NOTES:
=I don't own Naruto nor its characters. I do own this fic.
=This is Yaoi. That means M/M, slash, gay, butt sex and sometimes, "What the fuck am I reading?"
=Don't like, don't read. Like? Please read and review :)
=Most of the crazy reactions are with the Japanese expressions in my head but I will type them in English (like Gai's crazy sounds lol).I am open to constructive criticism. If you like the story, comment. =Once again, made for Kakashi-Shishio of Yaoi-Con and Bishie-Con, again it was kinda made to make him cringe. He likes KakaIru and I am a brat.
="Gai-chan" Gay men often address their lover as "chan" instead of "kun/san" in private and use the later in public. This is intentional though Kakashi is probably teasing Gai with it the same way he addresses Sasuke as "kun."
SUMMARY:
=Takes place after Shippuuden 241 and Rock Lee Ninja Pals Episode 4. The last punch line is a tribute to Rock Lee and his Ninja Pals, aka a ripped line from Episode 4.
=Kakashi tells Yamato, Ebisu and Aoba that Gai's dick is the size of an acorn (when he was a boy). Gai is not happy and challenges a sexually deprived Kakashi to a duel for his honour. Smut and hilarity ensues. Yaoi. Now with more Yaoi action! This is 5 chapters and will have a sequel called Splinters.
SEQUEL:
=Splinters will be more explicit and probably will only be readable on Ao3. rules and all right?
=Originally posted at Ao3 under the same pseud/name, FashionFable or Narutard. Sequel is planned but not finalized.
=There is also another fic with a long name featuring Rock Lee / Sai. I may bring it here. This series' name is, "Well, That Was Awkward!"
APOLOGIES:
=To my fans of Magic Merc and At the End of a Long Escape, I am not dead. Had no internet for a year and a lot going on but I am planning to return with a bit of a re-write, etc. I will hopefully finish it soon since it was a serial.
Well, That Was Awkward! Presents: Oaks and Acorns
"Kakashi! My Eternal Rival," Gai cried, "That was mean." Tears streamed down his face. Kakashi continued to read Icha Icha as he strolled down Konoha's streets, right past the man pointing a finger straight at him in his path. The spandex clad mop head turned and struck an angry pose. "Oi! Rival! I challenge you to a duel for the sake of my honour!" This time, the silver haired jounin paused. After a brief moment he sighed, snapping his book closed and placed it in his pocket. He turned his head ever so slightly to face Gai.
"What is it now Gai…" He froze when he saw the look on Gai's face. "Gai?" Gai grunted back in frustration then read the syllables of his rival's name dramatically with rage.
"Kaka-shi!" Kakashi stiffened again, hoping the gathering crowd didn't notice. He shrugged. Since when did Gai's shenanigans draw a crowd anymore? What was Gai babbling about now?
"That's my name." Oh shit. Kakashi's brain caught up with what Gai said. A duel for Gai's honour? That was new. Gai could only be angry about one thing. He never truly got angry at Kakashi, not since they became rivals. Gai was dramatic, yes. Intense? Always. Violently angry in the middle of the streets? Never. Kakashi was so lost in thought he didn't even notice when Gai had come closer, pointing his finger nearly right onto Kakashi's nose.
"You have insulted my manhood in front of our esteemed peers and I have not forgotten!"
"Wait, you mean when I came out to your distress signal and…" A hand was suddenly on the back of his head and another over his mouth as Konoha's wild green beast was suddenly pressed to his back.
"Oi! Kakashi! You…! Keep it down!" Kakashi stiffened once more, glancing over his shoulder. Damn. Gai was on Kakashi's blind side. Usually he respectfully stayed on in Kakashi's line of sight. Kakashi swore he heard Aoba and Ebisu chuckling in the crowd. More like cackling. He would deal with them later. Kakashi gave a sharp nod to concede and Gai released him. This was one hell of a strange situation. For Gai to demand silence and be quick enough to get behind him? Well, the wild green beast must be pissed! All because Gai refused to believe Kakashi was not an imposter on a mission, forcing him to give up Gai's deepest childhood secret. Kakashi wanted to giggle even now like a schoolgirl. Okay okay, it was funny and totally worth pissing Gai off. Now that Gai wasn't occupied with a mission or seasick though, this came back to kick him in the ass.
