Convince me that if I give up a little control to you, you won't get overwhelmed by it and take off."
"You're the one who's always 'in the wind'," I pointed out. "How do I know you won't be disappearing on me?"
"I can't say that I'll never leave town again, but whatever you're prepared to give me, I'll match."
"I barely leave Trenton ... what am I supposed to be promising you?" I asked.
"The same thing I'm promising you right now ... that I'll always love, need, and return to you. I want your word that we stick together - and stick this out - no matter what. No telling me to go to hell if I put a man or two on you when you'd prefer to do a capture on your own."
"If I agree to whatever safety measure you think I need, what do I get in return?"
"I'll be here for you one hundred percent, day and night. When I can't be, you'll get the details on when I leave and return before even Tank does."
"That would prevent unnecessary calories and unpleasant phone calls."
"Why?"
I snorted in disbelief. "Like you don't know that I worry to the point of being sick whenever you're away."
"I like knowing that someone does."
"I do. And that isn't about to go away, especially if we're a couple. You'll have to put up with my reactions whenever you disappear and come back. I won't be quiet either way."
"Duly noted. And for the record ... I never want you quiet."
I felt my face get warm. Ranger inspires all kinds of noises ... clothed or unclothed.
"You know ... this seems a lot more complicated than what Joe and I had together."
"That's because it is. The hardest things are the most rewarding ones. If we want us to work ... it's going to take work, Babe. Are you sure you're ready for that?"
"Yeah. Are you?"
"I may need a little prompting to get me to say that I am."
The Man of Mystery is totally flirting with me now. Maybe he's not so much a mystery as misunderstood. That's something else we have in common besides what is now our past commitment phobia.
"Oh yeah?" I asked. He loosened his arm hold so I could scoot up on my elbow and look down into his slight grin. "I'm interested in how you think I should go about doing that."
"You can start by kissing me."
I brushed my mouth lightly across his. "Then what?"
"I won't complain if you'd like to take off all your clothes and then resume what you're doing now."
"What about you? Will you be losing your clothes, too?"
"Eventually."
"Why not now?" I asked.
My breath caught in my chest when he rolled me onto my back.
His face hovered inches above mine. "I want you to have a good time before I have mine. And that will be harder to accomplish if I'm naked near you."
Ranger is always thinking, but too much so in this case. I slid my fingers into his dark hair and curled them into fists around the soft strands, trying to hold him to me as my lips and legs opened simultaneously for him. He caught my left knee in one hand and brought my leg around him so our bodies would be pressed tightly together even with our clothes still on. He then kissed me back in a way that had me thinking he was making a valid point about overwhelming me.
The fact that I'm no longer thinking about Joe, or even feeling hurt by what we said to each other, showed that our 'relationship' had only been a desperate attempt at getting what our families told us we needed to be happy.
Being surrounded by Ranger's body, in his space, knowing that he accepts every part of me - perfect or flawed - is exactly what I've been needing to feel everything ... happy, appreciated, and finally understood.