A/N: A muse is a tricky thing to control. And I haven't figured out a way to yet, so after Thursday's episode when phrases kept popping up in my mind I finally had to cave and put my fingers to work. This is the outcome. Not sure what I think about it yet, so please let me have it. This is un-beta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bones. No matter how hard I wish for the rights.
ooo
The apartment was dark, shy of the light above the stove that continued to burn, and Brennan was still wide awake, still clutching the pillow to her chest, legs curled up beneath her on Booth's couch. The sounds of DC were coming in from the closed windows, cars honking, even at the late hour, sirens shouts from the street below and all she could do was close her eyes tight. Tears welled up in her eyes as her mind conjured up the picture of Vincent on the ground there in the lab. His voice and his eyes begging her to not make him leave and she couldn't and didn't want to stop the tears that came to her eyes from spilling over.
She glanced at the closed bedroom door that separated her from Booth and wondered if he was getting any sleep or if, like her, he couldn't turn his mind off long enough too. Because of what he was facing the next day she hoped he was sleeping soundly.
She laid back, determined to rest as much as possible, but she couldn't get Vincent's voice to leave her mind. He had begged her to not make him leave. He was lying there, bleeding out from the most fatal of gunshots, begging her to let him stay. She had always know that her detached mind set and rational perception made her seem cold and unemotional to people who didn't know her, but it bothered to her to think that to the squinterns she still came across that way. It made her wonder if she really was as cold as people thought she was.
Before she really knew what she was doing she had stood and was making her way over to Booth's bedroom door. She hesitated, only briefly before turning the knob and pushing the door open slowly.
He had always been quick, but she was truly amazed with mere seconds it took for him to grab his gun and have it pointed at the door. Her arms went up automatically and waited for him to realize it was only her at the door. Booth took a minute to get his bearings as he asked if she had heard something.
"Do you want me to put the gun away?"
"Yes," she answered breathlessly and watched as he set the gun down on the nightstand beside him.
"Okay," Booth replied and Brennan could tell he was still slightly on edge, "What's wrong?"
She moved farther into the room as she answered, "He kept saying 'don't make me go'."
"What?"
"Vincent," Brennan continued, "he was looking at me and he was saying don't make me leave. He said that he…that he loved being there. Why would he think that I was the one making him leave? What kind of person am I?"
She let the tears spill over and she kept her eyes focused on a spot in the wall across the room so she wouldn't have to see Booth's reaction. That didn't matter though as Booth reached for her and grabbed her hand. "No," he said, "come here. No, no, no, Bones you've got that all wrong, all wrong."
"No," she argued, "I heard him. You heard him too. Don't make me leave, that's what he said."
"He wasn't talking to you."
"I was the only one there, and you. He wasn't talking to you."
"He was talking to God. He didn't want to die."
"Vincent was like me, Booth. He was an atheist."
"Okay," Booth answered, "then he was talking to the universe then. He didn't want to go. He wasn't ready, Bones. He wanted to stay."
"If there was a God, he would have let Vincent stay here with us."
Booth sighed gently, "That's not how it works."
There was a moment of silence between them before Brennan moved again. Still having tears fall from her eyes she looked up at Booth and asked, "Can you just…" She leaned into him, letting the question dangle off and Booth pulled her towards him.
"Yeah," Booth assured her, leaning back to hold her against his chest on his bed, "that's why I'm here. I'm right here. I know it's hard."
He held her for a long time as she cried, his hand gently rubbing circles on her back in an effort to calm her. When her cries began to fade and her breathing became even he knew that she had finally fallen asleep. Her hand was still gripping his, only slightly limp now in sleep and he didn't try to move. He closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep himself, but the body pressed up against him made it difficult for him to rest.
He eventually felt himself drifting off and let himself relax. When he began to rouse two hours later Brennan was still sleeping in his arms and in an attempt to not wake her, Booth stayed very still.
"Booth," he heard her voice whisper quietly, "Are you awake?"
"I am," Booth answered, "I didn't think you were."
"I haven't been awake for too long," Brennan replied, her voice still in a quiet whisper that matched the earliness of the morning. "Booth?"
