I clutched my stomach. I was lying in my bed, I had just woken up from dreaming about Edward and how happy our family would be. It wasn't until I woke up that I realized something was wrong. In my dream, we had had a child.
I clutched my stomach tighter. I could never have a baby. My fiancé was well… what some people would call… a vampire. He was well, unfertile? I guess that's the only way to explain it.
I had thought about this so many times before, so why did it hurt so much now? Because, in my dream not only did I have a child, but I loved her. Not more than I loved Edward though, so there was no reason to torture myself with these thoughts. I would be with Edward forever and that's that. I could never live without Edward, and I could live without a child.
Still, I clutched my stomach tighter. This is one of the only nights im without Edward because he went hunting.
The tears starting flowing. I felt them, but not the sadness that always comes with tears. Why?
Because you love Edward! My mind told me this continuously. Over, and over. But it couldn't convince me. My mind kept returning to the memories of me and the few friends I had when I was little, imagining having a family. Playing house, and whatnot. I was always positive that I would have a husband, and a family. Well, it was true. I had all the Cullens, but not a kid to call my own.
The tears were coming with sobs now. I clutched my stomach tighter. It was starting to hurt now, but I didn't care.
Was Edward worth it? Of course! But was giving a child up worth it? I could adopt one, but a child can't grow up in a house of vampires! Plus, I want one of my own. I banished these thoughts from my head. Edward's love was more than I ever expected, I was being selfish my expecting to get more. Life isn't perfect. Only Edward and god are.
That's it. Since I get such a perfect husband, life has to be evened out by stripping me of what I could feel with a child. Or, maybe I just wasn't a fit mother. Maybe, I would have ruined the child's life. Great, more tears. No, I won't blame myself. I have to use common sense and blame life. Life's not fair.
I clutched my stomach tighter. I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the tears, and I tried to think of Edward. But every time I saw his face, I saw the little baby girl from my dream. Not only had she been mine, but she had been mine and Edwards.
For the first time a thought struck me. Edward has been without a love for years and now he has me. He has always known he couldn't give anyone a kid. He would never have the love of a child either. My Edward has been strong, and there for me, and here I am almost strangling myself and crying on the only night he's actually gone. It was ridiculous.
Out of habit, I clutched my stomach tighter, and tighter. It was getting hard to breathe. This is where my child could be if I could ever have one. They would grow, live, and learn to love me in the very organs that I was squishing now.
I released my arms and sat up with my legs dangling off the bed. My breaths were long, and full.
Then the tears started coming again and I clutched my stomach again tighter than ever. The same thoughts that I cherished not long ago where haunting me now.
This is where the baby would be, but yet it never will be. This is where the baby would grow, live, and learn to love me. BUT IT NEVER WOULD LOVE ME!
I cried like this for a few more seconds, and then came to 2 conclusions.
The baby would never know me so there was no reason to blame it for not loving me. But, I would always love what would have been.
If I didn't stop strangling myself, I would die.
At this moment I let go of myself and collapsed to the floor in surprise from the rush of air into my lungs.
"Bella? Bella!" Edward's velvety voice filled my ears.
I was okay now; I would live forever with the perfect man. PERFECT
He's perfect, and I'm in his arms.
This is just a one-shot. But I still want a lot of reviews. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!