A/N: Every time Oliver would mention how he went back to Starling during the five years he was missing, this is how I wished it was going to go down with Felicity... Set during 3X20, the Jet Scene.
I haven't written fanfic since my glee days in high school (aha…) but for some reason I felt the need to write this. No Beta, all mistakes are mine, I do not own arrow or any of the characters. Be kind and review, review, review!
Felicity pulled back the curtain that had been separating the two halves of the jet to find Oliver huddled up against the window. She had chosen to sit in the back, with Diggle, and Oliver had stayed up front. She wanted to think that she was giving him some space- but really, he hadn't attempted to have a real conversation with her ever since finding out about her and Ray. At least not a conversation that didn't have something to do with team Arrow or whatever dramatics they had going on that week. Felicity shook her head to clear her thoughts, especially those thoughts of Ray, and grabbed the blanket on the seat nearest to her.
She peeked around the curtain carefully to make sure Oliver was awake. He was, and he was doing that broody thing that she found so stubbornly endearing. Felicity smiled to herself and approached him, tapping his shoulder softly so as not to alarm him. He was buried deep in his thoughts, his mind only clearing once he turned and saw her smiling face. The broody front dropped before her eyes and a genuine smile came out, one she hadn't seen in a while. She chose not to dwell on it.
"You look chilly." She said simply, offering him the blanket. If it were anyone else, she knew he would have refused it.
Oliver was grieving, mourning the loss of so many things he had fought to protect. She reached out and placed a hand on his knee, hoping that he would understand that she was trying to reach out to him like this. Again, she knew if it were anyone else, he would have pushed the hand, and her, away.
She put voice to her thoughts, "Thanks for letting me be here for you."
Oliver inhaled her scent from the blanket, a simple comfort when he was surrounded by so much darkness. He didn't know why he didn't fight her, why he didn't tell her that she was going on the first flight back once they landed. "You're welcome." was what he chose to say instead. A small acknowledgement of how much he actually needed her.
On second thought- this woman that he loved so much would not have listened to a single word he could have tried to say about staying home and letting him go on alone. "I didn't have much of a choice, though. Did I?" He said; smiling because he wouldn't have her any other way.
"No. I wanted to make you think you had grown a little as a person." Felicity replied, face serious but eyes sparkling. Even with all the tension between them, Felicity always felt so comfortable with Oliver. He was the Arrow- he could put the fear of god into a highly trained assassin and his mood was chilly and distant on a good day. But to Felicity, he was just Oliver, and he needed a good teasing every once in a while.
In spite of himself, Oliver smiled. He knew it was true. He may have thought that he was the one graciously allowing her to come with him. But damn her, she was stubborn; she would have stowed away with the luggage if he had even thought about trying to stop her. That was his Felicity.
She smiled guiltily at him and it brought a memory to the forefront of his mind. "I know I've only told you a little about the five years that I was away..."
"Well if by little, you mean hardly anything." Felicity mused softly. Even when he was trying to be serious, she just had to get her piece in.
"I came back to Starling City," Oliver continued on, "before they found me on the Island." He stopped to let his words sink in.
"I don't understand." Felicity said, her forehead creasing.
"It was complicated." It was the easy way out of a long story, but it was also quite the understatement.
"I saw Thea." his face darkened, thinking of his sister with all her tubes and IV's, resting not far from him in the back of the plane. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to think about it anymore. He had started this story to share with her the bit of light she had given him.
He breathed deeply, she was waiting for him to continue. "I also saw... you."
The crease in her forehead deepened and she shook her head- normally her ponytail would be bobbing behind her, but Oliver noticed that she had chosen to wear her hair down for once. He liked it.
"Oliver?" Felicity spoke up, bringing his focus back- well, it was already on her.
He looked out the window and squeezed his eyes shut, but continued on. "Remember when you asked me if I had any happy memories from the island?"
Felicity bit her lip, she knew exactly when she had spoken those words, on their first date together. She wondered why he would want to bring something like that up at a time like this. Now he was just being confusing. "Yeah, I remember Oliver, but-"
"I didn't even know you yet, in fact, I still wasn't sure it was you the first time we actually met in your office. But I did see you, two years after being marooned on the Island. I was working for A.R.G.U.S. at the time." Oliver glanced over to see a look of disbelief in her eyes.
"Again, it was complicated." He offered. Felicity continued chewing her lip.
"They wanted me to retrieve a hard drive from QC headquarters, it was so late I thought that everyone would be gone for the day. I was warned that someone was coming, so I hid down the hallway. I heard a pair of heels clicking and when I peeked around the corner, I saw a blonde woman, standing in my mother's office. I think you were dropping off a file, I don't even know. You said-"
"You're cute." Felicity cut in. Looking at him almost in awe. She crinkled her forehead again, shifting in the uncomfortable airplane seat, "I mean, you're not cute- that's what I said. In the office. I mean not that you aren't cute It's just not what I meant. I-" Olivers chuckle cut her off.
"That's exactly what you did in the office, Felicity. You babbled. I think you made me smile for the first time since I had been gone." Oliver looked her in the eyes, she wasn't taking for granted how honest he was being. "You're my happy memory." He said so gently that she almost thought she had imagined it.
In spite of herself, Felicity colored. She searched his face for answers, "I can't believe you were there- it was so long before we even met. Did you know it was me, when we did meet?" she questioned, perplexed.
