don't own criminal minds
(Written whilst listening to 'I can't break it to my heart' by Delta Goodrem)
(Written whilst listening to 'I can't break it to my heart' by Delta Goodrem)
Loss of love.
She looks out the window, wondering when he'll be coming home. She wonders if he'll be coming home. the fear is always there….the fear of not knowing, of never getting the chance to say I love you before he goes…..the fear of him never getting to see his son grow up.
It takes her years to accept his job, and then it happened. The man came to her door with a parcel for the BAU…how did he know….the panicked look on her husband's face when he heard what had happened….she became scared…annoyed when he wouldn't come home for hours on end.
She couldn't bear to leave him whilst she still loved him so she picked fights….one's she knew would get to his heart….one's that would cause him to leave her again…give her an excuse to hurt him…to leave him alone with nothing. Then when Gideon disappeared she did it….she left him with nothing, not even their son. She didn't give him the chance to say goodbye or that I love you one last time.
Then she noticed he found someone….he didn't notice it at first….the looks the lingering touches….she did…when she dropped Jack off at the BAU…she saw the glances and the way they carried themselves around each other…he denied it….couldn't see it.
She knew she had lost him altogether….the only thing they had in common was their son…their son that worshipped his father and asked why they left daddy….who at night calls for his daddy. She couldn't take it anymore….she wishes she could take it back but she can't….she tells herself that he's coming home in the hope that he'll some back to her….convince herself that they're perfect…not broken….not alive anymore…
She finally figured it out…she was with him in her dreams…she had the happy family she wanted….she wanted to stay there all the time…play like she was alive and not going on with life numb….she decided to go there…in her dreams forever…stay where she knew she was happy….she saw the pills…figured it would be easy…simple….quick….a few minutes went by and she was gone…to be happy in her dreams…
He brings his son home…to the woman he loved for so long….the one he wished he could have stayed with….she doesn't answer the door…he walks in and finds her….she's gone….their son is crying…wondering why mummy wont wake up…he tells his new wife to take him outside and call 911….he finds the note…
We were happy once….I was wrong….I missed you for so long….you don't need me to be happy….I couldn't accept there was no you and me anymore….it was too hard….it's better in my dreams than in life…be happy…survive….for us....for what used to be…for our son…for what will be….for what we never had that you have with her….Goodbye…
He realises what she means…he used to do the same…he's mad she left their son…why she didn't get help…now it's up to them….him and the new love of his life to raise his son….she's sitting outside playing with Jack….he doesn't know what's going on…he's only four…one day he'll understand….why love didn't work with his mummy and daddy…for now there's daddy….daddy and Emily and the new baby…Jack looks up at him and smiles…he doesn't understand….but he will.