"What a drag." Shikamaru strolled by, hands behind his head and his best friend, Chouji, munching chips, no less, in tow. "Get a load of this pissing contest." Kakashi barely held in his laughter now. That boy was definitely a genius! He figured this out pretty quickly. Gai slapped his hands to Kakashi's mouth again. What a drag indeed. Gai stared daggers at Shikamaru, who continued to ignore them, before considering releasing Kakashi. He could feel Kakashi trembling with repressed laughter. He released Kakashi only to pound a fist on his head like a hammer, making his eyes bulge out of his head. When Kakashi stayed silent and a fight didn't break out, the gathering crowd dispersed. Normally the citizens of Konoha ignored the antics between these two but drama and gossip was always a number one priority, especially with Kakashi being considered the next Hokage. Kakashi slouched, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked down the road to the training fields.
"Well," Kakashi sighed, "I guess we should hit a training field and settle this. I can see this is a private matter." Private. Privates. Gai's privates as a boy, well, was the size of an acorn That;s the big secret that only Kakashi would know. Why he even looked as a kid? Morbid curiousity? He tried not to laugh again. Just for good measure he added, "Perhaps the forest." Now he really was chuckling darkly. The forest. With oak trees, which produced acorns. Wood. Lots of wood. Something Gai was certainly lacking. Gai's jaw dropped and steam came out of his ears.
"Kakashi! You are so cold!" He finger pointed again, "This is not hip or cool! How very unyouthful!"
Just then, Lee ran over, for once out of breath, "Gai-sensei!" I heard there was a disturbance in the village. I was resting after my training but ran over as fast as I could!" Kakashi visibly gulped. One wild, angry, green beast was enough to handle. At least he could, hopefully, sweet talk Gai and get himself out of this. Gai's dutifully devoted, beloved student however; Lee was not the type to kill anyone but mock his sensei and that all changed.
"Everything is fine, Lee!" Kakashi scratched the back of his neck nervously, then launched himself behind Gai, pushing him forward to the fields, running as fast as he could with Gai's feet still planted on the floor. "Let's go to our private challenge!" He really hoped Lee got the key word there, seriously. This would be the death of him. Kakashi moved so fast he didn't even think to flicker them away with a shunshin! Lee stared at the pair for a moment of consideration as they disappeared over the horizon.
"Yosh! I wish Neji would be so impassioned by our rivalry!" Neji and Tenten had just caught up to Lee and Lee looked hopeful at the suddenly enraged byakugan user. Neji took a deep breath before yelling a reply to Lee,
"Hell no!"
A crow flew by overhead.
Aho-aho! Idiot! Idiot!
Kakashi and Gai faced each other in the woods. They had agreed to scout the area and set traps to alert them of any stray genin, for privacy of course. Now all they had to do was talk. Kakashi didn't want to face Gai in this mood. Kami forbid Gai open Seven Gates! Kakashi liked real challenges but that was way too much between friends and he could see it happening. Gai was just itching to open a can of whoop ass today. Kakashi could swear he saw Gai's skin actually crawl with the nervous twitching going on in his muscles. Tension was flowing off of Gai in waves of Killer Intent.
Kakashi followed Gai's death glare to a squirrel gathering it's winter preserves. He really was still trying not to laugh, er, be murdered by Gai. The cute, bushy animal was looking to bury its acorn in the same hole as walnuts and Kakashi just lost his shit right there, falling to the ground in laughter. "Oooooo!" Gai made that funny noise of horrified shock as he steamed with anger. Kakashi couldn't help but clutch his gut as he lost his breath laughing harder. Even the fear of believably certain death couldn't stop him. He weakly clutched a kunai from his pocket, knowing he couldn't summon a defensive chidori in this state. Kami knew he would need it now! It tumbled from his fingers clumsily. Gai got straight to the point. He dropped his vest to the ground in a heap followed by his spandex unitard. Kakashi straightened and sat up at the sound of a zipper being violently opened. What the hell was Gai up to!? This was a bit much, even for Maito Gai!