"I thought maybe it was you when I first came into your office. But I knew for sure when you started, you know- babbling. I had almost forgotten about seeing you, I wasn't even thinking about it. I needed someone with your expertise and everyone at QC said you were the best. I think all along it was supposed to be you." His gaze dropped down to his lap, watching his thumb and forefinger rub together.
Felicity shifted her eyes and smiled, "That's so strange," she scrunched her face in thought, "that we would meet again."
"I'm glad we did." Oliver said quietly, letting the weight of his words settle in the silence that followed after. "I told you that you were the first person that I saw as just a person. That was more true than you even knew at the time, because you really were the first person I saw that wasn't either after me, or a target. You were just… you; and it made me smile." They both looked at each other and smiled, savoring the moment.
It was then that Oliver remembered exactly where they were headed: Nanda Parbat. He couldn't help but think that this was the exact picture of their relationship, sharing such a moment together, exchanging these words and wishing that things could always be like this when real life would pull him back down into reality and remind him that this was the one thing he couldn't have. The one thing he couldn't afford. He wondered if it was even worth sharing such a piece of himself when they were all on a plane to hell so that he could sell his soul to the devil. His thoughts drifted back to his sister once again. He let his head thunk back onto the window, the smile that had once stretched across his face was far gone now.
"Oliver Queen." Felicity's voice broke through his thoughts, somehow managing to be half exasperated and half adoring. He knew that she had seen his entire thought process play out through the expression on his face.
"You are so many things," she began, "you have so many facets to who you are, but at the center of it all you will always be Oliver Jonas Queen." Her mouth quirked up in a sideways smile when he looked up in surprise at the mention of his middle name. "I know everything." she shrugged. "Just like I know that you try to divide yourself. You see who you were before the island, on the island, and after as different people. But Ollie, the Arrow, Oliver- even Al Sa-Him," She sputtered the last name with contempt and had to take a deep breath, "They're all you, Oliver. As much as you try to separate the different sides of yourself, you're not a broken man. Everything you are, everything you've been through, the decisions that you've made, even the parts of yourself that you've tried to forget- that's Oliver Queen." Felicity could see the war that was going on inside of Oliver in the way that he continued to look at her. She felt like she could wither under the intensity of his look, but her words only made her feel powerful because of the way he hung on to them. They were words he needed to hear. He remained silent but she knew that he was still listening.
"You've tried so hard to bring together the parts of you that are the Arrow and the parts that are just Oliver, but you never even noticed that they were the same. And I wanted to tell you that for a long time, I tried to tell you in different ways, but I didn't want you to think I was saying it because-" Felicity stumbled over her words, eyes dropping to her lap. "because if you realized that the Arrow and Oliver were the same person, you wouldn't have had any more excuses about… us." Felicity chanced a glance up at Oliver as he carded his fingers through his hair. His forehead was creased and he was still looking out the window, the battle raged on within himself.
Felicity let the silence stretch on between them. She thought for a beat before she finished, "It doesn't matter what side of yourself you choose to show, or what name you go by at any given time, because you will always be seen for who you really are to the people who know and love you."
Oliver surprised her by turning his eyes from the window and locking them with hers, he spoke up suddenly, "And who am I to you?" His eyes gave away the amount of importance he really placed on this question.
Felicity smiled happily at the question and didn't even hesitate to tell him the complete and utter truth, "You're Oliver Queen, the man that I love." she stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She didn't even try to cover it by biting her lip or babbling- she just continued to smile at him and he looked back at her like she hung the moon. To Felicity's delight, he genuinely looked surprised.
Her boldness suddenly turned defensive, "and nothing you could tell me could change my mind, I need you to know now, I don't care about your 'maybe's and I don't care about your speeches and I-" She stilled at Olivers soft touch, the space between them disappearing in a flash, one hand held her arm while the back of his other hand was slowly stroking her cheek. "No speeches." he promised gently. He looked at her like he was still trying to put together the pieces, "You-?" his brow was creased and his fingers were tracing over her face distractedly. "Oliver." she whispered, bringing his eyes back to hers. "I have for a long time. But I need you to know now. Before-" Felicity stopped abruptly, his eyes hardening but his fingers continuing their torture as if he'd forgotten what he was doing or what close proximity they were in- he wasn't there now, he was in Nanda Parbat. "Oliver." she begged, bringing him back once again. His fingers moving from her cheek to under her chin, a thumb brushing across her lip with the utmost delicacy.
"I." she stated firmly but gently,
"Love." his fingers felt the words as much as he heard them.
"You." His eyes snapped up from her mouth to her eyes. He tilted her chin up, now rising all the way out of his seat to slant his lips over hers. It was slow and heated and hazy and wonderful, every movement full of meaning. Felicity was afraid her heart would burst and Oliver was afraid he had forgotten how to not be this close to her always. He pulled back barely a millimeter to take a breath before taking her bottom lip between his. "I love you, Felicity." He whispered against her lips.
He pulled away and kneeled down, taking her hands in his. "I don't know what's going to happen to me in Nanda Parbat, but you're right, it doesn't matter." his brow creased with pain. He looked back into her eyes, which were now almost level with his, and the pain written on his face faded into something else.
"I am Oliver Queen, and I love you, Felicity Smoak."