This doesn't follow any current show timeline. Simply Darvey Fluff!
The hustle and bustle of the holiday traffic were enough to send Harvey over the edge if he allowed it. They only had to go a short distance, yet it seemed as if they'd embarked on a four-hour journey. He had to admit he wasn't the most patient person when it came to matters such as rush hour traffic, but even a patient person was likely to be annoyed by the chaos this evening.
It was Christmas Eve in New York City. Temperatures were well below freezing, and there was snow on the ground, but that didn't slow people down when it came to traveling in or out of the city, last minute shopping, or whatever else the onslaught out at 6:30 pm on December 24th were up to.
"Think you're the only one making it home awake," Ray laughed as he glanced in the rearview mirror.
Harvey smiled as he looked over to find Donna had been the second member of the Specter family to lose the battle with sleep on the ride home from the hospital. The first being the newborn nestled snugly in the car seat between them. "Think you're right," Harvey replied.
The events were still a blur he was trying to process as they continued their journey home. December 23rd had started just like any other day. Harvey woke at his usual time, got dressed, grabbed some coffee, and was out the door in time to make it to the office by 8:00. Aside from the fact, his Mother had arrived the night before to stay with them over the Christmas holiday, he had no inclination the day would be different from any other. As of 5:00 pm he'd be free for the next week. He just needed to survive the last workday of the year.
He never expected the phone call he received after lunch. When he saw his Mom's name on the screen, he thought it would be her asking him to grab an ingredient she'd forgotten on his way home. He knew she'd never ask Donna even though it was exactly the type thing to ask Donna. What he didn't expect to hear when he answered the phone, was his Mother saying Donna was having contractions and they were on the way to the hospital.
He vaguely recalled grabbing the few things he planned to take home over the holidays and telling Gretchen what was going on and to pass it along, before grabbing a taxi and heading toward the hospital. They had 3 weeks left before the baby was due so while Harvey thought they might end up spending Christmas Eve in the hospital, he didn't believe they'd have a baby in their arms within hours. They could stop these things. It happened all of the time.
He entered the Labor & Delivery Unit far more nervous than most would expect considering he worked well under pressure and rarely let nerves get the best of him. The secretary at the desk looked up, silently asking who he was looking for and probably knowing by the look on his face that his entire world was in one of the rooms on her unit.
"Donna Specter's room? I'm her husband."
The secretary typed the information into her computer. "She's in Labor Room 8. Take this hall to my left and it'll be the 4th door on the right."
Harvey entered the room expecting to find that things had been taken care of and their baby's arrival held off a few more weeks. What he didn't expect to find was staff buzzing around the room looking as if they were preparing for a baby.
He quickly made his way over to Donna. She was crying, clearly struggling through pain, and she broke his heart the instant he saw her. He could handle anything life threw at him but Donna in pain wasn't one of those things. His Mom moved as he took his place at Donna's side. "I'll be in the waiting room, honey. Donna's parents are on the way!" Harvey nodded as he took Donna's hand. "Hey," he said sweetly, kissing her cheek. "I got here fast as I could."
"In the middle of a contraction, Dad," the nurse explained. "She was completely dilated when she came in, and baby is right here, so she's fighting the urge to push. I'd let her, but I want Dr. Jacob to be here cause this little one is so close I'm afraid I'd be delivering."
Harvey felt her grip on his hand loosen as the contraction subsided. Removing his hand from hers he rested it on her belly, "This one couldn't wait a few more weeks, I guess."
Donna looked at him before a new wave of tears started. "I can't do this, Harvey. I can't." They had been to all of the classes and read all of the books. One thing Donna was absolutely certain about from the very beginning was her desire for pain control during birth.
"Shhh," Harvey soothed. "You can. You can do anything, Donna. I'm right here with you." He'd never tell her he was scared out of his mind, just like he'd never tell her seeing her in pain was ripping his heart out. "She can't have anything for pain?"
"She's too close to delivering," the nurse answered.
"Where is she?!" Donna whined. "I cannot keep doing this."
"She's on the way," the nurse promised. Harvey was afraid to look where the nurse sat on the end of the bed. Her gloved hand obviously being the main thing holding their baby in. Donna started squeezing his hand again as another contraction began.
"Donna," the nurse said. "I need you to keep breathing for me. I know it's hard, but you're doing so well."
"Harvey," Donna cried. "Get some damn gloves on and catch the baby because I HAVE to push!"
