Kingdom Hearts for Dummies 3
The Tides of Time
Authors note: Author here! Some of you may know about the first Kingdom Hearts for dummies and its successor Kingdom Hearts for Dummies: Remix. That ended over a year ago. I'm reviving the series with a bit of love, funny, and more funny. Credit goes to the cool comic Ctrl+Alt+Del for the arcade scene. Anyways, enjoy it I'm here to bring you the funny.
Sora looked down at the landing before him where his friends Riku and Kairi stood. He had just returned from his latest adventure only a week ago, and things were going along nicely. Him and Kairi were going out mainly because people wanted them to. And Donald and Goofy were off destroying some other planet for once. But Riku was not the same. He no longer wanted to go to other worlds, risking his life to do something dumb. And he no longer hated Sora. Although this would normally be a good thing, Sora didn't think something was quite right. The waves washed up dead fish with the heartless emblem on them, and for some reason the organization XIII members were attacking them for some reason. How they had come back to life was a mystery, because Sora kicked the crap out of them the last time they lived. Anyways, Sora jumped onto the landing and looked at the ocean.
"Its a horrid day today," He sighed.
"Yep...sure is," Riku sighed.
"Yeah, not a dark cloud in sight," Xemnas sighed.
Sora gasped, Riku screamed and ran up a hill to safety. But Kairi just stood there looking like she was going to throw up. Xemnas was wearing a Hello Kitty Halloween costume, and it made him look like a dork.
"Xemnas, what do you want?!?" Sora asked with his keyblade in hand.
"I'm trying to think of a plan for worlds domination," Xemnas stated.
"I bet you're trying to kidnap Kairi, my new girlfriend like in the movies!" Sora growled.
"Shes your girlfriend? I thought Riku was," the Hello Kitty costume looked confused.
Riku jumped back onto the landing grinning.
"How did you know we were lovers?" Riku asked.
"But Riku, we never even liked each other-" the rest of Sora's words were muffled by Riku.
Riku whispered in his ear: "But he doesn't know that, so shut up! I'm confusing him!" The hello kitty costume now looked weirded out. Kairi knew they were joking and shutted up...or something.
"Lovers?!? So...freaky..." Xemnas stepped backwards in fear.
"Yeah...in fact, we're going to make out now," Riku grinned wider.
"Er...you sicken...me!" Xemnas looked ready to hurl.
"Oh screw this," Sora whacked Xemnas with his keyblade.
With a scream and a meow from the hello kitty costume, Xemnas fell over the cliff and into the water below where he was eaten by mermaids with 'I LOVE ATLANTICA' hats. Riku frowned, Sora had taken away his fun. Kairi stood rooted at the spot staring as the mermaids took out a grill and began grilling the hello kitty costume. Little did they know, Xemnas had escaped from the costume, moments before they put it on the grill! Sora pulled them both away into the secret place where they often ate lunch. But this time he opened the door that was there in Kingdom Hearts 1, that he didn't get the chance to open. Inside was The End of the World, which was now a fridge that held their snacks. Sora pulled out a candy bar and began eating.
"Sora, why are we here?" Kairi asked, out of the trance.
"Because I'm hungry!" Said Sora, pulling out a candy bar.
"But we aren't," Riku frowned.
Sora pulled out 2 more candy bars and tossed them to them. Kairi began to eat hers but Riku snarfed it down in a split second. He looked at Sora and Kairi who were staring at him and said: "What? I was hungry." Kairi threw hers back in, in horror. She had not noticed it was a heartless disguised as a candy bar she was eating.
"Really, why are we here?" Riku asked grabbing the heartless candy bar Kairi had chucked and ate it.
"No...particular reason," Sora said. "Got to go!"
And with that he zoomed off. Riku and Kairi didn't see him the rest of the day. But the next day Kairi found him at the arcade. It was valentines day and Kairi wanted to spend the day with Sora. But she was a bit irritated that he had forgotten. Sora pulled her away to an unoccupied machine.
"Is this what you've been at since yesterday?" Kairi said pointing at it.
"Yep, Kingdom Hearts the arcade game," Sora grinned.
"Why play a game thats made off of an adventure you yourself lived?" Kairi asked.
"Cause its got a high score chart," Sora said.
"And why is that good?" Kairi frowned.
"Just look at the initials of the high scores."
She stared down at them. They read:
KAI
RI
WIL
YOU
MAR
RY
ME
She gasped and almost fainted. Then she recovered and said: "I will!" Sora jumped for joy and put a quarter in the machine.
"Er, what are you doing now?" Kairi asked.
"Well after all of that playing I'm really good at it!" Sora said.
"So what?" Kairi shrugged.
"I just can't beat the final boss! Xemnas wasn't that hard the last time!" Sora frowned as a heartless killed him in the game.
"I think you have it on proud mode," Kairi said flipping the switch from proud to easy.
"NOOO!!!" Sora yelped.
Almost immediately the heartless changed into bunnies that roamed around harmlessly. Sora looked like he was in shock and his face was painted with fear. Kairi wondered what had happened when suddenly the bunnies took out rocket launchers and began firing at Sora. Almost immediately the screen changed from extreme violence to the Game Over screen. Both Kairi and Sora were in complete shock. If that was easy mode, Proud Mode was a thing to run from.
"I was practicing on Proud Mode, I was not prepared for the bunny enemies," Sora said still jaw dropped.
"Lets go," Kairi said, the machine was beginning to smoke.
Sora grabbed her arm and ran like heck. They got out of the arcade and jumped. An explosion equivalent to a nuke was right behind them, and the smoke clouded their vision. When it cleared they gasped. The bunnies from the game were real and alive! People were fleeing from their rocket launchers as buildings in the distance began to crumble. And out of the dust of the arcade Xemnas arrived now in his normal robes. He chuckled as another nuke-like explosion went off behind him. He snapped his fingers and the bunnies and turned and aimed at Sora and Kairi.
"Ha ha ha! I have you now!" Xemnas laughed.
"What do you want you hello kitty fan boy?" Sora asked.
"I want to ruin your life like you destroyed mine!" He yelled to the heavens.
"Sure, and how will you do that?" Sora asked.
"Well I'm going to make it so that you cannot come within 10 feet of your wife!"
"Er, we aren't married yet," Sora said.
"Well, you still cannot come within 10 feet of her," He gestured towards Kairi.
Xemnas cast some sort of spell, heck if me the author knew how to describe it-directly at Sora. It hit him and suddenly something knocked him backwards about 10 feet. With another laugh Xemnas and his horde of bunny creatures disappeared. This was becoming a horrible day, but Sora wouldn't stand for it! He would fight against Xemnas, for Kairi! And for himself! And so he could get Xemnas out of his life for good because he sucked anyways as an organization XII member. Really, he looked like a girl without his hood off. Anyways, join in next time for the conclusion of Kingdom Hearts for dummies 3! ...Whats that bill? We still have 100 more episodes to go? Well alright. Whatever. See you next time on...KINGDOM HEARTS FOR DUMMIES 3!!!