DISCLAIMER: The rights to all copyrighted material mention henceforth in this document are owned by their respective owners.
This story contains mature subject matters. I feel as if I handled them tastefully, but please inform me if I am mistaken.
The title comes from the song "Song of the Sad Assassin" from the album Alopecia by the band Why?. Give it a listen if you like, but it won't help you appreciate the story and all it took from the song was the title.
1st Revision: Minor spelling and grammar corrections.
2nd Revision: Major overhaul to the third section.
3rd Revision: More minor spelling and grammar corrections
4th Revision: Ret-coned Soifon's injuries at the beginning to reflect those sustained in the manga, more spelling and grammar corrections.
The YoruSoi follow up, "Rubber Traits", is now up and complete, as it it's sequal "By Torpedoe's or Crohns".
There was something perverse about how clean hospitals were, Soifon mused as she stares at the ceiling of the room. The idea that so much disease and death could be essentially white washed was disturbing. Her nose inched for the third time since she had come to in the 4th Division's infirmary and for the third time she was infuriated that she was unable to scratch it. She struggled against her restraints, making the bandages on her right wrist rub against her palm, causing more irritation. For the fourth time, Soifon gave up.
She heard the door to the room open. Unohana entered and pulled up a chair next to the bed. Soifon turned her head to face her. Her face did not have the placid, impartial expression it usually had during their usually therapy sessions. Instead, her face only showed concern and sadness. They sat there in silence for some time, and then Unohana spoke.
"Why?" Unohana' whisper was heard clearly by Soifon in the silence.
"Don't patronize me." Soifon responded, angrily. "Just look at me! My chest was almost sliced open, my arm is gone!" The wounds Soifon suffered during her fight with Barragan left her severely weakened. While distracting Aizen so Ichigo Kurosaki could find an opening and engage him, Soifon, along with Hitsugaya and Koyuraku suffered severe injuries. Soifon was slashed deeply across the chest.
"But your wounds will heal in time and the Research and Development institute are working on a fully functional prosthetic for you." Unohana tried to reassure the girl.
"What does it matter? Even with all my limbs intact I was unable to defeat my opponent. Aizen made a fool of me! I'm useless. I'm just the 'ugly bitch' that everyone wants dead so they don't have to put up with me anymore. " Soifon began to sob. Unohana sighed heavily and stood from her chair.
"You are going to stay here until your wounds are healed and perhaps longer, if I deem it necessary. You will be under constant supervision. I'm going to prescribe you the same medication that I always do, but unlike before you will not be given a choice whether you take it." At that she left. The door opened several moments later and a timid looking boy entered.
"Soifon-taicho," he bowed his voiced wavering. "I have been instructed to keep watch over you." He stood back up, trembling. Soifon sighed in defeat.
"Fine, just don't bother me." Soifon tried to sound as threatening as possible. She turned away from him.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have been instructed to give you this and to not leave you alone until I have verified that you have taken it." In his hands were a glass of water and a small white pill.
"What is it?" Soifon asked, already knowing the answer.
"An anti-depressant, ma'am." He replied. Soifon sighed in defeat.
"Fine, un-strap my arm." Soifon instructed.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." The timid boy replied. Soifon mentally cursed Unohana.
"How am I supposed to take it then?" Soifon inquired exasperatedly.
"Just hold out your tongue." Their eyes locked, each trying to get the other to relent. Finally Soifon broke down and extended her tongue from her mouth. The boy place the pill on it and Soifon retracted. He held the glass to her mouth and she took a drink. She opened her mouth and showed the boy the underside of her tongue. There was nothing there.
"Satisfied?" Soifon asked venomously.
"Yes ma'am." He bowed again and took a seat in the chair that was farthest away from her. Soifon found the most comfortable position available to her and prayed she could sleep through this whole ordeal.
It was two days before Unohana saw Soifon again. The news coming from her subordinates was very positive. Soifon, while far from amiable, was no longer treating her subordinates with outright hostility. There was, however, one piece of news that was very disturbing to her, which was why she was on her way to the girl's room with a tray of fried rice and a second, yellow pill next to the white one. She entered and placed the tray on the girls lap. Soifon's restraints had been loosened. While still unable to leave the bed unassisted, her arm was free and she had limited mobility within the bed's area.
"My subordinates tell me you are refusing to eat. Care to tell me why?" Unohana asked as warmly as possible. When it came to Soifon, her patience was running thin. She has been treating her for years for various psychological issues but she has fought tooth and nail against help.
"You know why." Soifon replied flatly.
"You may be free to indulge in such self-destructive behavior on your own free time but I will not abide it while you're under my care." Soifon had been struggling with anorexia for most of her life. She practiced now more out of habit than anything. As a result, she had stunted her own natural development. "Your choices are simple, take you pills and eat you meal and I leave, or refuse and I stay and we talk." She was pleased to see Soifon choose the first option.
"What is this one?" She asked suspiciously as she held up the yellow pill.
"An appetite stimulant." Unohana answered. Soifon took it begrudgingly and ate the food in silence. Pleased with the results, Unohana rose to leave.