"See!?" Gai bellowed, "Ah-huh!? This acorn has become a mighty oak!" He gestured to his cock with both hands, cupping his balls and giving his collective privates a few bounces. He knew Kakashi was larger than him as a boy but fuck it, he needed to prove this! Kakashi was going to see how youthful yet mature Gai had become!
"Is that your challenge? I mean, your jounin 'bells' are nice but, seriously Gai. Not much has changed since you were a boy," Kakashi pointed and laughed again, falling over to the floor while clutching his stomach. "Really, what the hell!" He couldn't stop chuckling darkly now. Gai squatted in front of him, presenting his, what Kakashi could only call, boyhood! Kakashi rolled on his back. He hadn't laughed so hard in a long time and he was pretty sure his previous victim was Tenzou. That made for some tough competition but Gai won out as best laugh of the year.
Suddenly, Gai pinned Kakashi, shoving him roughly to the floor with a roar. He climbed over hi opponent's chest, butt naked and straddled him with a serious expression. Gai growled with a pout, panting with frustration as he willed himself to calm down. With a thrust he presented himself to Kakashi for examination. Kakashi gasped with shock and straightened, ever so thankful he wore a mask! Gai's walnut and acorn, or nuts respectively, bounced in Kakashi's face! He was presenting himself like a prized kill after a week of starvation! Kakashi really wished he had a nutcracker on him. He debated giving Gai a headbutt but this was just so wrong. He suddenly wished he had signed a summoning contact with squirrels instead of dogs. Where the fuck was that squirrel? Kakashi wanted the distraction right now!
"Gai!?" All laughter was gone now. Gai pushed him back to the floor roughly again as Kakashi tried to pull himself from the kunai pinning him. He had to admit, Gai was less hairy than he expected. He had never really noticed before. His eyes followed the trail of soft, black curls up to Gai's belly button. With a gulp and a narrowing of eyes, Kakashi looked up at the brute. It was a bit hard to stay angry at such nice, perky nipples watching him back. Those rippling muscles on a smooth, tanned skin was an added bonus. Kami-sama!
"Kakashi! I will show you I am no longer a boy! I am a man now!"Gai growled, "I challenge your manhood!"
"Okay, okay, Gai!" Kakashi shoved at Gai but Gai wouldn't be moved. He couldn't help but stare at Gai's now much larger acorn but an acorn nonetheless! He sobered quickly. "Fine Gai. You know it's fall now, right? I really don't see you winning." Gai gave him another wide eyed, tight lipped, angry look and then narrowed his eyes with a grunt. He reached into his kunai pouches and slammed two down forcefully, one on either side of Kakashi's shoulders, pinning him to the floor by the fabric of his shirt. Kakashi's eyes narrowed.
"I just got this uniform." They glared daggers, Kakashi mindful of how close Gai's junk was to his face. Gai ignored Kakashi's flare of killer intent. Kakashi raised an eyebrow with curiosity, scowl still in his face as Gai reached a hand down to his own parts and took hold. Time seemed to stand still and the forest was suddenly too silent.
"Watch me, rival." Gai pressed a hand to Kakashi's chest, wrapping his fingers around his shoulder to hold him down firmly. Kakashi's eyes went up in shock before quickly narrowing to anger and mistrust once more.
"I'm sure there are laws against this, Gai. I'm pretty sure this is sexual assault." Kakashi stayed very still as Gai began to stroke with his index and thumb. He attempted to move his arms to push Gai off when Gai's eyes fluttered closed, but Gai readjusted himself to pin his arms down. Kakashi could feel Gai's body heat through his chest and abdomen in contrast to the cold, damp, forest floor beneath them. The leaves had began to change and the floor was dense with soft cedar branches and maple leaves. Kakashi's eye automatically tracked the movement of the squirrel.