"Hey," He gently turned her face toward him. Harvey was certain the nurse and other staff in the room thought she was joking, but he knew Donna was completely serious. If they couldn't get the job done, then she expected him to do it. "Look at me." The second her eyes met his he could see the pain she was struggling through. "You've got this, sweetheart. Just keep breathing….there you go, you've got it." He looked over at the monitor and saw the contraction starting to subside.
"You're doing great, Donna," the nurse praised. "Do we know if this little one is a boy or girl?"
Donna kept her eyes closed, focused on breathing and not at all interested in small talk. "We don't know," Harvey answered. "It's a surprise." The gender of the newest Specter had been the topic of conversation for the past few months, but at that moment Harvey could honestly say he didn't care. As long as Donna and their baby made it through all of this healthy and without complication he did not care.
"I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE," Donna yelled at them. "I can't…I can't!"
Harvey watched the nurse turn to her co-workers. "Get me a cord clamp and suction bulb. She's held off as long as she can." She instructed Harvey to hold one leg while another nurse supported the other. "Donna, when you feel like you need to push go ahead, ok? This baby may not wait for Dr. Jacob."
He felt Donna squeeze his hand as she leaned up and started pushing. Although he was tempted to look and see if he could see the baby, he stayed put. "Good job, Donna," the nurse said. "Take a breath and then push again!"
Harvey saw Dr. Jacob rush in and gown up as Donna continued pushing. "Someone's in a hurry," the OB smiled. She changed places with the nurse and took over the job of delivering their baby. "Don't back off," the OB instructed. "It's an instinct to back off when it begins to hurt, but I need you to push through the pain."
Harvey leaned down, kissing her forehead, "You're doing amazing, you know it?" For months he had agonized over this moment. He had wondered if he could stomach watching his child enter the world. When thrown at him in such an unexpected way, Harvey found his only concern was the woman he loved more than anything in the world and the tiny life they'd created together. Nothing else mattered.
Donna nodded as she continued lying there, resting between contractions, without opening her eyes. He understood her perfectly. He fought back tears as he thought of all they'd been through. All the time they'd danced around the inevitable, knowing good and well they were in love with one another. Too afraid to say it, too afraid to accept it, but even more afraid to lose one another.
"There you go!" The OB praised. "Great job, Donna! Don't back off!"
Harvey heard her cry out the same time he caught the first glimpse of their baby as the OB announced the head was out. "Just breathe while I suction baby's mouth out," she instructed. "Ok, give me one more push." Donna was crying before the baby was out. "Donna….Harvey…." The OB said, "Look down here!" Harvey saw a little face, arms, and torso as the rest of the baby delivered into the doctor's arms. "Here's your baby!"
"Time of birth, 3:49 pm," a nurse announced.
The sound of crying filled the room as the baby took its first breath. "Harvey, you want to cut the umbilical cord?" He didn't realize he was crying until his vision was blurred by tears, as he cut the umbilical cord where the OB instructed. As soon as the baby was free Donna was reaching for him or her.
The nurse unbuttoned Donna's gown and moved it out of the way so the baby could go directly on her chest. She was sobbing as she took the baby from the OB and brought him or her up to her chest, holding them close as she kissed their little face. "Who've we got?" Harvey asked, reaching out to touch his son or daughter for the first time.
"I don't even care," Donna cried.
Harvey smiled, resting his head against Donna's. "I don't either."
Donna kissed the baby as he or she opened their little eyes, trying to adjust to the light. "Hey, beautiful," she said sweetly. "My God you look like your Daddy."
Seeing him or her with their eyes open, Harvey had to admit whoever he was looking at was most definitely a Specter. Not that there was any doubt, but it was surreal looking at a minutes old baby and seeing himself so clearly. He kissed the tiny boy or girl on the head. There was so much he wanted to say but for one of the rare times in his life words did not come.
Harvey was lost in thought, still staring at their tiny creation, when Ray broke the silence by letting him know they'd finally made it home. "Donna," he said softly. "Donna, hey…"
She startled awake, instantly putting her hand on the baby, and Harvey knew she'd probably never sleep soundly ever again. "How long was I asleep?"
