A/N: Tony and Ziva crackfic. I know crackfic isn't popular, but I don't care; it's Halloween, the story has vampires, and I am both exhausted and hyper (awesome combination). It's not scary, well, the ridiculousness of it all may be scary. If I ever finish the other chapters, I'll probably have to up the rating.
It had all happened so fast. One minute they were following up on a lead outside a dark, run-down house at the edge of the woods, the next they woke up in the dirt, a stinging sensation in their necks. As they scrambled to their feet, they both reached out to two small wounds on each other's necks, fingers coming back bloody.
He hadn't seen fear, real fear, in Ziva's eyes often, but he did right now. She looked at him desperately. Questioningly. All he could do was shrug and shake his head. This was ridiculous. This wasn't happening. This wasn't real. This only happened in one of his movies, right? The bad ones?
"This is just," Ziva started, then let out a strained chuckle. "This is not what it looks like." She shook her head vehemently and said, "It was a bug or something. Or maybe a weapon, to knock us out."
Her eyes were wide and pleading. Pleading for him to agree. To assure her that their minds had jumped to impossible conclusions. So he nodded and agreed, because, really, vampires? That's more Abby's style.
They agreed to search the premises anyway; their suspect could still be around and attack them again. Tony's teeth itched and he ran his tongue over them. They felt sharper. Were they sharper? He asked Ziva to check, but she rolled her eyes and moved into the kitchen. He caught her running her tongue over her own teeth, though. It wasn't reassuring.
Coming up empty they walked towards the car. Tony was about to wonder out loud when he last had a tetanus shot. Instead, he cussed and touched his lip. Blood.
"Do vampires bleed?" he said to Ziva who had reached the driver's side of the car. She turned towards him and looked from his bloody lip to the blood on his fingertips.
"You bit your lip, Tony," she said waving her hands in the air. "That does not make you a vampire." She pulled the door handle and his eyes went wide.
"Maybe not, but super-human strength might," he said and pointed at the door she had just pulled off the car.
Ziva stared at the car door in shock and then locked her gaze with his. He held up his hands. "I'm not putting my name on another one of your accident reports."
They got in the car and stared out the window for a few moments. Tony accidentally bit his tongue and, from behind a handkerchief to stop the bleeding, said, "How am I supposed to get a date like this?"
"Tony!" Ziva slammed the dashboard and her hand went right through it. Maybe he should drive. Ziva's driving was suicidal on a good day. Then again, did that even matter anymore?
He looked at her, trying hard to suppress the hysterical laughter that was bubbling in his chest. He could tell she was bordering on panic and he wasn't far behind. He sent her his most reassuring smile and said, "Abby's going to have a field day with this."