I won't be discussing how and when I became a vampire. That isn't important right now, it's for another time. I'll tell you my age when I became immortal though. I was twenty two years old. But I will be sharing a certain part of my existence as a vampire and how my heart was broken. Yes, vampires do feel pain. I loved and lost a girl who I will never forget. There is no one else in the world for me, even if I do live forever…
It was 1983. Santa Carla was the place to be, for the living and the dead. I'd been part of a vampire gang for a long time, but in all those years, I'd never met a female who I wanted as my own. The women I approached were for hunting reasons only. Nothing else. There was no dark romance at all.
David had recently met a girl called Star on the Boardwalk who joined us within three nights. She was my age and very quiet. Paul and Dwayne "rescued" a young boy called Laddie who was roaming around on the road. Star took him under her wing. He was the little brother she never had.
The same year, I finally met a girl I could connect with. I was standing on the carousel and in the crowd I saw someone who instantly caught my attention. She was a mortal, but I just knew she was like no other person in the world.
She was outside Max's video store the following night admiring our motorbikes. She said she had always wanted to ride one. It wasn't long before she was exploring Santa Carla with us.
She rode with me every night, much to Paul's disappointment. I still believe he wanted her although he never admitted it to me. She eventually felt brave enough to visit the cave. I can't blame her for not trusting us straight away. We were strangers after all.
The evening she decided the time was right to get to know us better, I felt something inside. A pain. A passionate yet dull pain. Similar to the blood lust that shoots through our veins when we need to hunt, but this was a lighter, more euphoric feeling. I knew it was love. When a human experiences romance, it is very different to a vampire's experience and difficult to describe. You must remember, we lack typical human emotions, but the feeling I had was very close.
It is strange for me to admit this now, but I did feel lucky to know her and she had the right name to go with my thoughts; her name was Lucky. Paul laughed when she told us. He didn't believe that was her real name, but I did. She was the inspiration for the number thirteen patches on my jacket; "Lucky 13." Even the earring she chose to wear during her initiation was a horseshoe with the same number engraved on it.
Her dark mahogany coloured hair was almost as long as mine and her eyes were the same intense shade. She was wearing a grey velvet skirt and a red camisole the night she came with us to our home. The first night I saw her on the carousel I could picture her as a vampire, so when she was actually inside the cave she fit in perfectly.
When I look back now I'm surprised Lucky refused a cigarette, yet had no problem whatsoever when it came to drinking from our mysterious bottle with no label. It could have been something much worse than blood in there. But as I said, she wasn't like any woman I had ever known. She was a daring person and willing to take a risk.
Star tried to stop her from drinking out of the bottle when David handed it over, but it was no use. She pleaded with Lucky, saying the "wine" is no good, that herself and Laddie tried it and felt very ill. She even told her it was poison in the end! But David soon put a stop to Star's rambling. He stared at her with his piercing, icy blue eyes and she slowly backed away. Lucky wasn't fazed at all. I smiled. She was ready to join us. I could feel it.
Lucky watched David drink some of the blood, then glanced at me. I knew she wanted me to try it too. I think that was her way of knowing she would be safe if I tasted some, even though David had obviously confirmed its safety. But still, I nodded and David passed the bottle to me. After I had sipped it, Lucky suddenly relaxed and was happy to drink some. I sighed. The boys cheered as usual and we all said "welcome aboard."
She turned my way then looked at the floor, trying to steady herself. She complained of feeling faint. I told her it was normal to feel that way. Of course Lucky didn't know yet, but the faint feeling was David's blood being absorbed into her mortal blood. It affects people differently. Some feel revived instantly, some don't.
It wasn't long before she adapted to our lifestyle though. We became closer over the nights. I told her some of my darkest secrets that even David wasn't aware of.
I took her through a secret shortcut one night when we were alone. The place was an alleyway which I nicknamed "nowhere" because it was literally in the middle of nowhere. There was a dripping pipe and a few extinguished candles. A pile of clothes was in the corner. New gang recruits would choose their "eternal" outfit from the various garments. There were bits and pieces of everything. It was so easy to customise a perfect set of clothing. Lucky chose a burgundy velour dress and black suede boots that were most likely Victorian.
Explaining to Lucky that she was half-vampire wasn't too difficult, but telling her the "you must feed" part was, so I let David say it. In a matter of weeks she had made her first kill, which was braver than what Star had done in the months we'd known her.
After her first kill, Lucky was happier than ever. She no longer felt drained and was enjoying her new life with us. At eighteen years old, it made her the youngest of the gang, apart from Laddie. She told me about her life before us. It was not a sad one, but she needed a change of direction. Lucky was desperate for some excitement and I gave it to her. We met at the right moment and she was grateful for it.
We had great sex. The positions we tried included on the motorbike, upside-down, suspended from the train bridge and even in mid-air! But it wasn't all about passion, flirting and sexual acts. We shared love, friendship and an intimate connection. We were soul mates, despite our souls being damned.
"Marko, where have you been all my life?" Lucky asked me one night. I kissed her on the lips. I told her I had always been with her spiritually, we just had to meet when the time was right.