"Not long enough," Harvey replied. "We're home. Ray is getting our bags, and you stay put. I'll come around and get you two out." As he opened the door and stepped out into the cold air, he suddenly noticed everything he'd never paid attention to before. Was the car seat cover thick enough to keep the baby warm on the walk inside? It was designed to be but who really knew? Had the sidewalks been properly treated and were they free of any spots one could slip on? Were any of the people walking by sick? The Pediatrician had given the little one fast asleep in the car a perfect bill of health, but something so tiny had no immune system. What if?
Harvey opened the back door and held his hand out for Donna who had already unbuckled the baby's car seat. "No way," Harvey said. "You cannot lift and carry the car seat. Dr. Jacob said no heavy lifting."
"7 pounds is hardly heavy lifting, Harvey," she replied. He could tell she was ready to dig in and his nerves couldn't handle it. He just needed to get them upstairs safe from cold, icy sidewalks, and germs all before he had the nervous breakdown he hoped was just a "New Dad Thing" and not a glimpse into the next 18 or so years of his life.
"For me, then," he tried again, extending his hand to her. He knew he'd won when she took his hand and slowly got out of the car, wincing as she stood. He gently kissed her forehead as he reached in to retrieve the car seat. He checked and double checked that the baby was properly covered by a blanket before covering the car seat and bringing it outside of the car. He felt as if his entire heart was in a clear box for the world to see and do with it whatever the hell it wanted.
He kept hold of Donna's hand as they made their way into the building, being careful not to jostle the sleeping baby too much. He found himself breathing a sigh of relief when their doorman didn't ask to see the baby, and only extended his congratulations. Harvey found himself lifting the car seat cover to make sure everything was as it should be as they stepped into the elevator.
He felt Donna lean against him as he watched the baby breathe through the small crack he'd created by pulling the cover back. Harvey had no idea why he was trying to pretend everything was fine. He of all people knew that Donna was well aware of every single thought he'd had since they arrived home. The elevator dinged as they reached their floor and he quickly covered the car seat back up and took Donna's hand once again.
Their Mothers had spent the day making sure every baby item possibly needed had been brought out of the nursery and placed in the proper spot. His condo had changed when they married and Donna moved in. Before then, she'd kept her place, and they'd gone back and forth. It was still his condo, but it was obvious a woman also shared the space. Donna had made it home. A place that had once been considered the ultimate bachelor pad now had pops of color, fresh flowers, accent pillows, a baby swing, and a basket full of diapers, receiving blankets, and burp cloths in the living room. His former "man cave" had been turned into a spare bedroom so the spare bedroom could be transformed into a nursery.
Life had changed, but Harvey wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world.
Harvey sat the car seat on the kitchen counter as he got Donna some water while she went to their bedroom to change. He'd never admit it, but a very small part of him wished their Mothers had insisted on staying with them rather than a hotel just down the street. They felt it was important they spent their first Christmas alone as a family. Harvey felt it was important someone helped them keep the newborn baby in their care alive. He quickly sat the glass of water down as he heard tiny noises coming from the car seat. Before he could get the baby unbuckled the noises turned into piercing newborn screams. "Hey you," Harvey said. He lifted the tiny baby out of the car seat and into his arms. He looked to see if Donna was rushing back from their bedroom as the baby continued to scream. He cradled the baby against his chest, "It's ok," he soothed. "You're ok. I've got you. Daddy's here." Almost as if the baby believed him, the cries turned to whimpers as the newborn calmed.
Tears clouded his vision before he even knew what happened as he looked down at the baby in his arms. "I love you so goddamn much, you know it?" Harvey knew he'd get the signature Donna Paulsen Specter glare for cursing to their 1 day old but for now, she'd just have to accept that 7 pound 2 ounce Henry Reginald Specter had completely stolen his heart, and he'd convey it in the only way he knew how. "I do. I love you so much, and I'm gonna do my best not to screw this up."
He saw so much of himself in the day old boy. From the dusting of dark hair on his head to the shape of his eyes, it was like looking at a miniature version of himself. There had been a time in his life when he wanted none of this. So certain he had everything but always feeling as if something was missing. He now knew the void in his heart had been there because he didn't have Donna. Once he had Donna, he realized the missing piece was the little boy in his arms.
The baby crinkled his little face up again to cry as Harvey noticed time and realized he was probably getting hungry. "I can't do anything about that, bud. We'll have to find your Mom."
"Did I hear my name?" Donna asked as she came into the kitchen and held her arms out to take Henry.
"Hungry," Harvey informed her. "Nothing I can do for him."