The hand on his chest gently slid up his neck and then ghosted over his mask. His chin was then roughly tugged back to face Gai. Gai looked deeply into Kakashi's eyes for a moment as his stroking became more vigorous. Kakashi couldn't help but gaze at Gai's effort rather than maintaining eye contact. Gai seemed just fine with the arrangement. Kakashi wiggled his hips uncomfortably as he felt an unwelcome stirring in his own groin. Gai's fingers quickly became two and then four as his acorn did impressively grow to a branch. Kakashi stiffened at the sight, looking up to see Gai's determined face in concentration. The raven's eyes rolled back. His head feel back and mouth opened slightly with a gasp. Kakashi blushed, becoming angry at himself for being so aroused from this. He couldn't let Gai know he was winning. "Wait," Kakashi looked around nervously, "What is this challenge again?" Interrupting Gai usually threw the big oaf off his game but it seemed Gai was having a zen moment with himself.
Kakashi's uneasiness faded into intense arousal as somethng in his abdomin began to coil, like a spool of thread being tightly coiled, pleasantly pulling his cock along for the agonizing ride. Only now realized his own fingers snaking over his pants to stroke himself. He had only meant to adjust himself more comfortably, to hide his arousal. Gai ignored Kakashi for once, with a smug smirk that said, "How do you like this, rival?" Gai ran his fingers through his own hair, his bangs brushing back from his face. Sweat beaded on his brow as his hips began to thrust, grinding smoothly over Kakashi's chest and nipples. His eyes fluttered open with another grunt as he stared down at Kakashi once more through his dark eyelashes. Kakashi actually found him quite handsome without that stupid mop in the way. Now Kakashi as Gai picked up speed. He squeezed himself and really began to pump now, matching Gai's movements. Gai allowed it. Kakashi's head fell back to the damp forest floor. He held in his groans, hiding his pleasure by looking away and forcing himself to be still. He tried to stop stroking and failed, giving into the need to release!
Gai finally spoke, his loud voice startling Kakashi, interrupting his own zen moment! Damn, he was so fucking close! "You see, my rival?" Gai straightened up slightly, giving Kakashi room to breathe. He placed his hands on either side of Kakashi's head and angled his pelvis up to show off his new and improved self. Kakashi's eyes shot up to Gai's face. After a moment, Kakashi gasped for air. He hasn't realized he was holding his breath. His hand stilled. The friction was too much and yet not enough, especially when Gai's warmth left him. Wait, what?
"Gai." He scowled at the madman, "Just what the fuck are we doing?" Wait, we!? "What are you doing!" The both paused for a moment. Yeah and why are you stopping. Fuck!? What the fuck am I doing!? Fuck!
"I believe I am winning, rival! Unless you can prove your manhood is more impressive than my beautiful wild beast! I am stronger than you in more than just muscle and taijutsu! Ahahahaha!" Gai roared that big, macho laugh that usually drove Kakashi nuts. Right now though, the deep vibrato just turned him on more.
"Oh it's 'beastly' alright." Kakashi countered again. Kakashi sighed and looked away, this time more mindful of the squirrel as it stuffed the acorn in its cheeks suggestively. He really hated squirrels now. Gai lowered himself once again, this time on Kakashi's abdomen. Gai slipped a hand behind himself, reaching between them to Kakashi's waistband.
"Oi, do you have performance pressure, Kakashi?" He sing-songed and wrapped his fingers around Kakashi's aching member. I'll help you compete rival!" Kakashi groaned, half in annoyance and half from those long, calloused fingers firmly bringing him back to crescendo. Gai was dense. Couldn't he feel how hard Kakashi was? Kakashi bit his lip under the mask, gathering his self control like it was an S-rank forbidden jutsu! His hips thrust against his will, his cock straining with agony! He could feel Gai's thumb slick with Kakashi's own pre-cum. He growled internally. Gai's callouses must really be something if Gai couldn't feel this. No, this couldn't go on! No, no! Why did it have to feel so fucking good? How did Gai get so skilled in this? Stop, Gai. His brain was screaming as the world spun and became darker. Stop it, I'm going to-! Fuck, Gai is going to make me-! Kakashi instinctively pressed his fingers into Gai's shoulders and shoved at him again. "Get off, Gai." I mean, off of me! Not off with me! "Get the fuck off of me!" Gai's monster brows raised as Gai froze. Kakashi looked away. The confusion and hurt in Gai's deep brown eyes cut through him like a knife. Kakashi brought up a knee between them to kick him off with his foot. Gai gasped as he fell backwards and Kakashi shot up. He didn't know Kakashi was so flexible! Gai recovered quickly, trying to reach for the kunai with concern. Kakashi mistook the movement as Gai's fingers grasped Kakashi's now torn shirt. They wrestled, their pelvises meeting roughly in the scramble. He pressed his own feet forward and kicked the kunai out of their way as Kakashi dragged him up to stand. Their pelvises met uncomfortably once more and he dragged Gai up to his full height. Or was it comfortably? He stared up at Gai, meaning to stare down. Curse the brute's height.