I loved her to play with my hair and tie some of it into a loose ponytail. I still wear my hair like that to this day. As a "welcome gift" I gave her a black velvet choker. It looked beautiful around her slim pale neck. She told me I look like a cherub with my blonde hair and angelic face, which is deceiving considering what I am really like underneath. But she knew I was a devil in disguise.
We exchanged blood one evening. Of course, vampires don't get married, so keeping each other's blood close by was our own personal way of marrying. Lucky wore my blood in a vial attached to her choker. I kept Lucky's in an identical vial inside a jewellery box Star had found.
We were dead, yet alive. Brutal, yet kind to one another. Our relationship was everything I wanted it to be, but two years later things would change.
We almost always hunted as a pack and still do, but sometimes Lucky and I would hunt by ourselves. It was an intimate experience for the both of us. On this particular night in 1985, the others went their separate way while Star and Laddie waited at the cave, staying as far away from the blood drinking as possible.
Lucky and I detected our prey immediately. They were a bunch of idiots who had pissed us off the night before. Tonight we would enact perfect revenge.
We changed simultaneously. Lucky was amazing that night, the best she had ever looked. Her fangs were like razor-sharp pearls and the vampire aura surrounding her was glowing like fire. We'd made love a couple of hours ago so she was definitely ready for the taste of blood.
I kissed her, then we swooped down, attacking the terrified crowd below us. Their screams pierced the night as we devoured them like fresh air.
When we are in vampire-form we don't remember everything that happens, but as she was attacking her final victim, her face suddenly changed back to normal. The man she had bitten was writhing around on the floor. I finished him off with a perfect neck twist and he died instantly.
Lucky was sat on the floor, covered in blood of course, but her eyes were glazed and staring into the distance. I put my arm around her. She told me she felt faint and the final victim's blood tasted "wrong." Instead of reviving her, the blood had caused severe drowsiness and drained her energy, the complete opposite of what it makes us feel like. She should have been uplifted by now.
She managed to struggle to the bike. With no time to clean ourselves, we discreetly headed towards the cave via "nowhere."
Lucky passed out near the cave entrance, so I carried her inside and placed her on the bed. David and Paul were talking while Dwayne was with Star and Laddie at the other end. David glanced at me and saw I was in distress. He expressed immediate concern. Paul walked away while I explained what had happened to Lucky. David urged me to focus and think about her victim. Was there anything different or unusual about him? I was unsure. I couldn't think straight. I'd never experienced anything like this before.
During a frenzy all prey looks the same. Humans are just a blur of throbbing pulses and purple veins. There is nothing specific.
David examined her, then he finally told me what was wrong. She had consumed some "bad blood." It is extremely dangerous for all vampires. He said he'd never encountered it until now, but he definitely recognised the symptoms.
The effect of "bad blood" is like tuberculosis for the undead. First of all it brings symptoms of devastating weakness, then pain and a slow decline. I was shocked. The cave was closing in on me. I wanted to escape. I pulled myself together for Lucky's sake, but the thought of losing her was just too much.
She was asleep. I sat on the bed and stared at her, trying to make sense of what was happening. She looked so peaceful, but I knew she would be in agony as soon as she opened her eyes. Vampires don't cry, but at that second I felt like crying. The undead are supposed to live forever, so why was Lucky being taken from me after just two years?
I kissed her. She was cold as vampires are and should be, but this was a different kind of cold. A deathly cold in a "final" sort of way. Paul came over and reassured me in his own way that everything will be okay in the end. I knew deep down he was just trying to make me feel better. Dwayne offered his usual silent sympathy. Laddie stayed out of it. Star was sympathetic and often checked to see if she was okay.
David on the other hand was the only one being truly honest about the situation. The way he looked at Lucky told me she wasn't going to make it. I left her to sleep for the time being. Paul put his hand on my shoulder and we walked away.
The following night, Lucky was still asleep. I thought she was dead by now. I couldn't bear it any longer, so I shook her. There was no sign of life. I shook her again, this time violently. "Come on Lucky, wake up. Wake up!" I shouted out loud.
Finally she made a groaning sound and her eyelids flickered. She opened her eyes slowly. They looked clearer than the previous night. I put my arm around her neck and held her closely.
"It hurts," she whispered. "It hurts so bad."
I didn't know what to do, so I scratched my arm and wrist until the blood dripped onto her face. She licked it quickly. This had to sustain her. It just had to. Her eyes glowed and her fangs appeared which was a good sign.
My wounds healed within minutes. Lucky had revived, at least temporarily. She closed her eyes again. I kissed her and felt her fangs pierce my lips slightly. They had not retracted, which was worrying. She opened her eyes once more and they still glowed as if she was ready to attack. She sat up slowly, saying my name over and over again. I tried to calm her down. She screamed and scratched my face.
I restrained her. "Calm down Lucky! For fuck's sake, calm the fuck down! You're delirious!"
She slowly relaxed, making a strange hissing sound. Her eyes were now back to normal but her fangs were still visible.