"Wait!" Soifon called out. Unohana turned around. "How did I get here?" It was a question that had been bothering her for some time.
"Omeada brought you in." Unohana left the stunned Soifon in silence. The memory of a distraught Omaeda running towards the infirmary with a limp Soifon in his arms was still vivid in her mind. As they treated her, he recounted what happened.
She hadn't attended the patrol shift change as she usually did so he decided to check and see if something was wrong or if she needed help, knowing full well that there was nothing that he could possible help his Taicho with but knowing it was his duty to try. When he entered her office, he found her unconscious behind her desk with Suzumebachi propped blade-up on her lap and blood rushing out of a gash on her right wrist.
It was a long time before he returned to his own quarters for rest, refusing to leave his captain until he was forced out when she was about to regain consciousness. Everyone knew how she felt about her lieutenant and they wanted to prevent any incidents.
Soifon was unsure how she felt about the revelation.
The main reason Soifon always kept herself busy was that whenever she had idle time that meant she had time to think, and her toughs always ended up at Yoruichi. Despite her best efforts, the brown skinned woman was still a central factor in her life. At first, she had trained to surpass her; to defeat her. After failing in that goal, she continued to strive for perfection, but for different reasons.
Since she reached adolescence, she had felt out of place amongst her female peers. As the young women would gush over how cute the new recruits were, she would just look on in confusion, unable to understand them.
At first she assumed it was because of her upbringing. Relationships of any kind were heavily discouraged as they distracted from their service the Shihouin house. All the marriages in the Fon clan were arranged with the sole purpose of procreation. Love was never a factor.
Still despite her rearing, she could not understand what the other girls found appealing about the men. Nothing about the male form was attractive to her. It was so boorish and unrefined. She simply resigned herself to the reality that she would one day wed one of the neanderthals and bear a child with him the fulfill her obligations to the clan.
That was before she saw Yoruichi in all her glory. When she jumped into the fight she was having with several men, she was completely captivated. She found it impossible not to stare at her, with her tight uniform extenuating her figure and droplets of sweat glistening on her skin.
It was then she realized how much more attractive the female form was. The subtle dips and curves of the silhouette. The seductive swaying of the hips and bouncing of the breasts. The full lips. Everything about it was so much more refined and beautiful. At the same time, she became incredibly confused and afraid.
It was not long after that she paid her first visit to the Fourth division for reasons other than physical wounds. When she had recounted her realization to the psychiatrist on call that evening, he came to a conclusion very quickly. She was homosexual, attracted to those of the same gender. Outraged, she stormed out, shouting how such a thing was unnatural and impossible.
She struggled with her feelings for the rest of her life, trying to convince herself that they were something, anything else. But even half a century after she had effectively eliminated all emotion from her life and buried herself in work and training, those feelings would bubble up again, whether it was when she thought of Yoruichi or her eyes lingered to long on the rear of one of her female subordinates.
Now, staring at the hospital ceiling with nothing to occupy her mind with, Soifon found it impossible and unnecessary to deny herself any longer. So what if she was homosexual? It did not make her less capable as a Captain.
Soifon sighed and repositioned herself in the bed. It was refreshing to finally accept something she had been fighting against almost her whole life. There was no need to announce it from to roof tops and she still only had a strong emotional and physical attraction to Yoruichi, but she no longer felt ashamed of it.
Perhaps Unohana knew what she was doing after all.
"Well, gash on your chest has healed very well and you were far more receptive of treatment than I had anticipated." Unohana began. Soifon sat up at the edge of her bed. "I'm going to ask that you continue on you anti-depressant regiment, but you have finally established a healthy eating pattern. " Unohana smiled at her. "I've scheduled for you to return here once every other week starting next Wednesday just to talk things over and to check up on you." Soifon nodded in acknowledgment. "I'll be sure to notify you once the Research and development Institute have finished your new arm. Other than that, I'm happy to sign your release papers." Soifon stood up.
"I'm sorry for all the trouble that I've put everyone through." Soifon apologized.
"I'm just glad you finally let us help you, it's what we're here for." Unohana smiled at her.
"What about Suzumebachi?" Soifon asked.
"I'm not ready to give her back to you just yet. Let's see how next Wednesday goes." Unohana said seriously.
"I understand." With that, Soifon started on her way to her quarters.
Soifon awoke the next morning ready to do something other than sit in bed all day. After making herself some breakfast and taking her medications, she donned her uniform. She was surprised to find that it felt tight, especially in the chest area and the legs did not fall all the way to her ankles.
It must be from all that weight I gained from my hospital stay. I should probable get some new uniform, Soifon though as she tide her haori. In the past, her solution would be to fast for a week. She attempted to re-braid her hair, but found the task near impossible with one hand, so decided to instead get it cut later that day.
She exited her quarters only to run straight into Omeada. Both had been preparing on what to say when they inevitably ran into each other again, but upon meeting, they just stood there in silence. Finally, Soifon mustered up the courage to speak.
"Omeada" Soifon's eye's were in the ground in shame.
"Y-yes, Taicho?" The large man stammered.
"Thank you."