Donna cooed to the baby as she walked to the living room to get comfortable on the sofa as he followed along behind her clueless as to what he was supposed to do but feeling like there must be something. "Could you grab my nursing pillow while I change him?"
Harvey stood by holding the pillow as he watched Donna settle the tiny boy in her lap before making quick work of changing a wet diaper. Despite their son's protestations, she made it seem effortless. "Hey, I could have done that. I swear I'll get better at it."
Donna smiled up at him as she quickly redressed their angry boy in his sleeper and arranged him at her breast to feed. "I know you could have. I just need to figure out a system for myself. It'll just be us after you go back to work next week. Promise you can have the next one."
Harvey helped her arrange the pillow until she was comfortable before taking a seat next to her watching as their little one ate. "You don't need a system; you're amazing with him."
"You've already closed this deal, Harvey," Donna smirked. "You've got me. We've got him. No need for flattery."
Harvey wrapped an arm around her as she leaned against him. "It's not flattery. You're amazing with him. And besides, you got me longer than just this week." He smiled as Donna turned to look at him, confusion apparent on her face. There were still things he could get past her. "Louis took some time off when his baby came and suggested I should do the same. So unless you get sick of me before, I'll be here for 3 weeks."
Donna ran her finger over their son's head as he ate, "We most definitely won't argue having you home with us for 3 weeks."
"So," Harvey continued. "No need to find your system or whatever right now. You focus on healing and getting your strength back and let me pick up the slack where I can."
"We may have a lot of extra laundry with Daddy around changing your diapers, Henry," Donna joked. He couldn't deny it. He'd been a Dad for only 24 hours and had already lost 2 shirts in the diaper change battle at the hospital. "Another secret is he knows how to do laundry."
Harvey smiled, rolling his eyes at her as his phone started ringing. "Mike Ross," he said as he pulled the phone out of his pocket. "I'll FaceTime with you but the little guy is eating so you're not seeing him tonight."
"If I'd known I had to stare at your face I never would've called," Mike joked. "You guys home from the hospital?"
Harvey laughed, "Not a moment too soon. My back couldn't take another night on that sofa in Donna's room."
"You're just old," Mike replied. "How's Donna? And Henry?"
Donna pulled Harvey's arm toward her so she could see Mike, "He's wonderful. I'm still alive. We'll text some new pictures in the morning."
Mike smiled, "Beautiful as always."
"Hey, Aunt Donna!" Donna and Harvey saw Rachel and their adorable 11-month-old, Lucy, appear on the screen. "We love you! And Baby Henry!"
"Hey Lucy," Donna smiled. "We got your Christmas card. That picture of you 3 is so sweet. Ours will be cuter next year. "
Mike laughed, "I'll miss the yearly picture of Harvey "full of Christmas cheer" Specter."
Rachel took the phone back from Mike. "By the way, be prepared to hide all of your presents next year. Lucy has opened I don't know how many gifts in the past couple weeks. Mike knows all of his big gifts, so I've had to replace them with crap so he'll have something to open tomorrow morning. She opened one of Dad's tonight."
"Robert doesn't need any Christmas gifts," Harvey joked. "She knows it. We all know it." He watched as the 11-month-old wiggled out of Rachel's arms to go back to crawling around and exploring. He had a hard time imagining the tiny boy in Donna's arms would be doing the same thing this time next year.
"Oh, I miss you guys," Donna said.
"We miss you," Rachel smiled. "We're still coming out at the end of January and can't wait to get our hands on him. Call me if you need anything. Baby questions, breastfeeding questions, if you just need to cry….."
"You're my girl," Donna smiled.
"Hey Mike," Harvey said. "Henry says to tell you he likes older girls, so…"
Mike took the phone from Rachel coming back into the frame. "Not funny, Harvey."
Harvey laughed. Happy he'd finally found some new ammunition to use against the younger lawyer he considered a brother. "We'll send some pictures, promise. You guys have a Merry Christmas!"
"You too!" Mike smiled. "Merry Christmas, guys!"
"Are you going to start on him about that already?" Donna laughed. She knew the answer before she ever asked. Knowing her husband the way she did, she was certain Harvey had decided the second they found out they were pregnant that if the baby was a boy, he would use it to torture Mike for the foreseeable future.
"Are you kidding?" Harvey smiled. "He makes it too easy."