"Yeah Bones?"
"Are you still angry?"
Booth paused for a minute trying to figure out what she was talking about when suddenly it hit him.
"Just uh, just angry. Not at you…"
"Okay."
"I just need time, that's all. I just need time to hang back and find that inner peace before I get back out there. You know what we're talking about here, right?"
"Yes."
"You and me. You know, love, happiness and life and fate."
"I don't believe in fate. But I know what we're talking about. I am improving. I'm quite strong."
"Well you were always strong."
"You know the difference between strength and imperviousness don't you?"
"Well, not if you're going to get all scientific on me."
"Well, ah, a substance that is impervious to damage doesn't need to be strong. When you and I met I was an impervious substance. Now I am a strong substance."
"I think I know what you mean."
"A time may come when you aren't angry anymore and I'm strong enough to risk loosing the rest of my imperviousness. Then maybe we could try to be together."
The conversation came rushing back to him like a wave. It felt like ages ago that they has sat in his apartment amongst candlelight and discussed vaguely their future. He remembered writing down, not a date like he had told her, but one word on the paper they burned. Soon. He had also peeked at her slip of paper that simply said, whenever Booth is ready, and he wondered if he was ready now.
The silence hung between them as her question went unanswered and he could feel her breathing rapidly against him.
"No."
His one word answer had her tearing up again and she squeezed his hand tightly. She raised her eyes to meet his gaze as he continued speaking. "Are you strong enough?"
She couldn't keep the smile off of her face, although it held bits of sadness in her eyes. "When I think of any other outcome…" She paused and buried her face in his chest taking several deep breathes. "When I think about how it could have been you…"
"Bones."
"No, Booth, you don't understand. I lost you before. Those two weeks were excruciating, thinking you were dead. Not being able to say goodbye to you. Not letting myself open up completely to you. Then, I had another chance, but when everything happened with Zack I retreated again. I still wasn't strong enough, especially after Zack's betrayal. Then I almost lost you again and for the long four days you were in the hospital after your surgery, I thought I was finally ready. But…"
"Bones…"
"But I wasn't after all and I poultry-ed out."
"Chickened out."
"That's what I meant. And I left and I'm so sorry I did that. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
"It's okay Bones."
"No," she interrupted, "it's not okay. And then, we separated again, all because I was scared and weak. And then, we came back, but we weren't us. We were just, different. And it was a different kind of loosing you. It was a loosing you where I had to see you, and pretend to be happy for you even though I was being eaten alive with jealously."
"I didn't know…"
"I know you didn't Booth, I didn't want you to. I know you cared for her, I do. That you loved her."
"Bones."
"I've always been the one who wasn't ready, who wasn't strong enough to be ready. But, you could have died yesterday Booth. And I don't know what kind of person I am to say that I'm grateful it wasn't you that answered that phone."
"Bones, just because you didn't want it to be me doesn't mean you wanted it to be Vincent."
"I know," Bones replied honestly, "because I didn't. But…"
"I'm glad it wasn't me either Bones."
"Well of course you are."
"But I've been thanking God every moment since then that it wasn't you either."
"Oh Booth."
"Because I could have just as easily handed the phone to you instead of him. And that will haunt me forever."
"We've been given so many chances already, I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want us to run out of chances. Booth, what does this mean? For us, now?"
Booth smiled and pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly in a hug, "it means, it means that we keep going. It means that we get up, fix something for breakfast. You head to the lab and I'll head to my office and we work together to catch Broadsky. We put this to rest. And then, then we start the next phase, together."
Brennan smiled despite her tears and leaned up and pressed her lips to his quickly. The kiss was chaste, but sparks flew in those few seconds they were connected. It was different than their first kiss, which he'll always remember through a drunken haze, or their second kiss, marred by blackmail, or their third, which was pure desperation. This kiss now signified new starts and life and love. It was a start he had finally convinced himself he would never have, only to be corrected once more.
"Together," Brennan whispered, "I like the sound of that."
ooo
A/N: I really I hope I did the missing scene justice. It's what I imagined happened and I only hope that it isn't too cheesy. Please let me know what you readers think. Because I think I'm rusty.