"What the fuck, Gai!" Kakashi could feel both of their hardness press together, chests heaving, abdomen pressing against each other. His thigh pressed between Gai's, his knee again Gai's crotch, holding him hostage in case he though to fight back. Gai scrambled to get his footing as Kakashi slid a hand to his throat, twisting roughly, raising the dense warrior off his feet. Gai suddenly became defensive, throwing his full weight backwards and twisting them to land on Kakashi. Kakashi lost his grip on Gai's smooth skin and fell beneath Gai, twisting to land on his stomach. The beast held him down with all his force. "I am not letting you go until you accept my challenge! You consented to the challenge, did you not?" Kakashi squeaked as he felt Gai's cock press between his ass cheeks during the struggle. He bucked to push Gai off but he only felt it press further right where he wanted it. Wanted it? Fuck! Not now. Kakashi dug his fingers of one of his hands into the back of Gai's, clawing with his nails, bucking him off with his back. With the other hand, he grasped Gai's wrist, pulling him, drawing him nearer, pressing his cheek to Gai's bicep. He brushed his lips against the inside of Gai's elbow and held in a breath. He faltered a few times from the pleasant feeling and warmth of the man above him. He just couldn't stay angry enough at Gai after that fucking hand job. He just wanted more of those hands on his skin. Fucking sexy Gai! He groaned angrily, seething in fury. Kami! It had been so long since the last time he allowed himself to get into a position like this with anyone, not since way before he left anbu. It felt so good but it was so wrong. Only because it was Gai, his rival, his best friend! Yet if he closed his eyes and submitted, he could enjoy this. The fact that it was Gai, his familiar warmth, the feel of his youthful chakra bursting with passion, only enhanced the pressure building within him, so close to explode! He looked toward the kunai once more and Gai pressed all his weight to Kakashi, pinning his arms to the floor. Kakashi glanced up, seeing Gai's genuine fear. His best friend's eyes pleaded for him to surrender and end the argument! This had gone way too far in every possible way. Kakashi stilled for a moment, pursing his lips. He couldn't fight Gai like this, not so aroused with his cock burying into the softened ground and Gai's not-so acorn-like cock hitting him in his sweet spot. He was angry, his adrenaline was pumping, he was horny as hell! With a heavy sigh and Gai's arms lovingly embracing him, ready to scoop him up and bring him to his feet he surrendered.
"I concede. Now get the fuck off." Kakashi bucked again and gasped harshly. He cursed himself for letting that one slip as he fought to catch his breath. Gai relaxed suddenly, pausing for a moment of consideration. He then rolled himself off the smaller jounin. Kakashi stayed there with his cheek laying in the dirt, looking away from Gai as he dealt with his shame, willing his erection away. In challenging him for his honour, Gai was close to taking his own. Kakashi liked the feel of those strong, calloused hands tugging roughly at his skin. That cock sliding against his ass, the heat pressing against him deeply. He wanted it so badly. He wanted to cry he was so ashamed of his attraction to his loudmouth of a friend.
"Kakashi, did I hurt you?" Gai reached for him with concern. Kakashi stared daggers at that squirrel again. He wanted to punch Gai now that their moods had swapped. He just couldn't. He allowed Gai to run those thick, warm hands over him for injuries, repressing a sigh as he tried not to lean into the touch.
"Just my pride." Kakashi grumbled, and perhaps his self control and sense of self. He couldn't feel angry when Gai straddled him and began to massage his back and shoulders.
"Hey," he said softly, "I'm fine, Gai, I promise. Why don't we just spar instead of this madness?" Gai stilled a moment.
