A/N: This AU starts at the end of Iron Man 2, and features the Asgardians as normalish humans, and Loki as a Stark-esque arrogant hedonist. Go nuts. Oh, and reviews and questions are more than welcome!

Chapter 1: The Sparkly Shit Suit

In 2010, Laufeyson Corp completed its takeover of Valaskjalf Ltd and rival company Utgarda Co and moved its headquarters from London to New York.

Most assumed that the move was an indication that Laufeyson Corp was readying itself for the world stage.

Unbeknownst to all except the Board of Directors, the real reason behind the relocation was that company founder and CEO Loki Laufeyson had just bought and consequently screwed over both his adoptive and real father's life's work.

But hey, they'd screwed over his childhood, so they were even now.

Laufeyson Corp specialised in innovation –mostly in the field of clean energy- greatly aided the their CEO's genius intellect and love of creation. Naturally, with a field like that, parallels were immediately drawn between Laufeyson Corp and Stark Industries.

Many more parallels were drawn when people realised that Loki Laufeyson was an arrogant, handsome, billionaire genius playboy philanthropist.

Loki gave a presentation at the Stark Expo on his latest advance in sustainable power – micronuclear batteries with a theoretically infinite life. After his presentation, he took home a pair of supermodels and vanished for a half a day.

Very Stark-esque.

Tony Stark didn't actually meet his new competitor until after Vanko died. He'd watched a press conference of the tall, raven-haired man; Loki was a born entertainer, holding the crowd in his palm as soon as he took to the podium.

"I am certain I will be working with Tony in one capacity or another. Thank you and good afternoon." Loki smiled winningly as he left the stage, being ushered out by his security as his PA gesticulated wildly.

Tony had decided to keep an open mind on Loki Laufeyson; he was obviously smarter than Justin Hammer and maybe he was a nice guy. He'd certainly been the picture of an amiable gentleman in the conference.

He was going to find out soon in a meeting anyway.

-O.O-

It was held in Tony's Malibu home. Loki flew down especially for it, and met Tony in the conference room.

"I'm Tony Stark, and it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Laufeyson," Tony said formally, itching to break out the scotch and really get to know this guy.

"Tony Stark, the man behind the mask," Loki purred. "To business. I would rather avoid lawsuits if humanly possible, so working out some rules now is advisable."

Tony quickly learned that behind that cultured accent and those perfect manners lay an arrogant, sarcastic dickhead, and Tony couldn't decide where he liked Loki or wanted to kill him. Either way, Tony was getting a headache, and when Loki finally excusing himself, saying "If you will forgive me, I am nearing the completion of my biggest project yet, and coming from me that is definitely something." Tony was almost relieved.

Pretentious asshole.

-O.O-

Loki wasn't sure what to make of Tony Stark. It was like looking at a slightly distorted and far shorter version of himself. Certainly it was more entertaining to speak to Stark that it had been to talk to his adoptive father, Odin Valfodr, or his real one, Farbauti Laufeyson, who both had a way of making business even more boring.

His competition was smart, too, something Loki craved after growing up with his comparatively dull adoptive brother.

His competition was also Iron Man. Even before Stark's adventures in Afghanistan, Loki had toyed with the idea of using his knowledge if energy to build something similar. It had irked him greatly that his idea had taken 2 years longer than Stark's, but it was now past the final testing stages and well and truly ready to be used. He'd bought a stretch of desert in New Mexico especially for that purpose.

The day after his meeting with Stark, Loki was on-site and being geared up for the first human test run of what he'd mentally dubbed the 'Sparkly Shit Suit.' He'd named it that at 3am, after having to redraft wiring designs for the umpteenth time.

Now Loki really hoped he hadn't made a mistake as he dressed in full leather clothes and boots with a special rubber polymer for soles. There was every chance Loki could die today testing this, but Loki had make every measure towards his own safety, and it seemed cruel to test it on animals or other people. It was Loki's idea, after all.

Delicate gold wire was threaded from the breastplate down to his bare hands. Loki's heart was pounding under the ornate chestpiece.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

But, hey, Carpe Diem, right?

"Prepare to activate phase This Might Sting a Little." Loki said when the wires were in place.

"Are you sure, boss?" One of his technicians said. "I've never seen you so nervous."

"Considering I may be mere ashes on the concrete in a few minutes, I have every right to worry." Loki replied coolly.

"Yeah, I suppose. Thought you'd put a brave face on."

"Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don't you think?" Loki said. "Activate phase."

Loki gave a sharp cry of pain as electricity surged through his body. It was a fierce hum of pleasure-pain that made his fingers tingle and his teeth hurt.

It was easy to get used to it, though, like being on a sugar rush. Loki grinned and said "Phase success. Full acclimatisation achieved. Activate phase Fry The Pompous Manwhore in 2 minutes."

"Are you confident you'll survive this?" Another technician asked. "It's one thing to give yourself a little tingle, another to electrocute the fuck out of yourself in the name of science."

"I put my odds of survival at approximately 93%. Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Loki replied.

"It's just, I think if I watched you explode I'd be traumatised for life."

"I can assure you I'd be far more traumatised in such an event. Regardless, I still wish you to 'electrocute the fuck out of me.'" Loki deadpanned.

There was silence for a short while as Loki readied himself for what he was fairly certain was bound to be excruciating pain. It was almost a relief when the countdown started.

When they activated the phase, Loki's heart stopped beating, his brain stopped working, and he clinically died for a second as his lithe frame was sent awash with electricity.