They fell into a comfortable silence as they sat together watching their newborn son feed, mesmerized by every noise or move he made. Harvey thought back to last Christmas and had to admit he never saw them with a baby so soon or at all. He'd talked himself out of Fatherhood so many times. He'd talked himself out of it when he didn't even realize that's what he was doing.
A year ago he and Donna had been married for 6 months and had discussed children time and time again. After they'd gotten together, before they'd gotten married, immediately after the wedding, and so many other times. Over and over they had the same conversation. Harvey was even ashamed to remember the times he said he was on board, knowing he got Donna's hopes up, before backing out at the last minute. He was so afraid of screwing up. So afraid of not being good enough.
It took him seeing Donna hold Mike and Rachel's newborn daughter and then watching her tell him she was happy with their life as it was that finally made him swallow his pride, fear, whatever was holding him back, and just jump headfirst into whatever they were supposed to have together. Whatever the universe gave them, he'd accept it.
Three months later, Donna was pregnant. He was scared out of his mind but he accepted the little boy in front of him was supposed to be. He'd just have to try like hell not to screw it up.
"You as terrified as I am?" He finally asked. She knew it'd been on his mind. She'd just been waiting on him to bring it up.
Donna raised her head from his shoulder, "Of course, I am."
It was hard for him to imagine Donna being scared of anything. "Really? Cause I gotta tell you, I'm scared shitless about everything when it comes to him."
"And you don't think I am?!" She gently passed the sleeping baby to Harvey who rested the tiny boy on his chest. "You don't think I'm terrified to become a Mom at this point in my life? Harvey, I thought my life was set. I never thought I'd have you much less him. And then he's on the way, and I decided I didn't want a Nanny seeing all of his milestones so for the first time in my adult life I walked away from my job. I don't know if it's the right choice! I don't know if it's the best thing for him…being with me 24 hours a day! The only thing I know is that we love him more than anything and that has to be enough."
"It is enough," Harvey promised. She was getting upset, and while he was certain it was hormones, he never meant to make her question any of her choices. Every choice she had made since she discovered he was on the way had been perfect. "Loving him is enough, Donna."
He wiped a few tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she replied. "I'm supposed to be the one making you feel better, I know. It's just so much. I know it is, but we're in this together and part of that is believing we're doing the very best for him because we love him. Our lives may not resemble what we're used to but as long as we're putting him and his needs first…."
Harvey hugged her to him, "Know what made me finally believe we could do this?"
"What's that?"
"You," he replied. Knowing that she believed he'd be a good Father was enough for him. Terrified as he had been to make the decision, if Donna believed in him, then he believed in himself. The way it had always been between them. Her faith in him was everything. "You believed I'd be a good Father. That's all I needed to know."
"I never had any doubt at all," she promised.
They stayed on the sofa, Donna in his arms and Henry on his chest until he noticed she was dozing off. "Let's get to bed, huh?" He said, kissing her on the head as he helped her stand from where she'd been seated and then passed Henry to her.
"Are you planning on being a hardass about him sleeping in our room?" For much of her pregnancy, Harvey had insisted they would put him in his nursery from the first night he was home. That way there would be no confusion on transitioning him back to his room when he was older. That was until Harvey saw just how tiny and fragile he was.
Harvey took Henry from Donna and kissed his tiny face. "Tell your Mom it's either you sleep here in our room in your bassinet or your Old Man is gonna be camped out right under your crib on an air mattress." He had no shame admitting defeat on this. There was no way he could get a wink of sleep with the tiny baby that far away from them. Next to the bed seemed far enough now that he was in their room looking at the setup.
Harvey watched as Donna took Henry and swaddled the sleeping baby in a blanket before placing him in the bassinet next to her side of the bed. He stood over the bassinet as she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Was the temperature of the room right for him? Would they hear him if he made any noises? If he spits up? If he needed to be changed?
Harvey didn't realize he'd been standing there staring down into the bassinet watching the newborn sleep until he felt Donna wrap her arms around his waist. "You can move the bassinet up against my side of the bed. Just know when I have to get up you'll have to move it so I can get in and out of bed."
Harvey helped her to bed and then gently moved the bassinet until it was flush with Donna's side. "Wake me for anything, promise?" He was fighting the urge to sit awake in their room if either of them needed anything, but he knew he'd drive Donna crazy if he didn't just shut up and get ready for bed.
Donna smiled as she placed a baby monitor in the bassinet with the baby. "And your Daddy thought he wasn't gonna be good at this, Henry."