"Okay, Kakashi. This competition is not over, though! I will not back off until I know which of us has the larger, stronger manhood." Kakashi now paused. He blushed, hard. He and Gai had been naked millions of times. In the shower at the jounin lounge, at the hot springs, treating each other's injuries on missions, changing clothes. They were like brothers.
"Seriously. Gai? How many times have you seen my cock?" He decided to challenge Gai's honour for the sake of anger. "Do you want my cock that badly?" When Gai went quiet, Kakashi smiled to himself. A smug grin climbed on his face as the naked Gai finally got the fuck off. He groaned at the lack of heat, the chilly air climbing on his back. How the fuck was Gai not cold? He really was the number one hot blooded jounin. He relaxed as he heard Gai zip back up his spandex unitard. "Damnit, Gai! I was enjoying the massage." Who didn't like a cool down after a long workout? Kakashi got to his feet to face Gai. He pulled out Icha Icha and got to his feet. "You could at least do that for embarrassing me." There Kakashi went again, burrying all of his emotions in his book.
"Embarrassing you! I embarrassed you!?" Gai's eyes went wide as his finger came up to point at Kakashi. "After what you said to Aoba, Yamato and Ebisu!? Ooooooo!" Gai made that funny noise again as he seethed. "I was a boy then, Kakashi! You… are… cruel!" Kakashi actually flinched this time. He hadn't known Gai would get so emotionally defeated. Nothing shook Gai. He looked away with guilt. The squirrel was finished its job and scurried into a tree. Kakashi felt he should do the same.
"Gai." He started softly, still looking away, "No matter what I told you that day, you would not believe it was me. You are the one that lost track of our competition, which, by the way," he finally raised his eyes. Gai had his arms crossed over his chest and Gai looked away with a grunt, "I actually remembered the score! I'm sorry, Gai! It was a top secret mission and no one would share that! Besides, who would believe that!? You wear spandex. Everyone in Konoha knows you and Lee get boners when you two work out. No one needs the byakugan to see that!" Kakashi startled himself when he realized he was pointing at "that."
Gai's head snapped back over to him. He pointed his own finger at Kakashi. "Then let's get this over with, Rival. Show me!"
"What!?" Kakashi startled again.
"Our challenge, rival! I will not go back on our challenge, believe it!"
"Oh, now you are quoting Naruto. Yeah, that really makes me stiff." Kakashi glanced down. What do you know, he still had a boner. "Fuck." His body dropped in defeat. "Okay, you got me." He pouted and tried making puppy eyes at Gai. Gai only looked more determined. Kakashi groaned, "Fine! After this, we spar! For re this time!"
"I accept! Gai put his hands on his hips and smiled. Kakashi was relieved.
"Do you have to be so smug about this? I mean, you did just violate me!" Kakashi slipped his hands into his waistband.
"Kakashi!" Gai began to cry. He ran up and hugged Kakashi, making his ribs snap. "I would never do that to you! It was not my intention to violate you! Forgive me!" Kakashi rolled his eyes as he was shaken like a rag doll in the bear hug. The big oaf was a man of honour after and his sincerity never faltered. Kakashi's brand new uniform was now damp from dew, smeared with dirt, torn by kunai, soaked with salty tears and probably had quite a few questionable stains. He was just dying to explain to Anko and Iruka why he needed another, new uniform when he hadn't even left the village yet. Just peachy!
"Well, Gai-kun? Would you put me down? Seriously?" Kakashi patted Gai's head and back gently. When that didn't work, he tapped on Gai's arm to concede, tapping out. Gai snapped out of it, his training reminding him to let go. "I forgive you, Gai." Kakashi's eyes crinkled cutely into a smile, "Let's just get on with this then, okay?" Yeah, before I lose my boner... and this challenge.
Special Thanks:
=Thanks for reading and if you love this, please comment and I will respond. I am open to requests and suggestions. Special thanks to every writer whose stuff I have read. Yeah, you over there, thanks! Thanks to everyone reading this too and a special thanks to Kakashi-Shishio, professional cosplayer.
=If you ever see him at a con, try not to be creepy but say, "Gai-chan says, 'Notice Me Kakashi-Sama!'" Or be creepy, just I am not responsible for your creepiness, k?