Loki knew nothing except the fact that his heart was beating at speeds that had to be illegal as his vision and hearing whited out for a moment. He'd miscalculated, with too much electricity; he'd have to fix that next time. He vaguely registered that he'd been making a few strange noises and baring his teeth. As he grew self-aware again, Loki noted that he was still standing in the vast warehouse, and all eyes were terrified and locked on him.

But fuck, he felt fantastic.

He said that out loud and everyone sighed in relief.

"Running at working capacity?" Loki enquired. The man controlling his suit nodded, disturbed by the fact that his boss really shouldn't have been alive.

"Excellent. I shall try moving." Loki felt surprisingly normal considering the wattage in his body, though he had an odd feeling, like he was vibrating at high frequency, or like energy could come off him at any moment. He walked around the warehouse, enjoying the powerful feeling that the electricity was giving him. When he was confident that he was fine (besides his heart, which was beating out of control in a way that couldn't be healthy) he returned to the testing area.

The thing was, Loki was still in a buttload of danger. The next phase was removing control of the electricity from the mainframe and instead tying it to Loki's own brainwaves. There was every possibility Loki's brain would melt and bubble out his ears, and Loki knew that very well.

"Activate phase Why Do We Even Have That Lever in 2 minutes." Loki commanded, before looking out a skylight at a patch of blue sky. He might be dead in two minutes, might as well enjoy the view.

Then the countdown started and Loki prayed to gods he'd never believed in that he'd survive.

Instead of death by brain boiling or explosion, all that happened was Loki felt a surge of endorphins and a curious awareness of the energy within himself.

"It all seems to be going fairly well." Loki said assessingly. "I'm going to go outside to test."

As Loki went to walk out the bay doors, he decided to test a theory that he'd formed regarding his current state.

That is, the concept that he could convert himself to light energy and travel anywhere almost instantly.

As soon as he willed it, Loki found himself outside in the searing heat of the Chihuahuan desert. His heart had jumped weirdly on the transit, but aside from that he felt incredible. All his techies started clapping when they saw his shift, and he gave a theatrical bow.

Loki then turned his attention to the large wooden targets set up a short distance away. How he was controlling the electricity, he had no idea, but it felt – well, kinda like he'd thought having an extra limb would feel. In any case, he lashed out with a hand, feeling the energy move as he commanded it, arcing from the tips of his fingers to tear a huge burning hole in his target.

Aw yeah!

Loki Laufeyson was a motherfucking superhuman.

Probably not a hero, but super nonetheless.

Loki spent another 20 minutes blasting the shit out of his targets before he powered down and tugged himself out of the leather suit.

-O.O-

The next day, Loki was accosted in his office by a Mr Nick Fury, who at first wanted him to hand over the Sparkly Shit Suit, and when he declined, enquired after his future intentions. Loki assured him they centred around pissing Stark off, attracting women, and promoting his company. And, yes, if he had to, he might help save the world. Loki then asked how they'd found out about the suit, and Fury chuckled enigmatically as he said SHIELD had eyes everywhere, which was no comfort to Loki.

Finally Fury left, and Loki ordered his PA to bring him a bottle of Aquavit to drink while he worked on prettying up the Sparkly Shit Suit.

-O.O-

A few days after that, Loki had practised in the suit again, and his PA Darcy Lewis had suddenly requested holiday time, which she had never asked for before. Needless to say, Loki was suspicious. Despite that he granted it on the condition she found herself a temporary replacement. She found one in record time, a muscular, middle-aged man she introduced as Bart Clinton.

Loki had a sixth sense for bullshit, and this was tripping all his alarms, especially seeing how overqualified 'Bart' seemed to be.

It took Loki all of three days to uncover that 'Bart' was Clint Barton, codename 'Hawkeye' of SHIELD. He was tempted to just throw the spy out of his tower, until he decided to humiliate him first as a warning to Fury.

So he called Barton up to his office on the top floor of Laufeyson Tower and invited have a seat on the couch. Loki sat gracefully on the armchair across from him, a glass of Metaxa in hand and a slightly predatory smile on his face.

"Mr Clinton," Loki said. "I've been meaning to have a proper conversation with you since you arrived, but I've been rather busy."

"It's okay; I don't think I'll be here long anyway." Barton replied. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How did you meet Darcy? We have known each other for many years and she has never mentioned you." Loki chuckled inwardly as Barton searched for a response to give. "Never mind. Do not stretch yourself with the tough questions. If it helps, I have an easier one for you."

"What's that-?" Barton was interrupted by Loki darting, cat-like, to straddle his lap and pull him into a fierce, hungry kiss, to which Barton responded with enthusiasm.

Loki pulled away to purr into Barton's ear. "My question is, could you deliver a message to your boss, Agent Barton?" Barton froze, tense, under Loki. "Tell Fury not to spy on my business."

Barton swore a blue streak as Loki climbed off his lap.

"Server?" Loki called to his voice-controlled house OS. It wasn't an AI like Stark's but Loki hadn't wanted one. "Server, send Fury the surveillance film of Agent Barton and my interaction, and attach this message: 'Before this agent is allowed to return to undercover duty, he should be reschooled in the fields of cover stories and not allowing his target to make out with him.'"

"Fuck you," Barton snapped, standing up. "Do you know what you just did?"

"Yes. I got you demoted to paperwork and security checks. I also don't care. Now get out of my office before I fry you." Loki smirked.

"Fuck you, you promiscuous bastard." Barton said, calling the elevator and leaving.

Loki lay down on the couch and laughed at his reaction.