"Help me…" she whispered. "The pain is back. I can't stand the pain. Help me. Please help me… I love you Marko. I love you…"
She fainted. I really didn't know what to do now. David entered the lobby and took me to one side. "This is it," he said. "She is dying. Don't try and save her because it won't work. Trust me. Just spend as much time with her as possible."
I would not accept what he was saying. I couldn't let Lucky die. My Lucky.
The nights passed and I slowly began to accept her fate. She was going to die, but I wasn't prepared for it. No "good blood" could sustain her no matter how much she drank and no matter how much I helped her. The others did their best to help as well, but it wasn't enough.
Two weeks passed and Lucky's fangs would not return to normal. She was also spitting and vomiting all the blood she had consumed in her existence as a vampire. It was leaving her body to prepare for real death.
Her weakness worsened. I stayed strong, but inside I was dying with her. She spent her time on the ancient bed. When she did wake every so often, we would reminisce about the good days. She cried. Tears ran down her face, eventually turning into blood. I had to hide my fear.
"If I had to die, why couldn't someone stake me? Why do I have to linger like this?" Lucky asked me, surprisingly laughing as she spoke. I said nothing. I couldn't laugh anymore.
She lingered for almost five months. On her last night I had to hunt with the others. When I returned a few hours later, I found her collapsed on the rocks outside the cave. She had left the bed to look at the sea, the moon and the stars for one final time.
I took her back inside. She woke up and I assured her she would be okay.
"I don't want to die," Lucky said. "Please don't let me die. We have so much to do. We have so much in front of us. Eternal life."
The sheets were crumpled around her, so I straightened them. They felt wet. Blood was seeping from between her legs and soaking the sheets. She looked at me. She knew the end was coming. I kissed her again, but she pushed me away, coughing up dark clots of blood. She tried her best to crawl out of bed, but fell to the floor, then moved across the cold cave on her hands and knees, struggling to her feet. I held her back. I didn't want her to cause unnecessary pain by trying to stand.
She began to bleed from her nose. Bloody tears trickled down her face again. Black veins were visible under her grey skin by now. Her nails were sharper than they had ever been before and her fangs were still showing prominently like small knives in her mouth. Her gums began to bleed and so did those razor sharp nails. Her usual deathly appearance was no longer the look of a vampire. She looked like death itself.
At that moment, Lucky's tears became a deeper red. I couldn't stop her from crying. The vial around her neck smashed and my blood dissolved on her skin. She squeezed her hands together until the veins were almost exposed. "Marko, I don't want to die," she said, gasping as the blood poured from her.
I was powerless at that moment. I grabbed her so hard and promised to never let her go. I held her even closer to me. She pulled on my hair. I told her I loved her. Then silence. I slowly lowered her onto the floor. Her eyes were closed. She had gone. No more pain. I checked her fangs. They had finally retracted. Her skin was back to the ivory colour a vampire should have. She looked peaceful, even though she was dead in a pool of her own blood. I cried. Yes, vampires really can cry.
The others returned a while later to find me holding her. Paul tried to drag me away from her lifeless body and console me, but I could not accept she was gone. I gave her one final kiss. Her blood left its stain on my face and hands. Blood turns me on, but this was bad, dead blood. All I felt was sickness when it touched my skin.
David said I'd have to dispose of her almost immediately. He suggested the bonfire. No way was she being cremated! Star suggested the water. I told her to fuck off. What a stupid idea it was. There was no ideal place for a burial either, so I just said out loud what I wanted to do. "I want to keep her here… with me."
David shook his head. Paul tried to talk me out of it. Dwayne stayed out of the conversation because he could sense my mind was made up already.
The cave is an endless maze and I knew I could keep Lucky's remains without them being found again. David finally agreed to it, so he waited for me at the resting place.
I wanted to keep something that belonged to her, so I took the choker from her neck and carried her to where David was stood. He was near the back of the cave, the part we rarely occupied where a ten foot drop was ready to take my Lucky. I looked at her. She almost smiled at me. David nodded and I let her go into the darkness. I knew that is what she would have wanted. I felt like crying, but I put a brave face on as always.
I never recovered from the trauma of her death. It haunted me. I nearly went as far as suicide; deliberately depriving myself of blood until I slipped away in agony. David soon stopped me. He said we all must carry on and stick together as a "family." But that was easier said than done. How I felt at that moment was beyond heartbroken. I had lost my soul mate.
But I did carry on without my true love. I had to. I couldn't come to terms with her death for a long time, but I finally found the strength for the sake of the gang.
Many people are deceived by my smile. The only thing that stopped me from going mad was smiling. The only way I get through the long nights without her is putting on this "mask." The memories do bring happiness. The amazing times we had together. The blood drinking. The promise of eternal life.
As I said, I was very lucky to have known Lucky. It is now 1987, four years since we first met and two years since her death. I'm living my life with the boys and to be quite honest, I am enjoying it. But every now and then I go back in time and relive the past.
If you ever pass me one night near the Boardwalk and you see my smile, don't forget the sadness behind it. But also remember, besides the heartache, it really is fun to be a vampire.